How Much Would You Pay for Hope

How Much Would You Pay for Hope

When Paul came to see me, he looked like a man who lost all hope. He seemed sceptical and very bitter about his sexual life. I could clearly see that he’d had his fair share of pain and disappointment.

 

Paul struggled with severe premature ejaculation. Not only he couldn’t last longer than a minute during sex but he also suffered crippling anxiety about his sexual performance. This anxiety kept him from interacting with women and creating a romantic relationship. The fear of her reaction and her judgment was more than he could handle so he’d been single (and lonely!) for a long time.

 

On top of all that, Paul had spent the last few years seeking help and had spent over $12,000 on pills and treatments that were meant to help – with no result. Let me say that again – HE SPENT OVER $12,000, paying for medication and treatment that was meant to help but didn’t…

 

I was horrified when I heard that! I am extremely angry with companies that capitalize on people’s insecurities and suffering. And this was a case of extreme fraud and abuse.

 

I NEVER direct my clients to take any tablets or medication. As a somatic sexologist, I know the power of conscious work with the body. My main tools are breath, muscle control and placement of awareness.

 

During the session, I taught Paul how to consciously work with his body and with his arousal. We spoke about his experiences and worked with the trauma stuck in his physical and energetic body. At the end of the session, I charged Paul my hourly rate and he went on his way.

 

Two weeks later I heard from him. He sounded like a new man! He was excited, joyful and extremely grateful. He’d been working with the exercises I gave him and he’d started seeing significant improvement in his performance.

 

After one session with me, he couldn’t thank me enough for turning his life around.

 

He reported feeling much more hopeful and excited about finally meeting a woman and creating a sexually fulfilling relationship.

 

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR EXPERINCE EITHER USING TABLETS AND TREATMENTS OR BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO’S USED THEM?

 

And if you resonate with Paul’s experience and would like to explore whether my sessions are a good fit for you right now, book a free 15mins chat with me!

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How to Create Legendary Pleasure

How to Create Legendary Pleasure

Last weekend I had an absolute pleasure of running a Legendary Pleasure workshop at the Taste of Love festival. This was an advanced version of the workshop I ran at Confest a few weeks earlier.

 

At Confest, the atmosphere was very relaxed and I took my participants through a much more basic experience. But last weekend, I decided to go much deeper and brought together more profound and powerful knowledge and practices in order to create a true and deep transformation in the audience.

 

The results were absolutely amazing! Some people cried, some laughed, some entered full-body states of ecstatic bliss without being touched by anybody and some experienced the deepest ever experience of connection with another human being – watch Alice’s testimonial here.

 

So what did I do to create this kind of experiences?

 

I made my audience meet themselves, fully. Free from the conditioning, from the hurts and wounding, free from any limiting beliefs and skewed perceptions. I supported them in getting to the core of who they really are as human beings and what it means to actually feel themselves completely.

 

In the description of the workshop I wrote:

“We are all ecstatic already but most of the time we don’t feel it.”

 

It’s a bold claim but I absolutely stand by it. Due to a variety of reasons, we live our lives mostly disconnected from the true depth of sensitivity of our physical bodies. From a very young age we learn to suppress the desires of the body and to follow the thinking mind. Think back to sitting in a school class as a child – I bet your body was giving you nudges to get out of there and play but listening to the physical impulses would have been punished. So instead, you spent hours every day sitting at a desk – studying, analysing, passing tests, etc.

 

Our sexual selves are also under a lot of pressure not to be expressed too freely. At its core, our society is not ok with our eroticism and so many people develop a high level of disconnect from their naked bodies or their genitalia. It’s truly sad because our bodies are full of sensuality and our ability to feel pleasure is immense! But we’re selling ourselves short when we’re in a state of shame, guilt or embarrassment about our bodies.

 

As a somatic sexologist, I am trained to guide others past all this conditioning and all the toxic patterns, in order to make my clients break through the sexual suppression. I also help them heal the disconnect and transform it into deeply embodied states of pleasure and sensual bliss – in the bedroom AND in their lives.

 

And this is why this work is so transformative.

Because when you finally get to feel your body fully, it feels like coming home. It feels like you’ve finally broken through a thick veil that was keeping you numb and confused.

 

And that’s when you get to experience yourself as a fully alive, vibrant (and vibrating) human being. Because it feels SO GOOD to be alive, to connect to our bodies. And the good news is that it’s never too late – to learn to feel, to re-sensitize our bodies and to embrace the fullness of our erotic sensuality. And once we can feel so much pleasure naturally and effortlessly, there’s no limit to what we can experience in the bedroom!

 

I keep being asked to record the Legendary Pleasure workshop as a webinar in order to make it accessible globally. Please comment below if you’d like that to happen and I’ll keep you updated!

 

 

See if my online courses are for you! I offer Orgasmic Empowerment for women and Tantric Mastery for men among my other offerings.

You can also enquire about my 1on1 private coaching packages.

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My Painful Wakeup Call

My Painful Wakeup Call

The more work I do as a sex coach, the more aware I become of the depth and complexity of human sexuality. We all want and desire different things in the bedroom and we all have different ideas when it comes to creating a deeply connected and fulfilling intimacy. And since we live in a society that treats sex as a dirty topic, majority of people suffer some degree of frustration, pain or shame in the bedroom. This deeply impacts our relationship with intimacy, with our bodies and our genitalia.

 

My own expression of sexuality was strongly repressed from a very young age and over the years, I felt completely helpless to change or shift anything. I experienced sex as painful, uncomfortable and disconnected. I held deep shame and guilt around my erotic desires. And I lived a sex life of quiet resignation – it was what it was and since I was unable to experience intercourse as pleasurable, I just had to put up with the discomfort.

 

This continued until life gave me a dramatic wakeup call by creating the most painful and shocking experience of my life. Not many people are woken up from their daily suffering by a trip to an emergency room – but I was. And that day, I knew that I couldn’t put up with status quo any longer.

 

If you’ve ever been sitting in an emergency room in agonizing pain, waiting for your turn to see a doctor, you know just how long every minute seems to be. As my entire pelvis kept contracting in excruciating pain, I wasn’t sure if I was dying or just about to learn that I had seriously damaged my body. Fortunately, neither was the case and an hour later, I was on my way home, free of pain but deeply shaken.

 

Every single person has their own way of healing and transformation. My own started that very day and what followed was years of profound learning, experiencing and growing for me. I used a rich variety of modalities from conventional therapy to shamanic rituals and every day I was becoming more and more connected to my own eroticism. Every day I was learning more about myself as a sexual being and every day I was feeling more pleasure in my body.

 

There were a few really significant points of my journey:

The day I learned to work with my arousal patterns and started experiencing sex as extremely pleasurable,

The day I learned to use my masturbation practice to deepen my sensitivity and the sensuality of my body,

The day I learned the basics of tantric sexuality and had my first full-body orgasm with a partner,

The day I understood how my erotic mind works and then dived much deeper into my orgasmic potential…

 

My wakeup call was fairly dramatic and made me reconsider everything I knew about sex and pleasure. It also led me to discovering my passion for Tantra and sexuality. Your own wakeup call can be much more subtle and can come as a gentle self-enquiry: what do you need to change, heal or shift in order to discover the fullness of your erotic expression?

And if/when you feel like you might need some support, please reach out to schedule a call with me.

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It’s Time to Fall In Love With Me

It’s Time to Fall In Love With Me

I have created a lot of drama and heartache throughout my life, both for myself and for others around me. And I’ve done that by struggling to value, appreciate and love myself. This wound goes far back into my childhood and is deeply rooted inside my psyche, my body and my heart. Very often in my life, I simply didn’t know what I actually truly wanted so it always seemed easier to go ahead with whatever someone else was proposing. But deep down, I was completely disconnected from myself. I was placing myself so low on my own list of priorities, that I never even knew that what I wanted actually mattered!

 

The role of authenticity

It took me a long time to learn to recognise my own authentic “yes” and my own authentic “no”. It took education, healing and transformation. It took a lot of digging and soul-searching. But in the end, I began to find, see and recognise the true ME. Under layers of social conditioning, repression and a “little good girl” upbringing, I finally began to notice the importance of living my life from a place of authenticity and of valuing my own opinions AT LEAST as highly as I valued others.

It takes a commitment

So today, as these thoughts keep prompting me to keep digging deeper and deeper for joy, happiness and self-love, I’m renewing my commitment and promise to myself and the world:
I COMMIT TO FALLING DEEPER AND DEEPER IN LOVE WITH ME.
I COMMIT TO ASKING FOR WHAT I TRULY WANT – BOTH FROM MYSELF AND FROM OTHERS.
I COMMIT TO CHECKING IN WITH MYSELF AND HONOURING MY JOY AND MY BLISS. A
ND I COMMIT TO FREELY SHOWING THE WORLD THE REAL, JUICY, JOYFUL, DELICIOUS ME.

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What Your Sexual Fantasy Says About You

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A few years ago, I attended a week-long tantric retreat in Czech Republic, together with about 30 other women. The retreat took us deep into our sexuality and we explored the flow of orgasmic energy in our bodies. We danced, we laughed and we shared. It was beautiful and inspiring to watch the ladies have fun, explore and open up about their struggles and challenges.

 

Our sexual fantasies

On day 4, we talked about our sexual fantasies. The facilitator asked the entire group: “What do you fantasize about?” and one by one, the women started sharing and baring their deep, intimate secrets. At that stage I still held a degree of shame and embarrassment about my naughty little fantasy so I wasn’t keen to share. But as all women kept revealing the images and scenarios they created for pleasure, arousal and turn-on, my fascination and amazement was growing while the shame and guilt kept reducing.

 

I couldn’t believe the variety, colourfulness and detail of the images painted in front of my eyes. In the group of 30 women, I heard 30 very different stories. Some of them even turned me on! Some of them I stored in my memory for a later use.

 

My own lifelong fantasy

I thought about my own sexual fantasy, the one constant scenario that I always reached for when I wanted some extra turn-on. I formed it in my early childhood and it hasn’t really changed since then – the rape fantasy, extremely common among women raised in religious households. The sexual suppression present in such environments creates a very real torment in our heads – the body starts to desire sexual expression yet the society tells us that sex is wrong. The subconscious mind finds a way out by resorting to a rape scenario – imagining being forced to have sex takes away some of the guilt we feel about our “sinful” bodies.

 

In most cases of sexual fantasy, fetish or any kind of unconventional sexual desire, there’s a wound, a hurt that we experienced early in our lives and that needs healing. That wound is asking for attention, for a resolution and until we recognize and heal it, we will experience some degree of torment or guilt about our sexual desires.

 

How society conditions us

I have worked with clients who were tortured beyond belief by their sexual fantasies and preferences – by the desire to be dominated by a woman, to be humiliated, to kiss her feet, etc. The society tells us about a very linear way to experience arousal and if you don’t fall within the indicated norms, you become a pervert, a deviant. But most of us have some kind of desire that falls within the kink or fetish category and there’s nothing wrong with that. In many cases it’s the childhood wounding that is making its way into our sex lives. And the more we try to suppress these desires and to deny them expression, the more tormented we’ll feel.

 

Is it time to heal?

The first step to healing sexual shame and guilt is to recognize that at the base of all of your desires is a very healthy, beautiful thing – a desire to be acknowledged, cared for, appreciated and loved. At the core of your sexual fantasy is a need that is asking for an expression or healing. It might be tricky to unpack these desires ourselves so seeking help from an experienced coach or therapist can be very helpful.

 

Get in touch with me to enquire about my sessions and coaching packages. I’m available for sessions worldwide through Zoom/Skype or phone.

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Does Our Culture Sexually Empower Women

As a sexual educator, I speak to men and women from all sorts of backgrounds, ages, social status, and beliefs. And I get a very real, honest and close look at what’s happening in people’s bedrooms and people’s minds. My clients talk to me about their sexuality, about something they rarely talk to anybody else about… if ever.

And I keep seeing an age-old struggle between men, who crave and desire a sexual expression as a natural and healthy aspect of their relationships, and women who usually have a hard time reconciling sex with everything else they’ve learned over the years about who they’re meant to be as women, wives and mothers.

In the age of revealing dresses and Beyonce fans, we might think that women have completely overcome the patriarchal influences and that the feminist movement has finally brought us to a place of sexual liberation and freedom from shame, guilt or embarrassment about sex. But that’s not really the case for a huge majority of people out there in the world. When I entered the field of Tantra, my outlook on pleasure, sexuality, and my own life changed dramatically. And since then I’ve been doing my best to change the lives of my clients and whoever else will listen.

An average woman is NOT sexually empowered. She rarely knows that the only goal of sex ISN’T man’s satisfaction. She most likely has never heard before that she can ask for what SHE wants in bed and that her satisfaction is as important as his. Yes, this situation is slowly changing and thank god for that! But an average woman still quietly puts up with premature penetration and discomfort during sex, while he’s mechanically pounding her cervix in her dry, unaroused vagina.

ACCORDING TO A STUDY, ABOUT 75% OF MEN ALWAYS REACH ORGASM DURING INTERCOURSE, WHILE ONLY ABOUT 25% OF WOMEN CAN SAY THE SAME.

And orgasm is definitely not the only way to determine a satisfactory love-making but imagine a scenario: a man is penetrating a woman. She orgasms, rolls over and falls asleep, leaving him frustrated and unsatisfied. HOW OFTEN HAS THIS BEEN YOUR EXPERIENCE?

I’m guessing that in your experience this has happened very little or never. However, the reverse situation is extremely common in majority of bedrooms across the world. And women accept this as a normal standard.

How often do men get slut shamed? At one point in my life, I went out with a man in a tantric community who slut shamed me for sleeping with him on a first date. As he did that, my heart painfully dropped, filling me with guilt and shame. However, he slept with me on our first date too, yet, I was the one getting slut shamed. Why? Because he was sexually entitled and I was not. And what I mean by entitlement is this: men often feel entitled to receive their pleasure, satisfaction and orgasm during sex but for women, it’s usually not as appropriate or expected.

The majority of young people today learn about sex from porn and bring that example into their bedrooms. Young girls learn that they have to give blow jobs in order to be accepted in their peer groups. They end up in hospitals with bleeding anuses because they feel they need to oblige their boyfriends to satisfy what they feel like they’re entitled to from seeing it in porn.

I think that boys get this impression early that they can take whatever they want sexually. Whereas girls pick up that their role is to please the man, not to have what they themselves want.

This blog is not a comparison who has it better or a blaming finger pointed at men. It’s a simple observation of what the broader society is showing me and I’m bringing attention to what still needs to change before we can talk about any form of sexual equality in our society.

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