As a sex coach, I see the world a bit differently than others. I see it through the lens of sexual behaviours, desires and needs. I can quickly assess and determine what a person needs to create a healthier, much more fulfilling and satisfying intimacy in their life. I can see where they’re blocking their pleasure and how they’re repressing or hiding their eroticism.
And what makes my blood boil is when these people fall prey to advertising that takes advantage of their insecurities between the sheets. There are products created for both men and women that promise to fix us and improve our experience in the bedroom. These products and services can cost up to thousands of dollars, while not offering any actual benefit in return.
These companies attempt to profit from the fact that as a society we’re not educated properly about sex. And in many cases we don’t realize that there are simple ways to support and cultivate our sexuality, ways that don’t require any products, or expense.
Watch my video to learn what made my blood boil this week!
P.S. For all the ladies craving more pleasure, sensitivity and sensuality in their bodies, my Orgasmic Empowerment online course is a simple and natural way to take your body on a path of sexual healing and transformation.
I was recently involved in a conversation about products that “make your vagina tighter”. It’s become a trendy thing to have a ‘tight vagina’ and the marketing is targeting insecurities of women who feel inadequate in this area. The other people I was having this conversation with were also sex coaches and it was beyond the doubt obvious to all of us that a tight vagina is NOT something good, healthy or desirable. And yet so many products are sold with this exact promise. So let me tell you today why in fact a tight vagina is not a good thing and what you should desire instead.
The society imposes a lot of stigma onto women who for whatever reason do not have tight vaginas. Women who gave birth might be perceived as ‘stretched’ and not tight enough. They’re usually recommended Kegel exercises to increase the tone of their pelvic area. But there’s also negative associations with a ‘loose vagina’, meaning if you can’t squeeze his dick inside of you like a MF, you’ve had too much sex, your vagina is loose and hence you’re a “loose” woman, unworthy of respect.
So women either go crazy with Kegel exercises or they invest in products that promise to tighten their vaginas. Both approaches are flawed. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with good old Kegels, in fact I recommend them to SOME women I see. There are muscles in your pelvic area and they should be used and worked, just like any other muscles in your body.
But if all you do with your vagina is tighten and squeeze it, you will create a lot of tension, constriction AND reduced sensitivity. And that’s NOT going to make sex pleasurable or fun. So instead of striving for a tight vagina, create a FLEXIBLE vagina instead. And the difference is profound.
Because you see, the delicious tightness that he experiences inside of your vagina when you’re making love is not caused by you having strong pelvic muscles but by your engorged erectile tissue. When a woman gets aroused, her genitals area swells with all the blood rushing in. It works in a similar way to a man’s erection. He’s aroused, the blood starts rushing in and his penis gets hard.
In a very similar way, women get erections as well, they’re just less obvious. When a woman is aroused and all the blood is rushing in, it fills up the erectile tissue in her genital area and causes engorgement. When that engorgement happens, her inner and outer lips become swollen and darker in colour. But what you don’t see is all the rest of her erectile tissue that is inside of her, surrounding the vaginal walls.
So when a woman is aroused, her vagina becomes naturally “tight” because she’s engorged and all the areas are filled with blood. And that’s a good thing! That kind of engorgement and “tightness” causes increased sensitivity, more lubrication and a lot more pleasure for her. But if she’s struggling to get aroused, if her erectile tissue is NOT engorged and she’s trying to squeeze her pelvic floor muscle instead, she’s just going to experience constriction, tension and a degree of numbness in her genitals.
So creating a tone and fitness in your pelvic area needs to come hand in hand with creating openness, relaxation and sensitivity. And one of my absolutely favourite exercises to create that is my Breath of Passion technique which I describe in detail in my Orgasmic Empowerment for Women course. But there are many ways to cultivate that kind of flexibility and sensuality in your body. With the easiest one being simply placing attention on your pelvic area and relaxing it fully. Just feeling it relax more and more.
So PLEASE let’s stop chasing tight vaginas! They’re not healthy, they’re not receptive and they’re not sensitive! Instead let’s cultivate vaginas that are open, sexy, capable of healthy arousal and amazing pleasure. Please share with me your thoughts on this topic and let me know whether you’d prefer a tight or a flexible and sensual vagina! And if you’re interested in learning more, check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women.
Have a fabulous week! See you next time!
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