When I was 27, I decided to stop wearing cropped tops since my young, flat stomach suddenly stopped being naturally and effortlessly flat and it was no longer an option to freely show it to the world. When I was turning 30, I experienced a profound existential crisis, since I could never, ever call myself a 20-something year old again. At around 35, I learned that from now on my body would make me pay for having a second glass of wine. And at 38, I noticed that there were more grey hairs on my head than I could be bothered to remove anymore.
All of these instances made me realize one undeniable fact:
I’m getting older.
And in society where “old” equals “worse”, it’s an interesting experience to face these moments of truth and to decide what to do about them.
I come across a lot of women – in my client sessions, in my events and in the world at large. And a lot of these women express fear and anxiety about getting older, getting less attractive, less valuable and even – invisible to men. And I understand these fears. In society that glorifies youth and superficial beauty, it’s easy to feel rejected once you reach a certain age. But – as is the case with everything else in life – a change of mindset might be more powerful than a facelift.
Let me take a stock of my life…
- I now have unshakeable confidence – something I would kill for in my 20s.
- I also have a wealth of experience and knowledge about life – I have lived in different countries, I have travelled, I have read a ton of books, I’ve worked with coaches, attended a shitload of workshops and events, spoken to thousands of people and learned from many of them.
- I have no more ‘big’ questions – I know the meaning of life, I know how to live the most purposeful, fulfilling and joyful existence, I know what’s really important to me and how to create my reality as I go – something I really grappled with when I was younger.
- I have found my purpose and have built a business around it – so I no longer need to perform meaningless (to me) jobs in order to pay my bills. Now I FILL my days with things I enjoy and feel enthusiastic about.
- I make a lot of money – and I’m not ashamed to say it. Money is important and a big component of living a life where I can express myself fully as a human being and I can support others to do the same. And don’t get me started on how broke I was when I was younger!
So when I face these surprising moments of truth, when my body is telling me loud and clear “you’re not a young girl anymore!”, I know exactly how to deal with that.
I choose to embrace my age, I choose to love myself fiercely, regardless of how the world is judging women of “certain age”. I choose to celebrate who I am and what I’ve created for myself. Because my 30s were a hell of a lot better than my 20s. And my 40s will be so much better still. And once I hit 50, every day will be a celebration of my magnificent nature.
And if I’m still single at 50 and men choose to ignore me ‘because I’m too old’, I will simply know that they were not the right men to be allowed to participate in my glorious life!
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I was surprised to hear that you have already hit 38, and I can assure you that there are even greater delights to be relished even when you elegantly dance beyond 60 🙂
I heard someone explain recently, that as we advance in years we tend to accumulate more and more “shit” (for want of a better word) and it is the burden of carrying that around that ages us. We can remain forever young to the extent that we work to let go of it all.
This is especially so in our sex lives, the part that in so many of us is broken and remains hidden even from ourselves. The part that you teach us to skilfully nurture, with yourself as a shining example of the joys of liberation at every level.
You are a true fountain of youth, from which springs a fresher, younger world for all of us, as you do your valuable work. Thank you.
Helena,
I witnessed your public O at your Tantra for Beginners course recently and it blue my mind. I am committed to learning this art! Can’t wait to do the course! Thank you. Krista 💕