How to Finger a Woman

How to Finger a Woman

In my life I’ve received some exquisite fingering sessions from my lovers. And also some really, really bad ones… So today I’m bringing to you all of that wisdom, experience and insight in my comprehensive guide on fingering a woman!

 

There are absolutely amazing things you can do to a woman’s genital area when using your hands and fingers skilfully

 

You can excite her, you can tease her, you can arouse her, you can bring her to blissful states of ecstasy and to powerful orgasms.

 

When used well, your hands can play her pussy like an instrument, taking her up and down to different levels of pleasure and arousal, your fingers can guide her towards a land of promises of delights to come and then you can keep her right at the edge of that place, without quite taking her there.

 

When done well, this will drive her mad with desire and will make her beg you for more.

 

But for most men, the vulva (meaning the external parts of female genitalia) is a mysterious place and they don’t have a map or any kind of guidance to navigate that area well.

 

All the parts and female genital anatomy are deeply sensitive and receptive to pleasure so keep that in mind when you’re fingering her. It’s not just about the clit! There’s much more you can do when massaging her pussy.

 

1/ your intention

So first of all, be clear on your intention here. Don’t finger her pussy from any sort of place of neediness or your own horniness. Don’t do it with an agenda of getting her to repay the favour afterwards.

 

She will feel your energy and it will make her feel like she can’t fully receive your touch. So instead give from a place of generosity and love. Let go of any agenda and simply finger her for the sake of giving her pleasure.

 

2/ relax her

Have her lie down comfortably and start by gently stroking her entire body. This doesn’t need to take a lot of time but will be helpful in creating a much more pleasurable experience for her.

 

And every time you touch and stroke her skin, imagine that you’re making love to her body with your hands and fingers.

 

3/ external strokes

When you’re ready to start touching her pussy, play with the following external strokes. And absolutely make sure to use a quality organic lubricant here. Her lady parts will not respond well to a dry hand. My favourite is coconut oil but make sure to ask her what she prefers:

  • Holding still – place a flat hand on top of her entire vulva and hold still,
  • Vibration – as above but gently vibrate your hand,
  • Circular massage – this doesn’t involve any friction, simply place your hand on her vulva and make slow circular strokes with your hand, moving all her yummy bits together with your palm,
  • Kneading the outer lips – knead and massage each lip separately,
  • Kneading her inner lips – knead each inner lip separately or both together,
  • 3 fingers stroke – middle finger between her inner lips and 2 other fingers in the grove between each inner and outer lip; next stroke gently and very slowly up and down – from above her clit all the way down to her perineum,
  • Tour de France – with the pad of your index finger, gently trace the grove between her inner and outer lip all the way up from the perineum to up above the clit and then come back on the other side; repeat the entire loop a few times;
  • Through the lips – hold her clitoris between the folds of her inner and outer lips and gently massage with your fingers,
  • Clit clock – imagine that her clit is a face of a clock and gently massage with little circles each o’clock.

 

Make sure to be really slow with all of these strokes and with some of them introduce some variety in terms of speed, pressure and location of your fingers. Use your judgement here and keep watching her body’s response.

 

When she’s relaxed, breathing deeply and is lost in her pleasure, you are on the right track!

 

4/ internal strokes

When you’ve taken a good care of her external bits, you can go inside.

  • Vaginal entrance – spend some time here massaging the entrance,
  • G-spot – insert one or two fingers up to your second knuckle and push and massage up towards her stomach,
  • Outer third – the outer third of her vaginal canal is most sensitive so explore this entire area well,
  • Deep massage, including cervix – once you’re done with the outer third, go deeper,
  • Combine external and internal strokes (G-spot and clit go particularly well together).

 

5/ enjoy yourself

All of these strokes and more will give her a heightened experience of pleasure and erotic activation so it really is a powerful thing to give your woman a great fingering session. But one last important bit of my advice is to make sure that you’re enjoying yourself!

 

If you’re bored or resentful that you have to do something for her. Or if your heart just isn’t in it, she will feel it and it will reduce her own enjoyment of your touch.

 

So learn to enjoy this process. Remember that touch is always 2-directional, meaning that when you’re stroking her, you’re also experiencing her skin on your hands and fingers. This can be a very arousing, fun and delightful experience!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:
How to Have Cervical Orgasms

How to Have Cervical Orgasms

Each time I mention cervical orgasms during public talks and interviews, I get a lot of surprised looks and questions. This keeps reminding me of how very few people are actually aware of what cervical orgasms are and how to have them.   I didn’t always have...

read more
How to Give a Perfect Blow Job

How to Give a Perfect Blow Job

Would you like to know how to give your man a perfect blow job? How to blow his mind and take him to heights of pleasure he’s never experienced before with anybody else? Then read till the end because I have some powerful tips and techniques for you…   I fairly...

read more
How to Orgasm During Sex

How to Orgasm During Sex

A lot of women come to me saying that they can’t orgasm during penetration. And in this article, I’m going to share with you exactly what I tell them!   So first of all, this topic is very close to my heart because for many years of my own sex life, I could NOT...

read more

How to Orgasm Without Ejaculation

How to Orgasm Without Ejaculation

Can men orgasm without ejaculation? Why would they want to do it? And what non-ejaculatory orgasms have to do with tantric orgasms and being a multi-orgasmic men? Don’t go anywhere because I’ve got it all here!

 

Let’s talk about ejaculation!

 

It’s highly pleasurable, it helps relieve stress and tension, it helps you sleep and medical doctors claim that it’s beneficial for the health of your prostate.

 

However, many men tell me about side effects of releasing semen and particularly when they’re releasing it frequently. For most men that climax of pleasure is followed by a sense of fatigue, being drained, by a foggy brain and lack of motivation.

 

Also, for most men ejaculation means the end of sexual intercourse because of the refractory period that prevents them from getting hard again for a while

 

This can be frustrating for many men who would love to be able to make love for much longer. The refractory period can last between a few minutes and a few days, depending on your age, health and overall wellbeing.

 

So what’s the alternative. Well, I’m glad that you asked!

 

According to tantric practitioners, any man can learn to separate the experience of orgasm from the experience of ejaculation. These two are in fact two separate phenomena that usually occur for men together.

 

Ejaculation is the pleasurable squirting of the semen while orgasm is a release of the arousal, of sexual energy that was built up during intercourse or masturbation

 

When a man is ejaculating, that external flow of semen, will typically pull all of his sexual energy out with it. This is why men typically lose a lot of energy during ejaculation and feel quite deflated afterwards.

 

However, when a man can orgasm without ejaculating, he can allow that delicious orgasmic force to implode internally inside of his body, giving him an experience of expanded, full-body ecstasy.

 

Orgasming without ejaculation means also that you as a man can keep going in bed for as long as you want because there’s no refractory period

 

You can keep your erection after each orgasm and you can keep penetrating your woman. This in turn is a true treat for your lady because most women struggle to orgasm or experience sexual satisfaction if the man can’t last long enough.

 

The biggest issue with experiencing full-body orgasms is the conditioning most men have around sex. Particularly porn trains us to think of ejaculation as a natural conclusion of a sexual experience.

 

I’ve even had some clients ask me in my sessions whether it’s harmful for them to NOT ejaculate during sex. And let me re-assure you – no, it’s not harmful at all. It might just be uncomfortable if you leave sexual energy in your pelvis, in your sex centre. Because that energy is potent and powerful and it’ll need to either be released externally or spread out internally through your body.

 

So what are non-ejaculatory orgasms and how to have them?

 

An orgasm without ejaculation, also known as an expanded orgasm, full-body orgasm, energy orgasm, valley orgasm or tantric orgasm, is a very blissful experience where your sexual energy is released internally in your body.

 

Imagine your erotic pleasure, the way you feel it in your cock when you’re hard and aroused. Imagine that electric, blissful energy spreading out and vibrating in your entire body. NOT with that pressing sense of urge to be released but with a sense of trance-like ecstasy.

 

Tantric men who learn to orgasm without ejaculation describe going into altered states of consciousness where the pleasure is so blissful and divine, that the ejaculation completely pales in comparison

 

In addition, full-body orgasms last much longer and leave you feeling nurtured, satisfied and deeply energized. They fuel your creativity, your clarity of thinking, your sense of masculine charisma and your wellbeing.

 

In order to have them, you need to learn to hold sexual energy in your body. So instead of thrusting quickly, forcefully or mechanically, slow down, notice all the pleasure and savour it in your body.

 

Here my video on Edging for Stronger orgasms will be very helpful so make sure to check it out!

 

And if you’re ready to go all the way and become a tantric lover yourself, you should definitely check out my Tantric Mastery for Men online course. It will teach you everything you need to know in order to last as long as you want, experience full-body non-ejaculatory orgasms and be a multi-orgasmic man.

 

But a few quick tips here are:

 

1/ don’t overstimulate your body,

Fast pace and friction will lead to high levels of excitement which will take you into ejaculation fairly quickly. So don’t overstimulate your body. Slow down the penetration, notice the sensations in your body, and enjoy the pleasure and arousal without needing to release it quickly.

 

2/ stop chasing orgasm

Forget the orgasm and enjoy sex for the sake of pleasure. There’s much more to intercourse than ejaculation so train yourself to keep noticing all the sensations, to stay connected to your body, to your partner and to your intimate experience together.

 

3/ relax the pelvic floor muscles

Tension holds sexual energy in your penis. So make sure to consciously relax your pelvic floor muscle in order to allow that energy to flow up through your entire body.

 

4/ breathe deeply

Deep breath with a sigh on the exhale… will help you feel more pleasure and will actively pull your arousal out of your genital area and into the rest of your body.

 

5/ feel your entire body

Make sure to also touch and caress the rest of your body. Or ask your lover to do that. As long as your attention is firmly kept in your cock, that’s where the sexual energy will stay. So make sure to pay attention to your entire system and feel all of your erogenous zones.

 

I hope that you loved this article and that it inspired you to experience non-ejaculatory orgasms for yourself as well. Please don’t forget to check out my online course Tantric Mastery for Men!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How to Finger a Woman

How to Finger a Woman

In my life I’ve received some exquisite fingering sessions from my lovers. And also some really, really bad ones… So today I’m bringing to you all of that wisdom, experience and insight in my comprehensive guide on fingering a woman!   There are absolutely...

read more
How to Orgasm Without Ejaculation

How to Orgasm Without Ejaculation

Can men orgasm without ejaculation? Why would they want to do it? And what non-ejaculatory orgasms have to do with tantric orgasms and being a multi-orgasmic men? Don’t go anywhere because I’ve got it all here!   Let’s talk about ejaculation!   It’s highly...

read more
How to Overcome Porn Addiction

How to Overcome Porn Addiction

Porn addiction – what is it? How to know if you’re addicted? What to do about it? Is there a cure? How can you overcome it? Stick around – I’m going to address all of that!   I regularly work with men who struggle with porn use and porn addiction   Some men...

read more

How to Overcome Porn Addiction

How to Overcome Porn Addiction

Porn addiction – what is it? How to know if you’re addicted? What to do about it? Is there a cure? How can you overcome it? Stick around – I’m going to address all of that!

 

I regularly work with men who struggle with porn use and porn addiction

 

Some men who come to see me are self-proclaimed addicts. Others simply want to learn to reduce their porn usage or to stop it completely.

 

And there are fairly consistent reasons for their desire to quit porn. These men mention feelings of shame and guilt, they tell me about the negative effects of porn on their sexual performance like premature ejaculation or erectile difficulty. Watching porn often affects their mood, their focus and their overall wellbeing. And on top of all that, their relationships often suffer.

 

I really want to point out here that porn in itself isn’t good or bad

 

Watching porn isn’t always harmful. Many couples can successfully use it to bring a new sizzle and spark into their bedroom routine, particularly in long-term relationships. Many single people can use it to create more pleasure, arousal and fun for themselves.

 

Porn is just a tool and all comes down to HOW we use it. If we use it in ways that negatively affect our lives and our relationships, then that becomes a problem. Plus, porn can be highly addictive which is why so many people struggle with it.

 

So first of all, how can you tell if you’re addicted to porn?

 

1/ tolerance to porn

Is your tolerance to porn increasing? Are you finding yourself spending more and more time watching porn? Or have you started seeking more shocking or extreme type of porn videos?

 

2/ withdrawal symptoms

How do you feel when you don’t watch porn for a while? Are you experiencing frustration, irritability, anxiety, do you struggle to focus or to remain clear-minded?

 

3/ controlling your use

Are you able to control your porn usage? Do you use it more than you’d ideally like to?

 

4/ your wellbeing

Is watching porn affecting your mood, your clarity of mind, your wellbeing, the quality of your sleep, your daily life, your effectiveness in performing tasks – both at home and at work?

 

5/ desire to cut down

Are you feeling disappointed with yourself? Are you experiencing a desire to cut down your porn watching habit?

 

6/ secrecy

Are you hiding your porn use from others in your life? Do you feel like you need to sneak around in order to watch porn?

 

If you answered ‘Yes’ to at least some of these questions, that means that you might have a problem. But don’t worry, there are different things that you can do about it!

 

I’m going to break down my tips into two groups. First of all, the mindset changes and shifts you can create to reduce or end your porn watching habit. And secondly, practical things you can do while you’re watching porn which will help you wean yourself off porn over time.

 

A/ the mindset

 

So whenever you feel tempted to watch porn, think about how you will feel afterwards. Because yes, porn will give you a temporary pleasure, but it will probably make you feel shit about yourself afterwards.

 

Is it worth it? Is giving in to porn worth the shame, guilt, headache, low mood, foggy brain, poor sleep, etc? Or will you be better off walking away from it?

 

Also remember that the more you walk away from porn, the easier it will become to leave it. This is because you’ll start forming and strengthening new neural connections in your brain, allowing you to more easily give up the porn watching habit.

 

Make sure to also create more rewarding habits in your life to replace porn. Ultimately, you reach for porn because you want that hit of dopamine, of pleasure. Because you’re feeling low, stressed, lonely, depressed, etc. in the moment.

 

And porn offers a quick fix. However, you can reach for other rewarding behaviours like exercise, catching up with a friend, watching an entertaining movie, investing in self-improvement books, articles, workshops, etc.

 

All these things will also give you pleasure, but without the heavy burden of a bad mood, poor sleep or lower quality relationships in your life. So it’s a matter of swapping certain habits and behaviours (in this case watching porn) for other habits that will increase your wellbeing and make you feel good about yourself.

 

B/ new way to watch porn

 

If you can quit porn cold turkey, then good on you! This second part won’t concern you. However, if you’re struggling with that radical approach and you’re still finding yourself giving in to pornography, here are some tips to wean you off porn over time.

 

1/ stand up

People usually watch porn while laying or sitting down. This means that they cannot really move their bodies much. So you’re going to do something different. You’re going to stand up and place your phone or laptop at the level of your face. This will allow you to actually move your entire body as you’re masturbating.

 

2/ conscious breath

Stay connected to your body. Instead of losing yourself in the images on your screen, use your breath to stay connected to the sensations in your body. Make sure to make your breath deeper, slower, more relaxed. A conscious breath will help you stay more embodied.

 

3/ shift your attention

Every few minutes, pause the porn movie, turn away from the screen and continue masturbating, while paying a close attention to the pleasure in your body. After 5 breaths or so, you can come back to watching porn.

 

Part of the problem with porn is that it puts us in a sort of a trance, numbs us down and pulls us away from reality

 

This is why this alternating approach – where you’re moving your attention between porn on the screen and the physical sensations in your body – will start to retrain and recondition your body and mind to stay in your physical reality.

 

Over time, try to reduce the amount of time you’re watching porn in each session and keep increasing the amount of time you’re pausing porn and masturbating without it. This is a very powerful approach to help you let go of the need to watch porn.

 

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How to Finger a Woman

How to Finger a Woman

In my life I’ve received some exquisite fingering sessions from my lovers. And also some really, really bad ones… So today I’m bringing to you all of that wisdom, experience and insight in my comprehensive guide on fingering a woman!   There are absolutely...

read more
How to Orgasm Without Ejaculation

How to Orgasm Without Ejaculation

Can men orgasm without ejaculation? Why would they want to do it? And what non-ejaculatory orgasms have to do with tantric orgasms and being a multi-orgasmic men? Don’t go anywhere because I’ve got it all here!   Let’s talk about ejaculation!   It’s highly...

read more
How to Overcome Porn Addiction

How to Overcome Porn Addiction

Porn addiction – what is it? How to know if you’re addicted? What to do about it? Is there a cure? How can you overcome it? Stick around – I’m going to address all of that!   I regularly work with men who struggle with porn use and porn addiction   Some men...

read more

Do Women Like Sex

Do Women Like Sex

When I work with couples, an issue that arises very often is that the female partner loses her sex drive and her interest in sex. This is obviously not the case of every single couple, however, this comes up often enough to wonder what is really behind it. And whether women actually like sex.

I guess the topic of female sexual desire and her sex drive is very close to my heart

In many of my past relationships, I was the one who was struggling to keep up with my partner’s libido. It seemed that he frequently wanted sex and that not a lot of things could reduce his desire for a regular intercourse.

For me, however, things were much more tricky. For a variety of reasons, I would struggle to desire sex or to feel aroused in the act. And since arousal and lubrication are very important components of a satisfying intercourse, I would often experience pain or discomfort during sex, which then was making it even more difficult for me to desire it. And so it was a bit of a vicious cycle in that way.

So do women actually like sex? Or do they prefer to forget all about it?

The short answer is – yes, women do like sex. More than that – they have a deep capacity to love sex and to enjoy incredibly mind-blowing orgasms (some say that even much stronger than male orgasms).

In fact, woman’s body is deeply sensual and her erotic potential is rich, multi-layered and blissful. But! There is a number of factors that need to be taken into account here.

1/ Emotional connection 

In any romantic relationship, sexual connection is very strongly linked to the emotional connection between partners. It’s tricky to want to have sex if at the same time you’re thinking “He wants to have sex with me after what he did?”.

Accumulating resentment is something that happens in all relationships and if we don’t address these emotional issues, they’re only going to get deeper. This is why taking care of your emotional connection first is an absolute must to nurture and cultivate a healthy and passionate intimacy in the bedroom.

This means talking about any emotional hurt or disconnect. It means actively taking care of your partner’s needs to create a deep sense that you both are there for each other, no matter what. When that kind of connection is nourished and maintained, it’ll be much easier for her to feel sexual desire for you.

2/ Inhibitions

Most modern women grew up with some kind of unhealthy conditioning around sex. Many women still believe that there’s something inherently wrong about wanting, desiring or enjoying sex. There’s that unhealthy disconnect between a woman being a wife / mother and a sexual goddess.

While the truth is that women can be both at the same time. She doesn’t need to repress her lust or eroticism in order to play well her role in the family. But women need to recognize that first in order to overcome the conditioning.

3/ Sexual trauma

About 1 in 5 women has experienced sexual abuse at some point in her life. And almost all women know closely someone who is a victim of sexual assault. Sexual wounding and trauma, whether physical, emotional, spiritual or mental can leave a powerful mark on the victim for many, many years which will keep interfering with her healthy sexual expression.

Sexual trauma can be treated but in most cases it will require a support of a qualified therapist. So it’s crucial to understand the possible impact of her past on her current libido and sex drive.

4/ Lack of self-knowledge

A lot of women don’t actually understand their own bodies and needs when it comes to their sexuality. Many women have watched porn and try to have sex like men. Which is a problem because women and men are different when it comes to their sexual response.

On top of that, these women don’t know what to ask for in bed and they get poor quality sex. And so when their male lovers don’t understand how to truly satisfy a woman and simply concentrate on their own needs or on how they as men want to have sex, this just creates a very unfulfilling experience for a woman.

5/ Not enough self-activation

What’s connected with that is the fact that many women don’t masturbate consciously or don’t masturbate at all. And hence, they don’t understand their own erogenous zones or how to activate them.

While women who regularly touch and explore their bodies, who take the time to self pleasure, to fully active their erotic potential, women who can give themselves full-body, expanded, blissful orgasms, these women can have much more fulfilling sex with their male partners. These women know what to ask for, they know what they need and so they can create sexual experiences that are deeply satisfying and nurturing for them.

Please let me know in comments below if you resonate with this topic and what your experiences have been when it comes to women’s sex drive, whether you’re a man or a woman. I’m very curious to hear if you’ve ever struggled with sexual desire and what you did about it.

 

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How Long Should Sex Last

How Long Should Sex Last

I recently talked about how often you should be having sex. And today I want to discuss the ideal duration of a sexual intercourse. Do you wonder what’s normal or standard? How long do other people have sex for? And how you compare to that?   I feel like first of...

read more
How to Maintain Passion in Relationships?

How to Maintain Passion in Relationships?

If you’ve been in a relationship before, you’ve probably noticed that with time, the spark and sizzle of a passionate connection reduces. Sometimes even disappears completely. So, what to do to keep that desire, passion and flame alive? Is it even possible? Keep...

read more
How Often Should You Have Sex

How Often Should You Have Sex

Have you ever wondered how often you should be having sex? What’s normal? What’s standard? What’s recommended by sex therapists? If you have, you’re not alone! I’ve heard that question from my clients many, many times over the years and in this article, I have some...

read more

Stronger Orgasms with Edging

Stronger Orgasms with Edging

What if I told you that there is a technique that will make your orgasms 10 times stronger every time? And that you can use it both on yourself and on your lover, in order to give them truly mind-blowing experiences in the bedroom as well? If that sounds good, please stick around because I’m going to tell you how to do exactly that!

I first heard of edging many years ago when I started studying Tantra and great sex

Back then I was still struggling to have orgasms and when I did manage to have them, it was usually when I was placing a vibrator on my clitoris. Due to high intensity of the stimulation that the vibrators provide, I would usually come really quickly but the orgasm itself was always quite disappointing, almost non-existent.

I had no idea back then what a difference slowing down would make. It turns out that the best orgasms aren’t the ones that we reach quickly but the ones where a lot of time is taken to build up enough arousal and sexual energy.

In the mainstream world, people tend to think that the best lover is the one who takes his partner to orgasm quickly. However, in Tantra it’s quite the opposite. The best lover is the one that teases the partner and stimulates them pleasurably and makes them wild with desire before they let them reach that orgasmic peak.

These tantric lovers all use a technique called edging

The way edging works is quite simple – you come to the edge of orgasm and then you back away. So you don’t let yourself (or your partner) orgasm and you keep coming to that edge many times before you finally climax. I’m going to tell you first how to do it alone and then how to do that with your lover.

1/ Edging alone

When you’re masturbating, make sure to pleasurably stimulate yourself until you come close to an orgasm. Do not orgasm yet though! When you’re close, take your hands away from your genitals, relax your entire body and take at least 10 deep, abdominal breaths while touching and caressing the rest of your body.

When you’re breathing deeply, your sexual energy is being pulled out of your genital area and distributed throughout your body. This means that the intensity of arousal will reduce but the lovely sensations will start to spread out.

At that point, after 10 breaths, you can start stimulating your genital area again. Keep going until you get close to your edge again and then stop, take your hands away and breathe deeply – again about 10 breaths should do it. Once your arousal reduces, resume genital stimulation.

So what you’re doing here is you’re brining yourself up to a high level of arousal and then you’re coming back down. Then coming up again and then back down. Try to do this at least 5 times before you let yourself reach climax. And when you do, prepare for a mind-blowing, expanded, blissful experience.

When you take the time to build up enough sexual energy, the resulting orgasm will be much stronger than if you were only to stimulate yourself for a few minutes

2/ Edging with a lover

When you’re playing with your partner and you want to use edging on them, this will be a little bit more tricky because you won’t always know how close to the orgasm they are. This is why it’s helpful to ask them to let you know where they’re at. I find that simply raising their hand when they’re close to the edge is enough for me to know when I should stop the stimulation of their genitalia.

So once your partner is highly aroused, it’s time to spread out their sexual energy. So, instruct them to breathe deeply while you’re touching and massaging their chest, arms, belly and legs. After they take about 10 deep breaths, you can resume the genital touch. Keep going until you bring them to the edge at least 5 times!

This technique is truly mind-blowing and particularly when I use it on a new lover, it completely blows their socks off. I find that most people have no idea how strong, powerful and satisfying their orgasms can be.

But! The big secret is taking your time, using the edging and stimulating as much sexual energy and arousal in their body as possible

Then you’re pretty much guaranteed to rock their world once you let them reach that climax.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How Long Should Sex Last

How Long Should Sex Last

I recently talked about how often you should be having sex. And today I want to discuss the ideal duration of a sexual intercourse. Do you wonder what’s normal or standard? How long do other people have sex for? And how you compare to that?   I feel like first of...

read more
How to Maintain Passion in Relationships?

How to Maintain Passion in Relationships?

If you’ve been in a relationship before, you’ve probably noticed that with time, the spark and sizzle of a passionate connection reduces. Sometimes even disappears completely. So, what to do to keep that desire, passion and flame alive? Is it even possible? Keep...

read more
How Often Should You Have Sex

How Often Should You Have Sex

Have you ever wondered how often you should be having sex? What’s normal? What’s standard? What’s recommended by sex therapists? If you have, you’re not alone! I’ve heard that question from my clients many, many times over the years and in this article, I have some...

read more

Truth About Dick Pics

Truth About Dick Pics

I feel like it’s really time we talked about this very delicate topic. And if you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m not afraid to address … sensitive subjects. So here it is – dick pics! The good, the bad, the ugly. Why so many men send them, why women typically feel offended by that and what to do to send a dick pic successfully and get a positive reaction from her.

Over the years I have received a ton of dick pics 

They’ve been pouring in through my email, Fb messenger, IG and even WhatsApp. Men seem compelled to expose their erect penises to me and while I appreciate the generous thought behind the photo, I’ve never had a desire to actually respond to these messages with pictures of my own naked genitalia.

When I hear from women who have received uninvited dick pics in their lives, they’re pretty much always offended, shocked or at least annoyed by the man behind the dick photo. And what’s really interesting about that is that there seems to be this huge miscommunication or a massive misunderstanding from both sides – the sender and the receiver of the dick pic – about the meaning of that photo…

Because upon conducting a little research of my own about this very topic, I asked some male friends how they would feel when receiving an uninvited picture of a naked vulva, particularly from a woman they didn’t know. To my surprise, their reaction was very positive – mostly interest, excitement, amusement and curiosity.

It turns out that men see a photo of exposed genitalia as a lovely and welcome invitation.

And so when they decide to send a dick pic, it’s in the hope that the female recipient will react in a positive way and that she’ll engage with him in some form of erotic exchange – meaning further photos or maybe even sexual intercourse at some point.

But that’s not what happens when a woman receives an uninvited dick pic – not at all! Instead of a happy surprise, she’ll most likely feel insulted or even disgusted. Because women see dick pics as an almost aggressive attempt to use her sexually. She’ll likely interpret the photo along the lines of “I’m a horny man and I want to stick my hard cock in your vagina”.

And that message really is not that appealing to women.

She doesn’t want to be seen as JUST a vagina. And she definitely doesn’t want her body to be used by him to just release his biological urges. For a woman to feel sexually aroused and to desire a particular cock, there are a few steps that need to happen first – she wants to get to know you a bit, she needs to feel attracted to you, she needs to be able to trust you enough to relax in your presence and she needs to feel safe with you, etc. So simply sending a photo of a hard cock to her inbox will be a lazy attempt to skip these steps. And that’s just not going to work.

So just to be clear, I’m talking here about uninvited dick pics from strangers. It’s actually a very different story when the man sending the dick pic is a partner or a lover of the woman. That’s obviously a different kind of situation. When you know each other well and you have been intimate together, these kind of sexy photos can be a lovely way to flirt or seduce each other. But when these pics come from a stranger, that bond and intimate connection is just not there.

How to send a dick pic successfully 

Now! If you REALLY want to send a dick pic to a stranger, there IS actually a way to do it in a caring and respectful way, in a way that will increase your chances of creating a positive reaction in her. And that’s asking for her permission before you send her any graphic content. That request can be as simple as “I would like to send you some adult photos or videos. Would you like to receive them?”

If she says “Yes”, then you can safely go ahead. By asking for her permission first, you’ve shown to her that you respect her and that she can feel comfortable around you. However, if she says “No”, do not send her the dick pic. Under any circumstances, do not send that photo. If you need to turn off your wifi because you cannot trust yourself to not send the dick pic, turn that wifi off!

This is really important, please do not overlook this step

Getting her permission first is the only way to achieve any level of success with your dick pic. It’s still not a guarantee that she’ll send any adult photos back OR have sex with you. But at least she won’t block you or think of you as a creep.

I hope that this helps in untangling the complex world of dick pics – both for the senders and the receivers of such photos. If you enjoyed this post, please comment below and let me know if you have ever sent or received a dick pic. And what your experience was with that!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How Long Should Sex Last

How Long Should Sex Last

I recently talked about how often you should be having sex. And today I want to discuss the ideal duration of a sexual intercourse. Do you wonder what’s normal or standard? How long do other people have sex for? And how you compare to that?   I feel like first of...

read more
How to Maintain Passion in Relationships?

How to Maintain Passion in Relationships?

If you’ve been in a relationship before, you’ve probably noticed that with time, the spark and sizzle of a passionate connection reduces. Sometimes even disappears completely. So, what to do to keep that desire, passion and flame alive? Is it even possible? Keep...

read more
How Often Should You Have Sex

How Often Should You Have Sex

Have you ever wondered how often you should be having sex? What’s normal? What’s standard? What’s recommended by sex therapists? If you have, you’re not alone! I’ve heard that question from my clients many, many times over the years and in this article, I have some...

read more

Pin It on Pinterest