You might have started off at 2-3 times a day but after a few years you connect 2-3 times a week tops.
It’s even possible to go for a few weeks/months without sex.
So how often is enough and when should you start to worry?
While there definitely are many benefits to having sex often (most days if not everyday), the only real guideline here is – as often as both partners need, in order to feel connected and satisfied sexually. Every person is different and our sexual needs vary greatly. What is enough for one couple might be way too little for another. We need to take these differences into account and negotiate the most fulfilling sexual schedule with our partner.
It’s worth bearing in mind that our levels of libido can be affected by many different factors: stress, fatigue, diet, health problems, emotional issues and the arguments between partners. But we also need to understand that in monogamous relationships, we become responsible for our partner’s sexual needs and we need to cater for them even if we don’t always feel like it. This doesn’t mean that we need to be ready for sex always and everywhere, but it does mean that continuously making excuses and refusing sex will create a serious issue in the relationship.
People who find themselves in sexless marriages or frustrated sexually tend to stray because their needs are not met by the spouse. On a long-term basis, this frustration will create deep resentment and a sense of loneliness and disconnection.
Connecting intimately on a regular basis (at least once a week) will nurture that special bond that romantic partners share. It also keeps us healthy and happy as sex provides a rich playground for pleasure, fun and excitement. The body and the brain create a flood of hormones and physical processes during sex and orgasm, which lead to deeper love, blissful relaxation and a sense of connection and intimacy in the relationship.
Making time for sex in our busy lives works exactly the same way as making time for anything else – whatever we prioritise, we find time for. With time, sex becomes less of a priority for us so it’s pushed behind all other tasks. So we make sure to work, to shop, to cook, to clean and to visit the relatives. And after everything is done, they maybe, at the end of the day, if we’re not too tired, we might find time for sex. This approach is flawed and leads to sexual frustration or to sexless marriages. If you struggle with this, schedule sex into your calendar, even if you fear that this might kill the spontaneity. I find that it’s always better to schedule sex and then create a beautiful, intimate experience, than to go without sex for a long time and experience more and more bitterness.
Sex doesn’t always need to happen in the evening either, for many couples mornings work better, or even right after lunch.
Our society watches hours of TV every day. Turn the TV off and lead your partner to the bedroom. Alternatively, have sex right there on the couch if you can!
So how often do you want to have sex??