3 Key Reasons Why You Need to Self-Pleasure

3 Key Reasons Why You Need to Self-Pleasure

Taboo of adult toys

I recently got some negative feedback and accusatory comments for a video I shared on YouTube.

The video was entitled “The Toys in My Naughty Drawer” and was created to inspire others to become more curious and daring in their self-pleasuring practice.

My goal was also to give others permission to talk about masturbation openly since I was courageous enough to share not only what I keep next to my bed but also what I do with each item.

In fact, I had a lot of fun showing and describing my pleasure collection, particularly so because I do play with a few unusual things.

But not everybody agreed with me and some people argued that masturbation was only for single or lonely people who were unable to enjoy any partner sex which, according to them, was clearly a higher level of a sexual activity.

They struggled to understand that I recommended self-touch not as a last resort but as a valid experience for people who also enjoy love-making with their partners.

 

Taboo of masturbation

I was also discussing the topic of my masturbation coaching with a client who is currently going through my Legendary Lover program.

Third step in the program deals with self-pleasuring and takes the longest to cover out of all the steps.

The reason for this is very simple – masturbation is our most basic form of sexual activity and the way we self-pleasure will determine the way we make love to others.

If you touch yourself in a quick, efficient way, focused on reaching a goal – that’s how you’ll have sex with your partner.

If you take your time, engage curiosity and concentrate on deepening pleasure and connection – your partner sex experiences will be enriched by that as well.

 

Why you need to self-pleasure

1/ Self-exploration

The better you know your body, erogenous zones and your pleasure potential, the better you can guide your partner to pleasure you.

Unfortunately, in our society most people don’t actually know what they want in bed and hence, are unable to ask for it.

We are all different and we all have different needs and desires.

These needs and desires can even change daily which can be very confusing to our partners, particularly if we don’t understand them ourselves.

Once we get to know our own bodies intimately, we can support each other in exploring our sensuality and pleasure.

Because it’s much better to give each other 5 minutes of what we really, really want than 30 minutes of what we THINK the other person wants.

 

2/ Pleasure training

Our bodies learn pleasure and can get better and better at it in the same way that your muscles get stronger and stronger as you keep going to the gym.

Self-pleasuring is a wonderful way to teach your body how to feel sexual pleasure and to train and condition yourself for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss and ecstasy.

Self-touch also allows us to overcome limiting beliefs, shame and guilt about our bodies.

Touching yourself slowly, mindfully, giving yourself a loving full-body massage will re-sensitize your skin and help you develop a deeper connection with your physical sensations and your erotic self.

Plus something that not many people are aware of – nobody can give you an orgasm, they can only support you in having one.

Whether you orgasm or not, depends on you only – your level of sensitivity, of connection with your body and any limiting beliefs in your head that might be inhibiting your orgasmic ability.

 

3/ It will make you happy

Yes, as simple as that – pleasure makes us happy, relaxed and content.

Awakening our sexual energy and feeling that deeply vibrant, ecstatic force flowing through our bodies charges us, energizes us and nurtures our bodies.

Orgasms cause a huge release of pleasure hormones and neurotransmitters that flood our system giving us more satisfaction, confidence and general wellbeing.

 

However, be aware that there are two different ways to orgasm – the explosive way which will deplete you and the implosive way which will nurture you.

Get in touch with me if you’d like to learn to orgasm like a pro and channel your ecstatic energy for rejuvenation, healing and virility!

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Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms?

Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms?

According to the popular opinion in our society – men can only orgasm once at a time as each ejaculation is followed by a refractory period where he cannot get another erection.

The refractory period varies from man to man, depending on his age, the state of his health plus a few other variables, and it can last from a few minutes to a few days.

Usually, men feel fairly tired and drained after the climax and temporarily lose interest in sex.

After a while, men are then capable of having another erection and sometimes also, they can ejaculate for the second time.

In reality, however, this second attempt is very rare because men lose all sexual drive and energy during that first ejaculation.

And with the international average of penetration time being 5.4 minutes, modern men don’t spend a lot of time inside of their partners.

 

Is there more?

According to Tantra there is much more to masculine sexuality than this.

We’ve all heard tales of tantric men who can make love for hours.

Most people have also heard that these men do not ejaculate.

Is it all true?

And why would a man ever consciously decide not to climax?

Our society is ejaculation focused almost to the point of obsession.

Men have sex in order to climax and if there’s no peak, the intercourse feels incomplete and unfinished.

I have been asked in my sessions whether it’s bad for a man’s health if he does not ejaculate while making love.

Let me assure you – there are no health risks whatsoever linked to tantric non-ejaculatory practices, just in case you were wondering…

 

So how does it work

The secret behind being a multi-orgasmic man is the ability to separate ejaculation from orgasm.

These are two separate functions of the body that usually occur simultaneously.

Ejaculation is the pleasurable squirting of the semen while orgasm is a release of the built-up sexual energy.

When the man is ejaculating, there is such a strong focus on the external release of the semen that it literally pulls the erotic charge out of his body.

When the man can orgasm without ejaculating, his sexual energy is released internally instead of externally, allowing him to have multiple orgasms.

When that erotic charge travels through the body instead of being released externally, the man experiences a full-body orgasm which energizes and nurtures his body as the ecstatic pleasure is blissfully buzzing from his head to his toes.

 

Tantric practice

The practice of becoming a multi-orgasmic man is a process where you train your body in moving and expanding sexual energy through your entire system.

As your body becomes more and more efficient at moving your arousal freely and abundantly, you’re going to start experiencing expanded, full-body orgasms.

Your tools and techniques on this path are breathing, muscle and awareness exercises which are like training wheels on a bike – you’ll need them while training but once you’re multi-orgamic, you won’t have to use them anymore.

This practice is like going to the gym – you won’t notice much of a difference after a few days.

But after a few weeks and months – you’ll start observing changes and results.

Persistence pays off, particularly that there is a very handy side effect of this training – being able to last as long as you want in bed.

 

4-hour bliss

During my recent lovemaking session with a partner, we had sex for 4 hours straight.

I was orgasming so often and so deeply, that I entered an intense and continuous erotic trance.

I was blissed-out and ecstatic to the point of being unable to communicate anymore.

My partner could see that and was delighting in his ability to bring me so much pleasure.

I believe that every man craves the ability to see his partner in deep ecstasy.

And every man can be an amazing lover but it does take patience, training and skill.

I teach all that and more in my Tantric Mastery course for men – it’s the easiest path to take your sex game to the next level.

Visit this link for more information: Tantric Mastery for Men

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Who Can Be a Legendary Lover

Legendary Lover is definitely a book to read and study over and over again.

I was soon crying as I began to read it. The sort of happy tears when a lost child finds the way home.
What touched me is the things common to our backgrounds: Polish parents, Catholic repression, the “silent message” that sex is the biggest evil, a life almost ruined by shame and guilt…and breaking free from it all to find true bliss in reconnecting with the Divine.

For most of the book, the feeling as I read it was…orgasmic! Deeply warm, tingly feelings welling up from my heart, gently flowing like honey around my body.

Besides being authentic, your personal experience inspires us to realise, ‘Hey, I could learn this, too.’ ”

 

These words written by Steve in UK touched me very deeply. Even though the book was launched very recently, I’ve already started receiving beautiful words of encouragement, support and gratitude from all over the world.

My biggest hope for this book is that people will recognize their own stories in mine and that it will give them hope and comfort.

 

The hardest thing about my life before Tantra was feeling painfully lonely in my experience.

I thought that I was the only person in the world who didn’t enjoy sex, who didn’t find pleasure in it.

I used to treat it as a chore, a price I had to pay for being in a relationship.

Sex was causing me a lot of physical discomfort and I was far away from any type of orgasmic sensations.

I felt inadequate and broken.

 

The movies were full of ecstatic sex and nobody around me was complaining of lack of satisfaction in bed.

I felt ashamed and embarrassed.

Back then I would never admit to anybody that I wasn’t getting this whole sex thing, that I wasn’t good at it.

 

Only when I started studying Tantra and sexology, the truth hit me – barely anybody in our society is truly satisfied with their sex lives!

Most people suffer from some degree of sexual frustration, pain, trauma or longing for more in their intimacy.

Particularly long-term couples often struggle with boredom, routine and disappointment in bed.

So I started to wonder – where are all the people having amazing sex?

And how do they do it?

 

Tantra answered all these questions for me and more.

Once I discovered the path of sacred sex, there was no turning back for me.

After years of pain, abuse and suffering, I was finally home.

 

What followed was two years of learning, healing and self-exploration.

I had no proper guidance and stumbled many times on my way.

But nothing could stop me in my passionate pursuit of tantric knowledge and experience.

I kept attending training events, reading books, watching videos, seeing tantric practitioners and doing my own practice at home.

I learned a lot and little by little, I became more orgasmic and more connected to my pleasure and body.

Over the space of two years I went from being completely shut-down sexually to being a multi-orgasmic goddess.

 

This is why I feel so compelled to share my story.

I want everybody to be able to follow my journey and let go of all the sexual repression we are exposed to in our society.

I want everybody to have access to beautiful tantric practices, rituals and techniques that completely turned my life around.

 

Sexuality is a crucial aspect of our lives and as long as we suffer sexually, we cannot be truly fulfilled and satisfied with our lives in general.

Once we re-connect to our sexual selves and remember who we really are, we’ll realize that sex is much more than a pleasurable pass-time.

Sex is a gateway to our ecstatic selves – in the bedroom and outside of it.

 

If you’d like to learn more, you can purchase “Legendary Lover” from my website or from Amazon!

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How to Hold a Woman

How to Hold a Woman

I love to dance, I love to give in to the music, to flow with it and to express the sound through my body.

I love to feel the music vibrate through my entire system and I love how alive my body feels when I’m dancing.

And I absolutely love to have a strong, masculine partner who can lead me in movement.

I love to surrender to his hands and his body, allowing him to take me into amazing places and experiences.

I don’t have to think, I don’t have to decide, I just allow myself to be held and guided.

I immerse myself in music.

The dance becomes a trance-like experience.

 

Energetic polarity

The feminine essence in women yearns to surrender to the masculine. This is the basic idea behind the male-female polarity.

The more feminine the woman is, the more she will want to surrender to her partner, the more she will want to give in to his strength and presence.

This is the dance of Shiva and Shakti. The interaction between the active/masculine and receptive/feminine partner.

 

Modern women

I spoke to a few women recently. They expressed a very different idea.

They felt triggered and threatened by the idea of surrendering to a man, of being held by a man.

I was very interested in their personal reasons so I asked them: “Why?”.

One of them explained: “I’m afraid to surrender because I don’t think that he can hold me. I don’t think that he is strong enough. I can’t rely on him and I’m afraid to trust him.”

 

Being receptive to a man

Personally, I can’t think of a more beautiful thing than surrendering to a man, being held by a man.

I’ve been held and led by many different amazing men in my life and I joyfully and enthusiastically surrender to man’s mind and body.

Whether I dance, make love or make plans for the weekend, becoming receptive to my male partner is something I thoroughly enjoy.

This does not mean that I never get a say in our plans or actions – of course I do!

But I do enjoy allowing him to make it all happen.

This keeps him in control of things and that is very important to masculine energy.

Men thrive when having a mission, a goal. Men are wonderful at getting things done – although not always the way that we women might want them to! 😉

 

Feminine spirit

Women are amazing at other things – being creative, passionate, wild and spontaneous!

Women bring depth and emotion to man’s pursuits and direction.

We complete each other.

Yet in our world, women do their best to be like men – business minded, stoic and strong.

And while there is nothing wrong with these qualities – they don’t usually come to women naturally.

At the same time men become confused how to be masculine or are afraid of claiming their manly power. In the world where men are mostly responsible for wars, rape, guns, corporate greed, political lies, animal cruelty and all kinds of abuse and hurt, it can be scary and unsafe to be a man.

 

How to hold your woman

So here’s my piece of advice for the men – the more masculine you are, the more you will evoke the feminine in her.

The more you claim your masculine role in the relationship, the more you will call in her spontaneous, passionate goddess.

The more you hold your calm presence and take control, the more she’ll gracefully dance her love, joy and affection towards you.

Love, adore and worship your woman while guiding her and holding her tight.

Your peace and calm grounds her chaotic dance.

Your presence soothes her emotions.

In your arms she finds rest, comfort and relief from the demands of the world.

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I was recently invited to speak about sex to a group of teenage boys at their fortnightly gathering. This particular group is led by two amazing men – Rob McDowell and Kurt Shean who teach the boys about being kind, conscious and confident men in our society. The boys range from 13 to 15 years old and are a very lively, curious and outspoken group.

Not surprisingly, the topic of the evening was being a lover. After Rob and Kurt started with an introduction of the subject, the boys were then asked to prepare the tent for my arrival. When I got there, the tent was decorated with colourful cushions, plants and a delicious feast was served.

I introduced myself as a sex coach and the boys welcomed it with a happy laughter. I smiled. I’m sure they had no idea such a profession even existed!

As the boys seemed fairly intimidated at first by my presence, Kurt started asking questions that have previously arisen. The boys wanted to know how to talk to a girl that they liked, how to tell whether she just likes them or really, really likes them, how to tell if they can touch or kiss her and if so, how to do it.

It was only a matter of time before more intimate topics were brought up. I spoke to them about porn, masturbation, erectile difficulties and sex. I coached them on how to self-pleasure in order to prepare their bodies for a lifetime of long-lasting, satisfying sex and pleasure. I explained why porn isn’t real sex and what real sex actually is. We touched on premature ejaculation and problems maintaining erection.

That’s when the boys started to feel fairly comfortable with me and started asking questions that were really burning inside – we talked about losing virginity, anal sex and ways of getting attention of the ladies. We spoke about creating a deep, intimate connection with a woman and about showing up as a man. I talked to them about rape, consent, respect and boundaries.

As I was talking, I kept thinking that I needed a week with them, not an evening! There was so much I wanted to share, so much depth I wanted to show them but was unable to because of lack of time.

There were quite a lot of giggles and that was ok. The boys were not used to talking about such intimate and vulnerable aspects of their lives. But I guess if they took just one thing out of our evening together, I would like them to know that it is possible and healthy to talk about sex in a positive, open way. And that there are out there people like me who can help if things don’t go well in the bedroom.

The state of sexual education in our modern world is fairly poor and teenagers usually have no one to talk to when it comes to their emerging sexuality. The parents feel awkward about these conversations, teachers in school are not prepared to handle such topics and young people feel very unsupported when it comes to intimate subjects. They resort to learning from the internet, often from porn, and over the years that route leads them to disconnection, rushed sex, premature ejaculation issues or erectile difficulties.

We need to start talking to our kids in an open and mature way about sex. Teaching them only about STIs and pregnancies is not enough. In our world, people seek sex for a variety of reasons and procreation is only one of them. And sex itself is so much more than penetration. Our society equals sex to intercourse but this is only a small fragment of the story.

I hope to create a change in our sexual education and introduce Tantra to high schools. When young people learn at the very beginning of their sexual journey about intimacy, connection, sexual communication, consent, giving and receiving consciously and sacred nature of sexuality, they will save themselves and their partners decades of frustration and poor sex.

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