Have you ever heard of slow sex? What comes to mind when you hear these words together? Slow – sex… What kind of scenes do you see when you picture it in your head? Can you even picture it?
When I first heard of this notion about 5 years ago, I was shocked and surprised. In my mind, these two words did not belong together. It sounded like a contradiction.
And I was sure as hell that I had never experienced it. For many, many years of my life up to that point, sex was always fast and frantic. Full of excitement, friction and rush. With foreplay almost non-existent since there was no point in wasting time on anything else than the main event – penetration. And even while my lover was inside me, it was all about thrusting, building up energy and arousal, until he finished in an ejaculation.
So discovering slow sex was quite challenging at first since it questioned everything I knew about sex up to that point. But it also brought unexpected rewards and delights.
Watch my video to learn more and then make sure to play with the principles of slow sex yourself. Or maybe you’ve already experienced it in your relationships?
P.S. Let me know your initial reaction to the idea of slow sex. And whether you’re planning to give it a go in your own bedroom!
Slowing down and taking your time is a huge part of having a satisfying sex life. But most people are strongly conditioned for fast friction and chasing the orgasm. Would you like to learn how slowing down can revolutionize your sex life and create more pleasure and stronger intimacy?
I first learned about the notion of slow sex about 5 years ago. I was reading a book by Diana Richardson called “Slow sex” and at the time her ideas completely confused me and even scared me! Because after all, what was left in sex if you took away all the fast friction, all the excitement and all the animalistic passion? I couldn’t understand what slowing down was supposed to bring to the lovemaking.
As you can probably tell, my sex life back then was pretty mediocre, and the sex itself was based more on ideas found in porn than in bedrooms of real, loving, intimate couples. It took me a while to learn that really mind-blowing sex isn’t just about friction but more about a heart connection, about sensitivity and sensual touch, about profound pleasure, about breathing together and feeling the erotic energy in your body, enjoying the arousal building up, cherishing the togetherness, and about having a very special, magical, intimate time with your lover.
Taking your time is a huge part of deeply satisfying sex. In conventional bedrooms, people tend to race towards orgasm, creating a lot of friction and excitement to reach that end goal. It also seems that the whole sexual experience is rated by that orgasm – was it reached (which indicates success) and how strong it was. And when the orgasm didn’t happen, we somehow end up disappointed and frustrated.
And it’s actually a bit sad when we make sex only about that race to orgasm. Because it is about so much more! And when we slow down, we can actually pay attention to other aspects of our lovemaking. We can open up our hearts to each other. We can awaken deep sensitivity within our bodies, using gentle, slow touch. We can create a meaningful container for our love which turns sex into a magical ritual of loving connection, pleasure and fun.
And for all the more daring lovers, a more advanced challenge is to actually introduce stillness in their bedrooms. This is something that not many people have ever heard about and ever tried. But stopping all movement in the middle of sex is magic! Because when you’re aroused, when you’re enjoying a sexual connection with your partner, when your naked body is pressed against theirs and your entire system is activated and turned-on, there is a world of sensations happening inside of you. And when you stop and feel, you can fully notice it all.
When you slow down or even stop, you’re also much more relaxed. And in a relaxed body, sexual energy can travel more freely, creating a more expanded experience of erotic energy and orgasms in your body. When you’re rushing, your body is constricted and the orgasms can only happen in your genital region. But when you relax, that sexual energy can travel much further, creating pleasure that flows and ripples through your entire system.
So next time you’re making love, slow down and take your time. Become really present with yourself first, with your own body and your own senses, and then also with your partner, enjoying your connection, touching each other slowly. It’s as if you were discovering each other’s body, stroking their skin with curiosity, exploring pleasure in all sorts of different ways, and forms.
You can play with different types of touch, different levels of pressure, touching different areas that maybe you haven’t given a lot of attention before. Using props, using your breath, breathing consciously brings a whole new level of pleasure into sex. Give yourself a full permission to experiment, to explore and to fully delve into your sexuality and your sensuality.
And please let me know what your first reaction to slow sex is! Is this idea completely new to you or have you heard of it before? Are you sure that it would never work for you or are you curious and ready to try? I look forward to hearing from you!
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