During my recent talk at Eros Festival in Sydney, I explored a topic that for most people comes with a lot of questions, confusion and mystery. I talked about maintaining passion and desire in relationships, and particularly in long-term relationships.
If you’ve been in romantic relationships that went way past the honeymoon period, you’ll most likely relate to the frustrating confusion that comes once the initial time of passion and hot sex is over. Because when we first get together, the desire for each other is strong, the arousal comes easily and we literally can’t keep our hands off of each other. But once that initial phase comes to an end, often so does the passion and so sexual struggles begin.
Please refer to my previous article where I talked in more length about a variety of specific reasons for this situation and for ways to deal with it.
And today I want to guide you through 3 very powerful exercises that I took the participants of the festival through. All 3 are meant to be performed with a partner but you can also pair up with a friend if you’re single. They will be much more powerful though when performed with your beloved so make sure to come back to them when you meet Your Special Someone!
1/ Emotional healing
This is an extremely powerful exercise that brings many people to tears of love, appreciation and emotional release. Make sure to remain gentle, compassionate and kind during this practice both with yourself and with your partner!
Sit facing each other.
Partner 1 asks: “How have I hurt you?”
Partner 2 responds: “You’ve hurt me by… (leaving me alone at a party, not doing something you promised to do, being unkind with me on such occasions, etc.) It made me feel… (rejected, abandoned, hurt, sad, like you don’t care, like I don’t matter, etc.)”
Partner 1 performs the healing by stating with full conviction and honesty: “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry I made you feel… (rejected, abandoned, hurt, sad, like I don’t care, like you don’t matter, etc.)”
Once the interaction feels complete, you can switch and now Partner 2 asks “How have I hurt you?” and performs the healing.
An important aspect of this exercise is that saying “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings” has nothing to do with blaming you or placing the guilt on you. You’re simply acknowledging that your partner got hurt and you’re expressing a regret or sadness about that.
If you’re performing this exercise with a friend, you can ask them: “How has your previous partner(s) hurt you?”. Once they respond, you can perform a ‘third-party’ healing by saying: “I’m sorry they hurt your feelings. I’m sorry they made you feel unseen, unloved or unworthy, etc.”
2/ Communicating your desires
This is an exercise that will help both of you communicate better what you want and desire in the bedroom. This kind of conversations tend to be awkward and difficult to have. So, if that’s the case, give this practice a go!
Bring two pens and two pieces of paper. Give one to your partner and ask them to write down all the different sensual/sexual activities they would like to do with you that you’re not currently experiencing together. Do the same on your piece of paper.
Once you’re both done, swap papers and circle on your partner’s list all the activities that you’d be willing to try. Once you’re both done, swap your lists again and discuss your results.
Last step: schedule all the circled activities into your calendar to make sure that they happen soon!
3/ Moment of truth
This is another powerful practice for creating more depth and more open, authentic connection in your relationship. The significance of this practice lies in the fact that we often choose to not disclose certain things to our partners. This might be about the way you feel about something they’ve done, about your doubts or questions you’re asking yourself about the relationship… Maybe it’s something you’re afraid to share because you fear their reaction or you’re worried you’ll hurt their feelings, etc.
Sit down facing your partner.
Partner 1 asks: “What have you not told me yet?”
Partner 2 responds: “I haven’t told you…”
If nothing comes to mind at first, make sure to dig deep! This kind of authentic and honest interaction will lead you both into a space of much more meaningful and connected bond and love. Remember that there’s no true intimacy without vulnerability!
Once this interaction feels complete, you can swap and now Partner 2 asks “What have you not told me yet?”.
Please comment below or send me a message to let me know how you went with these practices. They might be extremely challenging to both of you or easy-peasy. You might feel like you nailed them all or failed miserably. If the latter happens, remember to not judge yourself too harshly. The power of this kind of exercises lies in attempting them, in taking this powerful step towards fuller and more authentic connection and communication in your relationship. Because that kind of openness and courage takes you much closer towards sexual passion and bliss in the bedroom!
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