Since I started running Soulmate Speed-Dating events, I’ve been talking to a lot of single people. And they’ve shared with me countless stories of struggles, challenges and disappointments of the modern dating life.
Somehow, it seems that finding The One has been getting more and more tricky these days.
A big part of that conversation usually is the internet and the world of online dating. Every time I ask people about it, I’m told that they are sick of it and that it has led them nowhere – message exchanges that don’t lead to a date, poor first dates that show no promise of compatibility or lovely get-togethers after which they never hear back from the other person.
And what that tells me is that we have it all backwards. The truth is that online dating absolutely can work and can lead to a meaningful connection with someone truly special. BUT we need to change our approach to it.
The way that online dating usually works is:
a) browse online profiles,
b) make your best judgement about others based on their photos and bios,
c) message each other in order to arrange a coffee date.
So we’re basically going out together and trying to make a connection with a complete stranger, someone we know nothing about. And to me that’s a recipe for disaster.
We’re meeting first and trying to make a connection later.
That’s backwards! In real life we go out with someone BECAUSE we’ve experienced some sort of connection or pull towards them first. In this traditional approach we connect first and THEN we date. But the online world has turned dating on its head and so the new approach is to date first and then to hope for a potential connection. Can you see now why you keep going on so many bad dates?
The success and popularity of my Soulmate Speed-Dating events can be explained by the fact that they facilitate deep conversations and vulnerable exchanges.
Attendees are guided to share their most authentic inner selves and to see the same in others. This allows them to detect quickly whether there is a compatibility there and a potential for a soulmate-type of relationship. After the event, these people go out together precisely because they had already experienced this kind of connection during the event.
So the question is: can you create the same thing in the online world as well? And the answer is ‘Yes’. You can absolutely create a connection first but it takes a little more time and work. But I believe that weeding out the potential disaster dates is well worth the effort!
The key is to create an opportunity for a deeper connection before you physically meet each other.
And you can simply do that on the phone. A phone call can be more stressful than emailing but it will reveal much more about them than a message would. So go ahead, call them and ask them about their cherished childhood memories, their sources of inspiration in daily lives or about their dreams and goals. It doesn’t really matter where exactly you take the conversation, as long as it goes into the more deep and meaningful territory. And then listen and share about yourself as well.
And this is where the magic will happen… or not.
Because that simple exchange will give you a deeper sense about your potential date. In many cases you’ll realize that you two have absolutely nothing in common or that the energy between you two feels just flat. And this will save you time or upset of a bad date. But if the conversation flows smoothly, you’re both enjoying it and you find points of connection easily, then you should definitely go out!
So now, equipped with that piece of advice you can turn your online dating efforts into a much more effective adventure. And you might even meet your soulmate!
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