When I work with couples, an issue that arises very often is that the female partner loses her sex drive and her interest in sex. This is obviously not the case of every single couple, however, this comes up often enough to wonder what is really behind it. And whether women actually like sex.
I guess the topic of female sexual desire and her sex drive is very close to my heart
In many of my past relationships, I was the one who was struggling to keep up with my partner’s libido. It seemed that he frequently wanted sex and that not a lot of things could reduce his desire for a regular intercourse.
For me, however, things were much more tricky. For a variety of reasons, I would struggle to desire sex or to feel aroused in the act. And since arousal and lubrication are very important components of a satisfying intercourse, I would often experience pain or discomfort during sex, which then was making it even more difficult for me to desire it. And so it was a bit of a vicious cycle in that way.
So do women actually like sex? Or do they prefer to forget all about it?
The short answer is – yes, women do like sex. More than that – they have a deep capacity to love sex and to enjoy incredibly mind-blowing orgasms (some say that even much stronger than male orgasms).
In fact, woman’s body is deeply sensual and her erotic potential is rich, multi-layered and blissful. But! There is a number of factors that need to be taken into account here.
1/ Emotional connection
In any romantic relationship, sexual connection is very strongly linked to the emotional connection between partners. It’s tricky to want to have sex if at the same time you’re thinking “He wants to have sex with me after what he did?”.
Accumulating resentment is something that happens in all relationships and if we don’t address these emotional issues, they’re only going to get deeper. This is why taking care of your emotional connection first is an absolute must to nurture and cultivate a healthy and passionate intimacy in the bedroom.
This means talking about any emotional hurt or disconnect. It means actively taking care of your partner’s needs to create a deep sense that you both are there for each other, no matter what. When that kind of connection is nourished and maintained, it’ll be much easier for her to feel sexual desire for you.
Most modern women grew up with some kind of unhealthy conditioning around sex. Many women still believe that there’s something inherently wrong about wanting, desiring or enjoying sex. There’s that unhealthy disconnect between a woman being a wife / mother and a sexual goddess.
While the truth is that women can be both at the same time. She doesn’t need to repress her lust or eroticism in order to play well her role in the family. But women need to recognize that first in order to overcome the conditioning.
3/ Sexual trauma
About 1 in 5 women has experienced sexual abuse at some point in her life. And almost all women know closely someone who is a victim of sexual assault. Sexual wounding and trauma, whether physical, emotional, spiritual or mental can leave a powerful mark on the victim for many, many years which will keep interfering with her healthy sexual expression.
Sexual trauma can be treated but in most cases it will require a support of a qualified therapist. So it’s crucial to understand the possible impact of her past on her current libido and sex drive.
4/ Lack of self-knowledge
A lot of women don’t actually understand their own bodies and needs when it comes to their sexuality. Many women have watched porn and try to have sex like men. Which is a problem because women and men are different when it comes to their sexual response.
On top of that, these women don’t know what to ask for in bed and they get poor quality sex. And so when their male lovers don’t understand how to truly satisfy a woman and simply concentrate on their own needs or on how they as men want to have sex, this just creates a very unfulfilling experience for a woman.
5/ Not enough self-activation
What’s connected with that is the fact that many women don’t masturbate consciously or don’t masturbate at all. And hence, they don’t understand their own erogenous zones or how to activate them.
While women who regularly touch and explore their bodies, who take the time to self pleasure, to fully active their erotic potential, women who can give themselves full-body, expanded, blissful orgasms, these women can have much more fulfilling sex with their male partners. These women know what to ask for, they know what they need and so they can create sexual experiences that are deeply satisfying and nurturing for them.
Please let me know in comments below if you resonate with this topic and what your experiences have been when it comes to women’s sex drive, whether you’re a man or a woman. I’m very curious to hear if you’ve ever struggled with sexual desire and what you did about it.
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