How to Have Tantric Sex

How to Have Tantric Sex

In that very moment, when I first encountered Tantra, I fell in love. I fell deeply and passionately in love with tantric philosophy and its tools and rituals. And I fell particularly strongly in love with tantric sex. So if you’re curious what Tantra is and how to start having tantric sex yourself, keep reading!

 

In modern world, Tantra is becoming more and more mainstream

 

Which is amazing because its practices and teachings are truly life-changing. And I’ve definitely experienced first-hand the amazing magic and power of a tantric connection in the bedroom. Let me tell you a little more about that…

 

Before studying Tantra, I had a very mediocre sex life – I struggled to get aroused or to orgasm, I felt very disconnected from my lover and sex itself felt mostly uncomfortable or even painful. And I really wanted to change things! I really desired a passionate, hot, sexy, intimate connection with my lover but I had absolutely no tools or no insight about how to create that.

 

 

When I started learning about tantric sex, it felt like a revelation to me

 

I was finally getting answers to the questions I struggled with for so long:

  • How to create delicious desire a deep passion in the bedroom,
  • How to feel amazing, blissful pleasure in my body,
  • How to reach high states of arousal and get dripping wet (or rock hard for the men),
  • And how to have expansive, full-body multiple orgasms easily!

… among many other mind-blowing things.

 

So first of all, what is Tantra?

 

Tantra is an ancient philosophy that comes from India. We nowadays mostly associate it with sex but that’s not really correct. Tantra is a philosophy that embraces every single aspect of life and teaches us about the values of sacredness, specialness and mindfulness in everything we do. When we do things tantrically, we bring our full presence and awareness there. We’re fully in the here and now.

 

Not distracted, absentminded or trying to multitask but fully in the moment… whether that’s eating, working, having a conversation, drinking a cup of coffee… or having sex!

 

Because when you bring such intense presence into any activity, it allows you to experience everything as much more amazing, special and meaningful

 

There’s also a deep emphasis on sacredness. In Tantric sex, lovers worship, revere and honour each other. They see each other as divine and each other’s body as a temple of pleasure and delight.

 

So in Tantra, a lot IS about not particular things that you do but about HOW you do them. To live tantrically or to make love tantrically means at its essence to be mindful, to recognize the power of being in the now, to see and experience the specialness of each moment and to celebrate it with reverence. And in order to help you experience that for yourself, I’m going to give you a few practical pointers here.

 

So here are my tips:

 

1/ Sacred space

Turn your lovemaking into a ritual which starts with a sacred space. Tidy up your bedroom, decorate it with beautiful items, even a few extra comfy cushions or blankets will do. But you can go a little further and light some candles, put sensual music on, put on an incense stick or diffuse some essential oils and prepare some light snacks or drinks.

 

Bring also that sacredness to your intimate connection together. When you look at your partner, imagine that they’re an embodiment of a god or a goddess. When you touch them, do it with a deep sense of reverence and worship.

 

2/ Presence

Before you even touch each other, sit down facing each other and take a few minutes to become present. Close your eyes, deepen your breathing and simply follow the flow of breath.

 

This will help you disconnect from the busyness of your day and will allow you to meet your partner in a deeper way.

 

3/ Remove goals

As part of being present, make sure to also remove any goals or agenda from your lovemaking. And this includes focusing on orgasm! As soon as we focus on orgasm, we’re not present anymore, we’re ahead of ourselves.

 

Tantric lovers actually forget about orgasm. This doesn’t mean that they don’t orgasm – quite the opposite. They orgasm abundantly, freely and effortlessly. Because instead of efforting towards that climax, they simply fall into expanded, blissful orgasmic states.

 

4/ Breath

Using your breath consciously is a huge aspect of Tantra. Deep, abdominal breath spreads orgasmic energy so make sure to pay attention to the way you breathe.

 

We tend to constrict or hold the breath when we’re aroused so make sure to keep your breath slow, deep and relaxed.

 

5/ Slow down

And finally – slow down! It’s easy to lose yourself in the heat of the moment but these rushed erotic encounters are typically more disappointing than satisfying.

 

So train yourself to slow everything down. Extend the foreplay, keep teasing each other. Use plenty of kissing and slow, sensual strokes. Play with pleasure, arouse each other’s senses and keep your partner begging for more. And once penetration starts, remember that the more time you take and the more erotic charge you build up in the process, the more mind-blowing your orgasm will be!

 

And if you’e like to learn more about practicing Tantra in your own life and your bedroom, here are my powerful online courses, available world-wide:

MEN: Tantric Mastery for Men

WOMEN: Orgasmic Empowerment for Women

COUPLES: Tantric Sex for Couples 

 

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How to Breathe Your Body Orgasmic

How to Breathe Your Body Orgasmic

I love prioritizing myself and my pleasure in my daily life. I love creating special time for self-care and self-pleasuring practices. And I do believe that we would be much happier as a society if everybody masturbated regularly and consciously. Feeling pleasure and nurturing the body with sexual energy on a regular basis allows us to be calmer, happier, more focused, creative and kinder to others.

 

The body and mind full of happy hormones result in a joyful, mindful and peaceful human being.

 

My usual practice starts with some physical movement in order to bring awareness to my body. Next I do a breathing practice and engage my pelvic floor muscle. After that I give my entire body a loving and gentle self-massage. Feeling the warmth and softness of my skin feels absolutely delightful and who does not love being caressed?! Some days the self-massage feels so good that I keep going for a long time. Other days, I only do it for a few minutes.

 

Next I start a breast and genital massage. An important aspect of this stage though is the fact that the orgasm is not the goal here. Simply feeling the pleasure and connecting to the body with love while circulating erotic energy throughout is what it is all about. I simply flow with my body. Sometimes I just massage myself until I am satisfied. Sometimes I stimulate a lot of sexual energy and then spread it through my entire body, allowing myself to feel nurtured and rejuvenated. Sometimes I take myself all the way to orgasm and then rest in a trance-like state dropping into a deep, blissful relaxation.

 

One day recently, I decided to have a non-genitally focused self-pleasuring session. You know, just for fun…

 

I deepened my breath, relaxed my body and became aware of my breathing. I kept drawing the breath all the way down to my belly, then releasing it in a slow, effortless exhale. Within a few breaths, I felt sensations moving through my chest and shoulders. Gentle, vibrating sensations.

 

I started engaging my pelvic floor muscle in order to enhance the flow of energy through my body. I continued the breathing for another while – sensing my physical body, relaxing and searching for sensations even deeper, under my skin.

 

Next, I started to gently caress my arms, one at a time, using feather-like strokes of my fingertips. I wondered why I was not feeling a lot of energy in my lower body and I placed my awareness there. I immediately noticed a delicious flow of energy flowing down through my legs.

 

I also started experiencing emotions.

 

First sadness, deep, almost grieving sadness. After a while it passed and my mood became more neutral. Few minutes later I was laughing out loud, full of joy. As that wave of emotion passed again, I experienced some more sadness.

 

I was simply allowing myself to feel all that came up in my body – physical sensations, bodily awareness, flow of life force energy, different emotions. I was not judging anything, not labelling it as positive or negative, not giving myself a hard time because of things I was experiencing…

 

As I started to wrap up my practice, my body felt deeply satisfied, pleasured and nurtured.

 

Using the breath to move our life force energy is the simplest tool to use, yet it is so very powerful. Of course it is not the only tool. But when used to its full potential, it will enhance and intensify any experience.

 

As a very smart person once said: “change the way you masturbate, change your life”.

 

And if you’re ready to change how you masturbate in order to bring much more pleasure, expansion, satisfaction and bliss to your self-touch routine, explore my Masturbation Coaching online program!

Until Sunday you can enrol in the full course at 50% off with coupon code ‘SelfLove’.

LEARN MORE

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AND don’t get me started on the multiples!…

 

But on the other hand, I’m also aware of various struggles and frustrations people face in their bedrooms. Some don’t have a partner and are not interested in self-pleasuring, others live in sexless relationships, others still struggle with sexual trauma, wounding, shame or toxic beliefs. All these things will affect the quality and frequency of our erotic experiences and hence – of our orgasms.

 

So in case you do experience some resistance and need a gentle push to ensure your orgasmic life is alive and well, here are some unexpected benefits of the blissful climax:

 

1/ Weight loss

Orgasms increase your levels of CCK (cholecystokinin) which causes the release of digestive enzymes and bile, and acts as a hunger suppressant.

 

2/ Less stress & better mood

Oxytocin released during orgasm not only bonds you emotionally to your lover, it also combats the effects of cortisol in your body, lowering levels of stress and depression.

 

3/ More sex appeal

Regular sexual activity increases and optimises levels of estrogen and testosterone in women, which adds to their libido, improves their mood and creates more sex appeal. Men who orgasm often also enjoy higher levels of testosterone, adding to their strength, masculinity and wellbeing.

 

4/ Better sleep

Oxytocin and vasopressin (both released during orgasm) are involved in lowering the cortisol levels and controlling our circadian rhythm, helping us regulate the internal clock and sleep better.

 

5/ Improved social life

Numerous side effects of the oxytocin boost include improving your social skills and intuition, making you feel more social and trusting, and bonding better with others.

 

6/ Easier periods

Improved blood circulation to a woman’s pelvic area ensures higher levels of nutrients present, healthier tissues and supports a regular menstrual cycle.

 

7/ Better chances of getting pregnant

Women who orgasm during sex (after their partners do) retain more sperm. The increased oxytocin levels will also create healthier pregnancy and will help more women carry to term.

 

8/ Higher immunity

Orgasms boost infection-fighting cells which supports your body in fighting colds and flu.

 

9/ Higher life expectancy

According to studies conducted in Wales over the period of 10 years, people who orgasm regularly live longer than those who don’t. In fact, the difference is a mortality risk lowered by 50% which is quite amazing.

 

10/ More happiness

Although this one is pretty self-explanatory, the wellbeing caused by regular orgasms goes deeper than just an improved emotional state. Multiple chemical changes induced in the body during each orgasm affect your health in a myriad of ways, causing an improved wellbeing and a deeper general sense of life satisfaction.

 

International Masturbation Month is here so make sure to celebrate it with a lot of yummy orgasms! And if you’d like some new, exciting ideas to play with, you’re going to LOVE my Masturbation Coaching online course. It’s a 7-week journey for both men and women who want to expand their sexual and orgasmic potential through a masterful self-touch. This program is full to the brim of tips, techniques and practices that will train your body to open up erotically and experience completely new types of orgasm!

 

To celebrate the Masturbation Month, the entire course is available at 50% off with coupon code ‘SelfLove’.

Enrol today and begin your journey towards the fullness of your sexual, erotic and orgasmic potential!

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What is Tantra?

I still remember my very first Tantra workshop. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew was that my sex life sucked and that I needed to try something new. Tantra held no promises but I knew that it had something to do with extraordinary sexual experiences. And at that stage I was desperate enough to try anything.

Not long before that I was rushed to an emergency room due to extreme pain caused by intercourse. While my life was flashing before my eyes, I kept wondering whether I was dying or whether I’d done an irreparable damage to my pelvis. The physical pain was excruciating. But still nothing when compared to the wounds in my heart and soul.

Because you see, for many years prior, I was having conventional sex. And it often hurt. But what hurt even more was the depth of disconnect that I was experiencing between myself and my lover. As I watched him focus completely on pounding inside of me, I often wondered, where he’d gone. It felt like he’d disappeared to some kind of distant world of sexual pleasure that I had no access to. That I was never invited to.

To me, sex felt empty. A physical meeting of two sets of genitals that I was unable to derive any pleasure or satisfaction from. Unlike my partners, who seemed quite content, while falling asleep straight after. Something was missing but I had no idea what.

This continued for many years… until I came across Tantra. And once I started studying its philosophy, practices and rituals, there was no coming back for me. I finally found all the answers to my questions. I finally understood why sex felt so empty and uncomfortable before. And I finally learned how to change that.

So today I invite you to revisit the most fundamental principles of Tantra. And how they apply in the bedroom.

 

 

PS. If you share my fascination with Tantra, I invite you to explore it more fully in one of my online courses – Tantric Mastery for Men or Orgasmic Empowerment for Women.

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How to Have Tantric Sex

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The quiet man

As a part of my masturbation coaching sessions, I teach my clients to make sounds and to vocalize their pleasure.

Most men find this very challenging because of the social conditioning they’ve been exposed to over the years.

It doesn’t seem to be acceptable to be loud during sex in our modern world which is why huge majority of men are extremely quiet during sex.

Except for an occasional grunt as he ejaculates, you won’t really hear his pleasure in any way.

But making sounds is about much more than just showing off your experience – it actually deepens your pleasure and helps your sexual energy expand through your entire body.

 

Can we sound?

When I encourage men to make sounds as they masturbate, they usually tell me that they couldn’t do that because they have housemates/family members/kids/etc.

I then ask them: “Do you think that your housemates don’t know that you self-pleasure?”

We’re so scared to let anybody know that we’re having sex – with someone else or with ourselves.

I’ve many times had lovers place their hand over my mouth during sex in a desperate attempt to keep our lovemaking quiet, discreet.

But I do wonder – what’s so terrible about letting people know that you’re enjoying yourself?

Why is it so terribly inappropriate to let anybody hear you while you’re losing yourself in the depths of intense pleasure?

I once shared an apartment with two gay gentlemen; they were trying to be discreet but the walls were thin…

Oh boy, these guys had a lot of sex and I always smiled amused as I heard them in their bedroom.

I wasn’t bothered by their lovemaking at all, if anything – I was curious to know how it was and what they enjoyed most!

 

Singing operas in bed

Recently I spoke to a girl who was not interested in making sounds in bed because she didn’t feel the need to perform for someone in any way.

She was enjoying sex without using her voice and she was rejecting the idea of using the sound to please her lover.

I explained to her that I saw it differently.

I used my voice to express my pleasure, I allowed sounds to escape my mouth because it felt good for me to do so, because my body was asking for expression in the middle of blissful pleasure.

I didn’t do it for my partner, I did for myself!

And in the process, I was experiencing much more pleasure than I ever could have without the sound.

 

How to sound

According to Charles Muir from Source School of Tantra Yoga, if you make a sound during orgasm, your orgasm will keep going as long as you’re voicing your pleasure.

Well, that should be a great incentive to start using your voice more!

In my experience, the vibration of the sound carries our sexual energy further than it could travel without it.

This way our ecstasy can keep going and going for much longer while the air is electric and full of moans, sighs and screams of pleasure.

Using sound during sex doesn’t have to be scary – you can start by exhaling through the mouth which will make it easier for you to sigh on each outbreath.

As you become more and more comfortable with sighing, you can make a louder sound – aaaaaaah!…

As you become more and more comfortable with the idea of using sound, your aaah! can become louder and louder and you can also start using words: Yes! Oh my god! Yeah, like that! Keep going! You’re sooooo good! That feels amazing! F*ck! I love your body/cock/pussy/breasts/…

 

Using voice in bed is not hard and the more you do it, the more you’ll enjoy it, meaning that you will want to do it more and more.

Almost 10 years ago I got together with a lover who loved to talk dirty.

I had never even heard anybody speak like that before and while I loved what he was doing, I couldn’t imagine myself using language so freely in bed.

Oh boy, things are very different now!

And while I love to talk dirty to my lovers in bed, I also wish they’d talk back to me a little more.

One-sided conversations are just not enough fun! 😉

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3 Key Reasons Why You Need to Self-Pleasure

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Taboo of adult toys

I recently got some negative feedback and accusatory comments for a video I shared on YouTube.

The video was entitled “The Toys in My Naughty Drawer” and was created to inspire others to become more curious and daring in their self-pleasuring practice.

My goal was also to give others permission to talk about masturbation openly since I was courageous enough to share not only what I keep next to my bed but also what I do with each item.

In fact, I had a lot of fun showing and describing my pleasure collection, particularly so because I do play with a few unusual things.

But not everybody agreed with me and some people argued that masturbation was only for single or lonely people who were unable to enjoy any partner sex which, according to them, was clearly a higher level of a sexual activity.

They struggled to understand that I recommended self-touch not as a last resort but as a valid experience for people who also enjoy love-making with their partners.

 

Taboo of masturbation

I was also discussing the topic of my masturbation coaching with a client who is currently going through my Legendary Lover program.

Third step in the program deals with self-pleasuring and takes the longest to cover out of all the steps.

The reason for this is very simple – masturbation is our most basic form of sexual activity and the way we self-pleasure will determine the way we make love to others.

If you touch yourself in a quick, efficient way, focused on reaching a goal – that’s how you’ll have sex with your partner.

If you take your time, engage curiosity and concentrate on deepening pleasure and connection – your partner sex experiences will be enriched by that as well.

 

Why you need to self-pleasure

1/ Self-exploration

The better you know your body, erogenous zones and your pleasure potential, the better you can guide your partner to pleasure you.

Unfortunately, in our society most people don’t actually know what they want in bed and hence, are unable to ask for it.

We are all different and we all have different needs and desires.

These needs and desires can even change daily which can be very confusing to our partners, particularly if we don’t understand them ourselves.

Once we get to know our own bodies intimately, we can support each other in exploring our sensuality and pleasure.

Because it’s much better to give each other 5 minutes of what we really, really want than 30 minutes of what we THINK the other person wants.

 

2/ Pleasure training

Our bodies learn pleasure and can get better and better at it in the same way that your muscles get stronger and stronger as you keep going to the gym.

Self-pleasuring is a wonderful way to teach your body how to feel sexual pleasure and to train and condition yourself for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss and ecstasy.

Self-touch also allows us to overcome limiting beliefs, shame and guilt about our bodies.

Touching yourself slowly, mindfully, giving yourself a loving full-body massage will re-sensitize your skin and help you develop a deeper connection with your physical sensations and your erotic self.

Plus something that not many people are aware of – nobody can give you an orgasm, they can only support you in having one.

Whether you orgasm or not, depends on you only – your level of sensitivity, of connection with your body and any limiting beliefs in your head that might be inhibiting your orgasmic ability.

 

3/ It will make you happy

Yes, as simple as that – pleasure makes us happy, relaxed and content.

Awakening our sexual energy and feeling that deeply vibrant, ecstatic force flowing through our bodies charges us, energizes us and nurtures our bodies.

Orgasms cause a huge release of pleasure hormones and neurotransmitters that flood our system giving us more satisfaction, confidence and general wellbeing.

 

However, be aware that there are two different ways to orgasm – the explosive way which will deplete you and the implosive way which will nurture you.

Get in touch with me if you’d like to learn to orgasm like a pro and channel your ecstatic energy for rejuvenation, healing and virility!

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