What Happens During a Sex Coaching Session

What Happens During a Sex Coaching Session

I’ve been recently asked what I do during my sessions with clients and whether I teach them different sex positions. Well, that is actually one thing I rarely ever discuss. There is a variety of possibilities in the area of sex positions shown online and anybody can look them up if they’re curious.

But it did get me thinking as I realized that most people are not certain what happens during a session with a sex coach. The truth is that pretty much every session is different and all strongly depends on the particular problems and questions that my clients seek help with. Certain elements are fairly common and others – hugely unique.

So I am going to describe a session I ran recently with Greg (not his real name).

 

Case study

Greg is 32 and has been married for 3 years. Being still very young and in a fairly recent marriage, he was very concerned that his desire for intimate contact with his wife was significantly reducing each year and that at that stage they were having intercourse about once a month.

He masturbated regularly, always using porn and felt guilty about that. He wanted to let go of his porn addiction and re-connect sexually with his wife.

He also noticed that he wasn’t experiencing a lot of pleasure during sex and that his orgasms were premature and quite disappointing in intensity.

 

Marriage and desire

I started off explaining to him that a reduced desire in a long-term relationship is a very natural and common thing. Our bodies and minds are structured in a way that, with increased familiarity, the attractiveness of our partner declines. This is nature’s way of dealing with the risk of incest and this is why an exotic stranger is always more appealing sexually than our spouse.

We had a chat about the risks of allowing the intimacy to decline in a marriage and I also described beautiful practices, rituals and techniques that can help long-term partners rekindle the spark between them and bring back the passion.

 

Excessive use of porn

Greg was already making an effort to watch porn less and less so I coached him in more healthy ways of enjoying sex videos and gave him easy and effective ways to have much more embodied experiences during masturbation. I also explained how porn trains our arousal to happen through the mind instead of the body.

The most natural way of becoming aroused is through touch, closeness, kiss, embrace – all these things happen at the level of the body, these are physical experiences. And porn stimulates our minds and then indirectly our genitals.

Another problem with porn is that it wires our nervous systems to react with excitement to highly stimulating images, full of action, arousal, multiple partners and even aggression. After a while our spouses have no chance of matching this level of excitement in our own bedroom.

So as we’re overstimulating our nervous systems through intense, aggressive porn on a regular basis, we become more and more de-sensitized. Due to the reduced sensitivity of our bodies, our own touch or our partner’s touch becomes simply not enough, giving us lessened sensations of pleasure and a lot less excitement.

 

Orgasmic training

Next we moved onto bodywork and I guided his body to a state of expanded, deepened and intensified state of arousal. Within 15 minutes of this somatic training, his entire body was trembling in orgasmic pleasure.

He was completely mind-blown and ecstatic. He had never before experienced sexual pleasure outside of his genitals or arousal that lasted longer than a few minutes.

I directed him to integrate the experience in order to start teaching his body to experience full-body orgasms.

 

Enlightening sessions

This is just one example of what might happen in a sex coaching session.

As a somatic sexologist, I don’t just talk to my clients. I also work with their bodies, teaching them to breathe, to move, to sound, to feel and to experience things in a completely new way. Some of my friends refer to this as a neck-down-therapy as opposed to the regular therapy model (the neck-up-therapy) where the therapist only uses conversation.

I feel very lucky to be able to work both with the mind and with the body as the sex primarily happens in the body. Instead of just explaining things to my clients, I can also show them. And in most cases, I do leave them mind-blown.

Greg called the session “enlightening” and left it profoundly inspired.

 

P.S. Get in touch with me about my sex therapy sessions or check out my online courses!

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How to Give a Woman a Yoni Massage

How to Give a Woman a Yoni Massage

What is yoni massage?

 

Yoni massage is a beautiful ceremony of worshipping your partner’s body and genitals. 

In the tantric tradition the lovers celebrate each intimate moment together by creating rituals that infuse their connection with a sense of specialness and sacredness.

From the outside, it looks a lot like a vulva or a vagina massage. But there’s so much more to an amazing yoni massage. And I’m here to show you the step-by-step process on how to give a woman a tantric yoni massage that will completely change her life.

The Benefits of Giving a Yoni Massage

 

– Stronger intimate connection that brings more love and tenderness between the two of you 

– Increasing her body’s pleasure potential and sensitivity to your touch (which means an all round more satisfying sex life – Yes please!)

– Increasing her orgasmic potential (which means you’re giving her a much stronger, mind-blowing, toe-curling orgasms)

– Help her to feel more sexually empowered and alive in her body

– Increase your own knowledge of her body, her pleasure zones, what she likes and how to turn her on.

 

OK. I’m Ready. What’s The Yoni Massage process?

 

Start by preparing the space – cleaning the bedroom and beautifying it. You can prepare some music, bring candles, extra cushions, incense sticks, etc. It should be warm, cozy and inviting. (You want her to feel comfortable so she can really let go)


Next invite her to sit down on the bed with you and tell her something beautiful about her. Tell her what you love about her, what you appreciate about her, what you’re looking forward to.

 

After that spend a few minutes simply looking into her eyes. Eye-gazing is a very simple, yet deeply profound ritual of connection and intimacy.

 

When she’s ready, invite her to lie down and spend at least 15 minutes relaxing her body. Use gentle, soft, flowing strokes. Imagine that you’re making love to her skin with your hands.

 

Once she’s deeply relaxed, you can begin to massage her genitals – her yoni. Here is a list of tips and strokes that you will find useful. Make sure to also use your creativity and imagination. The yoni massage process is not set in stone and should flow in response to what her body wants and needs.

 

Tips: use massage oil, take your time, keep asking for feedback and remember to have fun!

 

Specific Yoni Massage Techniques

 

Here is a range of yoni massage techniques that you can use to worship and give your woman pleasure. You can pick and choose as you like, but I highly recommend you start with 1-5, or just follow these yoni massage steps all the way through.

 

1/ Waking up the area:

Massage lower abdomen in circular strokes, rest one hand over the genitals, the other one on the heart, massage the groin, knead and scratch the pubic mound, grab fingerfuls of pubic hair and pull.

2/ Vibrate the vulva:

Place your entire hand over the vulva. Hold and vibrate.

3/ Saying hello:

With well-oiled hands pet the vulva with long, slow strokes from top to bottom.

4/ Outer labia massage:

Hold left outer labia between your thumb and fingertips and lovingly massage. Go slowly. Repeat on the other side.

5/ Inner labia massage:

Hold left inner labia between your thumb and fingertips and lovingly massage. Go slowly. Repeat on the other side.

6/ Tour de France:

With one hand gently pull the pubic mound up toward the belly to open up the vulva. With a finger of your other hand, trace a circle between inner and outer labia from the perineum to above the clitoris and back to the perineum. For extra yum, add a little loop around the clitoris.

7/ Divine drumming:

Tap the inner thighs and vulva with your flat hand, as if playing a drum. Ask for feedback – harder? softer? faster? slower?

8/ Breath of spring:

Gently part the labia and blow air on them.

9/ Rock around the clit clock:

Pretend that the clitoris is the center of a clock. With your finger, make tiny circles immediately to the side of the clit, stopping at the location of each hour.

10/ Insert one finger:

Ask for permission and use lots of oil. Very slowly, insert one finger in the vagina. Don’t do anything once you’re inside, just be there.

11/ The four directions:

With one or two fingers inside the vagina, stroke or press firmly upward (toward the ceiling). Turn your hand 90 degrees clockwise and press to one side. Turn your hand 90 degrees again and press downward (toward the floor). Turn your hand 90 degrees clockwise once more and press to the other side. Repeat.

12/ The G-spot:

Locate and massage the entire urethral sponge with one or two fingers.

13/ The doorbell:

Press firmly on the g-spot, as if ringing a doorbell. Press, release, press, release…

14/ Kegels:

Invite your partner to add kegels.

 

This is really just the beginning and in my Tantric Mastery online course I teach more yoni strokes and other powerful techniques to pleasure a woman. Click here to check it out to learn everything you need to know to become the best lover she’s ever had.

 

This massage is a very special experience for any woman as it will place her in a state of a trance-like ecstatic bliss. However, orgasm should never be an end goal here. If she orgasms – great! If she doesn’t – no problem. She will experience the level of pleasure she has likely never felt before and it will take her into a place of deep pleasure and satisfaction.


The massage should take at least 30 minutes or more, depending on how generous you’re feeling!


The main point is – take your time and stay present with her body, watch her responses, keep checking for feedback and enjoy!


Want to know what the equivalent looks like for men? Click here for an amazing Lingam Massage for men! (You can use these techniques for yourself, or give this to your partner so they have an easy step-by-step process to follow as well)

Helena Nista Sex Therapist
Hi! I'm Helena Nista

I help men, women, and couples experience deeper intimacy, more connected sex, and mind-blowing pleasure. Follow me on Social Media for more awesome Tantric tips, tricks, and techniques!