Some time ago I met a man who was a truly amazing lover. We were very compatible sexually and every time we were spending time together, things would get hot and steamy very quickly. He knew how to turn me on and how to send me to heights of pleasure. Orgasming with him was easy and I couldn’t get enough of his touch.
And then something changed.
One day he came to my place, we had dinner and a chat. Things soon moved to the bedroom and I was getting ready for another mind-blowing experience.
We started with some foreplay which aroused him visibly. He seemed in a rush to get inside me and we moved on to penetration a little too quickly for my liking. And within a few minutes he was finished and I was surprised, confused and frankly – disappointed.
In my work and in the content I publish online, I do my best to educate and inspire. I want to show what great sex really is and how to create it. I am very passionate about showing the world just how much is possible in the sexual realm and how to cultivate and explore our amazing erotic capabilities.
I talk about my own sexual experiences, I describe my self-pleasuring practices, my most intense orgasms, techniques that I found most helpful in the bedroom, etc. And I do it all not only to educate, but also in order to show that sex can be embraced as a normal, enjoyable and perfectly natural aspect of our lives. That we don’t need to feel embarrassed or ashamed when talking about it.
The real sex
However, I also want to make it clear that regardless of how hard you try, sex won’t always be amazing. At times it’ll be awkward, sometimes it’ll be boring, and on some occasions, you’ll struggle to come.
The truth is, nobody has only amazing sex – not even sex therapists! The less-than-perfect sexual moments happen to all of us, regardless of how much experience we have and how well we know our bodies, our preferences and the preferences of our partner.
Sex is always fantastic only in movies and never in real life. Real life experiences are different each time and there’s a variety of factors that need to be taken into account – how stressed we’ve been lately, how much we’ve been sleeping, how well we’ve been eating, how we feel about the partner in that particular moment and about our own selves.
When bad sex happens – and it will! – embrace it!
Learn from it, discuss it with your partner, have a laugh at it. Don’t take yourself too seriously in the bedroom, bad sex is not the end of the world!
Sometimes sex will be unexciting, sometimes uncomfortable and sometimes just plain bad. None of that means that you’re a bad lover, that the two of you are not compatible in the bedroom or that the spark is gone. It just means that you’re human and you’re having a perfectly natural, human experience.
Be open and honest with your partner and discuss your experience. Learn what went wrong and why. Turn that encounter into an opportunity to learn and expand as a lover. After all, it’s all part of our sexual learning curve!
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