How to Cherish Your Arousal Daily

How to Cherish Your Arousal Daily

There are many reasons why I love driving my car – it’s the ultimate “me-time”! I don’t need to do anything (other than drive), I feel relaxed, the car is comfortable, I get to listen to my favourite music or audiobooks… And!… I get to play with my arousal.

 

Typically, I’ll start with a few clenches of my pelvic floor, usually coordinated with the breath. This activates my muscles nicely, and increases the sensitivity of the area. Next, I’ll deepen my breath, while fully relaxing my genital muscles. With every inhale, I’ll keep sending more air, more attention and more relaxation into my genitals.

 

This kind of exercise creates sexual arousal.

 

And it feels amazing! As I keep noticing the warm, tingling, buzzing energy growing in my pussy, I allow myself to fully enjoy the pleasure. It doesn’t feel frustrating or like I need to do anything with it. I simply remain relaxed, breathing deeply and sending the energy up and out through my entire system.

 

After a while, my whole body feels nurtured, nourished, buzzing, alive…

 

And it’s the most delightful experience! Sometimes I’ll perform some tantric breathing techniques to consciously direct that arousal up my spine but at this stage the flow of energy feels quite natural and unrestricted all by itself. It’s like my arousal KNOWS where to go.

 

This kind of play is not just something I do in the car. I’ll do it while working on my computer, reading a book, talking to someone, meditating… Anywhere and anytime is fine. Every day and ideally – multiple times each day. It’s like an energetic boost to my system and to my mood!

 

In my sessions with male clients, I often find that they experience arousal as a frustration, a nuisance, a distraction, sometimes it can be even painful. And I find that erotic energy can feel this way when it remains in the genitals. You’ve probably heard of the “blue balls” phenomenon caused by unsatisfied sexual desire.

 

But it doesn’t have to be this way!

 

Men don’t have to suffer when their arousal cannot be released through ejaculation with the person they desire. They can actually look at a sexy woman, they can enjoy her form, feel excited by her… and channel that arousal into a full-body fulfilment!

 

They can walk away from her feeling nurtured by her beauty, not frustrated by it!

 

It’s not hard to move your arousal away from your genitals and to send it out into every cell of your being. It’s not hard to use it to create a state of deep internal aliveness and activation! Your body came equipped with everything you need to move and control your erotic charge – your breath, muscle control and placement of awareness are all you need to perform this task.

 

And if you want to learn more about tantric techniques of full-body bliss, check out my online course for men (Tantric Mastery) and for women (Orgasmic Empowerment).

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

Is Violence Ever Ok in Sex?

According to a BBC article online, “more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex”. And “of the women who had experienced any of these acts, wanted or otherwise, 20% said they...

read more

What Your Masturbation Habits Say About You

When I first started studying masturbation coaching within my sexological training, I was mind-blown. I had no idea that when it comes to self-pleasuring, the number of techniques, practices and ideas is endless…   At that point in my life, I had been touching myself...

read more

Essential Guide to Spanking

As both a keen receiver and giver of spanking, I’ve learned over the years that this form of kink can be pleasurable, fun and even orgasmic when performed right. But it can also be unpleasant, irritating or painful when performed without appropriate skill or insight....

read more

10 Things Most People Still Don’t Know About Anal Sex

10 Things Most People Still Don’t Know About Anal Sex

Most people in our society still have a lot of hangups around their anuses. We consider them dirty, shameful and anal touch – wrong and embarrassing. The truth is that the poor, disgraced anus is extremely nerve rich, making it a very sensitive spot, able to receive and enjoy a lot of pleasure.

 

Both men and women are capable of experiencing intense pleasure in their anal areas. However, in order to have a truly enjoyable experience, you need to be aware of the rules of anal touch and anal sex.

 

Dr. Jack Morin was an American pioneer in the field of anal pleasure, and over many years he had done a lot of marvellous work helping men and women reclaim erotic pleasure in their anuses and to heal the phenomenon of “genital hole” – a high degree of dissociation and numbness many people experience there. I learned a lot from him about anal touch and if you are interested in delving into this subject much deeper, you should definitely research his work.

 

Here is what you need to know in order to be successful in your anal play:

 

1/  No pain

Anal touch should never, ever hurt. If it does – you are doing it wrong. Anal sphincters are muscle rings located at the entrance of the anus which are meant to keep things moving out. If something is introduced from the outside (a finger, penis or a toy), these muscles will tense up in order to stop the intrusion. Instead of forcing items in, you need to massage the anus externally first, in order to relax the sphincters before the insertion.

 

2/  Lubrication

There is no natural lubrication in the anus so you always need to use a lubricant during anal play. I recommend coconut oil.

 

3/  Rectum

Past the anal sphincters, you will encounter the rectum. Faeces are not normally stored in there until just before the bowel movement. You can, however, encounter traces of faeces in there. If that is a problem for either of you, I recommend having an enema or using nitrile gloves for protection.

 

4/  What to use

For most couples, anal sex does not include using the penis. Instead, they prefer using fingers or toys. Oral stimulation of the anus is called rimming and can be a source of a lot of pleasure. Using vibrating toys externally or internally can add an exciting level of pleasure.

 

5/  Sexual health

There are health risks associated with anal contact and if you are worried about STI’s, make sure to use a barrier – a condom for insertion or a dental dam for rimming.

 

6/  Communication

Keep communicating during the experience. The person being penetrated always has the final say when it comes to the anal stimulation. Nothing should be inserted into the anus until the recipient of the touch is ready and keen. As soon as they say ‘stop’, this should be fully respected. The anus is a highly sensitive area and as such, it can be both a source of a lot of pleasure and a lot of pain. As soon as the pleasure turns into pain, all touch should stop.

 

7/  Prostate

Many men enjoy prostate stimulation. The prostate is located on the belly side of the rectum, about two knuckles in.

 

8/  Anal orgasms

It is possible to experience anal orgasms, even without any direct genital stimulation. In my experience, this is not very common but it does happen sometimes; particularly when the person being anally stimulated is not determined to have an orgasm, but rather is completely immersed in the moment and in the pleasure they are experiencing, without any goals or expectations.

 

9/  Toy safety

If you are using toys, make sure to pick the ones with a flared base as it is possible to lose items inside the anus.

 

10/  Anal tension

Due to a sedentary lifestyle, trauma or shame, many people hold chronic tension inside the anus which can make insertion difficult and uncomfortable. In such cases, I recommend gently inserting the tip of your own finger into the anus while in the shower or a bath and trying to consciously relax the anal sphincters. When done on a regular basis, this practice will allow you to enjoy anal stimulation much more.

 

If you are still feeling a bit uncertain about anal stimulation, I would definitely recommend using nitrile gloves. This can provide a level of comfort to both parties from the hygiene perspective, and also for the protection of the receiver as nails or hard skin can feel unpleasant against the soft tissue of the anal canal.

 

As long as you are keeping in mind the rules of anal sex, you are very likely to give your beloved a very beautiful, safe and even ecstatic experience of anal pleasure.

 

Above all, take your time, stay curious, keep checking in with them and use plenty of lubrication. You might even discover that your partner becomes open to the idea of anal intercourse if this is something they had been opposed to before!

– from “Legendary Lover: 6 Essential Steps to Having Great Sex” by Helena Nista

 

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

5 Must-try Masturbation Moves for Him

I hope that you enjoyed my last week’s article about must-try masturbation moves for her. This week we’re going to look at HIS self-pleasure and things that men can do to enhance their experience and to create mind-blowing intensity of orgasmic pleasure.   What’s...

read more

10 Top Tips to Give a Mind-Blowing Oral

Have you ever met a man who didn't enjoy receiving oral sex? If you have, please let me know because he's truly unique! But when it comes to ladies and the art of cunnilingus, there is a lot that can stand in the way of her ability to receive oral touch and to...

read more

Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms

“I am learning so much from your online course! I now have full control and only ejaculate when I want to. And my sensitivity is increasing daily. Amazing stuff! :-)”   This is a message I received from one of the students of my online courses. Messages like that land...

read more

How to Find & Pleasure Her G-spot

How to Find & Pleasure Her G-spot

When I first heard of the G-spot and the G-spot orgasms, I was still a teenager and the whole concept was covered with a layer of mystery. I knew it was somewhere inside my vaginal canal and I even tried to look for it with my fingers but failed to locate it. My G-spot remained elusive (if it was even a real thing!) for many more years…

 

According to many people, the G-spot holds the key to woman’s vaginal orgasms.

 

Vaginal (internal) orgasms provide us ladies with a very different experience than the more common clitoral climax. The internal O feels more profound, more expansive, more grounding… It seems to flow like waves through our entire bodies, immersing us in a bliss-like state… which is in quite a contrast with the more external, explosive and sharp clitoral peaks.

 

The sad truth is that many, many women don’t know where their own G-spot is. Or how powerful its potential for pleasure is! Many other women are familiar with their G-spots but the area can be very de-sensitized due to years of rough sex. This means that a lot of ladies will struggle to stimulate that spot in a pleasurable way or they might even feel like there’s not a lot of sensation there. So if even women are confused about their G-spots, what chance of success do men have?

 

Where is the G-spot?

 

It’s not really a spot but more an area and it’s located on the upper wall of the vagina, close behind the vaginal entrance.

 

How to find it?

 

Insert a finger into the vaginal canal about two knuckles in. Press the pads of your fingers up towards her belly and start exploring. You’ll notice that the skin texture there is quite different than the rest of her vaginal canal. The vaginal walls are pretty smooth but the G-spot feels more like the roof of your mouth. The ridges will typically become even more pronounced when the woman is aroused.

 

How to stimulate the G-spot?

 

This is where all the fun begins… All women are different and like different things but here are a few techniques to start you off on this exploration adventure:

 

1/ Circles

Massage the G-spot with your fingers in a circular motion. Vary speed and pressure. Keep asking for her feedback to figure out what kind of touch works best for her.

 

2/ Come-hither motion

Insert a finger, press it into the G-spot and slowly pull it out, allowing it to glide over the whole area. It should feel like as if you were dragging a coin off of the table.

Vary speed and pressure. Try two or even three fingers. Keep asking for feedback.

 

3/ Pressing in

Place your finger on the G-spot and push into it. Keep communicating with her to find the best level of pressure. After a few moment, move your finger to a different location (within the same area) and repeat. Keep repeating until you find all the most yummy spots.

Remember that even a tiny difference in the placement of your finger can make a huge difference to her pleasure!

 

4/ Toys

There is a whole range of dildos and specifically shaped G-spot massagers out there. They can be a lot of fun to play with!

And if you’re on a budget, you can use a cucumber but make sure that it’s peeled and smooth. Also, ask your lady if she has a preference for a particular vegetable.

 

5/ Penetration

The good old missionary position isn’t typically great for stimulating the G-spot but there are other great options:

– modified missionary – the woman puts a few pillows under her butt and keeps her feet flat on the bed,

– woman on top – man is lying on his back, woman lowers herself onto his penis, BUT she needs to lean back, this way she can position herself pretty well for some G-spot action,

– reverse cowgirl – this is still woman on top but here she’s facing her lover’s feet instead of his head,

– from behind – not quite the doggy style because the woman lies down on her belly with her legs together while her lover enters her from behind.

 

Make sure to experiment with all these positions, looking for the best angle, pressure and speed. And make sure to be playful about the whole experience! Nothing kills the erotic fun more quickly than treating it like a chore.

 

This is an invitation to start exploring the mysterious G-spot and learning more about it.

 

The more familiar we are with our (and our partner’s) genital anatomy, the better we can navigate our way around it and the more pleasure we can give and receive.

 

So let’s start exploring!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How to Cherish Your Arousal Daily

There are many reasons why I love driving my car – it’s the ultimate “me-time”! I don’t need to do anything (other than drive), I feel relaxed, the car is comfortable, I get to listen to my favourite music or audiobooks… And!... I get to play with my arousal.  ...

read more

How to Find & Pleasure Her G-spot

When I first heard of the G-spot and the G-spot orgasms, I was still a teenager and the whole concept was covered with a layer of mystery. I knew it was somewhere inside my vaginal canal and I even tried to look for it with my fingers but failed to locate it. My...

read more

How to Turn Foreplay Into a Delicious Feast

How to Turn Foreplay Into a Delicious Feast

It has always confused me why people rush so much through foreplay and into the “main bit”, the penetration. Even more, it has always confused me why I seemed to rush into penetration in my earlier years, even though I knew that foreplay could provide me with pleasure, sensual fun and enjoyment. It seems that majority of people like and want all the non-penetrative sexy fun that comes first, yet not many people choose to stay in that phase for very long.

 

Think about it, how often have you spent an hour or more in foreplay? Imagine how amazing it would feel to spend that kind of time, delighting in sensual touch, caresses, kisses and erotic massage. But do we actually do it? Rarely. And if you do play this way, you’re among the lucky few!

 

So why do we so often fast-forward through foreplay and rush into the penetration?

 

Well, there are a few reasons…

 

First of all, we don’t have a script for foreplay. Since porn has become mainstream, we all have seen plenty of penetrative sex but not a lot of pre-penetrative fun. We don’t have a lot of ideas of what to actually do there, outside of a few kisses and strokes. The foreplay feels like an unscripted territory that we don’t have a map for and feel a little lost in. In contrast, intercourse feels much safer, once the penis is in the vagina, we know what we’re doing and where we’re heading. We’re back on the safe, tested ground.

 

Secondly, we don’t usually know how to handle the sensual energy or the arousal that feels like an intense build-up in our bodies. The penetrative sex provides a release, a resolution. It allows us to let go of all that stored sexual energy in a climatic peak. But foreplay forces us to stay with everything that we’re feeling and experiencing in our bodies in the moment.

 

So what can you do to turn foreplay into a much more profound experience than just a few rushed strokes of passion?

 

1 Slow down

Realize that there’s no rush. The more you extend your sexual experience, the more pleasure, arousal and bliss you’ll feel as a result. Pleasure is both in the intensity of the build-up and in the slowing down of a relaxed touch. Slowing down allows you to feel more and to bathe more deeply in each stroke, each caress and each kiss.

 

And whenever you feel like rushing into the penetration, relax, breathe and witness the experience your body is having. Most people don’t even realize how amazing it feels to simply remain in arousal, without needing to release it.

 

2 Stay present

Being slow allows more presence, more sensuality and more awareness of what you’re actually feeling. Most people rush so much in sex that they miss out on tons of delightful moments and subtle sensations in their bodies. Give yourself a permission to remain completely mindful of what your body is feeling in each and every little moment and you’ll be blown away by the variety and depth of pleasure and ecstatic bliss that your body is capable of.

 

3 Be curious

Many people keep repeating exactly the same steps and movements in bed every time. But even the most pleasurable routine will eventually become boring and unexciting. So imagine that you’ve never touched your lover before. Allow yourself to go on a curious exploration of their body, trying many different strokes and types of touch. Give them a luscious erotic massage, imagine that you’re making love to their body with your hands. You can even use your entire body to massage and caress theirs! Sky is the limit so take your time, have fun and explore.

 

Play with these ideas and enjoy. Remember not to beat yourself up if you don’t feel like you’re making a lot of progress quickly! The journey of sexual mastery and expanded pleasure is exactly that – a journey, where every step should be fun, joyful and enjoyed.

 

And if you decide that you need some guidance and support on your path, please have a look at the online courses I offer for both men and women and at my coaching options. Let me help you fill your bedroom with great sex and legendary pleasure!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How to Turn Foreplay Into a Delicious Feast

It has always confused me why people rush so much through foreplay and into the “main bit”, the penetration. Even more, it has always confused me why I seemed to rush into penetration in my earlier years, even though I knew that foreplay could provide me with...

read more

5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers: “Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another? I want to do everything in my power to free...

read more

Is Violence Ever Ok in Sex?

According to a BBC article online, “more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex”. And “of the women who had experienced any of these acts, wanted or otherwise, 20% said they...

read more

5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers:

“Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another?

I want to do everything in my power to free myself from all that inhibits me sexually and to experience deep love and pleasure but I’m not in a position to do that with a lover.”

 

Social stigma

 

For different reasons, a variety of different people are not able to connect intimately with others at one time or another throughout their lives. This kind of circumstance should never be a reason to put your sexual practice on hold! In fact, your self-pleasuring practice is the most primary form of sexual expression.

Society seems to indicate to us that masturbation is only for people between relationships, older or incapacitated people, or maybe some desperate individuals. This unfortunately creates a level of stigma around self-touch and stops us from embracing it as a healthy and valid form of sexual practice.

 

Training your pleasure

 

I believe that this conditioning is actually really hurting our sex lives. I believe that creating a beautiful and profoundly ecstatic self-pleasuring practice can really support you in becoming a wonderful lover to another person.

I spend a big chunk of my sessions with clients doing masturbation coaching. I consider this skill absolutely crucial for embracing our pleasure and awakening our full orgasmic potential.

We watch movies and porn that show us people in moments of deep ecstasy and pleasure. So we aspire to similar experiences in our own bedrooms. But the body needs training in order to become fully orgasmic. You need to teach yourself pleasure first, before you can have your mind blown on a regular basis with a lover.

 

Self-pleasuring better

 

So here are my 5 steps to a more pleasurable and orgasmic masturbation practice:

 

1/ Set an intention

This is an important one. An intention creates your experience, it’s a bridge between now and the future. Don’t just go with whatever happens – consciously create your pleasure!

What would you like to achieve through your self-touch today? Would you like to explore new erogenous zones in your body? Would you like to last half an hour before coming? Would you like to cultivate a deep sense of loving bliss in your system? Or maybe bring more sensation to areas that feel a bit numb?…

 

2/ Awaken your entire body

Now it’s time to connect with your whole physical system. You can do this through movement (dancing, shaking, yoga, stretching, etc.) or through touch by giving yourself a loving full body massage. Feel free to spend as much time on this step as you need. At the end you should feel vibrant and alive from head to toe.

 

3/ Use your breath consciously

Keep taking deep, full breaths throughout the entire session.

When we get aroused, we tend to shorten and constrict our breathing. This locks sexual pleasure in one spot, usually our genitals. If you want to have a more expanded, powerful experience, breathe deeply in order to allow that erotic charge to travel up and down your entire body.

 

4/ Slow down

Another very important tip!

As you’re stroking your favourite erogenous zones, take your time. Do not rush to the finish line. Keep breathing deeply, allowing the delicious sensations to keep spreading through your entire system.

And remember – the longer you hold off before the big O, the more intense it will be!

 

5/ Integrate

After climax, don’t rush off anywhere, just stay where you are.

Allow yourself a few minutes to relax and notice the feelings and sensations in your entire body as all the pleasure hormones are happily travelling through your system. These few minutes at the end are crucial to teach your body about bliss. This is when your brain is working hard, creating all the new neural connections, learning from this experience so that next time you can go even deeper into your erotic ecstasy.

 

To learn more about sacred masturbation practices, check out my online course Masturbation Coaching (for men and women!). It’s currently available at 50% off as part of my Christmas Special. Simply use this code to claim your discount: xmas50

I filled this course with my favourite and most effective tools and techniques to train your body to experience:

  • more pleasure,
  • deeper orgasms,
  • richer sexual satisfaction in your body.

Don’t miss out! The discount code is only available until Sunday!

 

Masturbation Coaching is a fairly new modality offered by sex coaches and sex therapists all over the world. It’s extremely powerful because healthy and nurturing self-touch, self-touch that is free of shame and dogma, will prepare your body for a lifetime of great sex and amazing pleasure.

This 7-week online program will help you expand your erotic potential, experience completely new types of orgasm, create more charisma and magnetic power that others will respond to, let go of unhealthy patterns and toxic beliefs about your pleasure, your body and your sexuality, etc.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

Is Violence Ever Ok in Sex?

Is Violence Ever Ok in Sex?

According to a BBC article online, “more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex”. And “of the women who had experienced any of these acts, wanted or otherwise, 20% said they had been left upset or frightened.”.

 

On one hand, I really see the point the article is trying to make. It can be very unsafe and even traumatising to introduce acts perceived as violent into the bedroom without mutual consent and appropriate level of communication and agreements about it.

 

But it also seems that different media are trying to demonize this kind of acts. By portraying them as wrong and linked to male violence and porn-influence, we’re taking away the innocence of playfulness in the bedroom. This can also lead to an unhealthy idea that there is only one “right” way to experience sex and that other ways of sexual expression are somehow ‘invalid’.

 

I personally LOVE it when my lover is dominating, chokes me, spanks me and pulls my hair in bed. Obviously, I don’t want sex to play out this way every single time, but in appropriate measure (to be agreed upon by partners) and with full consent of both parties, these are extremely exciting and beautiful things to play with.

 

So maybe instead of criticising men and demonizing them for following their instincts and desires in the bedroom, we should focus more on educating them. Creating fear around kink and fetishes is unhealthy because a large portion of society enjoys them (yes, many more people than you would think!). Plus, they can be a part of a healthy erotic life, as long as all acts are 100% consensual.

 

Gentlemen, next time you’re in bed with your lady, instead of playing out any scenario that you find arousing, ASK HER first whether she’s willing to play with you this way. Make all agreements clear and well defined, even if that means a longer conversation than you would ideally prefer.

 

I promise that your sex life will benefit from it and that this kind of clear communication will not only create a safe container for both of you to play and experiment within, but also to dramatically deepen the level of pleasure, enjoyment, fun and connection that you can experience together!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How to Cherish Your Arousal Daily

There are many reasons why I love driving my car – it’s the ultimate “me-time”! I don’t need to do anything (other than drive), I feel relaxed, the car is comfortable, I get to listen to my favourite music or audiobooks… And!... I get to play with my arousal.  ...

read more

How to Find & Pleasure Her G-spot

When I first heard of the G-spot and the G-spot orgasms, I was still a teenager and the whole concept was covered with a layer of mystery. I knew it was somewhere inside my vaginal canal and I even tried to look for it with my fingers but failed to locate it. My...

read more

Pin It on Pinterest