What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

They did what to her??

 

A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my composure… But let me start from the beginning.

 

When it comes to surgery and particularly the cosmetic type, I’m a strong opponent of cutting our bodies without a very good reason. Of course, there are cases when a surgical procedure can be life-saving and I’m grateful for all the advancements of modern medicine that allow us to live long, happy, healthy lives.

 

Yet, I also recognize that a lot of people decide to go under a knife without a health emergency.

 

The whole cosmetic surgery arena was constructed to benefit from our insecurities

 

… and in many cases – to feed these securities into us in the first place. Does your body not fit the standard that we call ‘beauty’? We’ll fix that. Are you struggling to lose weight? We’ll cut off the fatty bits. Do you hate the shape of your nose? We’ll make you a new one…

 

It’s madness!

 

Our bodies are perfect, beautiful and always, always enough! But if you’re not happy with something about your looks, it’s actually unlikely that a medical procedure will fully satisfy you. Because in many cases it might feel like you need to change the shape of your thighs but in reality, you need a deeper level of self-love and self-acceptance. This is why once people start having surgery, they keep coming back for more. Because changing your physical appearance doesn’t address the core of the issue.

 

Because of my area of expertise, I feel particularly strongly about procedures that change the shape of our intimate bits.

 

Genitals truly are like snowflakes – all different, all miraculous

 

Yet the boom of porn industry convinced many of us that there’s only one acceptable shape of a vulva. And so countless women rushed to their cosmetic surgeons to undergo labiaplasty. Labiaplasty is a plastic surgery that alters the look of a vulva. It usually consists of surgically trimming inner lips if they seem too large or if they protrude outside of the outer lips. Its sole function is aesthetic.

 

So baring all that in mind, it was a true surprise even to myself that a few days ago I found myself inside a surgery room, together with a surgeon and Sue – a willing patient laying on the table, naked from waist down, her legs spread. My curiosity got the better of me and I spent most of the procedure chatting to Sue about her experience. I wanted to know what exactly was behind her decision and what sort of potential wounding made her expose her precious vulva to a merciless knife.

 

But Sue surprised me

 

She was in her 50s, mother of two and a happy wife of a loving husband. Not an active porn user herself, she wasn’t too bothered about comparing the look of her genitals to the women on the computer screen. Her husband had never mentioned anything to her either about re-shaping her asymmetrical inner lips and she had never spent a lot of time examining them or worrying about them. Her reason for opting for the procedure was different.

 

From a young age, she noticed a degree of discomfort between her legs while performing different activities. One larger inner lip would sometimes get pinched by the underwear or irritated by the surface that Sue was sitting on. Things could also get painful during intercourse as the extra flesh was getting caught in the sexy action. Sue was excited that she could finally do something about the discomfort and her entire approach to the procedure was calm, mature and very conscious. I was delighted to see that what brought her into the surgery room that day had nothing to do with trauma or unhealthy beliefs about herself, her body or her genitalia.

 

I also appreciated the surgeon’s attitude

 

He kindly and compassionately explained the whole process, including the need to exercise sound judgement and not request too much skin to be taken off. He also warned about scar tissue forming in the area which would reduce the natural sensitivity of the inner lips. The whole procedure took less than 30 minutes, with Sue remaining fully conscious the entire time and with plenty of care being taken for her comfort and wellbeing.

 

Please note that this post is NOT an encouragement to undergo a labiaplasty, it’s simply a way to open a conversation about this procedure. I’m sharing my experience because witnessing someone undergoing it challenged my outlook on this kind of surgery and allowed me more understanding and compassion for women opting for it. So if labiaplasty is something that you’re considering, please explore first your deep, true reasons for doing it. And if your decision comes from a healthy, conscious place, make sure to find a reputable surgeon who can perform the procedure.

 

But above all, spend some time with your own body and your own intimate area first, exploring all the deep feelings and any negative emotions. Because your body itself might have some answers for you! And if you’d like some support with that, please reach out to me for a 1on1 session. I’ll be delighted to support you and your relationship with your body, pleasure and eroticism.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting...

read more

5 Must-try Masturbation Moves for Her

If you’re like most people, you probably always masturbate in the same way. It’s likely that over time you have developed a masturbation routine that works for you. This routine is a set of moves and strokes that give you pleasure and bring you to orgasm in the...

read more

Why you don’t want a tight vagina

As a sex coach, I see the world a bit differently than others. I see it through the lens of sexual behaviours, desires and needs. I can quickly assess and determine what a person needs to create a healthier, much more fulfilling and satisfying intimacy in their life....

read more

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson

 

This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to the way we usually experience climax in the bedroom. When you think back to your typical orgasmic experience, you’ll probably notice that it tends to be an experience full of tension – muscles of your legs and pelvis are contracting and your breath becomes shorter and is often held. So why is Diana Richardson talking about being more relaxed in sex?

 

This used to really confuse me until I started training my body using tantric tools and practices. And after a while, what seemed to be a one and only way to experience sex and orgasm (tension, contraction, short breath, …) turned out to be just one of the ways to experience my eroticism.

 

These other ways led me down the path of not only becoming multi-orgasmic, but also of expanding my orgasms into a full-body, toe-curling, awe-inspiring experiences of expanded bliss…

 

I included my absolutely favourite tantric techniques in the Orgasmic Empowerment online course for Women. But more about that later as I currently have a very special Women’s Day deal on offer!

And I want to stress that there’s no judgement here about the more traditional tension-based approaches to sex. You should do whatever works for you and whatever you enjoy! I’m simply stressing that there are also other ways that might work better for you.

 

And this is significant because the amount of frustration around sex and orgasm in our society is truly mind blowing.

 

We often resign ourselves to infrequent, mediocre, painful or non-existent sex life because we lack basic understanding about how sex and sexual energy work. Even if a couple enjoys a juicy and frequent sex life at the beginning of their relationship, things usually change down the track and excitement morphs into disappointment or boredom.

 

An unhealthy routine develops, where men seek their own pleasure by penetrating woman’s body to achieve ejaculation. The amount of time required in such encounters is mostly not enough to arouse the woman sufficiently so that her sexual energy can start flowing equally abundantly. Women in such relationships feel used, lonely or purely disinterested in sex as their sexual frustration grows. Most men admit that this state of things is not truly satisfying to them either but they don’t know what to do about it.

 

There are also more considerate lovers who want to make sure that their female partner orgasms first by clitoral stimulation. But putting such pressure on a woman usually places her in a place where she feels guilty about taking too much time and becomes way too tense to achieve a true, deep ecstasy.

 

According to Tantra, we got it all wrong.

 

The basic understanding of male-female polarity suggests that male energy is like fire – heats up very quickly and quickly goes out. While female energy is like water – takes a longer time to warm up but also stays warm longer. This simple picture illustrates a very important point – we cannot force our bodies into being something that we are not and by not acknowledging our true nature, we remain empty and unsatisfied. It is often not in woman’s nature to heat up quickly and she usually doesn’t. Her nature is to create a beautifully relaxed, serene and sensitive environment for a man to enter which then allows him to also slow down, relax and last long enough to achieve a deeply satisfying and intense orgasm. Both can then join in a rich ecstasy, rooted in body awareness and deep relaxation.

 

We all have the inner ability to experience deep, long-lasting, spiritually enlightening orgasms.

 

But we lack basic education and awareness of the way our bodies work. A first, a very important step is to relax into our bodies and to develop a calm awareness of our sensations. We cannot experience mind blowing orgasms if we’re not truly connected to our bodies and if we don’t really know them. We need to take the time to learn what our bodies truly love and appreciate, what kind of touch arouses us, what kind of strokes give us pleasure.

 

Another important point is developing a loving awareness of ourselves. So many people (particularly women) suffer from poor body image, it’s no wonder we don’t like our bodies and try to disconnect from them as much as we can. As a regular practice, stand in front of a large mirror naked and look at your own body with admiration. This body carried you through so many years of ups and downs, it provided you with so much pleasure and served you well your entire life. Each mark or scar is a reminder of your body’s strength and survival abilities. Embrace yourself lovingly, your body is beautiful and it craves your love!

 

Whenever you lie down at night, practice a gentle, relaxed awareness for 10-15 minutes or as much time as you have. Lie down on your back with your spine straight, your feet more than hip-width apart and arms relaxed at your sides, palms up. Relax your entire body and allow your awareness to travel up and down your spine, becoming conscious of your body, particularly your heart area and your genitals.

 

Allow your awareness to penetrate your body so deep that you can feel your energy tingling in your organs as your body relaxes.

 

If you find it hard to become aware of your body part, place your hands on it to bring more energy there. And just rest with your body, connect to it, allow it to flood your awareness until you’re completely submerged in it. This deep awareness of your body is a first step in becoming more orgasmic. So practice it often and see your body as a lovable, beautiful creation. It will then provide you with as much pleasure as you can handle!

 

And if you’d love to learn all my favourite, more advanced techniques for awakening your orgasmic power, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women.

 

For the next 7 days the entire course is available at a price that you choose.

 

This is my International Women’s Day gift to all the ladies on my newsletter list. Orgasmic Empowerment course normally retails at AU$297 but for the next week you can name your price! Simply email me letting me know how much you can pay for the course and I’ll provide you with an immediate access to the entire program.

Ladies, here’s to awakening and activating your full orgasmic potential!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

They did what to her??   A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my...

read more

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson   This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to...

read more

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting...

read more

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting different practitioners, healers and sex therapists.

 

One of these therapists was a woman who had been featured in the media for breathing herself to orgasm.

 

I thought it was quite impressive and I wanted to do the same. But I wasn’t quite there yet. I was still dealing with painful intercourse, lack of orgasms and sexual frustrations.

 

During one of our sessions she told me that despite being in her 50s, her own sexual potential never stopped expanding. She said that she was having the best sex of her life yet and that she still kept discovering new types of orgasm.

 

Many sessions, practices and experiences later, I came to understand fully what she meant. And that got me thinking…

 

How come the definition of orgasm is so limited in our society?

 

How come the ability to have expanded, full-body, long-lasting, mystical and mind-blowing orgasms is not common knowledge? Why nobody teaches us that an orgasm can be much more than a few seconds of pleasurable climax accompanied by genital contractions?

 

And how big is our orgasmic potential REALLY?

 

Orgasms can manifest as a lot of different things…

 

… powerful energy flowing through your whole body causing you to shake ecstatically, deeply peaceful bliss expanding through your system, trance-like state of pleasure where your brain shuts down completely and you find yourself in another realm, in a different universe… It can feel like shivers, tingles, goose bumps, aliveness spreading up and down through every single cell in your body… It can originate in many different parts of your body – in your genitals, breasts/chest, heart, throat, anus, ear, neck, arm… It can feel like a flood of emotions – laughter, sadness, tears, grief, rage, joy, happiness, love…

 

The trick here is to start seeing orgasm as something larger, deeper, more profound, longer-lasting, more satisfying. Something truly blissful, expanded and out of this world, that can travel ecstatically into your very core and completely knock your socks off.

 

But if all you ever understand as orgasm are a few seconds of pleasurable contractions in your genital region, that’s all you’ll ever experience as orgasm.

 

Remember, the more you expand your understanding of orgasm, the more your orgasm will expand.

 

Many, many times I cried or laughed through my orgasms. And it felt like an amazing energetic release happening in my entire body. That energy seemed to have no end and I learned to keep moving it and encouraging it to keep flowing in order for me to remain in an orgasmic state for minutes or hours.

 

So, how do YOU experience orgasm?

How does it feel in your body?

What emotions do you feel if any?

Does it nurture or deplete you?

Does it leave you feeling frustrated and incomplete or deeply satisfied?

And what exactly do you understand by the word ‘orgasm’?

 

This simple reflection will allow you to map out where you are sexually and orgasmically right now…

 

… and where you can be if you decide to follow this path. If you want to learn more, I’ve designed a 7-week online course full of practices, insights and tips for expanding the world of your orgasmic potential.

 

This course will also teach you how to take your erotic essence out into your life, so it doesn’t just express in the bedroom.

 

You’ll learn how to bring that sexy aliveness into any area of your life you want.

 

Imagine walking through your life with the fullness of your juiciness and sensuality, expressing it in the way you interact with others and with the life itself. If you want to become a woman who consciously uses her energy to become more attractive and charismatic, you’ll love the Orgasmic Empowerment for Women. I look forward to seeing you there!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

 

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

They did what to her??   A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my...

read more

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson   This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to...

read more

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting...

read more

5 Must-try Masturbation Moves for Her

5 Must-try Masturbation Moves for Her

If you’re like most people, you probably always masturbate in the same way. It’s likely that over time you have developed a masturbation routine that works for you. This routine is a set of moves and strokes that give you pleasure and bring you to orgasm in the quickest and most efficient way.

 

When I ask my clients, they mostly admit that they’re still masturbating now the same way they did 10 years ago. This tells me that they don’t give their self-pleasure a lot of thought. And I mean – if it isn’t broken, why fix it! Yet, there’s a powerful reason why you might consider trying new things in your solo sexual practice!

 

If you always touch your genital area the same way, you’re actually limiting your erotic and orgasmic potential. You’re basically wiring your system for orgasms induced by your fingers or a vibrator stroking you in a very particular way. This can lead to difficulties when trying to orgasm with a partner. Plus there’s a world of different, varied, expanded pleasure sensations when we open ourselves to new experiences and sensations!

 

Would you like to try some of my favourite moves?

 

1/ Start by touching your entire body

If you usually rush your touch straight to your genital area, try something different and give yourself a loving full-body massage. Doesn’t it feel amazing to be touched and stroked all over by another person? You can offer your own body a wealth of pleasure by touching yourself from head to toe.

Try gently stroking your skin, massaging your feet, caressing your belly and dragging your nails down your inner arms. Caress your neck and massage your ears. No area of your body is off-limits!

Give this part at least 10 minutes.

 

2/ Breast massage

Woman’s breasts are sensitive and very receptive to touch. Yet most women never touch their own breasts!

Treat your chest to a luxurious massage. Use a massage oil of your choice (Yoni Elixir is one of my favs!) and slowly spread it all over, one breast at a time. Next, take some time drawing circles with your hands on the outer edges of your breasts. Start moving your hands up the centre of your chest and out to the sides along the pectoral muscles. Next down the outer edges and back to the middle. After a while switch direction.

I particularly like stroking my breasts gently with my nails but there is a wide variety of ways to touch, massage and stroke your breasts. If you need some inspiration, please make sure to visit my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women which includes a step-by-step tutorial of a deeply sensual and arousing breast self-massage.

 

3/ Pillow riding

Most women always lie down while masturbating. They use their hands to stroke themselves but apart from that, they don’t move their bodies at all. Pillow riding is different. It deeply engages your entire body, allowing you a completely new level of experience.

Lie down on your belly and place a pillow under your pelvis. Next start moving your body and particularly your hips in a “riding” motion up and down the pillow. Use it to stimulate your intimate area while allowing the erotic energy to spread and expand through your entire body.

 

4/ Tease yourself

You know that your clitoris is the most sensitive part of your body, you know that it feels amazing when you stroke and stimulate it. But you also know that doing so will bring you to orgasm fairly quickly, particularly if you’re using a vibrator.

Instead of giving yourself exactly what you desire, tease yourself by touching everywhere BUT the clit. Massage your entire vulva, stroke your outer and inner lips up and down and once you drive yourself wild with desire, only then indulge in clitoral stimulation.

 

5/ Clitoral clock

Your clitoris contains about 8,000 nerve endings which makes it extremely sensitive. But not many women know that the quality of pleasure will change, depending on where exactly you’re stroking your clit.

Imagine that your pleasure button is a face of a clock with 12 o’clock being the top bit, closest to your pubic mound, and 6 o’clock being underneath, closer to the vaginal opening. And now take your time exploring pleasure sensations by stroking different o’clocks, one by one.

Most women report that 2 o’clock is the most delicious spot (your upper left side) and I definitely love my 2 o’clock. But for me personally, nothing beats 8 o’clock!

 

This is just a quick taste of what’s possible in the masturbation realm. If you want to learn more, I’ve recently released my new online course – Masturbation Coaching. The course is currently available at a heavily discounted price but the discount will only be available for 7 days after release! Use this code to access the discount: SELFLOVE

Enjoy!!!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

 

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

They did what to her??   A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my...

read more

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson   This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to...

read more

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting...

read more

Why you don’t want a tight vagina

Why you don’t want a tight vagina

As a sex coach, I see the world a bit differently than others. I see it through the lens of sexual behaviours, desires and needs. I can quickly assess and determine what a person needs to create a healthier, much more fulfilling and satisfying intimacy in their life. I can see where they’re blocking their pleasure and how they’re repressing or hiding their eroticism.

And what makes my blood boil is when these people fall prey to advertising that takes advantage of their insecurities between the sheets. There are products created for both men and women that promise to fix us and improve our experience in the bedroom. These products and services can cost up to thousands of dollars, while not offering any actual benefit in return.

These companies attempt to profit from the fact that as a society we’re not educated properly about sex. And in many cases we don’t realize that there are simple ways to support and cultivate our sexuality, ways that don’t require any products, or expense.

Watch my video to learn what made my blood boil this week!

 

 

P.S. For all the ladies craving more pleasure, sensitivity and sensuality in their bodies, my Orgasmic Empowerment online course is a simple and natural way to take your body on a path of sexual healing and transformation.

 

Video content:

I was recently involved in a conversation about products that “make your vagina tighter”. It’s become a trendy thing to have a ‘tight vagina’ and the marketing is targeting insecurities of women who feel inadequate in this area. The other people I was having this conversation with were also sex coaches and it was beyond the doubt obvious to all of us that a tight vagina is NOT something good, healthy or desirable. And yet so many products are sold with this exact promise. So let me tell you today why in fact a tight vagina is not a good thing and what you should desire instead.

The society imposes a lot of stigma onto women who for whatever reason do not have tight vaginas. Women who gave birth might be perceived as ‘stretched’ and not tight enough. They’re usually recommended Kegel exercises to increase the tone of their pelvic area. But there’s also negative associations with a ‘loose vagina’, meaning if you can’t squeeze his dick inside of you like a MF, you’ve had too much sex, your vagina is loose and hence you’re a “loose” woman, unworthy of respect.

So women either go crazy with Kegel exercises or they invest in products that promise to tighten their vaginas. Both approaches are flawed. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with good old Kegels, in fact I recommend them to SOME women I see. There are muscles in your pelvic area and they should be used and worked, just like any other muscles in your body.

But if all you do with your vagina is tighten and squeeze it, you will create a lot of tension, constriction AND reduced sensitivity. And that’s NOT going to make sex pleasurable or fun. So instead of striving for a tight vagina, create a FLEXIBLE vagina instead. And the difference is profound.

Because you see, the delicious tightness that he experiences inside of your vagina when you’re making love is not caused by you having strong pelvic muscles but by your engorged erectile tissue. When a woman gets aroused, her genitals area swells with all the blood rushing in. It works in a similar way to a man’s erection. He’s aroused, the blood starts rushing in and his penis gets hard.

In a very similar way, women get erections as well, they’re just less obvious. When a woman is aroused and all the blood is rushing in, it fills up the erectile tissue in her genital area and causes engorgement. When that engorgement happens, her inner and outer lips become swollen and darker in colour. But what you don’t see is all the rest of her erectile tissue that is inside of her, surrounding the vaginal walls.

So when a woman is aroused, her vagina becomes naturally “tight” because she’s engorged and all the areas are filled with blood. And that’s a good thing! That kind of engorgement and “tightness” causes increased sensitivity, more lubrication and a lot more pleasure for her. But if she’s struggling to get aroused, if her erectile tissue is NOT engorged and she’s trying to squeeze her pelvic floor muscle instead, she’s just going to experience constriction, tension and a degree of numbness in her genitals.

So creating a tone and fitness in your pelvic area needs to come hand in hand with creating openness, relaxation and sensitivity. And one of my absolutely favourite exercises to create that is my Breath of Passion technique which I describe in detail in my Orgasmic Empowerment for Women course. But there are many ways to cultivate that kind of flexibility and sensuality in your body. With the easiest one being simply placing attention on your pelvic area and relaxing it fully. Just feeling it relax more and more.

So PLEASE let’s stop chasing tight vaginas! They’re not healthy, they’re not receptive and they’re not sensitive! Instead let’s cultivate vaginas that are open, sexy, capable of healthy arousal and amazing pleasure. Please share with me your thoughts on this topic and let me know whether you’d prefer a tight or a flexible and sensual vagina! And if you’re interested in learning more, check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women.

Have a fabulous week! See you next time!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

 

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

They did what to her??   A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my...

read more

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson   This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to...

read more

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting...

read more

How to Stop Falling for the Wrong Guy or Girl

How to Stop Falling for the Wrong Guy or Girl

A part of me is extremely excited about the message in my today’s vlog. Many years ago I was the one who desperately needed to hear this message in order to save myself A LOT of heartbreak. I used to go out on dates, hoping to meet my Prince Charming but all my efforts seemed to be in vain. My dates led nowhere or the rare relationship would quickly turn toxic.

But another part of me is also anxious about putting this message out there. Will I be misunderstood for speaking up against the socially accepted trends and behaviours? Will my message be rejected or uncomfortable for people to hear?

I hear a lot of complaints about the modern dating world. Men and women talk about struggles imposed by the online world, the challenges in creating anything long-term or the frustration of being ‘ghosted’. It all makes me breathe an internal sigh of relief that I’m out of the dating scene!

But I’m also seeing a lot of unhealthy behaviours and attitudes that strongly inhibit the ability to create a fulfilling relationship for even the most willing singles.

In my video I explain why you might be shooting yourself in the foot while dating and what to do to prevent it!

 

 

P.S. And make sure to look out for a surprise appearance of my co-host! Sometimes life gets in the way in just the most beautiful way! 🙂

 

Video content:

Are you falling for the wrong man or woman? Or do you find that things start off with someone but then fall flat very quickly and you’re struggling to create a committed, deep and meaningful relationship? The answer might lie in the fact that we think that we only experience one kind of attraction – we’re attracted to someone, that’s it. But that’s not actually the case. There are 2 types of attraction and you’ll be struggling in the dating world until you actually understand this.

The first kind of attraction is a sexual attraction. A man sees a woman and he experiences a sexual response, he feels arousal, he wants to sleep with her. The second kind of attraction is a romantic attraction. That’s when a man meets a woman and really wants to spend time with her, to get to know her better, to really understand who she is as a person and to protect her.

And obviously you can experience both of these at the same time which is the most fun and exciting situation. But where we go wrong is when we confuse the two. And we confuse them when we want a loving, committed relationship yet we keep focusing on and keep creating a sexual attraction instead of the romantic one. Because you see, there are very specific things that we can do in order to create each particular type of attraction.

Sexual attraction and an arousal response in a man is created when he notices things about her like: beautiful face, curvy body, sensual movements, shiny hair, etc. And women will create that response in a man when they really concentrate on these, more external aspects of their bodies. When they pay a lot of attention to their sexy, attractive appearance.

But if a woman wants to create a romantic attraction in a man, she should focus on other kind of things: showing herself as a very authentic human being, when she’s not trying to please him but expresses herself in her full truth. Another thing is expressing her hobbies and passions. Men find women who are passionate extremely attractive. But a mistake many women make is putting their own hobbies aside in order to adopt the interests of the man they’re interested in. That’s not attractive, that’s not authentic and it doesn’t express her true passion.

Another way to create a romantic attraction is receptivity. Men want to give to women, provide for women, protect them. So when a woman is receptive to his gifts, his time, his energy or his efforts, this triggers a very positive response in a man. But a lot of women reject the man’s help because they think that they need to be seen as independent in order to be perceived as more attractive.

But it doesn’t work that way! A lot of women would reject his coat on a cold day with the words: “no, because then you’ll be cold”. Well guess what, that’s making you his mom! And that’s not attractive. Take his coat, for god’s sake! You’ll be warm and he’ll feel proud and in his masculine essence.

Men, if you really want to attract a committed, loving relationship, pay attention to where your energy goes: are you focusing on her shapely bum? On her pretty face? On her breasts? Or shiny hair? Well, you might find an insight there that maybe it’s time to start focusing more on her personality, her energy, how you feel around her and is she someone you feel drawn to energetically.

And ladies, if you find yourselves heart-broken on a regular basis, just notice. Are you trying to attract a man by creating a beautiful image (hair, makeup, jewellery, high heels, etc.) or are you showing him your true self? Are you bending yourself in order to please him or are you standing in your truth and authenticity? Don’t try to change your life in order to please him or guess his wishes.

That’s exactly what I used to do and what ended up in a heart-break for me on so many occasions. I would make myself all pretty for the man I was dating and I would forego my own desires and I would do my best to guess and deliver what he wanted from me, I wanted him to think that I was the perfect girlfriend. And that strategy never delivered. The relationship either didn’t go anywhere or turned toxic really quickly.

And when I realized that this behaviour didn’t serve me and that I needed to be raw, authentic, passionate, true to myself… and that it didn’t matter how shiny my hair was or how much makeup I was wearing… that changed everything! And I found myself loved, cherished and taken care of by the men in my life. And my connections became much more loving, profound and caring.

Have a look at your dating life, if you’re dating and see if you’re recognizing any of these patterns in your own life. Please leave a comment below if you resonate with a big fat YES! I love reading your comments so please leave me a note. And in the meantime, stay sexy, keep touching yourself, have a fantastic week and I look forward to seeing you next time!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

 

Are Lifelong Relationships Obsolete?

I recently learned that two people I loved and admired (let’s call them Stan and Jo) were no longer together. After a few years of marriage, they called it quits. Both these people had spent years on a path of growth, inner healing and personal & spiritual...

read more

How to Make Online Dating Work for You

Since I started running Soulmate Speed-Dating events, I’ve been talking to a lot of single people. And they’ve shared with me countless stories of struggles, challenges and disappointments of the modern dating life.   Somehow, it seems that finding The One has been...

read more

Pin It on Pinterest