The more work I do as a sex coach, the more aware I become of the depth and complexity of human sexuality. We all want and desire different things in the bedroom and we all have different ideas when it comes to creating a deeply connected and fulfilling intimacy. And since we live in a society that treats sex as a dirty topic, majority of people suffer some degree of frustration, pain or shame in the bedroom. This deeply impacts our relationship with intimacy, with our bodies and our genitalia.
My own expression of sexuality was strongly repressed from a very young age and over the years, I felt completely helpless to change or shift anything. I experienced sex as painful, uncomfortable and disconnected. I held deep shame and guilt around my erotic desires. And I lived a sex life of quiet resignation – it was what it was and since I was unable to experience intercourse as pleasurable, I just had to put up with the discomfort.
This continued until life gave me a dramatic wakeup call by creating the most painful and shocking experience of my life. Not many people are woken up from their daily suffering by a trip to an emergency room – but I was. And that day, I knew that I couldn’t put up with status quo any longer.
If you’ve ever been sitting in an emergency room in agonizing pain, waiting for your turn to see a doctor, you know just how long every minute seems to be. As my entire pelvis kept contracting in excruciating pain, I wasn’t sure if I was dying or just about to learn that I had seriously damaged my body. Fortunately, neither was the case and an hour later, I was on my way home, free of pain but deeply shaken.
Every single person has their own way of healing and transformation. My own started that very day and what followed was years of profound learning, experiencing and growing for me. I used a rich variety of modalities from conventional therapy to shamanic rituals and every day I was becoming more and more connected to my own eroticism. Every day I was learning more about myself as a sexual being and every day I was feeling more pleasure in my body.
There were a few really significant points of my journey:
The day I learned to work with my arousal patterns and started experiencing sex as extremely pleasurable,
The day I learned to use my masturbation practice to deepen my sensitivity and the sensuality of my body,
The day I learned the basics of tantric sexuality and had my first full-body orgasm with a partner,
The day I understood how my erotic mind works and then dived much deeper into my orgasmic potential…
My wakeup call was fairly dramatic and made me reconsider everything I knew about sex and pleasure. It also led me to discovering my passion for Tantra and sexuality. Your own wakeup call can be much more subtle and can come as a gentle self-enquiry: what do you need to change, heal or shift in order to discover the fullness of your erotic expression?
And if/when you feel like you might need some support, please reach out to schedule a call with me.
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