How to Find & Pleasure Her G-spot

How to Find & Pleasure Her G-spot

When I first heard of the G-spot and the G-spot orgasms, I was still a teenager and the whole concept was covered with a layer of mystery. I knew it was somewhere inside my vaginal canal and I even tried to look for it with my fingers but failed to locate it. My G-spot remained elusive (if it was even a real thing!) for many more years…

 

According to many people, the G-spot holds the key to woman’s vaginal orgasms.

 

Vaginal (internal) orgasms provide us ladies with a very different experience than the more common clitoral climax. The internal O feels more profound, more expansive, more grounding… It seems to flow like waves through our entire bodies, immersing us in a bliss-like state… which is in quite a contrast with the more external, explosive and sharp clitoral peaks.

 

The sad truth is that many, many women don’t know where their own G-spot is. Or how powerful its potential for pleasure is! Many other women are familiar with their G-spots but the area can be very de-sensitized due to years of rough sex. This means that a lot of ladies will struggle to stimulate that spot in a pleasurable way or they might even feel like there’s not a lot of sensation there. So if even women are confused about their G-spots, what chance of success do men have?

 

Where is the G-spot?

 

It’s not really a spot but more an area and it’s located on the upper wall of the vagina, close behind the vaginal entrance.

 

How to find it?

 

Insert a finger into the vaginal canal about two knuckles in. Press the pads of your fingers up towards her belly and start exploring. You’ll notice that the skin texture there is quite different than the rest of her vaginal canal. The vaginal walls are pretty smooth but the G-spot feels more like the roof of your mouth. The ridges will typically become even more pronounced when the woman is aroused.

 

How to stimulate the G-spot?

 

This is where all the fun begins… All women are different and like different things but here are a few techniques to start you off on this exploration adventure:

 

1/ Circles

Massage the G-spot with your fingers in a circular motion. Vary speed and pressure. Keep asking for her feedback to figure out what kind of touch works best for her.

 

2/ Come-hither motion

Insert a finger, press it into the G-spot and slowly pull it out, allowing it to glide over the whole area. It should feel like as if you were dragging a coin off of the table.

Vary speed and pressure. Try two or even three fingers. Keep asking for feedback.

 

3/ Pressing in

Place your finger on the G-spot and push into it. Keep communicating with her to find the best level of pressure. After a few moment, move your finger to a different location (within the same area) and repeat. Keep repeating until you find all the most yummy spots.

Remember that even a tiny difference in the placement of your finger can make a huge difference to her pleasure!

 

4/ Toys

There is a whole range of dildos and specifically shaped G-spot massagers out there. They can be a lot of fun to play with!

And if you’re on a budget, you can use a cucumber but make sure that it’s peeled and smooth. Also, ask your lady if she has a preference for a particular vegetable.

 

5/ Penetration

The good old missionary position isn’t typically great for stimulating the G-spot but there are other great options:

– modified missionary – the woman puts a few pillows under her butt and keeps her feet flat on the bed,

– woman on top – man is lying on his back, woman lowers herself onto his penis, BUT she needs to lean back, this way she can position herself pretty well for some G-spot action,

– reverse cowgirl – this is still woman on top but here she’s facing her lover’s feet instead of his head,

– from behind – not quite the doggy style because the woman lies down on her belly with her legs together while her lover enters her from behind.

 

Make sure to experiment with all these positions, looking for the best angle, pressure and speed. And make sure to be playful about the whole experience! Nothing kills the erotic fun more quickly than treating it like a chore.

 

This is an invitation to start exploring the mysterious G-spot and learning more about it.

 

The more familiar we are with our (and our partner’s) genital anatomy, the better we can navigate our way around it and the more pleasure we can give and receive.

 

So let’s start exploring!

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How to Turn Foreplay Into a Delicious Feast

How to Turn Foreplay Into a Delicious Feast

It has always confused me why people rush so much through foreplay and into the “main bit”, the penetration. Even more, it has always confused me why I seemed to rush into penetration in my earlier years, even though I knew that foreplay could provide me with pleasure, sensual fun and enjoyment. It seems that majority of people like and want all the non-penetrative sexy fun that comes first, yet not many people choose to stay in that phase for very long.

 

Think about it, how often have you spent an hour or more in foreplay? Imagine how amazing it would feel to spend that kind of time, delighting in sensual touch, caresses, kisses and erotic massage. But do we actually do it? Rarely. And if you do play this way, you’re among the lucky few!

 

So why do we so often fast-forward through foreplay and rush into the penetration?

 

Well, there are a few reasons…

 

First of all, we don’t have a script for foreplay. Since porn has become mainstream, we all have seen plenty of penetrative sex but not a lot of pre-penetrative fun. We don’t have a lot of ideas of what to actually do there, outside of a few kisses and strokes. The foreplay feels like an unscripted territory that we don’t have a map for and feel a little lost in. In contrast, intercourse feels much safer, once the penis is in the vagina, we know what we’re doing and where we’re heading. We’re back on the safe, tested ground.

 

Secondly, we don’t usually know how to handle the sensual energy or the arousal that feels like an intense build-up in our bodies. The penetrative sex provides a release, a resolution. It allows us to let go of all that stored sexual energy in a climatic peak. But foreplay forces us to stay with everything that we’re feeling and experiencing in our bodies in the moment.

 

So what can you do to turn foreplay into a much more profound experience than just a few rushed strokes of passion?

 

1 Slow down

Realize that there’s no rush. The more you extend your sexual experience, the more pleasure, arousal and bliss you’ll feel as a result. Pleasure is both in the intensity of the build-up and in the slowing down of a relaxed touch. Slowing down allows you to feel more and to bathe more deeply in each stroke, each caress and each kiss.

 

And whenever you feel like rushing into the penetration, relax, breathe and witness the experience your body is having. Most people don’t even realize how amazing it feels to simply remain in arousal, without needing to release it.

 

2 Stay present

Being slow allows more presence, more sensuality and more awareness of what you’re actually feeling. Most people rush so much in sex that they miss out on tons of delightful moments and subtle sensations in their bodies. Give yourself a permission to remain completely mindful of what your body is feeling in each and every little moment and you’ll be blown away by the variety and depth of pleasure and ecstatic bliss that your body is capable of.

 

3 Be curious

Many people keep repeating exactly the same steps and movements in bed every time. But even the most pleasurable routine will eventually become boring and unexciting. So imagine that you’ve never touched your lover before. Allow yourself to go on a curious exploration of their body, trying many different strokes and types of touch. Give them a luscious erotic massage, imagine that you’re making love to their body with your hands. You can even use your entire body to massage and caress theirs! Sky is the limit so take your time, have fun and explore.

 

Play with these ideas and enjoy. Remember not to beat yourself up if you don’t feel like you’re making a lot of progress quickly! The journey of sexual mastery and expanded pleasure is exactly that – a journey, where every step should be fun, joyful and enjoyed.

 

And if you decide that you need some guidance and support on your path, please have a look at the online courses I offer for both men and women and at my coaching options. Let me help you fill your bedroom with great sex and legendary pleasure!

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I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers:

“Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another?

I want to do everything in my power to free myself from all that inhibits me sexually and to experience deep love and pleasure but I’m not in a position to do that with a lover.”

 

Social stigma

 

For different reasons, a variety of different people are not able to connect intimately with others at one time or another throughout their lives. This kind of circumstance should never be a reason to put your sexual practice on hold! In fact, your self-pleasuring practice is the most primary form of sexual expression.

Society seems to indicate to us that masturbation is only for people between relationships, older or incapacitated people, or maybe some desperate individuals. This unfortunately creates a level of stigma around self-touch and stops us from embracing it as a healthy and valid form of sexual practice.

 

Training your pleasure

 

I believe that this conditioning is actually really hurting our sex lives. I believe that creating a beautiful and profoundly ecstatic self-pleasuring practice can really support you in becoming a wonderful lover to another person.

I spend a big chunk of my sessions with clients doing masturbation coaching. I consider this skill absolutely crucial for embracing our pleasure and awakening our full orgasmic potential.

We watch movies and porn that show us people in moments of deep ecstasy and pleasure. So we aspire to similar experiences in our own bedrooms. But the body needs training in order to become fully orgasmic. You need to teach yourself pleasure first, before you can have your mind blown on a regular basis with a lover.

 

Self-pleasuring better

 

So here are my 5 steps to a more pleasurable and orgasmic masturbation practice:

 

1/ Set an intention

This is an important one. An intention creates your experience, it’s a bridge between now and the future. Don’t just go with whatever happens – consciously create your pleasure!

What would you like to achieve through your self-touch today? Would you like to explore new erogenous zones in your body? Would you like to last half an hour before coming? Would you like to cultivate a deep sense of loving bliss in your system? Or maybe bring more sensation to areas that feel a bit numb?…

 

2/ Awaken your entire body

Now it’s time to connect with your whole physical system. You can do this through movement (dancing, shaking, yoga, stretching, etc.) or through touch by giving yourself a loving full body massage. Feel free to spend as much time on this step as you need. At the end you should feel vibrant and alive from head to toe.

 

3/ Use your breath consciously

Keep taking deep, full breaths throughout the entire session.

When we get aroused, we tend to shorten and constrict our breathing. This locks sexual pleasure in one spot, usually our genitals. If you want to have a more expanded, powerful experience, breathe deeply in order to allow that erotic charge to travel up and down your entire body.

 

4/ Slow down

Another very important tip!

As you’re stroking your favourite erogenous zones, take your time. Do not rush to the finish line. Keep breathing deeply, allowing the delicious sensations to keep spreading through your entire system.

And remember – the longer you hold off before the big O, the more intense it will be!

 

5/ Integrate

After climax, don’t rush off anywhere, just stay where you are.

Allow yourself a few minutes to relax and notice the feelings and sensations in your entire body as all the pleasure hormones are happily travelling through your system. These few minutes at the end are crucial to teach your body about bliss. This is when your brain is working hard, creating all the new neural connections, learning from this experience so that next time you can go even deeper into your erotic ecstasy.

 

To learn more about sacred masturbation practices, check out my online course Masturbation Coaching (for men and women!). It’s currently available at 50% off as part of my Christmas Special. Simply use this code to claim your discount: xmas50

I filled this course with my favourite and most effective tools and techniques to train your body to experience:

  • more pleasure,
  • deeper orgasms,
  • richer sexual satisfaction in your body.

Don’t miss out! The discount code is only available until Sunday!

 

Masturbation Coaching is a fairly new modality offered by sex coaches and sex therapists all over the world. It’s extremely powerful because healthy and nurturing self-touch, self-touch that is free of shame and dogma, will prepare your body for a lifetime of great sex and amazing pleasure.

This 7-week online program will help you expand your erotic potential, experience completely new types of orgasm, create more charisma and magnetic power that others will respond to, let go of unhealthy patterns and toxic beliefs about your pleasure, your body and your sexuality, etc.

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On one hand, I really see the point the article is trying to make. It can be very unsafe and even traumatising to introduce acts perceived as violent into the bedroom without mutual consent and appropriate level of communication and agreements about it.

 

But it also seems that different media are trying to demonize this kind of acts. By portraying them as wrong and linked to male violence and porn-influence, we’re taking away the innocence of playfulness in the bedroom. This can also lead to an unhealthy idea that there is only one “right” way to experience sex and that other ways of sexual expression are somehow ‘invalid’.

 

I personally LOVE it when my lover is dominating, chokes me, spanks me and pulls my hair in bed. Obviously, I don’t want sex to play out this way every single time, but in appropriate measure (to be agreed upon by partners) and with full consent of both parties, these are extremely exciting and beautiful things to play with.

 

So maybe instead of criticising men and demonizing them for following their instincts and desires in the bedroom, we should focus more on educating them. Creating fear around kink and fetishes is unhealthy because a large portion of society enjoys them (yes, many more people than you would think!). Plus, they can be a part of a healthy erotic life, as long as all acts are 100% consensual.

 

Gentlemen, next time you’re in bed with your lady, instead of playing out any scenario that you find arousing, ASK HER first whether she’s willing to play with you this way. Make all agreements clear and well defined, even if that means a longer conversation than you would ideally prefer.

 

I promise that your sex life will benefit from it and that this kind of clear communication will not only create a safe container for both of you to play and experiment within, but also to dramatically deepen the level of pleasure, enjoyment, fun and connection that you can experience together!

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When I first started studying masturbation coaching within my sexological training, I was mind-blown. I had no idea that when it comes to self-pleasuring, the number of techniques, practices and ideas is endless…

 

At that point in my life, I had been touching myself in a fairly routine way – I knew my most sensitive erogenous zones and I knew what kind of strokes worked on them. I knew what kind of pressure, speed and intensity I needed in order to orgasm and I always took myself to the climax in a fairly similar way.

 

Is this the same for you? Is there a certain routine in your masturbation practice? Are you still touching yourself in the same way you did 10 years ago? 15 years ago?

 

Most people do!

 

A lot of people form self-touch habits early in their lives. They start masturbating as teenagers and – usually by necessity – touch themselves in a highly efficient way in order to come quickly. This is typically to avoid being caught in the act (by the parent or someone else). Lack of solid sexual education at this stage of our lives means that we usually need to work things out for ourselves. And this in most cases contributes to a fairly narrow range of strokes and techniques we use.

 

And what most people don’t realize is that their self-pleasure practice greatly impacts on the quality of their partnered sex life. You see, every time you touch and arouse your body in a particular way, you’re wiring your nervous system to respond with sexual tension to a particular kind of touch. Over time, this can cause your body to become wired to respond to erotic touch in a very particular way and to require a particular kind of stimulation to achieve satisfaction and pleasure.

 

And this might be difficult for your partner to recreate.

 

This kind of repeated, routine self-stimulation can also limit your pleasure potential due to neuroplasticity. Put simply, if you’re regularly using certain neural connections and ignoring others, you’ll strengthen a few neural connections while allowing many others to become dormant. After all, neurons that fire together, wire together. And if you’re repeatedly firing few particular ones for your pleasure, the rest of your vast and rich neural network available for erotic play will become deactivated.

 

So I want to invite you to a little self inquiry today.

 

Make yourself a cup of tea, grab a journal and answer the following questions:

1/ How satisfied are you with your sex life (either solo or with a partner)?

2/ Do your sexual experiences feel rushed?

3/ Do you wish you made love for longer?

4/ Where do you mostly feel pleasure in your body?

5/ Is your pleasure mainly focused in your genital area?

6/ Does your pleasure expand and vibrate through your entire system?

7/ How do you feel afterwards?

8/ Do you feel satisfied, energized and deeply nurtured?

9/ Or do you feel frustrated, tired and depleted?

10/ Are you keen to experience more in the bedroom?

 

This kind of self-inquiry can provide valuable insight and a powerful way to establish where you are at sexually right now. It can also help you form an idea of what is lacking and what you’d like to create in your erotic experiences.

 

And if this is something you’d like to explore in more detail, my Masturbation Coaching online program answers a lot of questions and offers a wide range of ideas, techniques and practices that can rewire your system for much more pleasure, deeper bliss and wider orgasmic potential.

 

When I talk to people who are frustrated sexually, I always ask them about their self-touch practice…

 

How you touch yourself holds a lot of answers when it comes to any issues in the bedroom.

 

And it also holds a key to creating a lifetime of sexual pleasure and fulfilment!

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My own butt is a highly erogenous zone which enjoys many different kinds of touch…

 

… It also seems to draw my lovers’ hands to it almost magically as I cannot actually recall ever having a partner who was NOT spanking me on a regular basis.

 

Because of that, my ass has experienced many forms of touch and spanking – the gentle, the intense, the slow, the fast, the Zen, the tantric, etc. Most of it was great, some of it – not so much. And on the basis of all of that empirical research, let me share with you my findings…

 

What goes without saying is that you need to obtain consent from your partner first. If they’re not into spanking, don’t do it. But if they’re willing to try, here are my top tips for a great spanking session:

 

1/ Location

Of course, you can spank or slap your partner on different body parts, but when it comes to their butt, there are some rules. Generally, the bottom half of the butt – the fleshy part – is most pleasurable to spank. The top part or the area near the hip can be quite unpleasant or even painful so make sure to check in with your partner about their preference first.

 

2/ Communication

Until you learn your partner’s preferences and tolerance for spanking, it’s a great idea to ask them to use a scale of intensity of 1 to 10. Also ask them, what level of intensity they’ll be willing to go up to. 1 is a very mild spank they can barely feel while 10 is an intense pain. If they choose to go up to 7, ask them to rate the spanking as you go so that you can learn where their limits are.

They don’t have to rate every single slap but mainly the ones where you increase intensity.

 

3/ No bang

In case of spanking, do not start off with a bang. You’ll need to build up to it. This is quite important and, on many occasions, poor spankers have totally turned me off with this mistake.

When you start off with a powerful slap, the area is not usually prepared yet and the experience will be most likely painful. So instead of an orgasmic moan, you’ll get from your lover an irritated “ouch”!

Start with little, gentle slaps and after each few, make sure to massage the area with your open palm. While massaging, allow your hand to also glide up to their back or down the legs in order to spread out yummy sensations.

When I have spank-gasms, the pleasure shoots from my butt up and down through my entire body so it’s essential to activate your lover’s entire system and to open up those energy channels for the yummy erotic energy to travel freely.

 

4/ Vary speed and intensity

Constantly going at the same speed and intensity will quickly make things boring. So, change it up! Build up from gentle slaps to stronger ones. Once your partner is good and ready, surprise them with a well-timed sharp spank. Play with a succession of quick ones and then make them wait for your hand.

Slow down and apply your spanking like an artist, playing your partner’s butt like a gorgeous instrument.

 

5/ Have fun!

Make sure to enjoy yourself! If you’re not going to have fun, it’s not likely that your partner will. This should be a playful experience for both of you.

 

Make sure to also discuss the experience afterwards. Ask your partner what they enjoyed and what they didn’t. Enquire whether they’d be willing to play with spanking again and if so, how can you make the experience even better.

 

Remember that everybody is different and that the only way to learn their preferences is through honest and open communication. There’s a lot of fun to be had in the bedroom. But it’s essential to know your partner’s body well enough so that you can give them most pleasure and reduce any potential discomfort.

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