We all know that the body changes with age. The skin becomes thinner and starts to wrinkle, the digestion slows down, muscles become weaker, hair thinner, bellies rounder… Yet we think that erections are outside of the influence of aging. They are not!

A man in his thirties will discover that his body is not as prone to spontaneous erections as it was when he was a teenager or in his early twenties.

He will also discover that, on occasion, he might not actually be able to have an erection when he wants to. Past the age of forty, this tendency will become even stronger as guaranteed erections become a thing of the past. He will be definitely able to have an erection, but not every single time. His erections will not be as strong anymore either.

Many men come to me asking me to help them have a rock-hard erection for hours. And as much as I can help them strengthen their erections, it is a myth and an unrealistic expectation to be this hard for this long.

In my experience as a woman and as a Tantra practitioner, erections come and go.

Making love for hours does not mean penetrating her with a rock-hard penis the entire time. I actually think that it would be quite boring if it was the case!

In Tantra, sex does not equal intercourse. Penetration is just one of the aspects of lovemaking. Tantric sex consists of connecting intimately, of becoming present together, of setting an intention, of breathing in sync, of caressing, touching, kissing, circling energy between your bodies, using erotic massage, opening your hearts and delving deep into each other. It is a playful connection of two bodies, two minds, two hearts and two souls. It is a deep exploration of each other in the space of a sacred union. It is a session of worship and of honouring each other’s body. It is a sensual ritual of intimate connection without a script or a goal.

As Deej Juventin from the Institute of Somatic Sexology taught me, once you start to grow older “it is not just about your hard cock anymore”.

In your teenage years and early twenties, your body is biologically primed to produce an offspring, so erections are strong, frequent and easy. You can ejaculate often and the refractory period is reasonably short. Your body’s focus is in your pants to the point where it can get annoying.

With age, this focus shifts to your heart. Your body does not want to connect with a woman only through an erection anymore. You start to appreciate the finer aspects of your relationship with her, you start to look for that special spark in her eye, you start having deep and meaningful conversations with her and you actually enjoy them instead of simply waiting to have sex with her. You take her dancing, and delight in watching her body twirl and bend in a sensual joy of movement and flow.

So please stop worrying so much about your erection and your performance. If she walks out of your life because you did not have a rock-hard erection for an hour, she was not worth your time or your affection.

– excerpt from “Legendary Lover: 6 Essential Steps to Having Great Sex”

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