Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

When it comes to masturbation, there’s a lot of misinformation and confusion about it out in the world. Many people ask me if masturbation is good for you or how to do it. Masturbation still feels like a dirty word to many people and I usually sense shame or embarrassment in other people whenever I even say the word “masturbation”.


This usually leads to a lot of negativity in the way that we perceive it and approach self-touch. 


Catholic Church and different religions still tell us that it’s sinful to self-pleasure so a lot of people have very skewed or negative attitudes towards it while doctors and psychologists all over the world have been telling us FOR YEARS to change our approach.


So what’s the actual truth about masturbation?

Masturbation… I wonder what you feel and think when hearing this word. Typically people feel uncomfortable with it or uncertain how to even talk about self-touch. So I do want to make others think about it. Because if we assume that masturbation is wrong, inappropriate or shameful, we’ll continue carrying this kind of low, heavy emotional energy around it for many, many years.


So here are my 5 actually helpful tips to reclaim your self-pleasure time as something delicious, fun and enjoyable.


1/ It’s normal and healthy

If you’re a human being, sexuality is an aspect of who you are. And just like breathing or digestion, you cannot disconnect from it. It’s simple biology – the body has its needs and we cannot deny or ignore them.

You ARE a sexual being and there’s nothing wrong, inappropriate or shameful about that. Your genital area is deliciously full of nerve endings capable of giving you incredible pleasure and mind-blowing orgasms – deal with it!… 😉 


2/ Masturbation doesn’t equal ejaculation

When I say that you should masturbate regularly, it doesn’t mean that I’m encouraging you to ejaculate excessively. Far from it! Masturbation does NOT equal ejaculation.

Touching yourself often and cultivating a regular connection with your body and your pleasure is very beneficial for your overall health, your wellness, your emotional happiness and your erotic life.

However, ejaculating frequently can lead to the opposite outcomes. So remember that it can serve you better to NOT ejaculate every time you touch yourself.

And if you want to learn the art of having non-ejaculatory orgasms, make sure to check out my online course Tantric Mastery for Men. It will teach you amazing ecstatic practices of tantric lovers who have been known for thousands of years to control their arousal and to be multi-orgasmic.


3/ Truth about porn

Porn is a tool, it’s neither good or bad. But all depends on how we use it. If it enhances your self-pleasure practice – enjoy it! But if it’s leaving you feeling ashamed, embarrassed, depleted or frustrated, it might be time to cultivate other practices.

And if you are struggling with porn addiction, my online course Masturbation Coaching has an entire section on moving on from porn into better, more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experiences. 


4/ Masturbation can train your body for better sex

This is something very few people know – the way you self pleasure trains your body in the art of partnered sex. If your masturbation practice is quick and efficient, you’ll likely develop a premature ejaculation or other issues.

BUT, if you touch yourself in a way that teaches your body to last much longer, to reach deeper and deeper layers of pleasure and more amazing orgasms, this will truly benefit your experiences with a lover.

It’s like a gym for your sexual performance. You can do all the training alone, in order to ace your performance when you’re in bed with your partner.

And if you’re not sure what solo-sex practices will be most beneficial for your body, check out the Masturbation Coaching online course. It’s full of my best and most efficient self touch practices that will train your body for a lifetime of mind-blowing sex and orgasmic bliss.


5/ Sexual energy can be transformed into higher energies

This is another one of tantric secrets that most people have never heard of. Your sexual energy is much more powerful than you think. And releasing it externally in an ejaculation (for men) or clitoral orgasm (for women) is only one thing you can do with it.

People who practice Tantra, learn to sublimate their sexual energy – to move it up through the body in order to achieve high states of bliss, in order to channel that energy into their projects and pursuits and even to connect to the spiritual realm.

If that’s something that interests you, then you should DEFINITELY check out my Masturbation Coaching online course. But I’ve already told you about it…


6/ Sex toys can be very helpful

A lot of people report that using sex toys when they masturbate really enhances their experience. Toys can stimulate us in ways that is tricky to do just with our hands. Or they can provide a next level stimulation whenever we want it.

And the list here is endless – massagers, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, prostate stimulators, bondage accessories, sexy outfits and many other tools enrich people’s sex lives all over the world.

The popularity of adult stores – physical ones and online – speaks for itself. So if you haven’t given in yet to the fun and playfulness of sex toys, maybe it’s time to try.

And if you have, maybe it’s time for a new purchase?…


7/ Safest sex

Let’s be honest – there’s no such thing as safe sex. Condoms and other precautionary practices can reduce the risk of contracting an STI. But at times viruses can still find the way from one lover to the other one.

EXCEPT for masturbation. There is no safer way to enjoy your eroticism plus, you don’t need to wait for your partner to be in the mood…


8/ Health benefits of masturbation 

Regular masturbation alleviates stress and tension in the body. Orgasms reduce pain and relax us, they help us sleep, strengthen the immune system etc.

The wealth of health benefits caused by regular masturbation practice is well known to modern day doctors and therapists. So let’s listen to them, starting tonight…


9/ Repression leads to frustration

If you’re trying abstinence as a way to deal with sexual shame or as a result of inhibitions or religious beliefs, you’re probably very familiar with the phenomenon of sexual frustration.

Or if you’ve given in to the NoFap movement, you very likely know what I’m talking about. Any period of time when you’re repressing a healthy and natural bodily function will create an imbalance and discomfort in your body.

I cannot say it enough – masturbation is healthy, beneficial and feels amazing.

If repressing it makes you feel good, healthy and satisfied, then that’s perfectly fine. But much more likely, it’ll leave you uncomfortable or suffering. Don’t do that to yourself!


10/ Masturbation is your choice

When it comes to your body and your self-pleasure practice, there’s no one size fits all approach. You need to work out what is best for you.

  • How often do you want to do it?
  • How long should you masturbate for?
  • Should you use toys or any props?
  • Should you enrol in courses to take your self-love time to the next level?
  • What position, what techniques, what routine to use?
  • Etc.

The best way forward here is experimentation, curiosity and an open mind. Once you find what you like, use it to enrich your experience. And remember, our genitals are the most sensitive area of the entire body – let’s use that fact to our advantage…

Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

When it comes to masturbation, there’s a lot of misinformation and confusion about it out in the world. Many people ask me if masturbation is good for you or how to do it. Masturbation still feels like a dirty word to many people and I usually sense shame or...

read more
Why You Need To Masturbate

Why You Need To Masturbate

Some of the more common questions I answer in my sex therapy sessions are about masturbation. Is it ok to do it. How often, what techniques, what’s the best way to touch your genitals, etc. The taboo of masturbation seems to be still alive and well so in this article...

read more

Why You Need To Masturbate

Why You Need To Masturbate

Some of the more common questions I answer in my sex therapy sessions are about masturbation. Is it ok to do it. How often, what techniques, what’s the best way to touch your genitals, etc. The taboo of masturbation seems to be still alive and well so in this article I’m going to give you 3 key reasons why you absolutely need to touch yourself.


Some time ago I made a video where I showed and described the contents of my naughty drawer. Most of the viewers seemed to have really enjoyed it but some had a serious problem with it.


I actually made that video in order to inspire others to become more curious and daring in their self-pleasure practice.


I wanted also to give others a sort of permission to talk more openly about masturbation since it’s such a common, natural and enjoyable practice.


In fact, I had a lot of fun showing and describing my pleasure collection, particularly that I do play with a few quite unusual items. But not everybody agreed with me and some people argued that masturbation was wrong, or only for single or lonely people.



A lot of people still seem to think that partnered sex is a somehow higher level of a sexual activity than masturbation.


They struggle to understand that I recommend self-touch not as a last resort but as a valid experience for people who also enjoy love-making with their partners.


The reason for this is very simple – masturbation is our most basic form of sexual activity and the way we touch ourselves will determine the way we make love to others. If you touch yourself in a quick, efficient way, focused on reaching a goal – that’s how you’ll have sex with your partner. And if you take your time, engage curiosity and concentrate on deepening pleasure and connection – your partner sex experiences will be enriched by that as well.


So why you NEED to self-pleasure?


1/ Self-exploration

The better you know your body, erogenous zones and your pleasure potential, the better you can guide your partner to pleasure you. Unfortunately, in modern society most people don’t actually know what they want in bed and hence, are unable to ask for it.


We are all different and we all have different needs and desires. These needs and desires can even change daily which can be very confusing to our partners, particularly if we don’t understand them ourselves.


Once we get to know our own bodies intimately, we can support each other in exploring our sensuality and pleasure. Because it’s much better to give your partner 5 minutes of what they really, really want than 30 minutes of what you THINK they want.


2/ Pleasure training

Our bodies learn pleasure and can get better and better at it in the same way that your muscles get stronger and stronger as you keep going to the gym.


Self-pleasuring is a wonderful way to teach your body how to feel sexual pleasure and to train and condition yourself for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss and ecstasy. Masturbation also allows us to overcome limiting beliefs, shame and guilt about our bodies.


Touching yourself slowly, mindfully, giving yourself a loving full-body massage will re-sensitize your skin and help you develop a deeper connection with your physical sensations and your erotic self.


Plus something that not many people are aware of – nobody can give you an orgasm, they can only support you in having one. Whether you orgasm or not, depends on you only – your level of sensitivity, of connection with your body and any limiting beliefs in your head that might be inhibiting your orgasmic ability.


3/ It will make you happy

Yes, as simple as that – pleasure makes us happy, relaxed and content. Awakening our sexual energy and feeling that deeply vibrant, ecstatic force flowing through our bodies charges us, energizes us and nurtures our bodies.


Orgasms cause a huge release of pleasure hormones and neurotransmitters that flood our system giving us more satisfaction, confidence and wellbeing.


However, be aware that there are two different ways to orgasm – the explosive way which will deplete you and the implosive way which will nurture you. Check out my last video here to learn about having those implosive full-body orgasms!

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