In my life I’ve received some exquisite fingering sessions from my lovers. And also some really, really bad ones… So today I’m bringing to you all of that wisdom, experience and insight in my comprehensive guide on fingering a woman!


There are absolutely amazing things you can do to a woman’s genital area when using your hands and fingers skilfully


You can excite her, you can tease her, you can arouse her, you can bring her to blissful states of ecstasy and to powerful orgasms.


When used well, your hands can play her pussy like an instrument, taking her up and down to different levels of pleasure and arousal, your fingers can guide her towards a land of promises of delights to come and then you can keep her right at the edge of that place, without quite taking her there.


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When done well, this will drive her mad with desire and will make her beg you for more.


But for most men, the vulva (meaning the external parts of female genitalia) is a mysterious place and they don’t have a map or any kind of guidance to navigate that area well.


All the parts and female genital anatomy are deeply sensitive and receptive to pleasure so keep that in mind when you’re fingering her. It’s not just about the clit! There’s much more you can do when massaging her pussy.


1/ your intention

So first of all, be clear on your intention here. Don’t finger her pussy from any sort of place of neediness or your own horniness. Don’t do it with an agenda of getting her to repay the favour afterwards.


She will feel your energy and it will make her feel like she can’t fully receive your touch. So instead give from a place of generosity and love. Let go of any agenda and simply finger her for the sake of giving her pleasure.


2/ relax her

Have her lie down comfortably and start by gently stroking her entire body. This doesn’t need to take a lot of time but will be helpful in creating a much more pleasurable experience for her.


And every time you touch and stroke her skin, imagine that you’re making love to her body with your hands and fingers.


3/ external strokes

When you’re ready to start touching her pussy, play with the following external strokes. And absolutely make sure to use a quality organic lubricant here. Her lady parts will not respond well to a dry hand. My favourite is coconut oil but make sure to ask her what she prefers:

  • Holding still – place a flat hand on top of her entire vulva and hold still,
  • Vibration – as above but gently vibrate your hand,
  • Circular massage – this doesn’t involve any friction, simply place your hand on her vulva and make slow circular strokes with your hand, moving all her yummy bits together with your palm,
  • Kneading the outer lips – knead and massage each lip separately,
  • Kneading her inner lips – knead each inner lip separately or both together,
  • 3 fingers stroke – middle finger between her inner lips and 2 other fingers in the grove between each inner and outer lip; next stroke gently and very slowly up and down – from above her clit all the way down to her perineum,
  • Tour de France – with the pad of your index finger, gently trace the grove between her inner and outer lip all the way up from the perineum to up above the clit and then come back on the other side; repeat the entire loop a few times;
  • Through the lips – hold her clitoris between the folds of her inner and outer lips and gently massage with your fingers,
  • Clit clock – imagine that her clit is a face of a clock and gently massage with little circles each o’clock.


Make sure to be really slow with all of these strokes and with some of them introduce some variety in terms of speed, pressure and location of your fingers. Use your judgement here and keep watching her body’s response.


When she’s relaxed, breathing deeply and is lost in her pleasure, you are on the right track!


4/ internal strokes

When you’ve taken a good care of her external bits, you can go inside.

  • Vaginal entrance – spend some time here massaging the entrance,
  • G-spot – insert one or two fingers up to your second knuckle and push and massage up towards her stomach,
  • Outer third – the outer third of her vaginal canal is most sensitive so explore this entire area well,
  • Deep massage, including cervix – once you’re done with the outer third, go deeper,
  • Combine external and internal strokes (G-spot and clit go particularly well together).


5/ enjoy yourself

All of these strokes and more will give her a heightened experience of pleasure and erotic activation so it really is a powerful thing to give your woman a great fingering session. But one last important bit of my advice is to make sure that you’re enjoying yourself!


If you’re bored or resentful that you have to do something for her. Or if your heart just isn’t in it, she will feel it and it will reduce her own enjoyment of your touch.


So learn to enjoy this process. Remember that touch is always 2-directional, meaning that when you’re stroking her, you’re also experiencing her skin on your hands and fingers. This can be a very arousing, fun and delightful experience!

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