At that point in my life, I had been touching myself in a fairly routine way – I knew my most sensitive erogenous zones and I knew what kind of strokes worked on them. I knew what kind of pressure, speed and intensity I needed in order to orgasm and I always took myself to the climax in a fairly similar way.
Is this the same for you? Is there a certain routine in your masturbation practice? Are you still touching yourself in the same way you did 10 years ago? 15 years ago?
Most people do!
A lot of people form self-touch habits early in their lives. They start masturbating as teenagers and – usually by necessity – touch themselves in a highly efficient way in order to come quickly. This is typically to avoid being caught in the act (by the parent or someone else). Lack of solid sexual education at this stage of our lives means that we usually need to work things out for ourselves. And this in most cases contributes to a fairly narrow range of strokes and techniques we use.
And what most people don’t realize is that their self-pleasure practice greatly impacts on the quality of their partnered sex life. You see, every time you touch and arouse your body in a particular way, you’re wiring your nervous system to respond with sexual tension to a particular kind of touch. Over time, this can cause your body to become wired to respond to erotic touch in a very particular way and to require a particular kind of stimulation to achieve satisfaction and pleasure.
And this might be difficult for your partner to recreate.
This kind of repeated, routine self-stimulation can also limit your pleasure potential due to neuroplasticity. Put simply, if you’re regularly using certain neural connections and ignoring others, you’ll strengthen a few neural connections while allowing many others to become dormant. After all, neurons that fire together, wire together. And if you’re repeatedly firing few particular ones for your pleasure, the rest of your vast and rich neural network available for erotic play will become deactivated.
So I want to invite you to a little self inquiry today.
Make yourself a cup of tea, grab a journal and answer the following questions:
1/ How satisfied are you with your sex life (either solo or with a partner)?
2/ Do your sexual experiences feel rushed?
3/ Do you wish you made love for longer?
4/ Where do you mostly feel pleasure in your body?
5/ Is your pleasure mainly focused in your genital area?
6/ Does your pleasure expand and vibrate through your entire system?
7/ How do you feel afterwards?
8/ Do you feel satisfied, energized and deeply nurtured?
9/ Or do you feel frustrated, tired and depleted?
10/ Are you keen to experience more in the bedroom?
This kind of self-inquiry can provide valuable insight and a powerful way to establish where you are at sexually right now. It can also help you form an idea of what is lacking and what you’d like to create in your erotic experiences.
And if this is something you’d like to explore in more detail, my Masturbation Coaching online program answers a lot of questions and offers a wide range of ideas, techniques and practices that can rewire your system for much more pleasure, deeper bliss and wider orgasmic potential.
When I talk to people who are frustrated sexually, I always ask them about their self-touch practice…
How you touch yourself holds a lot of answers when it comes to any issues in the bedroom.
And it also holds a key to creating a lifetime of sexual pleasure and fulfilment!
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