The week of Valentine’s Day means different things to different people. Some people excitedly look forward to it, others choose to ignore it or even reject it, others still feel frustrated or extra lonely that day. All depends on your relationship status, your level of happiness in that relationship or singlehood and views on celebrating love and romance.

 

I personally am not terribly fussed either way. But if there happens to be a man in my life, I like for us to do something special. And the more creative and non-commercial that something special is, the better. Some of my ideas would include picnic on the beach or dancing the night away in his arms.

 

And this brings me to a broader topic of love and more specifically – of different ways that people love.

 

Most people seem to think that there is just one way to love – their way. I once worked with a client who was frustrated that his wife wouldn’t touch him enough to express her love. After all, wouldn’t you kiss, embrace and caress your beloved on a regular basis? And if you don’t, then what is wrong with you???

 

Well, funny that… Touching your partner is actually just one way to show and express love. In reality there are many different ways and each way can have a number of their own nuances and variations.

 

Assuming that all people would naturally love the same way that we feel inclined to love doesn’t take into account the massive complexity of our emotional nature.

 

I like the way Gary Chapman simplifies this issue in his amazing book “The 5 Love Languages”. He states that broadly speaking, there are 5 ways that we can give and receive love and that most people use primarily one or two of these languages:

 

1/ Quality time

Spending uninterrupted time together (no TV, no phones, no other people, no work or chores).

 

2/ Physical touch

This love language is not about sex! It’s about touching, holding, kissing, caressing each other on a daily basis.

 

3/ Gifts

The gifts can be big and impressive or small and simple. It’s not about how much money was spent on a gift but the thought that was put into it.

 

4/ Acts of Service

Little things we do for each other daily – cleaning the house, preparing the meal, taking care of a task for your beloved…

 

5/ Words of affirmation

Telling your partner things that you love or appreciate about them – about something they did, about who they are, etc.

 

The trouble here is that we tend to give love in the same language that we want to receive it. But if our partner speaks a different love language, our efforts will be in vain. Which is why it’s so important to recognize how your partner actually wants to be loved.

 

But for now ask yourself these questions:

  • How do I desire to be loved?
  • When do I feel most loved by my partner?
  • When was the last time I felt really loved?

These are a great starting point to build more awareness in your own love language.

 

And gentlemen, if you’d like to show your ladies some extra love in the bedroom this Valentine’s Day, enrol in Tantric Mastery – an online course that will teach you how to give her not only an exquisite tantric massage but also a number of different kinds of orgasms. Ladies, this could be a perfect Valentine’s Day gift! Use coupon code VALENTINE for 50% off (only until Sunday 16 Feb).

Enjoy!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

Are You Sexually Compatible With Your Partner?

Are You Sexually Compatible With Your Partner?

When I work with people in relationships, a question that arises often in my sessions is: “Are we sexually compatible?”. There are a lot of reasons why people would ask me this – differences in libido, in sexual preferences, desires, different ideas what good sex...

read more
How Is Covid-19 Affecting Your Sex Life?

How Is Covid-19 Affecting Your Sex Life?

Mere weeks ago, we had no idea what a Coronavirus was. In early March I was still planning my workshops and events (yes, in person!) and filling my calendar with social get-togethers. I was popping into my favourite cafés for a brunch or coffee while looking forward...

read more
How to Use Tantra to Uplevel Your Relationship

How to Use Tantra to Uplevel Your Relationship

Just over six years ago, in March 2014, I had my “accident” which caused a dramatic shift in my life. One moment, I was having sex with my partner and the next - I was in excruciating pain, shock and then in a hospital. That experience was scary, enormously painful...

read more