Have you ever heard of slow sex? What comes to mind when you hear these words together? Slow – sex… What kind of scenes do you see when you picture it in your head? Can you even picture it?
When I first heard of this notion, I was shocked and surprised. In my mind, these two words did not belong together. It sounded like a contradiction. And I was sure as hell that I had never experienced it. For many years of my life up to that point, sex was always fast and frantic – full of excitement, friction and rush, with almost non-existent foreplay.
So discovering slow sex was quite challenging at first since it questioned everything I knew about sex up to that point. But it also brought unexpected rewards and delights.
Slowing down and taking your time is a huge part of having a satisfying sex life. But most people are strongly conditioned for fast friction and chasing the orgasm. Would you like to learn how slowing down can revolutionize your sex life and create more pleasure and stronger intimacy?
I first heard of slow sex about 6 years ago. I was reading a book by Diana Richardson called “Slow sex” and at the time her ideas completely confused me and even scared me! Because after all, what was left in sex if you took away all the fast friction, all the excitement and all the animalistic passion? I couldn’t understand what slowing down was supposed to bring to the lovemaking.
As you can probably tell, my sex life back then was pretty mediocre.
And the sex itself was based more on ideas found in porn than in bedrooms of real, loving, intimate couples. It took me a while to learn that really mind-blowing sex isn’t just about friction and chasing that orgasm but more about a heart connection, about sensitivity and sensual touch, about profound pleasure, about breathing together and feeling the erotic energy in your body, enjoying the arousal building up, cherishing the togetherness, and about having a very special, magical, intimate time with your lover.
And it’s actually a bit sad when we reduce sex to just a chase towards orgasm. Because it is about so much more! And when we slow down, we can actually pay attention to other aspects of our lovemaking. We can open up our hearts to each other. We can awaken deep sensitivity within our bodies, using gentle, slow touch. We can create a meaningful container for our love which turns sex into a magical ritual of loving connection, pleasure and fun.
And for all the more daring lovers, a more advanced challenge is to introduce stillness into their bedrooms.
This is something that not many people have ever heard of or ever tried. But stopping all movement in the middle of sex is magic! Because when you’re aroused, when you’re enjoying a sexual connection with your partner, when your naked body is pressed against theirs and your entire system is activated and turned-on, there is a world of sensations happening inside of you. And when you stop and feel, you can notice all of it!
When you slow down or even stop, you’re also much more relaxed. And in a relaxed body, sexual energy can travel more freely, creating a more expanded experience of erotic energy and orgasms. When you’re rushing, your body is contracted and the orgasms become very localized and constricted. But when you relax, that sexual energy can travel much further, creating pleasure that flows and ripples through your entire system.
So next time you’re making love, slow down and take your time.
Become really present with yourself first, with your own body and your own senses, and then also with your partner, enjoying your connection, touching each other slowly. It’s as if you were discovering each other’s body, stroking their skin with curiosity, exploring pleasure in all sorts of different ways and forms.
You can play with different types of touch, different levels of pressure, touching different areas that maybe you haven’t given a lot of attention before. Using props, using your breath, breathing consciously brings a whole new level of pleasure into sex. Give yourself a full permission to experiment, to explore and to fully delve into your sexuality and your sensuality.
And please let me know what your first reaction to slow sex is! Is this idea completely new to you or have you heard of it before? Are you sure that it would never work for you or are you curious and ready to try? I look forward to hearing from you!
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