Have you ever wondered how often you should be having sex? What’s normal? What’s standard? What’s recommended by sex therapists? If you have, you’re not alone! I’ve heard that question from my clients many, many times over the years and in this article, I have some answers for you.
I guess a lot of people wonder about some sort of “standard” in sex
How often should you do it, what should it look like, what makes for the most satisfying erotic experience and what to do to have the best orgasms.
I know that I was wondering that myself for many years. To be honest I received zero sexual education when I was young. I didn’t even get the “condom on the banana” talk. I knew absolutely nothing and I entered the world of sex truly clueless.
As a teenager, I was slowly learning from TV, from my friends in school and eventually from my interactions with men. But it was a bit like the blind leading the blind because others knew little more than I did. And the information I was receiving was mostly incorrect and misleading.
It’s such a shame that sexuality in modern world is covered with such thick layer of shame, guilt, embarrassment and inhibitions
How something so beautiful, intimate and nurturing can be perceived as so wrong and inappropriate?! It’s beyond me but that in itself is a topic for a whole different article.
So the answer to the question: how often you should have sex is simple – as often as you want to.
When I work with clients in my sessions, before I recommend anything, I always ask them what they actually want and desire in their sex lives. We’re all unique and our sex drive or a level of sexual activity that will bring us most joy, nourishment and pleasure depends on a variety of factors.
There’s no such thing as a “recommended frequency of sex”
Every couple is different. The best way to look at it is: what do you and your partner desire? What level of sexual closeness and connection do you need in order to feel loved and cared for in your relationship?
For some people that’s sexual intercourse every day. For others, it’s once a week, once a month, etc. Other people still see sex as a chore or a nuisance and delegate it to only big, significant occasions in their lives.
And it’s all good and fine as long as you or your partner are not experiencing sexual frustration or resentment about your sexual connection. The moment the frustration starts, that’s where the problems begin and that’s where I come in with my professional help and expertise.
And by the way – how often do you want to have sex?
Are you clear on your answer to this question? Do you know where your partner stands on this issue? Let me know your number in comments below.
I actually released a video recently on the topic of “Do women like sex”. The video’s been really popular so far because it addresses 5 main factors that determine women’s desire for frequent sex. So make sure to check it out as well!
And if you’re finding that your sex life is getting infrequent and sort of boring or routine, have a look also at my Tantric Sex for Couples online course that will teach you how to infuse your intimate connection with more passion and desire.
So I guess our last question remains – what to do when there’s a conflict between your desired frequency of sex and that of your partner.
What if these numbers are different
And trust me, they probably will be because it’s hard to get together with someone who’s sex drive matches yours exactly.
But don’t worry, if your numbers are different, you’re not doomed. You simply need to create a win-win situation where you’re aware of your own needs and desires related to a more or less frequent sex. And you’re also aware of your partner’s preferences.
Once you’re both clear on that, you can work out a situation that works best for both of you. And here, my Tantric Sex for Couples online course can really help by introducing much more excitement, passion, joy and connection to your bedroom activities.
Because some couples simply need a bit more thinking outside of the box in order to bring back that spark and sizzle of a frequent and fulfilling sexual bond
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