And they lived happily ever after
In modern day and age, with easy access to media, we have a better than ever opportunity to watch and witness the lives of others, their ups and downs and their relationships.
From movies to reality shows, from online blogs to YouTube videos, we can peek and eavesdrop not only into other people’s lives but also into their bedrooms.
On the basis of all this data, we’re creating a certain image of what a good relationship and sex life should look like.
On top of that, we come with a predetermined set of beliefs formed at childhood about finding one and true love and living with them happily ever after.
Yes, Walt Disney, I’m pointing my finger at you!
I don’t believe that there is any particular standard that we should all aspire to.
I don’t believe that any people or organizations should ever be allowed to tell us how we’re supposed to love others in our lives.
I don’t believe it’s right for anybody to bend themselves to adhere to the social standard of love, relationships or intimacy.
Someone asked me recently: “Do you ever come across anybody that you can’t fix?”
And I replied that I don’t fix people because there is nothing to be fixed.
I support my clients in finding the right way for them, which is the way that brings them the most happiness, pleasure and fulfilment.
I don’t consider anybody’s life experience wrong because it’s not an exact match to what I personally see as great sex.
I’ve come across people who were perfectly satisfied with their lives, even though they didn’t experience passionate intimacy or blissful ecstasy.
I don’t believe that we all want or need the same things in the bedroom.
But if someone’s life experience is bringing them grief and frustration – this is where I can help!
What is great sex for you?
Are you basing your ideas of sex and intimacy on what the society considers acceptable?
I find that the best sexual experiences happen when we don’t hold any particular expectations about them, when we don’t create ideas in our heads about what they should or ought to look like, based on movies we’ve seen or stories we’ve heard.
Holding expectations like that keeps us stuck in the head, comparing the real experience to the image in our minds.
That’s not a great way to have sex.
Sex happens in the body and by staying present in the body, we can go much deeper into this beautifully intimate experience.
Being present in the body means paying close attention to every touch, sensation, tingle. To the warmth of their skin, their breath and their kisses on your face.
Holding images and expectations in our minds pulls us away from this truly embodied experience.
Routine or exploration?
Betty Dodson PhD is a great visionary and she’s been teaching people to orgasm for many years now.
She introduces her clients to a wonderful idea of masturbating together as a form of lovemaking.
This really challenges most people’s idea of what sex should look like.
Majority of people follow a reliable yet quickly boring routine: 1/ foreplay, 2/ penetration, 3/ ejaculation.
Betty challenges us to reframe sex and to start experiencing it as a creation of our own desires and needs and I really admire her for that!
Since I discovered Tantra, I let go of routines and ‘should’s in sex.
Now I follow my pleasure, curiosity and I experiment.
I follow my bliss.
And it feels amazing!
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