by Stephanie Dey

So you have welcomed home your new beautiful bundle of joy. You may be taking to parenthood like a duck to water or you may be overwhelmed, tired and just down right exhausted. We can never know how we will cope until in the situation and many variables can effect this transition!


Have both you and your partner had previous experience with babies? Is the baby sleeping well, taking to the boob well, are there other children to consider, how was the birth experience?


We then consider how the communication, intimacy and compassionate support was in your relationship dynamic previously. It is very common in these early stages of parenthood to feel a disconnect from your partner. The mother often doesn’t feel the solid support of her partner bringing about a shaky foundation in her feeling safe in the relationship. The father can often feel like the mother knows exactly what to do and his role in the dynamic is somewhat unclear, the babies really only rely on the mother in those early days – “I felt like an extra left hand” said one of my clients on my doting dads coaching program. He didn’t want to add stress to his partner so he never communicated that and that is where a divide began in their relating!


Communicating and making time for intimacy can be super difficult at this time. When both parents are tired, sensitive, hormones are still readjusting in the body for the mother – yet still fully fledging in the father. Despite the doctor putting a blanket rule that MOST women “should” be physically ready for sex within 6 weeks there are so many reasons this might not be the case. We have to consider the spiritual, mental, emotional journey that has taken place in birth and beyond.


Things that can effect the decision to engage in sexual intercourse post birth…

  • Tiredness
  • Feeling unhappy with your body after pregnancy and birth
  • Traumatic birth journey
  • Fear of Pain
  • Episiotomy
  • C – Section
  • Pelvic Floor
  • Feeling emotionally unsupported
  • Breast feeding
  • Accepting your new role as mother/father

And many more…

Women and men are intrinsically different and in fact polar opposites! The way to allow a woman to soften into her sexuality is by warming her heart…making her feel heard, validated, supported and cherished. This is where taking the diaper bin out without being asked becomes foreplay! Men are more likely to open their heart when they are feeling honoured, appreciated, sexually desired and have a role!

My favourite work is with couples and guiding them to understand these differences and variables that come into play in my connected couples support.


Simple ways to connect (even when you are tired)…

  • Taking the time daily to compliment each other.
  • Women –  taking the time to appreciate what your man does do instead of focusing on where he is lacking.
  • Men – asking how you can best be of support to your partner, taking initiative.
  • Making time to have a date night!!
  • Eye Gazing – you would be surprised how much can be said without words.
  • Being intimate without expectation of intercourse.
  • Checking in with each other – how are you both feeling?

This is what I am highly passionate about and if I can help you in transitioning your new family dynamics please get in touch.


Stephanie Dey is a childbirth educator, doula and tantric practitioner. It is her passion keeping couples connected when the family dynamic changes with a new baby!

You can find her at:


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