A few years ago I was among these unlucky women who never orgasmed during sex.

I could reach a quick, sharp clitoral orgasm when I placed a vibrator on my clit for a few minutes but that was the only kind of orgasm I could reach.

And using a vibrator was the only way that I could ever get there.

I felt terribly envious of all the women who could orgasm with their partners and even more envious of the lovers I was with – it always seemed that for men orgasms were easy and effortless.

At the depth of my sexual despair, I felt doomed and terribly inadequate.

I kept trying so, so hard to become orgasmic… to no avail.

 

My orgasms belong to me

Now I believe that every single woman is capable of experiencing orgasms during sex.

My own orgasms go way beyond anything that I had ever pictured as ‘orgasm’ before and are much more expanded, magical and satisfying than these original clitoral “sneezes”.

I also know that my orgasms belong to me – that means that I am the only one who can take me to that orgasmic state.

My partners or lovers can definitely be helpful while I’m getting there but in the end of the day I am the only one who can allow this to happen.

That means that I can orgasm and experience amazing pleasure with a masterful lover and with an average lover.

That also means that the most masterful lover in the world will not bring a woman to orgasm if she won’t allow that to happen.

There is a variety of ways that women cut themselves off of their orgasm and I’m going to describe here the main ones.

 

Lack of surrender

A woman needs to surrender to the experience of pleasure and arousal in order to orgasm.

This will only happen if she’s feeling safe, held and seen by her partner.

When women orgasm, the centre of their brain responsible for control shuts down.

If she feels unsafe, when she feels that she needs to remain in control, she will remain vigilant and that brain centre will remain active.

Therefore – she will not reach an orgasm.

 

She is thinking instead of feeling

Sex, pleasure and arousal happen in the body, yet most of the time women remain in their heads.

Women stress over poor body image, worry that they take too much time during oral sex and even plan their to-do lists for the following day.

There is simply no way she can deeply feel the waves upon waves of ecstatic pleasure in her body if her attention is elsewhere and if she’s stuck in her head.

 

She is making an effort to orgasm

The only kind of orgasm that can come from tension and effort is this quick, sharp kind of a clitoral release.

As we get aroused, we tend to tense our legs and genitals and hold our breath in order to squeeze out an orgasm.

But these ‘genital sneezes’ are usually barely satisfying or worth the effort.

The most amazing, mind-blowing, full-body orgasms are the ones that we fall into without effort, that expand through our system without us even trying.

So instead of clenching her muscles and constricting her breath, encourage her to let go, relax and enjoy!

 

Sex is over too quickly

A woman needs time in order to build up enough arousal and sexual energy in her body that will take her over the edge of orgasm.

If the entire sexual encounter only lasts a few minutes, she simply has no chance of building up enough erotic charge in her body to allow that orgasmic response to happen.

If you want to learn to last longer, ask me about my Tantric Mastery for Men!

 

Sex only happens in the genitals

For a truly meaningful and nurturing orgasmic state, her entire body needs to be awakened, touched and caressed.

We are capable of experiencing a lot of pleasure in different parts of our bodies and focusing the attention and touch only in the genitals result in a reduced level and intensity of experience.

 

She’s not moving, breathing or making sounds

This one is crucial!

Many women are way too passive during sex, while sexual energy needs to move, flow and expand.

This means that the more she is moving her body and the deeper her breath, the more the arousal can pulsate and move through her body.

The vibration of the sound will further encourage the movement of her erotic pleasure.

This is why, whenever I allow myself to be really loud during sex, my orgasms just seem to keep going and going, and going.

Mmmm…

 

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