How to Heal the Relationship for Better Intimacy

How to Heal the Relationship for Better Intimacy

A lot of people struggle with the question: “Why does the flame of passion reduce the longer we’re together?” Despite our best efforts, it seems that nobody manages to escape the lowering libido and the reduced frequency of sexual encounters with their partner.

We all cherish the ‘honeymoon period’ with its high intensity of desire for each other and for intimacy. And then, once the normal reality sets back in, we often feel disappointed and confused. Not so long ago we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other! And now we’ll gladly exchange sex and lingerie for pizza and Netflix. Or worse still, for an evening apart from each other, to escape the company of our lover.

So what is really going on there? Why is this phenomenon so common? And is there anything that we can do to avoid it?

Well, there is an explanation. And it’s linked to the fact that our emotional state is a crucial component of our arousal. The more frustration and resentment we experience towards our partner, the more we’ll struggle with becoming turned on and passionate in the bedroom.

There is also a simple practice that can save us from digging ourselves into a dark hole of resentment. That resentment can actually build an emotional wall separating the partners and then lead to a sexless marriage. Please watch the video and use the practice at home as well. Learning about it is just the first step, doing it is what will create a real change.

Try this practice with your beloved as soon as you can. You’ll be surprised to find out what each of you is still holding onto emotionally.

 

 

P.S. If you enjoy my videos and would like to give back, please consider supporting me by becoming my Patron by clicking here. Thank you! 🙂 xxx

 

Video content:

A lot of people ask me why intimacy and sex life changes or reduces over the course of the relationship. This is a very valid question as a lot of people can relate to the libido lowering and the frequency of sex diminishing. For a lot of couples the love goes through a transformation the longer they’re together and in many cases – people break up once the honeymoon period is over. What they don’t understand or recognize is that they can heal the relationship and experience intimacy and love which is deeper and more meaningful than before. In this video, I’ll share with you how to do that!

 

When I first came across this practice, I knew I had to try it for myself. My relationship was happy, loving and peaceful but I knew that I was holding back in our sex life. I was aware that I felt a certain level of resentment for things that had happened in the past and that I didn’t obtain a full resolution around.

 

So I asked my partner to help me heal the resentment, and he did that. And then I asked whether he wanted me to help him heal anything as well. It turned out that he also had some things that still hurt a bit or felt unresolved between us. So we did this practice on each other. And all up it took about 10 mins. But our lovemaking that followed that night, was absolutely mind-blowing! It seemed that the resentment we were holding deep inside was stopping us from fully surrendering to the act of sex and from fully melting into each other during sex.

 

This process is very simple. Sit down together with your partner and ask what they need resolution around, if they feel resentment around something you did, you didn’t do or did in a way that hurt or frustrated them. Hear them out and really pay attention to the words that they use – this is crucial because next you’re going to heal them, using their words!

 

If they say “You hurt my feelings when you did this and this”, you’re going to say “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”. If they say “You made me feel rejected and abandoned when you…”, you’re going to say “I’m sorry I made you feel rejected and abandoned”. They’ll most likely use a few different expressions, and it’ll be best if you use them all in your healing apology. This might sound like this: “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry I made you feel bad. I’m sorry that I left you behind and made you feel unseen, etc.”

 

You need to say these words with absolute sincerity. The words you’re saying are not a reflection on you, they’re not about admitting that you’re guilty, not at all! You most likely had no idea that you were hurting your partner. But they got hurt regardless. And your apology acknowledges their hurt and their experience. It also helps them shift their hurt and their resentment about that particular experience so that your love can return to being more pure and free from hurt feelings.

 

Because you see, intimacy and love die in most cases because we carry an ever-growing load of resentment. And that resentment eventually becomes so vast and heavy that the love dies crushed underneath. But if you can help each other heal and shift that resentment, your love will be nourished and will be able to grow and deepen organically.

 

Please give this practice a go and let me know in the comments below whether there is or has been in your life a love relationship that could be healed this way.

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Why Single Sex is Easy and Relationship Sex is Not

Why Single Sex is Easy and Relationship Sex is Not

I have lost count of how many times I spoke to my clients and friends about reduced passion and sexual connection in their relationships. To be honest, for many years this had also been my own experience. It seems so easy to enjoy amazing passion and mind-blowing arousal and pleasure in bed when we’re dating and in the early stages of the relationship. But what about the later stages? Or after 5, 10 or 20 years together?

This is a question that a lot of people struggle with. It seems that there’s nothing we can do about diminished intimacy in long-term relationships. We’d love to keep up the spark and sizzle but they seem to naturally disappear, leaving us disappointed or even frustrated.

So is there really nothing we can do? And are we all doomed to sexless marriages and lack of intimate connection in the bedroom?

Watch my video to learn more!

 

 

PS. Have you watched my FREE Legendary Pleasure Masterclass? It’s full of tips and techniques for more pleasure, fun and satisfaction between the sheets! xxx

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The Pitfalls of Online Dating

The Pitfalls of Online Dating

Anybody who has dabbled in the world of online dating can testify to its convenience and ease of use. Within a few minutes, we gain access to thousands of single people in the area who we can contact, chat with and maybe even take on a date. This is an exciting prospect to anybody looking for romance – to be able to easily connect to others keen for a flirt, date, sex or more.

 

But online dating also has a darker side. With all this ease and convenience, many people don’t value the connections they’re making and they often disregard a romance opportunity in a chase of a new thrill. Others become deceptive in how they present themselves online, hiding their actual selves behind the safety of the computer screen. Others still use the online world to satisfy their own need for approval from potential dates, but fail to create real life experiences with them due to their fears, anxieties and wounding.

 

There are many pitfalls to online dating and being aware of them can create a much safer and more satisfying experience. Let me tell you a story about my own online dating heartbreak…


I’m curious about your experiences, good and bad!

And whether you were able to create a committed, loving relationship with someone you met online!

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Art of Intimacy or Intimate Art?

Art of Intimacy or Intimate Art?

Years ago, I used to live with an ex-partner of mine who was an art lover. His living room, his bedroom and even his kitchen were decorated with paintings and sculptures that captivated him so deeply at one time or another, that he decided to bring them home. The fact that these were mainly classical artists was just one reason for my surprise. The other part of it was the theme of most of the pieces – eroticism.

 

Gustav Klimt’s “Virgins” and Auguste Rodin’s “Kiss” were just two pieces of his extensive collection and my personal favourites. I loved watching his art pieces, I loved having them around, I loved feeling into their atmosphere, trying to guess what the artist was thinking while creating them. But most of all – I loved the sensual and intimate ambience that they were creating. I felt both fascinated and a little naughty while watching the naked bodies, intimate positions and erotic moments.

And this is why this week I’d love to introduce you to Veronica Blanco. Veronica is an artist based in Toronto, whose passion and interest are relationships and intimacy (my absolute fav topics in the world!). Her work really captivated me! I love the way she uses visual arts to express romantic connection, closeness and eroticism. I think that every couple in the world should have at least one sensual piece in their bedroom, inspiring them to always make time for intimacy and sexual fun. I also want to add that I’m not receiving any commission for this article! I love the art and the message behind it.

 

Meet Veronica!

 

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Helena: Why did you choose love and relationships as the focus of your art? What do you aim to express through your art?

Veronica: I enjoy working in this subject matter, I found a topic that I am fascinated with, provides so much room to explore and quite frankly, I think we are all a romantic.

I’m mainly inspired from personal moments and the people around me. Whichever embrace or moment that interests me, I try my best to depict with paint. People may think I am painting myself in the painting which isn’t necessarily true, I am painting moments that interest me. The couples in my paintings are a representation of all couples. It could be you and your lover or your friends or a couple on the street. I paint them without any facial characteristics because I want people to see themselves in the paintings.

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H: Who is your art for?

V: I paint for myself and I strongly believe that all art should be created as an expression by the artist and not created for others. I do take commission work of course but mostly all my paintings have been made because I wanted to explore the subject. I’m lucky to say that I have people who love my work and support me enough to buy my paintings. It’s always gratifying to see a new painting sold to a new home because at the end of the day, I created the piece for myself and I’m so happy to see that others can relate to the piece.

 

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H: Can you share some stories of impact your art has had on your clients?

V: Most of my clients have bought my paintings because they personally relate to the piece. Either because they see themselves in it, relate to the moment or it even reminded them of a song. Once I had a client who saw my painting, immediately called her partner, sent him a picture and bought it instantly because it reminded her of them. It’s always rewarding having that happen especially when clients are instantly drawn to my work.

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About Veronica:

Veronica Blanco is a Toronto based visual artist concentrating in painting and drawing. She received her BFA with Honours in Visual Arts from York University in the spring of 2014. Her work is passionately personal, a visual examination of love and relationships. Inspired by personal moments and the people around her, Veronica explores the intimacy, passion and even struggles between couples. She’s intrigued by the power of the human figure to allure us and the messages found in body language.

www.veronicablancoart.com

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Why People Cheat (plus why I have an issue with Disney)

Why People Cheat (plus why I have an issue with Disney)

I know people who have never cheated on their partners in their entire lives. And I know people who can’t help themselves but cheat in every relationship they’re in. I’ve seen little, short-lived affairs that seemingly didn’t cause any damage. And big ones, that went on for years and ripped hearts into pieces and caused depths of despair.

 

For most people, being cheated on is hard to get over. The damage can be irreparable and the wounds can haunt us for years. Many couples are capable of moving past the affair and heal. People learn to forgive but they never forget. People who have been cheated on, often struggle in their future relationships. They struggle to trust again and keep suspecting betrayal on every corner.

 

Always cheated

One of my exes was cheated on by every woman he had been with before me. I was the first partner that had been loyal to him. Yet, instead of appreciating our connection, he was often pouring his bitterness all over our relationship, unable to get over past hurt and trauma. I kept paying the price of every instance of betrayal in his past, until I had enough and walked away. And this situation is fairly common among modern couples!

 

Big question

So, I have to ask the big question: WHY? Why do people cheat? Why do we stray? What is so alluring that we risk our relationship, our love, our happiness… We risk breaking the heart of that one person that we’re closest to in the entire world.

 

And after studying sex, intimacy and relationships for years, I keep seeing again and again the same pattern and the same illusion – that a new partner will give us what the current partner is not. Or that possibly we made a mistake with our current relationship and we missed out on our one-and-true-love. And now they’re finally in front of us and we need to be with them, no matter the consequences.

 

Walt Disney = BS

And this is where I have a very deep issue with Walt Disney. A lot of us grew up with the idea of princesses finding their princes and living happily ever after. And I truly want to call BS on this story. The process of dating, falling in love and getting to know each other is the easy part. Once you’re a ‘thing’, the real work starts. Real life begins.

 

Every committed, long-lasting relationship has its ups and downs. There are times when we’re bursting with love, joy and gratitude. And there are days when we can barely look at our partner as they annoy the hell out of us. Sometimes we cry, argue and scream. Other times we make love, talk, support each other and hold each other through tough times. And in between – we clean, shop, work, socialize and raise kids.

 

Have you found The One?

Most people are so stuck on finding The One, they’re missing out on the fact that they are the creators of their relationships. Let me repeat that – you are creating your relationship as you go! If you have unhealthy patterns, wounding and toxic beliefs, you will turn to shit the most fabulous crush in the world. And after you find yourself unhappy, disillusioned and depressed again, you’ll figure you chose wrong and turn your eyes to someone else, only to find out again that in the end they can’t make you happy either!

 

The truth is, there are many different reasons we cheat. Life is complex and human beings are infinitely complicated. But in majority of cases, cheating is caused by an immature belief that someone new is better than someone old. And that a thrill of a new connection can create eternal happiness and solve all our problems.

And if you’re recognizing this belief as your own, please, think again!

 

What are you looking for?

Your current relationship is a result of your past actions, thoughts and beliefs. If you’re looking elsewhere to find happiness and fulfilment, it might be time to revisit your own thoughts and beliefs first. Before you decide to sneakily spend some time with that attractive stranger, ask yourself: what am I looking for?

 

Most people don’t cheat for sex but to feel important to someone, to feel appreciated and seen. And if that’s your case, how can you bring more quality time into your relationship?

 

Don’t trust Disney! Take matters into your own hands and actively create the life and intimacy that you desire!

And if you feel like some old wounds and unhealthy patterns are holding you back, enquire about my 1on1 coaching packages. I have helped hundreds of people infuse a new spark, sizzle and love into their relationships and create more satisfaction, excitement and pleasure in their bedroom.

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How Can Men Ask for What They Need

How Can Men Ask for What They Need

This morning I spoke to a client who complained of lack of emotional connection and fulfilment in his marriage.
His wife said “I love you” but he didn’t feel her love.

After a bit of asking and probing, I realized that he and his wife spoke different love languages.
She was expressing her love verbally but he needed her to express it through touch.

(If you’re not familiar with 5 love languages, definitely read the book “5 Love Languages”, it will explain a lot and save you a lot of frustration in your relationship!)

Apart from the value of recognizing and using each other’s love languages, what became apparent in our session were his many misunderstandings and misconceptions about human nature.

He said to me:
“Surely, there must be something wrong with whoever doesn’t express their love through touch!”
I laughed and explained that human nature is very complex and that we’re all very different.
We tend to perceive others through the lens of our own experience but it almost never serves us and we need to enquire with curiosity about others’ needs and wants instead of assuming they would want the same things that we do.

I also explained that he absolutely needed to tell his wife how he needed her to express her love so that she could properly “fill up his love bucket”.
She was giving him love in a way that she wanted to receive it.
But in case of most couples, the partners speak different love languages and need to communicate about their emotional needs in order to get them satisfied.

He blurted out:
“I could never ask her for something like that! She would think that I was weak!”

I knew that I was about to change his life!
I said to him:
“You not only need to tell her that you need touch, you also need to explain to her exactly how to touch you.
You need to say:
Darling, I’d really love you to hold me right now… or I’d like you to hold my hand… or I would love a massage tonight… or could you please hold my face and stroke my hair? etc.”

Asking for things can be scary.
It takes balls to be vulnerable, particularly in front of someone we care about.
We want our partners to see us as smart, handsome, brave, courageous and strong.
But vulnerability is not only needed in a relationship, it’s essential!
We’ll never be able to reach depth of love and connection if we’re unable to show our partners: “this is who I really am! sometimes I’m strong and sometimes I’m weak; sometimes I’m sad and sometimes I need you to hold me; sometimes I can conquer the world and sometimes I want to cry.”

THERE’S NO WAY OF BUILDING TRUE INTIMACY IF WE CANNOT SHOW OUR PARTNER OUR TRUE FACE AND ASK FOR WHAT WE NEED!

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