What is Tantra?

What is Tantra?

I still remember my very first Tantra workshop. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew was that my sex life sucked and that I needed to try something new. Tantra held no promises but I knew that it had something to do with extraordinary sexual experiences. And at that stage I was desperate enough to try anything.

Not long before that I was rushed to an emergency room due to extreme pain caused by intercourse. While my life was flashing before my eyes, I kept wondering whether I was dying or whether I’d done an irreparable damage to my pelvis. The physical pain was excruciating. But still nothing when compared to the wounds in my heart and soul.

Because you see, for many years prior, I was having conventional sex. And it often hurt. But what hurt even more was the depth of disconnect that I was experiencing between myself and my lover. As I watched him focus completely on pounding inside of me, I often wondered, where he’d gone. It felt like he’d disappeared to some kind of distant world of sexual pleasure that I had no access to. That I was never invited to.

To me, sex felt empty. A physical meeting of two sets of genitals that I was unable to derive any pleasure or satisfaction from. Unlike my partners, who seemed quite content, while falling asleep straight after. Something was missing but I had no idea what.

This continued for many years… until I came across Tantra. And once I started studying its philosophy, practices and rituals, there was no coming back for me. I finally found all the answers to my questions. I finally understood why sex felt so empty and uncomfortable before. And I finally learned how to change that.

So today I invite you to revisit the most fundamental principles of Tantra. And how they apply in the bedroom.

 

 

PS. If you share my fascination with Tantra, I invite you to explore it more fully in one of my online courses – Tantric Mastery for Men or Orgasmic Empowerment for Women.

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How to Turn Foreplay into a Delicious Feast

How to Turn Foreplay into a Delicious Feast

It has always confused me why people rushed so much through foreplay and into the “main bit”, the penetration. Even more, it has always confused me why I seemed to rush into penetration in my earlier years, even though I knew that foreplay could provide me with pleasure, sensual fun and enjoyment. It seems that majority of people like and want all the non-penetrative sexy fun that comes first, yet not many people choose to stay in that phase for very long.

Think about it, how often have you spent an hour or more in foreplay? Imagine how amazing it would feel to spend that kind of time, delighting in sensual touch, caresses, kisses and erotic massage. But do we actually do it? Rarely. And if you do play this way, you’re among the lucky few!

 

So why do we so often fast-forward through foreplay and rush into the penetration?

 

Well, there are a few reasons.

First of all, we don’t have a script for foreplay. Since porn has become mainstream, we all have seen plenty of penetrative sex but not a lot of pre-penetrative fun. We don’t have a lot of ideas of what to actually do there, outside of a few kisses and strokes. The foreplay feels like an unscripted territory that we don’t have a map for and feel a little lost in. In contrast, intercourse feels much safer, once the penis is in the vagina, we know what we’re doing and where we’re heading. We’re back on the safe, tested ground.

Secondly, we don’t usually know how to handle the sensual energy or the arousal that feels like an intense build-up in our bodies. The penetrative sex provides a release, a resolution. It allows us to let go of all that stored sexual energy in a climatic peak. But foreplay forces us to stay with everything that we’re feeling and experiencing in our bodies in the moment.

 

So what can you do to turn foreplay into a much more profound experience than just a few rushed strokes of passion?

 

1 Slow down

Realize that there’s no rush. The more you extend your sexual experience, the more pleasure, arousal and bliss you’ll feel as a result. Pleasure is both in the intensity of the build-up and in the slowing down of a relaxed touch. Slowing down allows you to feel more and to bathe more deeply in each stroke, each caress and each kiss.

And whenever you feel like rushing into the penetration, relax, breathe and witness the experience of your body. Most people don’t even realize how amazing it feels to simply remain in arousal, without needing to release it.

 

2 Stay present

Being slow allows more presence, more sensuality and more awareness of what you’re actually feeling. Most people rush so much in sex that they miss out on tons of delightful moments and subtle sensations in their bodies. Give yourself a permission to remain completely mindful of what your body is feeling in each and every little moment and you’ll be mind-blown by the variety and depth of pleasure and ecstatic bliss that your body is capable of.

 

3 Be curious

Many people keep repeating exactly the same steps and movements in bed every time. But even the most pleasurable routine will eventually become boring and unexciting. So imagine that you’ve never touched your lover before. Allow yourself to go on a curious exploration of their body, trying many different strokes and types of touch. Give them a luscious erotic massage, imagine that you’re making love to their body with your hands. You can even use your entire body to massage and caress theirs! Sky is the limit so take your time, have fun and explore.

Play with these ideas and enjoy. Remember not to beat yourself up if you don’t feel like you’re making a lot of progress quickly! The journey of sexual mastery and expanded pleasure is exactly that – a journey, where every step should be fun, joyful and enjoyed.

And if you decide that you need some guidance and support on your path, please have a look at the online courses I offer for both men and women and at my coaching options. Let me help you fill your bedroom with great sex and legendary pleasure!

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Tantra Breath

Tantra Breath

“When you really get the knack of enjoying breathing, it becomes absolutely divine”

– Diana Richardson.

I love this quote! Tantra teaches us to FEEL the present moment instead of thinking about it. Being in the present moment means paying full attention to what is happening in your body right now. Not to your ‘to do’ list, what you need to buy for dinner or what has happened at work that day. We have thousands of thoughts every day and breath helps us detach from them all. It helps us to deliciously hook into the present moment and to fully experience it.  It brings sensitivity and sensuality into our bodies which takes our lovemaking to a higher level of feeling and experiencing.

 

And breathing is so easy!

Start by paying attention to your own breath, the way it happens naturally. Do not try to control it, just observe it as it happens. Once you’re familiar with your breath, try to deepen it and slow it down. Draw the breath down to your tummy and feel it passing through your body. No need to use any complicated breathing techniques, just breathe and feel any sensations in the body caused by the passing air. Getting in touch with your body is a central concept in Tantra and it means slowing down your activities for that moment and becoming sensitive to your body. What does it feel like, where are you feeling it?

 

Feel and listen to your body and you might be surprised what it tells you!

In our modern society we all learn to shallow breathe, limiting the amazing effect the oxygen has on our bodies. This is caused by tension, stress, guilt, anxiety, etc. We do not nourish our bodies properly with oxygen and as a result they lack vitality. Deep slow breath can give us back radiance and strength that is our natural right! The more aware we are of our breath, the more we can enjoy it and the more receptive and sensual we can become. As you become more comfortable with deep breathing, try drawing the air all the way down to your genitals. This will open up your genital area and make it feel energized and awakened before your lover even touches you! So next time you get together with your partner, start by sitting down together for 10-15 minutes to prepare your body and mind. Turn your attention inward and feel your breath moving from your genitals all the way up to your head and then back down into your genitals. This will activate your sex energy and open your body up to your lover.

 

As you keep breathing this way during your lovemaking session, you will remain present with your body and mind, bringing more pleasure and sensitivity into your body.

It is also helpful to breathe through your mouth so that both you and your partner can hear you breathe. This will keep you both even more present in the moment and you might find yourselves breathing simultaneously. This means that you’re really tuned in together. You can achieve that by paying attention to both yourself and the body of your partner. However, make sure not to force it as the breath needs to be natural, effortless.

 

A similar thing happens when one person breathes in while the other one breathes out.

This creates a movement of energy between the bodies which deepens their sexual union. If you’re sitting up or lying down facing each other, imagine a movement of golden energy in a circle between your bodies. The golden energy moves from woman’s chest to men’s chest as she breathes out and he breathes in. The energy then travels down into his penis and out of it into her vagina as he breathes out and she breathes in. Then up to her heart again, etc. As you make love, keep your breath slow and relaxed.

We naturally start breathing faster as we approach orgasm, however, keeping that natural deep breath will allow your sexual energy to move more freely and abundantly in your bodies, creating much more intense experiences.

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How to Give Your Pleasure a Sound

How to Give Your Pleasure a Sound

The quiet man

As a part of my masturbation coaching sessions, I teach my clients to make sounds and to vocalize their pleasure.

Most men find this very challenging because of the social conditioning they’ve been exposed to over the years.

It doesn’t seem to be acceptable to be loud during sex in our modern world which is why huge majority of men are extremely quiet during sex.

Except for an occasional grunt as he ejaculates, you won’t really hear his pleasure in any way.

But making sounds is about much more than just showing off your experience – it actually deepens your pleasure and helps your sexual energy expand through your entire body.

 

Can we sound?

When I encourage men to make sounds as they masturbate, they usually tell me that they couldn’t do that because they have housemates/family members/kids/etc.

I then ask them: “Do you think that your housemates don’t know that you self-pleasure?”

We’re so scared to let anybody know that we’re having sex – with someone else or with ourselves.

I’ve many times had lovers place their hand over my mouth during sex in a desperate attempt to keep our lovemaking quiet, discreet.

But I do wonder – what’s so terrible about letting people know that you’re enjoying yourself?

Why is it so terribly inappropriate to let anybody hear you while you’re losing yourself in the depths of intense pleasure?

I once shared an apartment with two gay gentlemen; they were trying to be discreet but the walls were thin…

Oh boy, these guys had a lot of sex and I always smiled amused as I heard them in their bedroom.

I wasn’t bothered by their lovemaking at all, if anything – I was curious to know how it was and what they enjoyed most!

 

Singing operas in bed

Recently I spoke to a girl who was not interested in making sounds in bed because she didn’t feel the need to perform for someone in any way.

She was enjoying sex without using her voice and she was rejecting the idea of using the sound to please her lover.

I explained to her that I saw it differently.

I used my voice to express my pleasure, I allowed sounds to escape my mouth because it felt good for me to do so, because my body was asking for expression in the middle of blissful pleasure.

I didn’t do it for my partner, I did for myself!

And in the process, I was experiencing much more pleasure than I ever could have without the sound.

 

How to sound

According to Charles Muir from Source School of Tantra Yoga, if you make a sound during orgasm, your orgasm will keep going as long as you’re voicing your pleasure.

Well, that should be a great incentive to start using your voice more!

In my experience, the vibration of the sound carries our sexual energy further than it could travel without it.

This way our ecstasy can keep going and going for much longer while the air is electric and full of moans, sighs and screams of pleasure.

Using sound during sex doesn’t have to be scary – you can start by exhaling through the mouth which will make it easier for you to sigh on each outbreath.

As you become more and more comfortable with sighing, you can make a louder sound – aaaaaaah!…

As you become more and more comfortable with the idea of using sound, your aaah! can become louder and louder and you can also start using words: Yes! Oh my god! Yeah, like that! Keep going! You’re sooooo good! That feels amazing! F*ck! I love your body/cock/pussy/breasts/…

 

Using voice in bed is not hard and the more you do it, the more you’ll enjoy it, meaning that you will want to do it more and more.

Almost 10 years ago I got together with a lover who loved to talk dirty.

I had never even heard anybody speak like that before and while I loved what he was doing, I couldn’t imagine myself using language so freely in bed.

Oh boy, things are very different now!

And while I love to talk dirty to my lovers in bed, I also wish they’d talk back to me a little more.

One-sided conversations are just not enough fun! 😉

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3 Key Reasons Why You Need to Self-Pleasure

3 Key Reasons Why You Need to Self-Pleasure

Taboo of adult toys

I recently got some negative feedback and accusatory comments for a video I shared on YouTube.

The video was entitled “The Toys in My Naughty Drawer” and was created to inspire others to become more curious and daring in their self-pleasuring practice.

My goal was also to give others permission to talk about masturbation openly since I was courageous enough to share not only what I keep next to my bed but also what I do with each item.

In fact, I had a lot of fun showing and describing my pleasure collection, particularly so because I do play with a few unusual things.

But not everybody agreed with me and some people argued that masturbation was only for single or lonely people who were unable to enjoy any partner sex which, according to them, was clearly a higher level of a sexual activity.

They struggled to understand that I recommended self-touch not as a last resort but as a valid experience for people who also enjoy love-making with their partners.

 

Taboo of masturbation

I was also discussing the topic of my masturbation coaching with a client who is currently going through my Legendary Lover program.

Third step in the program deals with self-pleasuring and takes the longest to cover out of all the steps.

The reason for this is very simple – masturbation is our most basic form of sexual activity and the way we self-pleasure will determine the way we make love to others.

If you touch yourself in a quick, efficient way, focused on reaching a goal – that’s how you’ll have sex with your partner.

If you take your time, engage curiosity and concentrate on deepening pleasure and connection – your partner sex experiences will be enriched by that as well.

 

Why you need to self-pleasure

1/ Self-exploration

The better you know your body, erogenous zones and your pleasure potential, the better you can guide your partner to pleasure you.

Unfortunately, in our society most people don’t actually know what they want in bed and hence, are unable to ask for it.

We are all different and we all have different needs and desires.

These needs and desires can even change daily which can be very confusing to our partners, particularly if we don’t understand them ourselves.

Once we get to know our own bodies intimately, we can support each other in exploring our sensuality and pleasure.

Because it’s much better to give each other 5 minutes of what we really, really want than 30 minutes of what we THINK the other person wants.

 

2/ Pleasure training

Our bodies learn pleasure and can get better and better at it in the same way that your muscles get stronger and stronger as you keep going to the gym.

Self-pleasuring is a wonderful way to teach your body how to feel sexual pleasure and to train and condition yourself for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss and ecstasy.

Self-touch also allows us to overcome limiting beliefs, shame and guilt about our bodies.

Touching yourself slowly, mindfully, giving yourself a loving full-body massage will re-sensitize your skin and help you develop a deeper connection with your physical sensations and your erotic self.

Plus something that not many people are aware of – nobody can give you an orgasm, they can only support you in having one.

Whether you orgasm or not, depends on you only – your level of sensitivity, of connection with your body and any limiting beliefs in your head that might be inhibiting your orgasmic ability.

 

3/ It will make you happy

Yes, as simple as that – pleasure makes us happy, relaxed and content.

Awakening our sexual energy and feeling that deeply vibrant, ecstatic force flowing through our bodies charges us, energizes us and nurtures our bodies.

Orgasms cause a huge release of pleasure hormones and neurotransmitters that flood our system giving us more satisfaction, confidence and general wellbeing.

 

However, be aware that there are two different ways to orgasm – the explosive way which will deplete you and the implosive way which will nurture you.

Get in touch with me if you’d like to learn to orgasm like a pro and channel your ecstatic energy for rejuvenation, healing and virility!

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Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms?

Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms?

According to the popular opinion in our society – men can only orgasm once at a time as each ejaculation is followed by a refractory period where he cannot get another erection.

The refractory period varies from man to man, depending on his age, the state of his health plus a few other variables, and it can last from a few minutes to a few days.

Usually, men feel fairly tired and drained after the climax and temporarily lose interest in sex.

After a while, men are then capable of having another erection and sometimes also, they can ejaculate for the second time.

In reality, however, this second attempt is very rare because men lose all sexual drive and energy during that first ejaculation.

And with the international average of penetration time being 5.4 minutes, modern men don’t spend a lot of time inside of their partners.

 

Is there more?

According to Tantra there is much more to masculine sexuality than this.

We’ve all heard tales of tantric men who can make love for hours.

Most people have also heard that these men do not ejaculate.

Is it all true?

And why would a man ever consciously decide not to climax?

Our society is ejaculation focused almost to the point of obsession.

Men have sex in order to climax and if there’s no peak, the intercourse feels incomplete and unfinished.

I have been asked in my sessions whether it’s bad for a man’s health if he does not ejaculate while making love.

Let me assure you – there are no health risks whatsoever linked to tantric non-ejaculatory practices, just in case you were wondering…

 

So how does it work

The secret behind being a multi-orgasmic man is the ability to separate ejaculation from orgasm.

These are two separate functions of the body that usually occur simultaneously.

Ejaculation is the pleasurable squirting of the semen while orgasm is a release of the built-up sexual energy.

When the man is ejaculating, there is such a strong focus on the external release of the semen that it literally pulls the erotic charge out of his body.

When the man can orgasm without ejaculating, his sexual energy is released internally instead of externally, allowing him to have multiple orgasms.

When that erotic charge travels through the body instead of being released externally, the man experiences a full-body orgasm which energizes and nurtures his body as the ecstatic pleasure is blissfully buzzing from his head to his toes.

 

Tantric practice

The practice of becoming a multi-orgasmic man is a process where you train your body in moving and expanding sexual energy through your entire system.

As your body becomes more and more efficient at moving your arousal freely and abundantly, you’re going to start experiencing expanded, full-body orgasms.

Your tools and techniques on this path are breathing, muscle and awareness exercises which are like training wheels on a bike – you’ll need them while training but once you’re multi-orgamic, you won’t have to use them anymore.

This practice is like going to the gym – you won’t notice much of a difference after a few days.

But after a few weeks and months – you’ll start observing changes and results.

Persistence pays off, particularly that there is a very handy side effect of this training – being able to last as long as you want in bed.

 

4-hour bliss

During my recent lovemaking session with a partner, we had sex for 4 hours straight.

I was orgasming so often and so deeply, that I entered an intense and continuous erotic trance.

I was blissed-out and ecstatic to the point of being unable to communicate anymore.

My partner could see that and was delighting in his ability to bring me so much pleasure.

I believe that every man craves the ability to see his partner in deep ecstasy.

And every man can be an amazing lover but it does take patience, training and skill.

I teach all that and more in my Tantric Mastery course for men – it’s the easiest path to take your sex game to the next level.

Visit this link for more information: Tantric Mastery for Men

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