What’s Inside a Sex Therapist’s Naughty Drawer

What’s Inside a Sex Therapist’s Naughty Drawer

Have you ever wondered what’s inside a sex therapist’s naughty drawer?…

Every time I mention my naughty drawer to someone, I need to explain that it’s not a standard kind of a drawer. In fact, its contents are quite different from what a regular person would consider a normal or usual set of sex props. And it’s not because I’m a particularly kinky person – I love kink but I don’t engage in it very often. And yet, some of the toys I play with might surprise and confuse an innocent witness…

 

So, let’s take a look!

 

1. Jade egg

My Jade Egg is the oldest item in this collection. It’s been with me for about 5 years and I’m extremely fond of it. It’s been a tool of sexual healing and reclaiming a deep sensitivity inside of my vagina.

A lot can be done with a jade egg, including all sort of vaginal exercises but I really like to simply sleep with it. I insert it as I get to bed and allow it to do its magic while I sleep. As I move in my sleep, the egg is moving with me, massaging and caressing all the areas inside of my vaginal canal that benefit from a regular touch.

 

2. Rose quartz eggs

These three beauties are much newer and come in different sizes, allowing for different levels of pressure and weight inside of me.

 

3. Tachyon balls

If I understand well, Tachyon products do not come from Earth but are artificially made. These products are imbued with Tachyon energy which harmonises and neutralises harmful energies.

But apart from their vibrational qualities, they’re very yummy to play with!

I like to put them inside during a self-pleasuring session and squeeze my pelvic floor around them for extra delish sensations!

 

4. Rose quartz pleasure wand

Another one of my prized possessions! It can be used in a variety of ways to thrust, massage and stimulate the vaginal canal.

But it’s hard to get a good grip on the wand once it’s inside due to its shape and smoothness.

So instead of creating a lot of movement and sensation, I prefer to insert it all the way in so that’s touching my cervix. Once there, I bring a lot of awareness to my cervix and to the vaginal walls that are in contact with the wand. I can spend quite a considerable amount of time in complete stillness, enjoying the rippling, expansive pleasure emanating from my vagina.

Optionally, I can gently tap on the wand with my fingers to create extra sensations.

At times, I’ll also add external stimulation to create a blended orgasm.

 

5. Black obsidian pleasure wand

This wand is a little smaller than number 4. but it has a different energy to it. Black obsidian has a denser, more grounded energy and creates a different experience for Alice (that’s what I named my pussy).

 

6. Rechargeable vibrator

This little gem is pretty, small, handy and rechargeable. Easy to play with and even travel with!

I love how much pleasure it can give me but I usually don’t introduce it into my solo play until I’m well aroused and ready. It can take me into a climax within a few minutes so I’m careful with it and use it to tease myself for a while.

Word of caution: vibrators are great but can de-sensitize your intimate area. Make sure to only use it from time to time so that your precious pearl can receive plenty of gentler – hand stimulation as well!

 

7. Pleasure wand

This one is a serious mama-wand! It’s not only much bigger than number 6., it’s also much more powerful. It has about 30 different settings and a potential for a lot of fun.

But I NEVER use it on my genitals without a barrier of fabric – it’s way too powerful for nude Alice.

However, its strength and versatility make it perfect for other body parts…

Plus, if my rechargeable vibrator runs out of charge half-way through, I can always reach for the mama-wand!

 

8. Anal stimulator

There aren’t a lot of silicone items in my drawer but I got this nifty little toy because it vibrates. And according to Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., vibrations on the anus can induce trance-like state of bliss.

And oh boy, is he right!

 

I hope that this quick visit to my naughty drawer provided you with some insight and inspiration. Or at least a little chuckle… Let me know if it did and next time I might show you my kinky drawer!

 

And if you’re curious about using your self-pleasuring practice consciously to expand your erotic potential, have a look at the Masturbation Coaching online course. It’s an amazing resource that’ll show you how to infuse your self-touch practice with much more depth, pleasure and bliss!

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Women Fear Growing Older

Women Fear Growing Older

When I was 27, I decided to stop wearing cropped tops since my young, flat stomach suddenly stopped being naturally and effortlessly flat and it was no longer an option to freely show it to the world. When I was turning 30, I experienced a profound existential crisis, since I could never, ever call myself a 20-something year old again. At around 35, I learned that from now on my body would make me pay for having a second glass of wine. And at 38, I noticed that there were more grey hairs on my head than I could be bothered to remove anymore.

 

All of these instances made me realize one undeniable fact:

 

I’m getting older.

 

And in society where “old” equals “worse”, it’s an interesting experience to face these moments of truth and to decide what to do about them.

 

I come across a lot of women – in my client sessions, in my events and in the world at large. And a lot of these women express fear and anxiety about getting older, getting less attractive, less valuable and even – invisible to men. And I understand these fears. In society that glorifies youth and superficial beauty, it’s easy to feel rejected once you reach a certain age. But – as is the case with everything else in life – a change of mindset might be more powerful than a facelift.

 

Let me take a stock of my life…

 

  • I now have unshakeable confidence – something I would kill for in my 20s.

 

  • I also have a wealth of experience and knowledge about life – I have lived in different countries, I have travelled, I have read a ton of books, I’ve worked with coaches, attended a shitload of workshops and events, spoken to thousands of people and learned from many of them.

 

  • I have no more ‘big’ questions – I know the meaning of life, I know how to live the most purposeful, fulfilling and joyful existence, I know what’s really important to me and how to create my reality as I go – something I really grappled with when I was younger.

 

  • I have found my purpose and have built a business around it – so I no longer need to perform meaningless (to me) jobs in order to pay my bills. Now I FILL my days with things I enjoy and feel enthusiastic about.

 

  • I make a lot of money – and I’m not ashamed to say it. Money is important and a big component of living a life where I can express myself fully as a human being and I can support others to do the same. And don’t get me started on how broke I was when I was younger!

 

So when I face these surprising moments of truth, when my body is telling me loud and clear “you’re not a young girl anymore!”, I know exactly how to deal with that.

 

I choose to embrace my age, I choose to love myself fiercely, regardless of how the world is judging women of “certain age”. I choose to celebrate who I am and what I’ve created for myself. Because my 30s were a hell of a lot better than my 20s. And my 40s will be so much better still. And once I hit 50, every day will be a celebration of my magnificent nature.

 

And if I’m still single at 50 and men choose to ignore me ‘because I’m too old’, I will simply know that they were not the right men to be allowed to participate in my glorious life!

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Why You Might Want to Surrender in Bed

Why You Might Want to Surrender in Bed

Whenever I talk to my clients about orgasms, I need to explain what I mean by that word. Because to anybody that practices Tantra and tantric sex, the word ‘orgasm’ gains a whole new meaning.

 

Typically and conventionally, the word ‘orgasm’ is understood as a climax of sexual pleasure that happens in the genital region, lasts a few seconds and is accompanied by contractions of the pelvic floor and for men – by ejaculation.

 

However, that’s just one type of orgasm.

 

It’s the most commonly known one and in my experience – the least satisfying. When I train people in expanding their orgasmic potential, I want them to first of all understand, that they’re capable of much more than that physiological genital release.

 

For any tantric lover, orgasm becomes a state of blissful oneness with everything. It’s an experience of dissolving, melting and merging with the energy of the entire Universe in an ecstatic state of trance. It’s an experience where you lose yourself, lose the barriers of your physical body and energetically expand outward in a delightful act of orgasmic ecstasy that can last minutes or hours.

 

But… there’s a catch here.

 

In order to be able to reach this kind of state of expanded orgasm, you absolutely need to be able to surrender. And that is something that many people struggle with. The surrender I’m talking about here has nothing to do with submission – you’re not submitting yourself or your will to another person. No! What I mean here is an utter and complete surrender to your pleasure, a complete immersion in your physical experience and letting go of the voice of the mind in order to simply BE in the body.

 

And that kind of surrender is difficult. In the world where we’re trained to always live in the head, being in the body can be tricky, new and challenging. I get it! I used to be there and I worked hard to develop my ability to surrender to my sexual experience. And I did that because the payoff is immense…

 

Imagine orgasmic pleasure expanding in waves of shivers, tingles…

 

… starting in your genital area and then growing outwards into the rest of your being. Imagine having absolutely no thoughts in your head because your entire world is a trance-like state of deep ecstatic pleasure. Imagine feeling like your entire body vibrates with electric energy so intensely that you can’t feel the bed underneath you and you don’t even know where your body starts and ends.

 

That’s the kind of orgasmic state that is immersive, long-lasting, nurturing and deeply satisfying on many levels. That’s the kind of orgasm that leaves you feeling nourished, rejuvenated and ready to conquer the world.

 

And that’s the kind of orgasm that requires deep surrender.

 

I speak in much more detail about surrender and cultivating your sexual potential in my Orgasmic Empowerment online course for women. In the course, I also share a wealth of practical tools and exercises that help women develop their orgasms and erotic pleasure in order to become a fully activated and charismatic woman.

 

Make sure to check out my course or get in touch with me about my 1on1 sessions!

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What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

They did what to her??

 

A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my composure… But let me start from the beginning.

 

When it comes to surgery and particularly the cosmetic type, I’m a strong opponent of cutting our bodies without a very good reason. Of course, there are cases when a surgical procedure can be life-saving and I’m grateful for all the advancements of modern medicine that allow us to live long, happy, healthy lives.

 

Yet, I also recognize that a lot of people decide to go under a knife without a health emergency.

 

The whole cosmetic surgery arena was constructed to benefit from our insecurities

 

… and in many cases – to feed these securities into us in the first place. Does your body not fit the standard that we call ‘beauty’? We’ll fix that. Are you struggling to lose weight? We’ll cut off the fatty bits. Do you hate the shape of your nose? We’ll make you a new one…

 

It’s madness!

 

Our bodies are perfect, beautiful and always, always enough! But if you’re not happy with something about your looks, it’s actually unlikely that a medical procedure will fully satisfy you. Because in many cases it might feel like you need to change the shape of your thighs but in reality, you need a deeper level of self-love and self-acceptance. This is why once people start having surgery, they keep coming back for more. Because changing your physical appearance doesn’t address the core of the issue.

 

Because of my area of expertise, I feel particularly strongly about procedures that change the shape of our intimate bits.

 

Genitals truly are like snowflakes – all different, all miraculous

 

Yet the boom of porn industry convinced many of us that there’s only one acceptable shape of a vulva. And so countless women rushed to their cosmetic surgeons to undergo labiaplasty. Labiaplasty is a plastic surgery that alters the look of a vulva. It usually consists of surgically trimming inner lips if they seem too large or if they protrude outside of the outer lips. Its sole function is aesthetic.

 

So baring all that in mind, it was a true surprise even to myself that a few days ago I found myself inside a surgery room, together with a surgeon and Sue – a willing patient laying on the table, naked from waist down, her legs spread. My curiosity got the better of me and I spent most of the procedure chatting to Sue about her experience. I wanted to know what exactly was behind her decision and what sort of potential wounding made her expose her precious vulva to a merciless knife.

 

But Sue surprised me

 

She was in her 50s, mother of two and a happy wife of a loving husband. Not an active porn user herself, she wasn’t too bothered about comparing the look of her genitals to the women on the computer screen. Her husband had never mentioned anything to her either about re-shaping her asymmetrical inner lips and she had never spent a lot of time examining them or worrying about them. Her reason for opting for the procedure was different.

 

From a young age, she noticed a degree of discomfort between her legs while performing different activities. One larger inner lip would sometimes get pinched by the underwear or irritated by the surface that Sue was sitting on. Things could also get painful during intercourse as the extra flesh was getting caught in the sexy action. Sue was excited that she could finally do something about the discomfort and her entire approach to the procedure was calm, mature and very conscious. I was delighted to see that what brought her into the surgery room that day had nothing to do with trauma or unhealthy beliefs about herself, her body or her genitalia.

 

I also appreciated the surgeon’s attitude

 

He kindly and compassionately explained the whole process, including the need to exercise sound judgement and not request too much skin to be taken off. He also warned about scar tissue forming in the area which would reduce the natural sensitivity of the inner lips. The whole procedure took less than 30 minutes, with Sue remaining fully conscious the entire time and with plenty of care being taken for her comfort and wellbeing.

 

Please note that this post is NOT an encouragement to undergo a labiaplasty, it’s simply a way to open a conversation about this procedure. I’m sharing my experience because witnessing someone undergoing it challenged my outlook on this kind of surgery and allowed me more understanding and compassion for women opting for it. So if labiaplasty is something that you’re considering, please explore first your deep, true reasons for doing it. And if your decision comes from a healthy, conscious place, make sure to find a reputable surgeon who can perform the procedure.

 

But above all, spend some time with your own body and your own intimate area first, exploring all the deep feelings and any negative emotions. Because your body itself might have some answers for you! And if you’d like some support with that, please reach out to me for a 1on1 session. I’ll be delighted to support you and your relationship with your body, pleasure and eroticism.

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How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

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How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson

 

This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to the way we usually experience climax in the bedroom. When you think back to your typical orgasmic experience, you’ll probably notice that it tends to be an experience full of tension – muscles of your legs and pelvis are contracting and your breath becomes shorter and is often held. So why is Diana Richardson talking about being more relaxed in sex?

 

This used to really confuse me until I started training my body using tantric tools and practices. And after a while, what seemed to be a one and only way to experience sex and orgasm (tension, contraction, short breath, …) turned out to be just one of the ways to experience my eroticism.

 

These other ways led me down the path of not only becoming multi-orgasmic, but also of expanding my orgasms into a full-body, toe-curling, awe-inspiring experiences of expanded bliss…

 

I included my absolutely favourite tantric techniques in the Orgasmic Empowerment online course for Women. But more about that later as I currently have a very special Women’s Day deal on offer!

And I want to stress that there’s no judgement here about the more traditional tension-based approaches to sex. You should do whatever works for you and whatever you enjoy! I’m simply stressing that there are also other ways that might work better for you.

 

And this is significant because the amount of frustration around sex and orgasm in our society is truly mind blowing.

 

We often resign ourselves to infrequent, mediocre, painful or non-existent sex life because we lack basic understanding about how sex and sexual energy work. Even if a couple enjoys a juicy and frequent sex life at the beginning of their relationship, things usually change down the track and excitement morphs into disappointment or boredom.

 

An unhealthy routine develops, where men seek their own pleasure by penetrating woman’s body to achieve ejaculation. The amount of time required in such encounters is mostly not enough to arouse the woman sufficiently so that her sexual energy can start flowing equally abundantly. Women in such relationships feel used, lonely or purely disinterested in sex as their sexual frustration grows. Most men admit that this state of things is not truly satisfying to them either but they don’t know what to do about it.

 

There are also more considerate lovers who want to make sure that their female partner orgasms first by clitoral stimulation. But putting such pressure on a woman usually places her in a place where she feels guilty about taking too much time and becomes way too tense to achieve a true, deep ecstasy.

 

According to Tantra, we got it all wrong.

 

The basic understanding of male-female polarity suggests that male energy is like fire – heats up very quickly and quickly goes out. While female energy is like water – takes a longer time to warm up but also stays warm longer. This simple picture illustrates a very important point – we cannot force our bodies into being something that we are not and by not acknowledging our true nature, we remain empty and unsatisfied. It is often not in woman’s nature to heat up quickly and she usually doesn’t. Her nature is to create a beautifully relaxed, serene and sensitive environment for a man to enter which then allows him to also slow down, relax and last long enough to achieve a deeply satisfying and intense orgasm. Both can then join in a rich ecstasy, rooted in body awareness and deep relaxation.

 

We all have the inner ability to experience deep, long-lasting, spiritually enlightening orgasms.

 

But we lack basic education and awareness of the way our bodies work. A first, a very important step is to relax into our bodies and to develop a calm awareness of our sensations. We cannot experience mind blowing orgasms if we’re not truly connected to our bodies and if we don’t really know them. We need to take the time to learn what our bodies truly love and appreciate, what kind of touch arouses us, what kind of strokes give us pleasure.

 

Another important point is developing a loving awareness of ourselves. So many people (particularly women) suffer from poor body image, it’s no wonder we don’t like our bodies and try to disconnect from them as much as we can. As a regular practice, stand in front of a large mirror naked and look at your own body with admiration. This body carried you through so many years of ups and downs, it provided you with so much pleasure and served you well your entire life. Each mark or scar is a reminder of your body’s strength and survival abilities. Embrace yourself lovingly, your body is beautiful and it craves your love!

 

Whenever you lie down at night, practice a gentle, relaxed awareness for 10-15 minutes or as much time as you have. Lie down on your back with your spine straight, your feet more than hip-width apart and arms relaxed at your sides, palms up. Relax your entire body and allow your awareness to travel up and down your spine, becoming conscious of your body, particularly your heart area and your genitals.

 

Allow your awareness to penetrate your body so deep that you can feel your energy tingling in your organs as your body relaxes.

 

If you find it hard to become aware of your body part, place your hands on it to bring more energy there. And just rest with your body, connect to it, allow it to flood your awareness until you’re completely submerged in it. This deep awareness of your body is a first step in becoming more orgasmic. So practice it often and see your body as a lovable, beautiful creation. It will then provide you with as much pleasure as you can handle!

 

And if you’d love to learn all my favourite, more advanced techniques for awakening your orgasmic power, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women.

 

For the next 7 days the entire course is available at a price that you choose.

 

This is my International Women’s Day gift to all the ladies on my newsletter list. Orgasmic Empowerment course normally retails at AU$297 but for the next week you can name your price! Simply email me letting me know how much you can pay for the course and I’ll provide you with an immediate access to the entire program.

Ladies, here’s to awakening and activating your full orgasmic potential!

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How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting different practitioners, healers and sex therapists.

 

One of these therapists was a woman who had been featured in the media for breathing herself to orgasm.

 

I thought it was quite impressive and I wanted to do the same. But I wasn’t quite there yet. I was still dealing with painful intercourse, lack of orgasms and sexual frustrations.

 

During one of our sessions she told me that despite being in her 50s, her own sexual potential never stopped expanding. She said that she was having the best sex of her life yet and that she still kept discovering new types of orgasm.

 

Many sessions, practices and experiences later, I came to understand fully what she meant. And that got me thinking…

 

How come the definition of orgasm is so limited in our society?

 

How come the ability to have expanded, full-body, long-lasting, mystical and mind-blowing orgasms is not common knowledge? Why nobody teaches us that an orgasm can be much more than a few seconds of pleasurable climax accompanied by genital contractions?

 

And how big is our orgasmic potential REALLY?

 

Orgasms can manifest as a lot of different things…

 

… powerful energy flowing through your whole body causing you to shake ecstatically, deeply peaceful bliss expanding through your system, trance-like state of pleasure where your brain shuts down completely and you find yourself in another realm, in a different universe… It can feel like shivers, tingles, goose bumps, aliveness spreading up and down through every single cell in your body… It can originate in many different parts of your body – in your genitals, breasts/chest, heart, throat, anus, ear, neck, arm… It can feel like a flood of emotions – laughter, sadness, tears, grief, rage, joy, happiness, love…

 

The trick here is to start seeing orgasm as something larger, deeper, more profound, longer-lasting, more satisfying. Something truly blissful, expanded and out of this world, that can travel ecstatically into your very core and completely knock your socks off.

 

But if all you ever understand as orgasm are a few seconds of pleasurable contractions in your genital region, that’s all you’ll ever experience as orgasm.

 

Remember, the more you expand your understanding of orgasm, the more your orgasm will expand.

 

Many, many times I cried or laughed through my orgasms. And it felt like an amazing energetic release happening in my entire body. That energy seemed to have no end and I learned to keep moving it and encouraging it to keep flowing in order for me to remain in an orgasmic state for minutes or hours.

 

So, how do YOU experience orgasm?

How does it feel in your body?

What emotions do you feel if any?

Does it nurture or deplete you?

Does it leave you feeling frustrated and incomplete or deeply satisfied?

And what exactly do you understand by the word ‘orgasm’?

 

This simple reflection will allow you to map out where you are sexually and orgasmically right now…

 

… and where you can be if you decide to follow this path. If you want to learn more, I’ve designed a 7-week online course full of practices, insights and tips for expanding the world of your orgasmic potential.

 

This course will also teach you how to take your erotic essence out into your life, so it doesn’t just express in the bedroom.

 

You’ll learn how to bring that sexy aliveness into any area of your life you want.

 

Imagine walking through your life with the fullness of your juiciness and sensuality, expressing it in the way you interact with others and with the life itself. If you want to become a woman who consciously uses her energy to become more attractive and charismatic, you’ll love the Orgasmic Empowerment for Women. I look forward to seeing you there!

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Women Fear Growing Older

When I was 27, I decided to stop wearing cropped tops since my young, flat stomach suddenly stopped being naturally and effortlessly flat and it was no longer an option to freely show it to the world. When I was turning 30, I experienced a profound existential crisis,...

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Why You Might Want to Surrender in Bed

Whenever I talk to my clients about orgasms, I need to explain what I mean by that word. Because to anybody that practices Tantra and tantric sex, the word ‘orgasm’ gains a whole new meaning.   Typically and conventionally, the word ‘orgasm’ is understood as a climax...

read more

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