Some of the more common questions I answer in my sex therapy sessions are about masturbation. Is it ok to do it. How often, what techniques, what’s the best way to touch your genitals, etc. The taboo of masturbation seems to be still alive and well so in this article I’m going to give you 3 key reasons why you absolutely need to touch yourself.


Some time ago I made a video where I showed and described the contents of my naughty drawer. Most of the viewers seemed to have really enjoyed it but some had a serious problem with it.


I actually made that video in order to inspire others to become more curious and daring in their self-pleasure practice.


I wanted also to give others a sort of permission to talk more openly about masturbation since it’s such a common, natural and enjoyable practice.


In fact, I had a lot of fun showing and describing my pleasure collection, particularly that I do play with a few quite unusual items. But not everybody agreed with me and some people argued that masturbation was wrong, or only for single or lonely people.


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A lot of people still seem to think that partnered sex is a somehow higher level of a sexual activity than masturbation.


They struggle to understand that I recommend self-touch not as a last resort but as a valid experience for people who also enjoy love-making with their partners.


The reason for this is very simple – masturbation is our most basic form of sexual activity and the way we touch ourselves will determine the way we make love to others. If you touch yourself in a quick, efficient way, focused on reaching a goal – that’s how you’ll have sex with your partner. And if you take your time, engage curiosity and concentrate on deepening pleasure and connection – your partner sex experiences will be enriched by that as well.


So why you NEED to self-pleasure?


1/ Self-exploration

The better you know your body, erogenous zones and your pleasure potential, the better you can guide your partner to pleasure you. Unfortunately, in modern society most people don’t actually know what they want in bed and hence, are unable to ask for it.


We are all different and we all have different needs and desires. These needs and desires can even change daily which can be very confusing to our partners, particularly if we don’t understand them ourselves.


Once we get to know our own bodies intimately, we can support each other in exploring our sensuality and pleasure. Because it’s much better to give your partner 5 minutes of what they really, really want than 30 minutes of what you THINK they want.


2/ Pleasure training

Our bodies learn pleasure and can get better and better at it in the same way that your muscles get stronger and stronger as you keep going to the gym.


Self-pleasuring is a wonderful way to teach your body how to feel sexual pleasure and to train and condition yourself for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss and ecstasy. Masturbation also allows us to overcome limiting beliefs, shame and guilt about our bodies.


Touching yourself slowly, mindfully, giving yourself a loving full-body massage will re-sensitize your skin and help you develop a deeper connection with your physical sensations and your erotic self.


Plus something that not many people are aware of – nobody can give you an orgasm, they can only support you in having one. Whether you orgasm or not, depends on you only – your level of sensitivity, of connection with your body and any limiting beliefs in your head that might be inhibiting your orgasmic ability.


3/ It will make you happy

Yes, as simple as that – pleasure makes us happy, relaxed and content. Awakening our sexual energy and feeling that deeply vibrant, ecstatic force flowing through our bodies charges us, energizes us and nurtures our bodies.


Orgasms cause a huge release of pleasure hormones and neurotransmitters that flood our system giving us more satisfaction, confidence and wellbeing.


However, be aware that there are two different ways to orgasm – the explosive way which will deplete you and the implosive way which will nurture you. Check out my last video here to learn about having those implosive full-body orgasms!

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