I used to experience sex as a hike up a mountain with a very distinct peak that I always wanted to reach but not often did.
Sex consisted of working towards an orgasm, of “efforting” to get there, with a well specified goal in mind.
I would keep moving faster, squeezing my legs tighter and tighter in an attempt to come.
Sex in itself wasn’t terribly pleasurable and for the most part – it was just a way of achieving an orgasm – usually for my male partner and rarely for myself.
Many people in our society see orgasm as a climax, a peak, a short and sharp release of sexual tension accompanied by a few seconds of intense pleasure.
After that begins a very quick and steep decline of pleasure and arousal.
Now I know that orgasm can be much more than that and it all begins with a change of mindset.
If all you see as an orgasm is that short, sharp peak of pleasure, that’s all you’ll ever experience as orgasm.
But if you start to expand your experience of pleasure through expanding your understanding of what orgasm can be – you’re opening yourself up to deeply ecstatic states that can last for hours.
Our society is not very encouraging towards sexual and orgasmic exploration.
Many people learn about intimacy from porn and copy the actors on the screen in order to create something ecstatic in the bedroom.
Most people learn to experience those release-type orgasms that are satisfying in the short term but leave us empty and depleted in the long term.
Many clients that come to see me have an inner knowing that much more is possible, yet they have no idea how to get there.
Start with Mini-Orgasms
As a first step towards having expanded, longer lasting orgasms, I would like you to embrace an idea that every wave of pleasure in your body is a mini-orgasm.
And that instead of chasing an orgasm, you can simply BE with your arousal and pleasure moment by moment, without needing for anything else to happen.
Most people are so focused on the end goal in sex, that they tend to miss out on tons of pleasurable sensations in their bodies.
As soon as you’re thinking about reaching an orgasm during sex, you’re not present with the pleasure you’re experiencing – you’re actually getting ahead of yourself.
Cultivating States of Erotic Trance
So let go of the chase and embrace every moment, every stroke and every sensation in your body as the goals in themselves.
Instead of clenching your muscles, allow them to soften.
Instead of holding your breath, keep taking deep, slow abdominal breaths.
Instead of concentrating on orgasm, enjoy each moment with all the pleasure that it’s offering you.
Start to notice and delight in all the waves of energy, tingles and pleasurable bliss flowing through your system.
Allow yourself to simply be in pleasure, fully present and grounded in your body.
Keep letting go of any thoughts, ideas or requirements during sex.
This new attitude towards sexual pleasure will help you experience orgasmic ecstasy as continuous, flowing waves.
These waves can induce a state of a deep, erotic trance and can last for hours.
Yes, your body can really do that!
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