And I keep seeing an age-old struggle between men, who crave and desire a sexual expression as a natural and healthy aspect of their relationships, and women who usually have a hard time reconciling sex with everything else they’ve learned over the years about who they’re meant to be as women, wives and mothers.
In the age of revealing dresses and Beyonce fans, we might think that women have completely overcome the patriarchal influences and that the feminist movement has finally brought us to a place of sexual liberation and freedom from shame, guilt or embarrassment about sex. But that’s not really the case for a huge majority of people out there in the world. When I entered the field of Tantra, my outlook on pleasure, sexuality, and my own life changed dramatically. And since then I’ve been doing my best to change the lives of my clients and whoever else will listen.
An average woman is NOT sexually empowered. She rarely knows that the only goal of sex ISN’T man’s satisfaction. She most likely has never heard before that she can ask for what SHE wants in bed and that her satisfaction is as important as his. Yes, this situation is slowly changing and thank god for that! But an average woman still quietly puts up with premature penetration and discomfort during sex, while he’s mechanically pounding her cervix in her dry, unaroused vagina.
ACCORDING TO A STUDY, ABOUT 75% OF MEN ALWAYS REACH ORGASM DURING INTERCOURSE, WHILE ONLY ABOUT 25% OF WOMEN CAN SAY THE SAME.
And orgasm is definitely not the only way to determine a satisfactory love-making but imagine a scenario: a man is penetrating a woman. She orgasms, rolls over and falls asleep, leaving him frustrated and unsatisfied. HOW OFTEN HAS THIS BEEN YOUR EXPERIENCE?
I’m guessing that in your experience this has happened very little or never. However, the reverse situation is extremely common in majority of bedrooms across the world. And women accept this as a normal standard.
How often do men get slut shamed? At one point in my life, I went out with a man in a tantric community who slut shamed me for sleeping with him on a first date. As he did that, my heart painfully dropped, filling me with guilt and shame. However, he slept with me on our first date too, yet, I was the one getting slut shamed. Why? Because he was sexually entitled and I was not. And what I mean by entitlement is this: men often feel entitled to receive their pleasure, satisfaction and orgasm during sex but for women, it’s usually not as appropriate or expected.
The majority of young people today learn about sex from porn and bring that example into their bedrooms. Young girls learn that they have to give blow jobs in order to be accepted in their peer groups. They end up in hospitals with bleeding anuses because they feel they need to oblige their boyfriends to satisfy what they feel like they’re entitled to from seeing it in porn.
I think that boys get this impression early that they can take whatever they want sexually. Whereas girls pick up that their role is to please the man, not to have what they themselves want.
This blog is not a comparison who has it better or a blaming finger pointed at men. It’s a simple observation of what the broader society is showing me and I’m bringing attention to what still needs to change before we can talk about any form of sexual equality in our society.
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How Often Should You Have Sex
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Good analysis of the situation sexually in the world. We are a co dependent society tilted in the direction of men and women play into it by manipulating to get taken care of in exchange for sex or emotional support. This is the conditioning of our religious patriarchal society and we must talk about it if we are going to wake up and change the dynamics of our perception of reality and our attitudes toward relationships and especially our sexual relating.
Even my educated friends, both men and women play roles that do not serve the open, honest communications that are required to open us to the possibility of real connection at an energy level in the way that tantra teaches. There is still a huge misunderstanding about tantra, what it is and what it teaches and the connection it is designed to create with ourself and with others.
The whole materialization of relationship and of sex is part of the problem and obscures the reality that we are energy beings and it is our energy connection that is essential to a fulfilling sexual experience.
You are opening consciousness and I am greatful for your leading the conversation.
Something dawned on me, while reading this….. It’s all about “having sex”, isn’t it?
Duuuhhhh, Steve!!! It’s written by a sexual educator, a sexpert who is “helping you have great sex.” Of course it’s about s…..
I know. But the the thing is, just lately, I’ve been through a ton of articles, books, blogs, magazines, forums…. And they were all talking about “having sex”, too.
Not that talking about that is a problem. For sure, there are huge problems with how we have sex, in general, and we certainly need to talk about how we can fix things.
Now, maybe I imagined this, but I’m sure I once heard someone talking about “making love”. It’s a term that used to be synonymous with “having sex”, but I don’t hear much talk about it, these days. And maybe, just maybe, that points to the root issue?
In this world that’s becoming sexually educated via porn (and Cosmo magazine), perhaps the problem is that the focus is too much on the mechanics of “having sex”? Sexual expression has become divorced from what it is supposed to express….
Should it not be an expression of Love?
If more people got more rooted in “making love”, rather than just “having sex”, maybe that would bring about the first rumblings of an avalanche of change. More people truly caring more about each other. Rooted in Love, could we still make such dreadful mistakes as those highlighted in the above article?
Coming back to the article topic, women’s sexual empowerment….. Hell, yes! I’m all for it. Until we are all free, no one is totally free.
But I’m hoping something bigger than that is going to happen in the world. Something that is already gathering strong momentum in the business world.
Almost every week, I hear of a new online summit, led by women for women, about creating heart-centred business. A completely new paradigm.
Women are the heart centred ones. And they hold the power to open men’s hearts, too. I’m hoping that they will take the lead, and help us all awaken, not just to heart centred business, but also to heart centred “having sex”, a.k.a. “making love”.
And oh do we need it!
Because, as things stand, even those 75% of men reaching orgasm are mostly experiencing no more than a “genital sneeze”, as one famous Tantra Teacher put it. (I think that may have been you, Helena.)