What’s Inside a Sex Therapist’s Naughty Drawer

What’s Inside a Sex Therapist’s Naughty Drawer

Have you ever wondered what’s inside a sex therapist’s naughty drawer?…

Every time I mention my naughty drawer to someone, I need to explain that it’s not a standard kind of a drawer. In fact, its contents are quite different from what a regular person would consider a normal or usual set of sex props. And it’s not because I’m a particularly kinky person – I love kink but I don’t engage in it very often. And yet, some of the toys I play with might surprise and confuse an innocent witness…

 

So, let’s take a look!

 

1. Jade egg

My Jade Egg is the oldest item in this collection. It’s been with me for about 5 years and I’m extremely fond of it. It’s been a tool of sexual healing and reclaiming a deep sensitivity inside of my vagina.

A lot can be done with a jade egg, including all sort of vaginal exercises but I really like to simply sleep with it. I insert it as I get to bed and allow it to do its magic while I sleep. As I move in my sleep, the egg is moving with me, massaging and caressing all the areas inside of my vaginal canal that benefit from a regular touch.

 

2. Rose quartz eggs

These three beauties are much newer and come in different sizes, allowing for different levels of pressure and weight inside of me.

 

3. Tachyon balls

If I understand well, Tachyon products do not come from Earth but are artificially made. These products are imbued with Tachyon energy which harmonises and neutralises harmful energies.

But apart from their vibrational qualities, they’re very yummy to play with!

I like to put them inside during a self-pleasuring session and squeeze my pelvic floor around them for extra delish sensations!

 

4. Rose quartz pleasure wand

Another one of my prized possessions! It can be used in a variety of ways to thrust, massage and stimulate the vaginal canal.

But it’s hard to get a good grip on the wand once it’s inside due to its shape and smoothness.

So instead of creating a lot of movement and sensation, I prefer to insert it all the way in so that’s touching my cervix. Once there, I bring a lot of awareness to my cervix and to the vaginal walls that are in contact with the wand. I can spend quite a considerable amount of time in complete stillness, enjoying the rippling, expansive pleasure emanating from my vagina.

Optionally, I can gently tap on the wand with my fingers to create extra sensations.

At times, I’ll also add external stimulation to create a blended orgasm.

 

5. Black obsidian pleasure wand

This wand is a little smaller than number 4. but it has a different energy to it. Black obsidian has a denser, more grounded energy and creates a different experience for Alice (that’s what I named my pussy).

 

6. Rechargeable vibrator

This little gem is pretty, small, handy and rechargeable. Easy to play with and even travel with!

I love how much pleasure it can give me but I usually don’t introduce it into my solo play until I’m well aroused and ready. It can take me into a climax within a few minutes so I’m careful with it and use it to tease myself for a while.

Word of caution: vibrators are great but can de-sensitize your intimate area. Make sure to only use it from time to time so that your precious pearl can receive plenty of gentler – hand stimulation as well!

 

7. Pleasure wand

This one is a serious mama-wand! It’s not only much bigger than number 6., it’s also much more powerful. It has about 30 different settings and a potential for a lot of fun.

But I NEVER use it on my genitals without a barrier of fabric – it’s way too powerful for nude Alice.

However, its strength and versatility make it perfect for other body parts…

Plus, if my rechargeable vibrator runs out of charge half-way through, I can always reach for the mama-wand!

 

8. Anal stimulator

There aren’t a lot of silicone items in my drawer but I got this nifty little toy because it vibrates. And according to Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., vibrations on the anus can induce trance-like state of bliss.

And oh boy, is he right!

 

I hope that this quick visit to my naughty drawer provided you with some insight and inspiration. Or at least a little chuckle… Let me know if it did and next time I might show you my kinky drawer!

 

And if you’re curious about using your self-pleasuring practice consciously to expand your erotic potential, have a look at the Masturbation Coaching online course. It’s an amazing resource that’ll show you how to infuse your self-touch practice with much more depth, pleasure and bliss!

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5 Must-try Masturbation Moves for Her

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If you’re like most people, you probably always masturbate in the same way. It’s likely that over time you have developed a masturbation routine that works for you. This routine is a set of moves and strokes that give you pleasure and bring you to orgasm in the quickest and most efficient way.

 

When I ask my clients, they mostly admit that they’re still masturbating now the same way they did 10 years ago. This tells me that they don’t give their self-pleasure a lot of thought. And I mean – if it isn’t broken, why fix it! Yet, there’s a powerful reason why you might consider trying new things in your solo sexual practice!

 

If you always touch your genital area the same way, you’re actually limiting your erotic and orgasmic potential. You’re basically wiring your system for orgasms induced by your fingers or a vibrator stroking you in a very particular way. This can lead to difficulties when trying to orgasm with a partner. Plus there’s a world of different, varied, expanded pleasure sensations when we open ourselves to new experiences and sensations!

 

Would you like to try some of my favourite moves?

 

1/ Start by touching your entire body

If you usually rush your touch straight to your genital area, try something different and give yourself a loving full-body massage. Doesn’t it feel amazing to be touched and stroked all over by another person? You can offer your own body a wealth of pleasure by touching yourself from head to toe.

Try gently stroking your skin, massaging your feet, caressing your belly and dragging your nails down your inner arms. Caress your neck and massage your ears. No area of your body is off-limits!

Give this part at least 10 minutes.

 

2/ Breast massage

Woman’s breasts are sensitive and very receptive to touch. Yet most women never touch their own breasts!

Treat your chest to a luxurious massage. Use a massage oil of your choice (Yoni Elixir is one of my favs!) and slowly spread it all over, one breast at a time. Next, take some time drawing circles with your hands on the outer edges of your breasts. Start moving your hands up the centre of your chest and out to the sides along the pectoral muscles. Next down the outer edges and back to the middle. After a while switch direction.

I particularly like stroking my breasts gently with my nails but there is a wide variety of ways to touch, massage and stroke your breasts. If you need some inspiration, please make sure to visit my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women which includes a step-by-step tutorial of a deeply sensual and arousing breast self-massage.

 

3/ Pillow riding

Most women always lie down while masturbating. They use their hands to stroke themselves but apart from that, they don’t move their bodies at all. Pillow riding is different. It deeply engages your entire body, allowing you a completely new level of experience.

Lie down on your belly and place a pillow under your pelvis. Next start moving your body and particularly your hips in a “riding” motion up and down the pillow. Use it to stimulate your intimate area while allowing the erotic energy to spread and expand through your entire body.

 

4/ Tease yourself

You know that your clitoris is the most sensitive part of your body, you know that it feels amazing when you stroke and stimulate it. But you also know that doing so will bring you to orgasm fairly quickly, particularly if you’re using a vibrator.

Instead of giving yourself exactly what you desire, tease yourself by touching everywhere BUT the clit. Massage your entire vulva, stroke your outer and inner lips up and down and once you drive yourself wild with desire, only then indulge in clitoral stimulation.

 

5/ Clitoral clock

Your clitoris contains about 8,000 nerve endings which makes it extremely sensitive. But not many women know that the quality of pleasure will change, depending on where exactly you’re stroking your clit.

Imagine that your pleasure button is a face of a clock with 12 o’clock being the top bit, closest to your pubic mound, and 6 o’clock being underneath, closer to the vaginal opening. And now take your time exploring pleasure sensations by stroking different o’clocks, one by one.

Most women report that 2 o’clock is the most delicious spot (your upper left side) and I definitely love my 2 o’clock. But for me personally, nothing beats 8 o’clock!

 

This is just a quick taste of what’s possible in the masturbation realm. If you want to learn more, I’ve recently released my new online course – Masturbation Coaching. The course is currently available at a heavily discounted price but the discount will only be available for 7 days after release! Use this code to access the discount: SELFLOVE

Enjoy!!!

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How to Stay Aroused During Sex

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I often speak to women who complain of discomfort during sex. It usually all starts quite well – with caresses, kisses, arousal and pleasure. But as things move into penetration, at some stage she experiences a drop in desire and his thrusting turns from highly pleasurable to uncomfortable.

This is usually the point where women start urging their lovers to hurry up and finish – yikes! not a great aphrodisiac!

There is a variety of reasons for this experience. Some of them are physical, some mental and other still – emotional. It’s important to recognize and address them. Otherwise, the pattern becomes stronger and she cannot remain wet and aroused during intercourse, even if she’s really trying.

In my video I explain why this phenomenon happens and I dive into 5 powerful ways to resolve it and to help her remain wet, juicy, turned on and keen for more!


P.S. Every one of us is very unique in a way that we experience pleasure, arousal and desire. Please make sure to test all of my tips for yourself. And maybe even come up with your own… 🙂

 

Video content:

A lot of women I speak to describe an experience where they’re in the bedroom with their partners, both keep kissing, touching and caressing each other. The arousal builds and they’re both experiencing a lot of pleasure and desire. And so they move onto penetration and all feels amazing for quite a while. But as the intercourse progresses, at some point she starts to experience pain. As he keeps thrusting inside of her, it starts to feel like a burning friction. So in this video I’m going to show you why it happens and what to do about it!

Human arousal is complex and a lot of elements need to come together in order for us to feel “in the mood” for sex. It’s not only about the way he’s physically touching her. It’s also about her overall physical, emotional and mental state. And if these things are not aligned and taken care of, she can easily loose arousal during sex which will result in pain or discomfort for her during penetration. This is when women usually start urging their lovers to hurry up and finish. So here are a few simple ways to stay wet and aroused during sex!

 

1/ Stay connected to your own pleasure

Many women focus so strongly on pleasing their partner sexually, that they disconnect from their own bodies and their own sensuality. And it’s very difficult to remain aroused when you’re barely feeling your own body. So make sure to stay in your body, keep checking in with your body, breathing deeply, relaxing any tension and really noticing all the pleasurable sensations and erotic energy in your system.

 

2/ Take care of your own pleasure

Whenever you find that your arousal level is dropping and there are even slightest signs of discomfort, numbness or pain in your vagina, don’t just keep going, ignoring the discomfort your body is experiencing! Instead, touch and caress yourself in a way that will help. You can also ask your partner to do it for you! There’s nothing wrong with stopping the intercourse half way to manually or orally stimulate each other.

I have a few go-to’s when it comes to boosting my arousal but I always remain open and explore what my body might like and enjoy in that particular lovemaking session. I particularly like to stroke my breasts or caress my clitoris. I also have a small vibrator that comes in handy on different occasions.

 

3/ Check in with your emotions

Your emotional state will have a huge impact on your ability to get and stay aroused. So make sure to check in with yourself. Is the idea of being sexual with your partner bringing you joy, excitement and delight? Or do you feel frustrated with him, do you feel tired or even feeling resentful of something that happened in the past? These things can sit deeply in our subconscious so dig deep and be honest with yourself about how you feel. Because some things might need to be resolved or taken care of first, before you can surrender to the bliss of your lovemaking!

 

4/ Undulate your hips and body

Men tend to thrust in a in-and-out linear motion. This can definitely be stimulating and deeply pleasurable but for women, what feels really exquisite is the pressure on the vaginal walls. This is because the legs of the clitoris extend down on both sides of the vaginal canal. This kind of stimulation can be created when either or both partner undulate their hips and move their bodies in more circular, or wave-like ways.

 

5/ Self-pleasure!

A woman who regularly touches and caresses her own body, is much more activated sensually and sexually. She’s also much more capable of experiencing more pleasure and deeper arousal in your body. Because she knows exactly what her body needs and what it desires. She knows how it likes being touched and she can activate her sensuality easily.

 

Please play with these tips, particularly if you do struggle with lack of wetness, with low arousal and if you experience discomfort or pain during intercourse. And gentlemen, keep reminding your ladies to stay in their bodies and to remain connected to their breath, their genitals and their sensuality.

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I’ve been recently asked what I do during my sessions with clients and whether I teach them different sex positions. Well, that is actually one thing I rarely ever discuss. There is a variety of possibilities in the area of sex positions shown online and anybody can look them up if they’re curious.

But it did get me thinking as I realized that most people are not certain what happens during a session with a sex coach. The truth is that pretty much every session is different and all strongly depends on the particular problems and questions that my clients seek help with. Certain elements are fairly common and others – hugely unique.

So I am going to describe a session I ran recently with Greg (not his real name).

 

Case study

Greg is 32 and has been married for 3 years. Being still very young and in a fairly recent marriage, he was very concerned that his desire for intimate contact with his wife was significantly reducing each year and that at that stage they were having intercourse about once a month.

He masturbated regularly, always using porn and felt guilty about that. He wanted to let go of his porn addiction and re-connect sexually with his wife.

He also noticed that he wasn’t experiencing a lot of pleasure during sex and that his orgasms were premature and quite disappointing in intensity.

 

Marriage and desire

I started off explaining to him that a reduced desire in a long-term relationship is a very natural and common thing. Our bodies and minds are structured in a way that, with increased familiarity, the attractiveness of our partner declines. This is nature’s way of dealing with the risk of incest and this is why an exotic stranger is always more appealing sexually than our spouse.

We had a chat about the risks of allowing the intimacy to decline in a marriage and I also described beautiful practices, rituals and techniques that can help long-term partners rekindle the spark between them and bring back the passion.

 

Excessive use of porn

Greg was already making an effort to watch porn less and less so I coached him in more healthy ways of enjoying sex videos and gave him easy and effective ways to have much more embodied experiences during masturbation. I also explained how porn trains our arousal to happen through the mind instead of the body.

The most natural way of becoming aroused is through touch, closeness, kiss, embrace – all these things happen at the level of the body, these are physical experiences. And porn stimulates our minds and then indirectly our genitals.

Another problem with porn is that it wires our nervous systems to react with excitement to highly stimulating images, full of action, arousal, multiple partners and even aggression. After a while our spouses have no chance of matching this level of excitement in our own bedroom.

So as we’re overstimulating our nervous systems through intense, aggressive porn on a regular basis, we become more and more de-sensitized. Due to the reduced sensitivity of our bodies, our own touch or our partner’s touch becomes simply not enough, giving us lessened sensations of pleasure and a lot less excitement.

 

Orgasmic training

Next we moved onto bodywork and I guided his body to a state of expanded, deepened and intensified state of arousal. Within 15 minutes of this somatic training, his entire body was trembling in orgasmic pleasure.

He was completely mind-blown and ecstatic. He had never before experienced sexual pleasure outside of his genitals or arousal that lasted longer than a few minutes.

I directed him to integrate the experience in order to start teaching his body to experience full-body orgasms.

 

Enlightening sessions

This is just one example of what might happen in a sex coaching session.

As a somatic sexologist, I don’t just talk to my clients. I also work with their bodies, teaching them to breathe, to move, to sound, to feel and to experience things in a completely new way. Some of my friends refer to this as a neck-down-therapy as opposed to the regular therapy model (the neck-up-therapy) where the therapist only uses conversation.

I feel very lucky to be able to work both with the mind and with the body as the sex primarily happens in the body. Instead of just explaining things to my clients, I can also show them. And in most cases, I do leave them mind-blown.

Greg called the session “enlightening” and left it profoundly inspired.

 

P.S. Get in touch with me about my sex therapy sessions or check out my online courses!

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How to Give a Man a Lingam Massage

Last week I shared with you beautiful strokes and techniques of a yoni massage that men can pamper their partners with. This week we’re continuing in the spirit of giving and offering love, intimacy, affection and pleasure. And now it’s time for ladies to offer genital massage to their partners – what’s called ‘Lingam massage’ in Tantra.

Below is a selection of my favourite penis strokes for most pleasure, fun and bliss.

But ladies – do make sure to go slow and tease your partner instead of making him cum quickly. This massage should take at least 30 minutes so if he’s getting too aroused, stop the genital stimulation and guide him to relax and breathe deeply. Once his erection goes down a bit, you can resume the lingam strokes.

 

Tips: use massage oil, keep asking for feedback, be creative, have fun!

1/ Waking up the area: massage the groin, gently massage the scrotum (pull the skin, tug on pubic hair, scratch, caress – don’t massage the testicles, just the scrotal skin), massage pubic bone.

2/ Sweeping it up: place hands on inner left thigh and sweep along the thigh up over the penis and down the inside of the other thigh. Repeat back and forth a few times.

3/ Jiggle: cup your hand over the head of the penis so your fingertips hold the top of the shaft and jiggle your hand making a vibration. Stop and jiggle again.

4/ Rock around the clock: firmly stroke along the shaft of the penis, one palm after the other from the base up the head, then starting again at the base. Keep changing the direction so you take the lingam through all the hours of the clock. In the 12 o’clock you’re stroking towards the navel, at 6 o’clock – straight down.

5/ Up and down: hold his lingam at the middle of the shaft with the left hand just below the right. Have the lower hand stroke from the middle of the shaft down to the base and as the upper hand strokes at the same time from the middle up over the head. Add a little twist for an extra sensation.

6/ Infinite penetration: make a circle with the thumb and fingers of your left hand and take that circle over the head of his wand so it has to push through, like entering your yoni. Now put your other hand on top of that, making an open fist like the cylindrical shape of the barrel. Slide your hands down so the lingam passes through both hands until the circle on your left hand reaches the base of his lingam. Then immediately start him entering a circle made again with your left hand and so on.

7/ Pop the cork: imagine your dominant hand is a bottle opener. Have the palm facing upwards and the head of his lingam gently held between your well-oiled first and second knuckles. With the base of his lingam held by your other hand, run your upper hand along the top half of the penis shaft in a twisting motion as though you were popping  cork.

8/ Making fire: roll the lingam between the palms of your hands as if you were rubbing two sticks together to create a fire. The lingam is the fire stick. Start slowly, build up to a faster pace, then slow down again.

9/ Stroking the frenulum: if your man has a foreskin, gently pull it down. Support the lingam with your fingers while your thumbs are massaging the frenulum in circles. Get feedback as this area can be extremely sensitive.

10/ Juicer: hold the lingam at the base, with the other hand act as if you were juicing a lemon on the head of his penis. Use your fingertips to make circular motion to ‘juice’ up and down along the shaft.

11/ Lingam shiatsu: support the penis with your fingers while your thumbs make circular strokes all the way up the shaft, from the base up to the head.

 

You can print out these tips or memorize them. But definitely give this massage a go and comment below on your partner’s reaction!

And if you’re curious to learn more, I offer over 50 more lingam strokes in my Legendary Lover online course for men!

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