The Truth about Female Orgasm: How to Make Her Come Every Time

The Truth about Female Orgasm: How to Make Her Come Every Time

Female orgasm tends to be covered with a layer of mystery. Many men (and some women) wonder what it is, how it works, how to have one (or give her one) or whether such a thing even exists.


In my own experience as a woman, the female orgasm remained elusive and puzzling for the first 15 years of my sexual life! Not only I couldn’t orgasm with a partner, I struggled to orgasm alone and whenever I did manage to “rub one out”, the whole experience was barely pleasurable and quite frankly – mostly disappointing.


Fortunately, then everything changed…


What is female orgasm


The term “female orgasm” refers to any type of orgasmic climax that can be reached by a woman. Most ladies are only aware of the clitoral orgasms but the female body is in fact capable of many different types of orgasm.


The orgasm itself is a release of arousal, of sexual energy. When you’re having sex or masturbating, you’re building up sexual charge in the area being stimulated. When that charge reaches a critical point of intensity, the energy is released and you experience a surge of pleasure followed by a sense of release.


Types of female orgasm


Depending on who you ask, you’ll hear a variety of answers to the question: “What are different types of female orgasm?”.


In tantric tradition, women are said to experience either internal or external orgasms. The external orgasms include:

  • Clitoral orgasm – caused by the stimulation of the clitoris,
  • Vaginal opening orgasm – caused by the stimulation of the vaginal opening.


The external orgasms are typically experienced as a pleasurable ‘peak’ of sexual tension. These orgasms are localised in the genitals and typically last a few seconds. They are usually followed by a sense of “being done” where the arousal rapidly decreases. For most women, the clitoris becomes too sensitive to continue the stimulation at this point.



The internal orgasms feel quite different – more relaxed, open and expansive. This is where women talk about full-body experiences that can last much, much longer than the external orgasms.


The internal orgasms include:

  • G-Spot orgasm – achieved through the stimulation of the spongy tissue on the upper wall of the vagina, not too far behind the vaginal opening,
  • A-Spot orgasm – the A-Spot is located deeper in the vagina, behind the G-Spot,
  • Cervical orgasm – the cervix is the gateway to the womb and its stimulation can induce trance-like orgasmic states,
  • Anal orgasm – for many women the stimulation of the anus (externally or internally) can be extremely pleasurable and can lead to very satisfying orgasms,
  • Nipple orgasm – woman’s nipples are naturally very sensitive as they contain a richness of nerve endings, making them a powerful area to stimulate a woman to orgasm. Not many women know that they can experience nipple orgasms but this kind of orgasms feel incredibly pleasurable and seem to spill out from the chest to the rest of the body – pure bliss!
  • Other erogenous zones – the areas of the body mentioned above are typically considered the main erogenous zones but every body is quite unique in its own ability to experience arousal and orgasms. Make sure to explore your secondary erogenous zones as well (ears, neck, face, inner arms, inner thighs, feet, behind knees, buttocks, etc.) to see what works for you!


If you’d like to learn more about having these different internal orgasms, have a look at my online course for women: Orgasmic Empowerment. This program is a 7-week journey for any woman who is keen to awaken her full erotic power and to experience a variety of deeply blissful and satisfying orgasms easily – with a partner or all by herself!



What happens in the body when you orgasm?


When we have sex or masturbate, our erogenous zones – the primary or the secondary ones – are pleasurably stimulated. As the stimulation continues, the arousal keeps building and eventually we reach a point where that erotic energy reaches a point of climax. When that happens, we orgasm, the sexual tension is released and the body typically experiences the following physical changes:


  • Release of pleasure hormones in the body,
  • Contractions of the pelvic floor muscle,
  • Increased heart rate,
  • Increased pace of breathing.


Depending on the type of the orgasm you’ve just had, you might then move on to a refractory period. In that phase, your body is recovering and most people report being unable to experience arousal again. The refractory period can last between a few seconds and a few days, depending on your gender, age, state of your health and a few other factors.


For women, the refractory period seem to be much shorter than for men.


Combination orgasm or a blended orgasm


Did you know that you could combine or blend your orgasms? This can be a really fun experience and a space for much creativity and exploration for women.



Blended orgasms are achieved when more than one erogenous zone are stimulated in a lead up to orgasm. When sexual tension is stimulated in at least two different body parts, the resulting orgasm will combine the characteristics of both of these areas, giving you a richer, more expanded climax.


The most common example of a blended orgasm happens when both the clitoris and the G-Spot are stimulated at the same time.


Female orgasm during sex


Many women I speak to report being unable to orgasm from penetration alone. This can make achieving orgasm during sex tricky but not impossible!


When having sex with a woman, always remember that she has an amazing organ, responsible solely for giving her pleasure – her clitoris.


The clitoral glans (the external part of the clitoral structure) contains about 8,000 nerve endings which is a lot more than the entire head of the penis has. Use this knowledge to your advantage and make sure that the clit is a part of the action!


If you’re making love to a woman, include her clit in the love-making – rub it with your fingers, with a toy or with your pubic bone if the position of your body allows it.


And if you’re a woman, don’t be shy and make sure to stroke yourself or ask your partner for the kind of stimulation that you’ll enjoy.


And if you’d like to learn how to go beyond the clitoral orgasm and start experiencing a rich variety of internal, expanded, full-body orgasms anytime you want to, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment online course for women. I’ve filled it with my most powerful tools and techniques to help any woman activate and cultivate her full orgasmic power!


How to make her come


Every woman is unique and there’s no formula that will work for them all. But there are a few things you can do to improve your chances of taking her to an epic O:



1/ Communication

Ask her what she likes, ask her how she usually orgasms, what kind of stimulation she needs. Maybe she’ll even be open to showing you how she masturbates!


2/ Foreplay

Women need foreplay – period! There’s no way around it. Her genital area needs to become engorged and lubricated so that penetration can be actually pleasurable for her. So don’t rush it! Learn to enjoy foreplay and you’ll feel like a king each time you take her into a place of orgasmic ecstasy.


3/ Her magic spots

Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Others favour the G-Spot. Find out what works for her and make sure to include her magic zones each time you touch her!


4/ No pressure!

Make sure to never put any pressure on her to come when you’re playing with her. If she feels rushed by you, she’ll struggle to let herself go and orgasm will keep eluding her.


5/ Toys

A lot of women report that sex toys make orgasming much easier for them. So don’t let the dildos and vibrators threaten your ego – they’re not your competition. They’re just a tool that both of you can use for increased pleasure and enjoyment.


6/ Safety

She absolutely needs to feel safe when you’re exploring together. If she’s stressed or worried for whatever reason (about someone knocking on the door, about STI’s, pregnancy, etc.), she’ll find it much more challenging to orgasm.


7/ Who is responsible?

Finally, understand that it’s not your responsibility to make her orgasm. Female orgasms belong to women and women only. That means that you can’t actually GIVE her an orgasm.


You can support her in having one but it’s ultimately up to her to orgasm. And there are certain things that can stand in her way, things that you have no control over. This can be things like: her sexual past, her inhibitions, underlying ideas and beliefs about sex and pleasure, her attitudes towards her naked body, etc.



Benefits of female orgasm


Orgasms are wonderful and there are a lot of wonderful benefits that we can obtain from them. And female orgasms are no different!


Some of the benefits of a really great orgasm in a woman are:

  • More sex appeal – regular orgasms balance women’s hormones which adds to their libido, improves their mood and adds to their sex appeal,
  • Lower stress – oxytocin not only creates a sense of bonding with the lover, it also combats the effects of cortisol in the body,
  • Better sleep – an orgasm will help her body regulate the circadian rhythm better, leading to better quality sleep,
  • Higher immunity – orgasms boost infection-fighting cells in the body,
  • Easier periods – improved blood circulation in the pelvic area supports a regular menstrual cycle,
  • More happiness – multiple chemical changes in the body induced by orgasms cause an improved wellbeing and a deeper sense of life satisfaction.


Orgasm gap


Orgasm gap is a term that refers to the difference between the frequency of male orgasms and female orgasms experienced by lovers during intercourse.


According to a recent study, about 90% of men reach climax regularly when having sex with their partners. This compares to only about 30% of women who can say the same.



What if you never orgasmed before?


I have worked with many women who had never climaxed before. So if that’s your experience, don’t worry – you’re not alone! And help is available.


Working with an experienced sex therapist like myself is a wonderful way to discover any blocks and issues that stand in the way of your orgasmic ease and power.


However, if you’re currently unable to employ the services of a professional, the next best thing is to enrol in my Orgasmic Empowerment online course for women. This program was specifically designed for any woman who is ready to deepen, expand and grow her erotic power.


Women are naturally orgasmic and can experience a rich variety of blissful ecstatic states. And it’s never too late to start!

Helena Nista Sex Therapist
Hi! I'm Helena Nista

I help men, women, and couples experience deeper intimacy, more connected sex, and mind-blowing pleasure. Follow me on Social Media for more awesome Tantric tips, tricks, and techniques!

How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

I recently posted a video about the best way to finger a pussy. It’s been one of my most popular videos to date and it keeps getting more and more views every day.


So today I’m going to continue in the spirit of giving our partners amazing touch, pleasure and affection but this time we’re going to use our hands to handle, touch and stroke his penis. Ooh-la-la! This one is going to be hot!


What a Skilful Penis Massage Can Do For You


A lot of people talk about the depth of woman’s pleasure and orgasmic potential. Some people even claim that she is capable of orgasms which are 10 times more powerful than those of a man.


But in my experience most men have not even scratched the surface of their own erotic power. Men who slow down in order to feel their pleasure more deeply, men who bring much more awareness to their breath and their sensitivity, these men can without a question match a woman’s ecstatic bliss.


Negative messages about the penis


Unfortunately, most men have received a lot of negative conditioning around their sexuality and their penises. But the great news is that a well-performed penis massage can overcome these challenges and guide the owner of the massaged penis to states of incredible beauty, yumminess and full-body bliss!


Some of the biggest problems I see in my clients are:

  • A sense of rush – once the erection is there, most men feel unable to delay the orgasm and keep rushing into the climax way too quickly, hence not giving themselves a chance to build up enough arousal for a powerful orgasm,
  • Disconnect from the senses – many men use fantasy or porn in order to support their arousal but by doing that regularly, over time they train their nervous system to become numbed down and disconnected, stopping them from experiencing full depth of their sexual pleasure


So how can a woman massage his penis in a way that will support him in opening and accessing his deeper potential for pleasure and expanded orgasms? Let me show you…


Step-by-step penis massage process


1/ intention for your sensual massage


Always start with an intention. Before you even touch his penis, look your partner deep in the eye and share your intention with him. Tell him that this massage is for him. Tell him that you’re going to take your time and that you’re going to celebrate, pleasure and love his cock with your hands.


Reassure him that nothing is required of him. That he doesn’t need to ejaculate or even remain hard the whole time. Tell him that his body and penis are welcome to respond in any way that they want to. And that he doesn’t need to worry about anything else than receiving your touch.


2/ relax him before you massage his penis


Ask him to lie on his back and relax, while you’re gently, lovingly stroking and massaging his entire body. This party isn’t necessarily about the penis but you don’t have to avoid it. It might be quite fun to actually casually allow your hands to go over his cock and balls from time to time…


And BTW, if you’re enjoying what I teach, make sure to check out my Tantric Sex for Couples online course which is full of amazing, ecstatic and fun rituals and practices that partners can perform together to take their intimate connection to a whole new level!


3/ different techniques to stroke his penis


Start by oiling his magic wand. You can use any massage oil he likes or simply opt for a coconut oil if you’re not sure what to choose. It will be a lovely touch to warm up the oil first a bit so that it’s not too cold.


While you’re applying the oil to his genital area, do it slowly and gently. While you’re doing that, it can be a wonderful addition to actually tell him what you love and adore about his penis and his scrotum. Most men never hear loving words about their genitalia so it might be a truly wonderful experience for him to hear your words of appreciation.


  • Wake up the area

Start by massaging his inner thighs, his groin, his lower belly and pubic bone. All these areas are sensitive and will respond well to your touch.


  • Sweeping it up

Place your hands on his inner left thigh and sweep up along his thigh over his penis and down the inside of the other thigh. Go back and forth a few times.


  • Scrotum

Support his ball sack with one hand from underneath and massage the skin with the fingers of your other hand. Don’t squeeze the testicles but rather massage the skin between them.


  • Jiggle

Cup your hand over the head of the penis so your fingertips hold the top of the shaft and jiggle your hand making a vibration. Stop and jiggle again.


  • Rock around the Clock

Firmly stroke along the shaft of his penis, one hand after the other one, going from the base to the head and then starting again at the base. Keep changing the direction so you take his penis through all the hours of the clock. In the 12 o’clock position you’re stroking towards the navel and at 6 o’clock – straight down.


  • Up and down

Hold his penis at the middle of the shaft with your left hand just below the right. Have the lower hand stroke from the middle of the shaft down to the base as the upper hand strokes at the same time from the middle up over the head. You can add a little twist for an extra sensation.


  • Infinite penetration

Embrace the head of the penis with one hand and the allow your hand to slide down the shaft. As that’s happening, place your other hand around his hand and start sliding it down as well. As soon as one hand reaches the base of his cock, bring it back up to the head and continue the motion.


  • Pop the cork

Imagine that your dominant hand is a bottle opener. Have the palm facing upward while holding the shaft of his penis between your fingers. With the base of his cock held by your other hand, run your upper hand along the top half of his shaft in a twisting motion, as though you were popping a cork.


  • Making fire

Roll the penis between the palms of your hands as if you were rubbing two sticks together to create fire. Start slowly and build up to a faster pace. Then slow down again.


  • Juicer

Hold the penis at the base while your other hand is performing a juicing motion on the head. Use your fingertips to make circular strokes to juice his cock.


Don’t be shy here and if you’re not certain how you’re doing, ask him for feedback. He might prefer a little more pressure or less pressure. He might like some of the penis strokes more than others and he’ll want you to spend more time on his favourite strokes.


Make sure to also play with speed, variety and also make up your own strokes to give him even more pleasure.


4/ edging him before orgasm


While you’re stroking him, make sure to not take him over the edge of orgasm too quickly. If he becomes too aroused, stop the stimulation and guide him to relax and breathe deeply. You can learn much more about edging from my video here.


Remember that this is not a race but a feast for his senses. Take your time, slow down and guide him on an ecstatic journey.


5/ enjoy yourself!


The energy behind your touch is a big part of this experience. So make sure to enjoy the process. Don’t do anything that you don’t want to do because his body will sense your resistance.


Remember that touch is 2-directional and that while you’re touching him, you’re also experiencing his skin on your own skin. Be present with that sensuality of your shared experience together and have fun with it!

These strokes are really just the beginning so after you’ve tried them all, let your imagination run wild and keep giving him new, different, surprising kinds of stimulation. This is your experience so be an active creator in it!


And if you’d like to learn even more about taking your sex life to a completely new level, make sure to check out Tantric Sex for Couples.

TANTRIC SEX FOR COUPLES: a 5-week online course for any couples who want to upgrade their sex life and relationship.

Tantric couples enjoy a very rich, nurturing, playful and intimate connection in the bedroom and outside of it. 

How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

I recently posted a video about the best way to finger a pussy. It’s been one of my most popular videos to date and it keeps getting more and more views every day.   So today I’m going to continue in the spirit of giving our partners amazing touch, pleasure and...

read more
How to Have Cervical Orgasms

How to Have Cervical Orgasms

Each time I mention cervical orgasms during public talks and interviews, I get a lot of surprised looks and questions. This keeps reminding me of how very few people are actually aware of what cervical orgasms are and how to have them.   I didn’t always have...

read more

How to Have Cervical Orgasms

How to Have Cervical Orgasms

Each time I mention cervical orgasms during public talks and interviews, I get a lot of surprised looks and questions. This keeps reminding me of how very few people are actually aware of what cervical orgasms are and how to have them.


I didn’t always have cervical orgasms!


I didn’t even know about their existence until I began researching and exploring all sexual books, articles, programs, courses and workshops I could get my hands on – back at the beginning of my sexual and tantric path. And after actually teaching myself how to have cervical orgasms, I realized how incredibly sad it is that not many women know about the orgasmic power of the cervix. Because these internal orgasms are incredibly delicious, expansive, blissful and deeply satisfying.


All orgasms are wonderful and delightful and I’m not in any way attempting to grade or classify them here. But in my own personal experience, there is something deeply potent, beautiful and out-of-this world about cervical orgasms.



I actually like to refer to them as the Holy Grail of all female orgasms


… because of that depth of pleasure and bliss they offer. So in this article, I want to not only talk about the art of having them, but also about giving cervical orgasms to your partner if you happen to not own a cervix yourself.


So first of all, what is cervix and why are cervical orgasms so amazing?


Cervix is located at the back wall of the vaginal canal and it forms the entrance to the womb. When touched and massaged, it feels like the tip of the nose sticking out of the back wall of the vagina. Because of its specific anatomy and biology, when stimulated, cervix can provide a woman with very different and distinct kind of pleasure and sensations, as compared to the externally located and much more familiar clitoris.


Cervix can be stimulated with a penis, with a dildo or with a finger (except for some women who have fairly long vaginal canals and can’t reach it with fingers). When stimulated, cervix produces blissful pleasure that feels deep, peacefully grounding and expansive. The sensations seem to be flowing outward in the body in a very profound way, like waves of the ocean.


The experience can put a woman in a state of ecstatic trance not just for a few seconds but for much, much longer.


So here comes the big question: Why don’t all women have cervical orgasms?


Most women have experienced years of aggressive, mechanical, disconnected, porn-inspired sex. And the poor cervix is a highly sensitive creature which requires an appropriate level of pressure, speed and intensity of stimulation. However, if it’s been pounded for years without an appropriate level of appreciation and care, it will over time lose its pleasure potential and it will become numb.


The good news is that any woman can re-sensitize her cervix


With enough time and patience, that precious sensitivity of all the nerve endings can be re-claimed and cultivated. First of all, see if you can find your cervix using your fingers. Once you locate it, massage it gently, paying attention to any sensations you experience there. This can take some time and a few tries so don’t get discouraged if you can’t feel anything straight away.


An amazing tool for re-sensitizing the cervix is a Rose Quartz crystal wand and I would recommend it to any lady who is committed to re-claiming the fullness of her orgasmic cervix. I have linked my wand in the description below.


I still use my pleasure wand to keep my cervix happy and activated and I consider the wand one of my most prized possessions.


And gentlemen, here’s a powerful tip for you!


During intercourse, apart from the familiar in-and-out movement, try also slowly sliding your penis deep inside the vagina and then use an up-and-down grinding motion, allowing the head of the penis to stroke and massage the cervix.


This can take a while so don’t give up after 30 seconds!


How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

I recently posted a video about the best way to finger a pussy. It’s been one of my most popular videos to date and it keeps getting more and more views every day.   So today I’m going to continue in the spirit of giving our partners amazing touch, pleasure and...

read more
How to Have Cervical Orgasms

How to Have Cervical Orgasms

Each time I mention cervical orgasms during public talks and interviews, I get a lot of surprised looks and questions. This keeps reminding me of how very few people are actually aware of what cervical orgasms are and how to have them.   I didn’t always have...

read more

How to Give a Perfect Blow Job

How to Give a Perfect Blow Job

Would you like to know how to give your man a perfect blow job? How to blow his mind and take him to heights of pleasure he’s never experienced before with anybody else? Then read till the end because I have some powerful tips and techniques for you…


I fairly often hear from my male clients that they don’t like getting blow jobs from their partners


And that in itself should blow your mind because men everywhere claim that there’s NOTHING better than a blow job. Or that even bad blow jobs are still a great experience.


However, it turns out that many men prefer to turn down an offer of oral sex from their partners. And let me tell you why! Because this is something that I was very curious about.


It turns out that a high percentage of women give very poor blow jobs


I actually had to do a bit of digging and questioning to get to the bottom of this issue because most men can’t quite put a finger on what a bad BJ actually means. So after questioning many men over the years – both my clients and lovers, I’m bringing you all the answers!


1/ enthusiasm

Way before I became a sex therapist, I had a casual lover who was once telling me about the amazing oral sex sessions he used to get from this particular lady. I became curious and asked him about details.


It turns out that she wasn’t using any particular technique or skill. She was simply really into it. It seemed that she absolutely loved giving head and her enthusiasm was making all the difference for him.


2/ make out with his penis

Techniques are great and I’ll get to them in a moment. But they really are a secondary thing when it comes to BJ’s. It’s much more about the mindset, about your approach to his cock and your attitude towards fellatio.


So next time you’re treating him to some oral sex, I want you to imagine that you’re making out with his cock. Just the way you would approach a very passionate, loving, amazing kiss with your beloved, kiss, lick and suck his cock in the same way.


3/ learn to enjoy it

The inside of your mouth is very sensitive and can enjoy a variety of sensations. Treat his penis as a beautiful treat you get to play with. Don’t do it just for his pleasure! Learn to love it, enjoy it and get amazing pleasure from it for yourself as well!


Some women can actually orgasm from deep throating! So let go of any resistant thoughts about giving a blow job and give it your all! So that YOU can enjoy it as well.


4/ deep throating

Which brings me to deep-throating. A lot of men absolutely love it so it’s a skill worth mastering.


Many women can struggle with the gag reflex when taking the penis all the way in but the more you relax your throat while breathing deeply, the easier this will get. And the feeling of his cock growing harder and harder in your mouth when you’re taking him in deep is just divine!


5/ forget the orgasm

This one might sound strange at first but I can’t stress enough how important it is! Most men that complain of bad blow jobs, tell me that their partners just try to get them off. And that sense of rush and pressure is in most cases very off-putting.


Many women resort to blow jobs or hand jobs when they’re not in a mood for sex. But stroking your partner for the sake of getting him off your back and getting him off quickly, just kills the mood and takes away the joy of this beautiful act.


So do it for the pleasure of it, take your time and slow the fuck down… or don’t do it at all. Forcing a sexual experience won’t serve either of you in the long-term.


6/ ask him what he likes

All men are different and all cocks are different. Don’t assume that your current lover will enjoy everything that your last partner did.


Ask questions. Say: “do you like it when I do this and this?”, “do you like when I suck your balls, tickle your perineum, lick your shaft, etc.?”, “what else do you enjoy, how can I make this more perfect for you?”.


Another little tip is to ask him to show you how he masturbates so you can see exactly his favourite pressure, speed and pleasure spots.


7/ look him in the eye

Men are very visual and like to watch the woman in the act of giving him oral sex. Looking back at him while sucking his cock can be extremely hot for both you and him!


8/ cover your teeth

Be careful and make sure to cover your teeth with your lips. Even a moment of pain can ruin his ecstatic blow job experience.


9/ introduce variety

It’s definitely fun to keep your mouth moving up and down the shaft of his penis but there are so many other things you can do!


Play with variety, keep alternating the speed of your movements, the depth of your oral stimulation.


Don’t forget that he’s got balls and that they also adore touch, either with your hands or mouth. You can lick them, suck them and caress them. Just make sure to check in how he likes it as the testicles can be very sensitive at times.


Be curious, keep experimenting, watch his responses and ask questions. That’s the best path towards the most masterful blow job of all time!


10/ use your hand

Use your hand to support the base of his penis while you’re using your mouth, lips and tongue to play with the head. You can also stroke his balls, his perineum and his anus with your fingers while your mouth is deliciously exploring his cock.


Final two points – remember that STI’s can also be transmitted through oral sex so use a condom if you’re with a casual lover.


And gentlemen, don’t forget that hygiene is of utmost importance when someone is giving you oral sex. Don’t put her off by an unfresh cock. Make sure that you’re clean, particularly the area of foreskin and the head.


How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

I recently posted a video about the best way to finger a pussy. It’s been one of my most popular videos to date and it keeps getting more and more views every day.   So today I’m going to continue in the spirit of giving our partners amazing touch, pleasure and...

read more
How to Have Cervical Orgasms

How to Have Cervical Orgasms

Each time I mention cervical orgasms during public talks and interviews, I get a lot of surprised looks and questions. This keeps reminding me of how very few people are actually aware of what cervical orgasms are and how to have them.   I didn’t always have...

read more

How to Orgasm During Sex

How to Orgasm During Sex

A lot of women come to me saying that they can’t orgasm during penetration. And in this article, I’m going to share with you exactly what I tell them!


So first of all, this topic is very close to my heart because for many years of my own sex life, I could NOT orgasm during sex. When I was younger, I was reading all the tips and articles in Cosmo and similar magazines. But none of their advice was working.


I eventually gave up trying and just resigned myself to a completely un-orgasmic sex life


But! Fortunately, life had other plans for me. And so I ended up going on a powerful journey of activating and cultivating my orgasmic potential.


And right now, I am multi-orgasmic. I can not only orgasm during sex easily, I can do it many, many times during each session of a sexual intercourse. And on top of that I can also enter into trance-like orgasmic states that can last for up to an hour.


And I feel that this is something I am in a particularly powerful position to teach other women because I not only studied this from books during my sexological education. This is something that I’ve gone through personally so I know exactly what my female clients are struggling with and how to help them.


So what’s the secret? How can ANY woman orgasm during penetration?


The ability to orgasm during intercourse comes down to two powerful elements. Let’s now look at both of them in detail.


1/ stimulation of erogenous zones


During a typical intercourse experience, a man’s penis is going in and out of the vagina as he is thrusting. So this means that his main erogenous zone (his cock) is rubbed, massaged and stroked entirely. Obviously, men have also other erogenous zones but this particular one is his easiest gateway to having an orgasm.


However, for a woman, the situation is very different. Her main erogenous zones – her clitoris and her gspot – are in most cases not stimulated at all or stimulated insufficiently during intercourse. This means that the thrusting motion is not creating enough arousal to take her over the edge of an orgasm.


This means a few things:


a) you as a woman need to know your pleasure zones and ideally you should be also regularly activating them through slow, conscious masturbation.


b) the in-and-out motion doesn’t usually work as well as the more sort of grinding motion, which is much better suited for stimulating all the right spots. So make sure to ask your partner to grind his hips instead of only going in-and-out.


You as a woman can also get on top and do the grinding yourself while paying a close attention to what particular body movements and positions give you most pleasure.


c) you as a woman should also experiment with different things like stroking your own clitoris during penetration (and some positions are obviously more suited to that than others), you might also try rhythmically clenching your pelvic floor muscle – it’s something that works really well for some women.


Or simply remember whatever it is that you do when you’re alone in order to bring yourself to a climax. And simply incorporate that into your partnered intercourse experience.


2/ ability to surrender to an orgasmic state


And the second big thing that allows women to orgasm during penetration is her ability to surrender to an orgasmic state.


This one is something that really took me a while to master. I would always go to my head and think my way through sex instead of feeling it all.


But think about it this way: pleasure that will take you into ecstasy is happening in your body. And as long as you’re thinking or worrying during sex, you’re just pulling yourself away from your bliss.


So here an ability to remain mindful, connected to your body and disconnected from your thinking mind is crucial!


On top of that being able to deeply relax into your pleasure will help. And this is one of the reasons why being on top doesn’t always work very well for me when I want to orgasm, because I really love to completely surrender during sex.


And I’ll typically feel a lot of delicious pleasure while I’m moving my body but that moment when I just relax and surrender, that’s when I usually fall into an expanded, full-body orgasm.


So I really encourage you to start thinking about sex as not so much something you do but something that you immerse yourself in, that you relax into, that you experience. And from that place, your orgasms will become much more effortless.


Please give all these tips a go and let me know in comments below what worked for you. Or maybe you’ve already tried some of these techniques??


And if you’d like more powerful tools and techniques, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for Women. This program is a 7-week journey for any woman who wants to heal, grow and expand her orgasmic potential.


How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

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I recently posted a video about the best way to finger a pussy. It’s been one of my most popular videos to date and it keeps getting more and more views every day.   So today I’m going to continue in the spirit of giving our partners amazing touch, pleasure and...

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10 Tips for a Mind-Blowing Prostate Massage

10 Tips for a Mind-Blowing Prostate Massage

Are you curious how to give your man an exquisite prostate massage? Or are you a man who wants to know more about pleasurable stimulation of the anus – both externally and internally?
A lot of my male clients ask me about the stimulation of the prostate 
It seems that men really want to know more and want to be able to explore it and experience it with their lovers. But since it’s a topic covered with a lot of shame and embarrassment, it’s not easy to find quality information about it.
Many men worry that enjoying anal stimulation might make them gay. Others feel ashamed to mention such a desire to their partners. Others still worry about potential pain or discomfort caused by anal touch. And I feel that it’s important to acknowledge your potential concerns and worries. And then the next step is to look more closely into them.
Because the truth is that every single person has a sensitive anus
There is a high concentration of nerve endings there, meaning that anal touch can be really pleasurable or even orgasmic for anyone – whether you’re a man, a woman, a non-binary person, whether you identify as straight, gay or subscribe to any other sexual orientation.
And once we understand that pleasurable anal stimulation is natural, healthy and fun, we can move on to actually exploring it. So here are my 10 tips for an amazing prostate massage:

1/ Cut your nails
Ladies or gentlemen performing anal touch on your lover, make sure to keep your nails short. This is very important! The tissue lining the anus both internally and externally is very sensitive and even a little scratch can be very unpleasant for your partner. You can even use nitrile gloves for extra protection in case your fingers are rough or nails are a bit longer.
2/ Have an enema
The recipient of the prostate massage may opt for an enema or a douche in order to rinse the inside of the anal canal. This is not necessary but might make you feel more comfortable if you’re worried about traces of faeces.
As an extra tip, the nitrile gloves I mentioned in my previous point will also protect you – the giver of the prostate massage – in case you encounter faecal matter inside the rectum, which is not uncommon.
3/ Relax your partner
Don’t rush your prostate massage. Take your time and make sure that your partner is truly relaxed first. This way the entire experience will be much more pleasurable for them. So lay them down comfortably on either their back or stomach and massage their entire body gently and lovingly.
4/ Relax the anus
Anal sphincters located at the entrance of the anal canal are meant to keep everything moving out. So as soon as something is introduced from the outside, they’ll tense up to stop the intrusion which can make anal touch painful or uncomfortable.
You can actually convince these sphincters to stay open by massaging, stroking and caressing the anus externally first. Please make sure to use some kind of lubricant here to make sure you don’t hurt your partner – a coconut oil works particularly well.
Here are a few ways to massage that anus externally:

  • Gently holding still
  • Vibrating
  • Brushing past the anal opening with your fingers
  • Massaging it in circles
  • Opening up the anus by spreading the muscles, you can actually use both thumbs here
  • You can also do it by alternating the fingers
  • Applying the door bell motion
  • Tapping
  • Blowing on it, particularly when you’re gently spreading the muscles
  • Using the edge of your hand and going up and down

All of these different strokes will keep relaxing the anus so take your time here and don’t rush.
5/ Internal massage
Once your partner’s anus is fully relaxed, you can begin the internal massage. First simply introduce just the tip of your finger inside and hold it there. This is where the sphincters are so you can also ascertain here just how open and ready the anus is.
If you’re sensing tension, use your words to gently guide your partner to relax these muscles. They might be unaware of the tension and your guidance can be very helpful.
Next, start applying gentle pressure on the sphincters in 4 directions, going down, to the side, up and to the other side. Make sure to hold each one of these points for at least a minute. You can also generally massage and caress the sphincters here.
6/ Go deeper!
When you feel like your partner is ready for more, allow your finger to slide a bit deeper, maybe just past your first knuckle. And again, stretch the area in 4 directions, massage, be gentle, patient and loving here.
When you can introduce your finger even deeper, up to about the second knuckle, you’ll be able to massage the prostate. Prostate is a walnut-sized gland located below the bladder. You can sense it with your finger when pressing into the front wall of the rectum, towards the belly of your partner.
Feel free to explore this area and massage it up and down along the prostate gland, or in circles or to each side (to the left and right of the prostate). Experiment with different pressure, speed and depth of your touch.
7/ Penis massage
If your partner is lying on his back or on his side, adding some gentle stimulation of the penis can be very pleasurable here. But don’t stroke him hard and fast. You don’t want to make him ejaculate. You simply want to enhance his prostate massage.
8/ Communicate
Point number 8 is really crucial and it’s to stay in communication with your partner.
Everybody is different and they respond differently to anal touch and prostate massage. So stay sensitive to your partner’s needs, keep enquiring about how they’re feeling and about parts of the massage that they enjoy most.
9/ Toys
Your partner might enjoy it even more if you include a toy or two in your massage. There is a variety of anal toys available on the market so make sure to explore them and purchase the ones that pique your interest.
Vibrating toys gently applied externally to the anal opening can induce particularly strong pleasure sensations.
10/ Aftercare
When you’re finished with your massage, cover your partner with a sheet and stay right next to him. Don’t go anywhere, don’t leave his side! Give him as much time as he needs to stay in this blissful state and to fully integrate the entire experience.
Once he’s ready to open his eyes and speak, offer him your loving attention. He might want to talk about his experience, he might want a cuddle, he might want a drink… make sure to take a good care of him as he might be feeling raw and vulnerable at this point.
So there you have it, a complete guide to giving your partner a safe, pleasurable and blissful prostate massage 

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