Female orgasm tends to be covered with a layer of mystery. Many men (and some women) wonder what it is, how it works, how to have one (or give her one) or whether such a thing even exists. In my own experience as a woman, the female orgasm remained elusive and...
Female orgasm tends to be covered with a layer of mystery. Many men (and some women) wonder what it is, how it works, how to have one (or give her one) or whether such a thing even exists.
In my own experience as a woman, the female orgasm remained elusive and puzzling for the first 15 years of my sexual life! Not only I couldn’t orgasm with a partner, I struggled to orgasm alone and whenever I did manage to “rub one out”, the whole experience was barely pleasurable and quite frankly – mostly disappointing.
Fortunately, then everything changed…
What is female orgasm
The term “female orgasm” refers to any type of orgasmic climax that can be reached by a woman. Most ladies are only aware of the clitoral orgasms but the female body is in fact capable of many different types of orgasm.
The orgasm itself is a release of arousal, of sexual energy. When you’re having sex or masturbating, you’re building up sexual charge in the area being stimulated. When that charge reaches a critical point of intensity, the energy is released and you experience a surge of pleasure followed by a sense of release.
Types of female orgasm
Depending on who you ask, you’ll hear a variety of answers to the question: “What are different types of female orgasm?”.
In tantric tradition, women are said to experience either internal or external orgasms. The external orgasms include:
- Clitoral orgasm – caused by the stimulation of the clitoris,
- Vaginal opening orgasm – caused by the stimulation of the vaginal opening.
The external orgasms are typically experienced as a pleasurable ‘peak’ of sexual tension. These orgasms are localised in the genitals and typically last a few seconds. They are usually followed by a sense of “being done” where the arousal rapidly decreases. For most women, the clitoris becomes too sensitive to continue the stimulation at this point.
The internal orgasms feel quite different – more relaxed, open and expansive. This is where women talk about full-body experiences that can last much, much longer than the external orgasms.
The internal orgasms include:
- G-Spot orgasm – achieved through the stimulation of the spongy tissue on the upper wall of the vagina, not too far behind the vaginal opening,
- A-Spot orgasm – the A-Spot is located deeper in the vagina, behind the G-Spot,
- Cervical orgasm – the cervix is the gateway to the womb and its stimulation can induce trance-like orgasmic states,
- Anal orgasm – for many women the stimulation of the anus (externally or internally) can be extremely pleasurable and can lead to very satisfying orgasms,
- Nipple orgasm – woman’s nipples are naturally very sensitive as they contain a richness of nerve endings, making them a powerful area to stimulate a woman to orgasm. Not many women know that they can experience nipple orgasms but this kind of orgasms feel incredibly pleasurable and seem to spill out from the chest to the rest of the body – pure bliss!
- Other erogenous zones – the areas of the body mentioned above are typically considered the main erogenous zones but every body is quite unique in its own ability to experience arousal and orgasms. Make sure to explore your secondary erogenous zones as well (ears, neck, face, inner arms, inner thighs, feet, behind knees, buttocks, etc.) to see what works for you!
If you’d like to learn more about having these different internal orgasms, have a look at my online course for women: Orgasmic Empowerment. This program is a 7-week journey for any woman who is keen to awaken her full erotic power and to experience a variety of deeply blissful and satisfying orgasms easily – with a partner or all by herself!
What happens in the body when you orgasm?
When we have sex or masturbate, our erogenous zones – the primary or the secondary ones – are pleasurably stimulated. As the stimulation continues, the arousal keeps building and eventually we reach a point where that erotic energy reaches a point of climax. When that happens, we orgasm, the sexual tension is released and the body typically experiences the following physical changes:
- Release of pleasure hormones in the body,
- Contractions of the pelvic floor muscle,
- Increased heart rate,
- Increased pace of breathing.
Depending on the type of the orgasm you’ve just had, you might then move on to a refractory period. In that phase, your body is recovering and most people report being unable to experience arousal again. The refractory period can last between a few seconds and a few days, depending on your gender, age, state of your health and a few other factors.
For women, the refractory period seem to be much shorter than for men.
Combination orgasm or a blended orgasm
Did you know that you could combine or blend your orgasms? This can be a really fun experience and a space for much creativity and exploration for women.
Blended orgasms are achieved when more than one erogenous zone are stimulated in a lead up to orgasm. When sexual tension is stimulated in at least two different body parts, the resulting orgasm will combine the characteristics of both of these areas, giving you a richer, more expanded climax.
The most common example of a blended orgasm happens when both the clitoris and the G-Spot are stimulated at the same time.
Female orgasm during sex
Many women I speak to report being unable to orgasm from penetration alone. This can make achieving orgasm during sex tricky but not impossible!
When having sex with a woman, always remember that she has an amazing organ, responsible solely for giving her pleasure – her clitoris.
The clitoral glans (the external part of the clitoral structure) contains about 8,000 nerve endings which is a lot more than the entire head of the penis has. Use this knowledge to your advantage and make sure that the clit is a part of the action!
If you’re making love to a woman, include her clit in the love-making – rub it with your fingers, with a toy or with your pubic bone if the position of your body allows it.
And if you’re a woman, don’t be shy and make sure to stroke yourself or ask your partner for the kind of stimulation that you’ll enjoy.
And if you’d like to learn how to go beyond the clitoral orgasm and start experiencing a rich variety of internal, expanded, full-body orgasms anytime you want to, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment online course for women. I’ve filled it with my most powerful tools and techniques to help any woman activate and cultivate her full orgasmic power!
How to make her come
Every woman is unique and there’s no formula that will work for them all. But there are a few things you can do to improve your chances of taking her to an epic O:
Ask her what she likes, ask her how she usually orgasms, what kind of stimulation she needs. Maybe she’ll even be open to showing you how she masturbates!
Women need foreplay – period! There’s no way around it. Her genital area needs to become engorged and lubricated so that penetration can be actually pleasurable for her. So don’t rush it! Learn to enjoy foreplay and you’ll feel like a king each time you take her into a place of orgasmic ecstasy.
3/ Her magic spots
Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Others favour the G-Spot. Find out what works for her and make sure to include her magic zones each time you touch her!
4/ No pressure!
Make sure to never put any pressure on her to come when you’re playing with her. If she feels rushed by you, she’ll struggle to let herself go and orgasm will keep eluding her.
A lot of women report that sex toys make orgasming much easier for them. So don’t let the dildos and vibrators threaten your ego – they’re not your competition. They’re just a tool that both of you can use for increased pleasure and enjoyment.
She absolutely needs to feel safe when you’re exploring together. If she’s stressed or worried for whatever reason (about someone knocking on the door, about STI’s, pregnancy, etc.), she’ll find it much more challenging to orgasm.
7/ Who is responsible?
Finally, understand that it’s not your responsibility to make her orgasm. Female orgasms belong to women and women only. That means that you can’t actually GIVE her an orgasm.
You can support her in having one but it’s ultimately up to her to orgasm. And there are certain things that can stand in her way, things that you have no control over. This can be things like: her sexual past, her inhibitions, underlying ideas and beliefs about sex and pleasure, her attitudes towards her naked body, etc.
Benefits of female orgasm
Orgasms are wonderful and there are a lot of wonderful benefits that we can obtain from them. And female orgasms are no different!
Some of the benefits of a really great orgasm in a woman are:
- More sex appeal – regular orgasms balance women’s hormones which adds to their libido, improves their mood and adds to their sex appeal,
- Lower stress – oxytocin not only creates a sense of bonding with the lover, it also combats the effects of cortisol in the body,
- Better sleep – an orgasm will help her body regulate the circadian rhythm better, leading to better quality sleep,
- Higher immunity – orgasms boost infection-fighting cells in the body,
- Easier periods – improved blood circulation in the pelvic area supports a regular menstrual cycle,
- More happiness – multiple chemical changes in the body induced by orgasms cause an improved wellbeing and a deeper sense of life satisfaction.
Orgasm gap is a term that refers to the difference between the frequency of male orgasms and female orgasms experienced by lovers during intercourse.
According to a recent study, about 90% of men reach climax regularly when having sex with their partners. This compares to only about 30% of women who can say the same.
What if you never orgasmed before?
I have worked with many women who had never climaxed before. So if that’s your experience, don’t worry – you’re not alone! And help is available.
Working with an experienced sex therapist like myself is a wonderful way to discover any blocks and issues that stand in the way of your orgasmic ease and power.
However, if you’re currently unable to employ the services of a professional, the next best thing is to enrol in my Orgasmic Empowerment online course for women. This program was specifically designed for any woman who is ready to deepen, expand and grow her erotic power.
Women are naturally orgasmic and can experience a rich variety of blissful ecstatic states. And it’s never too late to start!
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