I’m often asked by guys why women say that they want a nice guy but then they put him in the friend-zone and go out with a “dickhead” instead. There is usually a lot of frustration behind that question because nice guys know how much value they’re capable of offering the woman – they’re caring, loving, helpful, giving and kind.
On the other hand, “dickheads” tend to be selfish, careless, inconsiderate or even violent. Yet, they’re the ones that usually go home with the girl. And once in a relationship, they treat the girl poorly. Which is something that nice guys observe with horror because they know that they would have treated her like a queen.
So, how to make sense of this?…
The truth is complicated. On one hand, women need to feel safe and loved by a guy. This then allows them to open up romantically and sexually to him. However, men that create this kind of safety for a woman, men who are kind and considerate, usually fail to turn that woman on.
And this is what bad boys usually do better – they’re typically much more connected to their masculinity, to their cocks and balls and to their sexuality. And that is what truly seduces women.
It’s like this – the stronger the polarity between two people, the stronger the attraction.
That means that masculine men are typically attracted to feminine women and feminine women to masculine men. And when a man is much more connected to his heart than to his cock, he’s in his feminine essence. In such a case, woman’s feminine essence is meeting his feminine essence and there’s no polarity. And after meeting him, she goes home and says to her friends: “He was really nice! But there was no connection there.”
The masculine and feminine essence is not about gender – it’s just energy. We all have both masculine and feminine energy within us. The trick is to cultivate the right balance of the two within yourself.
- Masculine energy is direct, purposeful, it executes, it gets stuff done, it moves forward, it “penetrates”, it holds space, it’s grounded and creates a steady container for the feminine.
- Feminine energy is moving and flowing in all directions, it’s soft and subtle, it’s sensual, it’s emotional, it’s very connected to the heart, it surrenders, it dances in life with joy and compassion.
A man who only has masculine energy in himself gets things done effectively and efficiently but is ruthless and disconnected.
A woman who only has feminine energy in herself is loving, caring and soft but chaotic and directionless.
This is why we need both.
So when you want to seduce a woman, you need to find the middle ground between the “nice guy” and the “dickhead”. You need to provide her with safety that she needs but also with that raw masculine energy that she craves.
When a man shows strong masculine qualities, this is usually very attractive to a woman because women don’t typically have a strong masculine energy and hence are attracted to this polar opposite.
Nice guys often don’t show strongly their masculine energy because it’s usually hidden under shame, guilt or fear. And so women don’t experience the attraction. Nice guys seem too soft, too feminine, and because of that there’s no polarity and not a lot of attraction there.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, macho guys just seem like a better alternative to many women – they seem much more exciting.
But please note two important points here:
1/ A man who has the right balance of masculine and feminine energy is a MUCH better option for a woman than BOTH a macho guy and a nice guy,
2/ A lot of women have fallen for the “dickhead”, got burnt and now see through the macho-guy layer. These women will tend to choose a nice guy over a macho guy so please don’t feel doomed!
When I was younger and much more naive, I used to fall for the strong, detached, masculine “macho” types.
After a few relationships filled with conflict, frustration and tears, I learned my lesson and now I fall for men who are caring, loving and gentle.
I also love it when they have a healthy connection to their masculinity but their heart and kindness are much more important qualities to me than their porn-style personalities. And there are MANY women like this out there!
So if you’re struggling to create attraction in women, you need to cultivate your masculine essence.
If you’re not sure how to do that, please make sure to check out my What Women Want online course.
Here is a message to any guy who finds himself in the friend-zone too often:
Yes, you can drop into your masculinity! Yes, you can develop your masculine energy! And yes, you can have a beautiful relationship! Yes – 100%!
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