“… After having a few experiences of hit and miss with tantric practitioners, I went back to see Stephanie, a local Tantra practitioner. I guess I wanted to learn from a variety of people instead of having one ‘guru’, but I definitely do wish that I had decided to see Steph sooner. I told her about my journey so far and asked if she could help me become more orgasmic. She was happy to help and we scheduled a session.
When I arrived, we started with a chat. I described my experiences and efforts and she offered her insights. But everything that she was telling me I had already read or heard before. I already knew all about relaxing, surrendering, staying present and using my breath. I knew about the male/female polarity and how it played out in sex. All the theory and information was in my head, I just could not get my body to experience it.
Stephanie proposed that we do a yoni massage. Yoni (pronounced as yo-nee) is a Sanskrit word for female genitalia and means ‘sacred space’. I agreed and was handed a sarong. I undressed, wrapped the sarong around my body and we began. Steph took me through a beautiful ritual where words like ‘cosmos’, ‘sisters journeying together’ and ‘energy’ came up. I allowed myself to enjoy the mystical ambience she was creating.
Steph remained very gentle and respectful as I lay down and removed my sarong. It was a completely different experience to the massage provided by Andrew a few months before. Now my body was being treated like a temple, honoured by conscious touch and a loving presence.
Stephanie sat between my legs and began the massage. I was menstruating so she limited the touch to external strokes. As she was gently caressing my vulva, my sexual energy began to build up and flow. Her touch felt so amazing, so soft, so pleasurable!
She directed me to use breath, sound and movement during the session, so soon we began to spread and circulate that erotic charge through my entire body. Before long my whole body was tingling with intense pleasure and bliss. It felt so good; I could have stayed there forever!
This experience was a big a-ha! moment for me. This whole talk about full-body orgasms, energetic orgasms, chakra orgasms, etc., still kept me wondering about the role of the genital response during these experiences. Just like many people in our society, I was used to thinking of orgasm as a series of pleasurable pulsating sensations in the pelvic floor region. So I kept wondering – do full-body orgasms come with these muscle spasms as well? And how does it happen if in many cases the genitals are not stimulated at all – as in during breathing orgasms?
Now I finally knew.
Stephanie guided my body to a full-body orgasmic state and kept me there for a while. But even though she did stroke my genitals, I did not experience the familiar pulsating response that I was used to before. Instead my entire body seemed to be pulsating blissfully during – and for many hours after – the session.
Moving sexual energy
Since that time I have facilitated and witnessed hundreds of similar experiences for my clients. In fact, I almost daily guide clients to a full-body sexual awakening, and the responses are usually nothing short of amazement. Both men and women respond to tantric techniques equally, allowing these tools and practices to take them gently and gracefully into a deeper embodiment, profound sensuality and mind- blowing pleasure.
The experience of awakening and channelling up one’s sexual energy is in some traditions referred to as Kundalini awakening. Kundalini energy is our life force energy, aka our sexual energy. It is portrayed as a snake coiled three and a half times around the base of the spine. As you awaken the snake, it stretches up your spine to the top of your head, allowing a wonderful internal release of this strong energy through the entire system.
Many people do not realize just how potent their sexual energy is. In our sexually repressed society, we learn to keep our erotic charge only in our genitals until we are ready to release it out of the body in an ejaculatory orgasm for men, or a clitoral orgasm for women. Conventionally, as we get aroused, we tense up our bodies and constrict or even hold our breath. Both these responses lock arousal in our genitals and do not allow it to travel through the body. This scenario gives us a very localized, genitally based, release-type of experience. And as much as it can feel very nice, there is much more out there for us to explore.
This is why in Tantra we relax our bodies. It is not about being limp; you can absolutely stay active and relaxed. It is simply about not holding tension in your body which would inhibit your ecstatic experience. And this is also why we breathe deeply, freely. Your breath will literally carry your sexual energy all throughout your body. If you allow it.
Just think – your sexual energy is capable of producing a new life, a child! Isn’t that just magnificent? And what happens when you start to move and circulate that potent life force inside of your own body? You are creating more life for yourself.
Tantrics believe that sexual energy is capable of healing us, energizing us, rejuvenating our bodies, clearing our minds and inspiring our thinking. Tantric men who circulate their sexual energy regularly report that they do not need as much sleep. They feel much more energized during the day. They do not get sick as much. And they experience an amazing clarity of thinking and a profound creativity.
Men often tell me about a certain fogginess they experience in their brains after ejaculating. On top of that, it is no secret that after the release the man is most likely going to roll over and fall asleep as his body is feeling drained and depleted. These and other symptoms can be largely reduced if sexual energy is spread through the entire body first and maybe even kept within the body as the man develops an ability to experience non-ejaculatory orgasms.
The truth is that all men can be multi-orgasmic. All men can experience full-body, deeply nurturing, energizing and satisfying ecstatic states. But in order to get there, they first need to learn to separate ejaculation from orgasm.
I used to think that men were the lucky ones in sex. After all they could orgasm pretty much every single time, which is something I had struggled with for so many years. Now I am aware that this ease of ejaculating can actually be a much more serious problem.
These release-type experiences can definitely provide men with a few seconds of intense pleasure but, in the end, they always result in depletion as a large amount of energy is lost in the process. As the man becomes drained of his life force every single time, the satisfaction he derives from each ejaculation is very short-lived and soon he needs to masturbate or have sex again. This can lead to a vicious cycle and an addiction to the release. Always chasing it but never achieving enough satisfaction from it.
Women’s sexuality is not so strongly centred on the release. In fact, many women do not orgasm during sex at all so they enjoy the experience for the sheer pleasure it gives them. This allows the woman to sensually savour the nice feelings in her body without getting too fixated on her genital response.
For this reason many women are naturally tantric, and it is much easier for them to master full-body orgasms than it is for men.
Please remember, as long as you are chasing that ejaculatory response, you will not be able to reach your full orgasmic potential or provide a deeply ecstatic experience to your partner. Women, on average, take four times as long as men do to orgasm. This means that the longer you can last, the longer you can just stay in arousal without trying to get anywhere, the more likely she will be to reach a level of arousal high enough to take her over the edge of a massive orgasm.”
– excerpt from “Legendary Lover: 6 Essential Steps to Having Great Sex”
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