I know people who have never cheated on their partners in their entire lives. And I know people who can’t help themselves but cheat in every relationship they’re in. I’ve seen little, short-lived affairs that seemingly didn’t cause any damage. And big ones, that went on for years and ripped hearts into pieces and caused depths of despair.
For most people, being cheated on is hard to get over. The damage can be irreparable and the wounds can haunt us for years. Many couples are capable of moving past the affair and heal. People learn to forgive but they never forget. People who have been cheated on, often struggle in their future relationships. They struggle to trust again and keep suspecting betrayal on every corner.
One of my exes was cheated on by every woman he had been with before me. I was the first partner that had been loyal to him. Yet, instead of appreciating our connection, he was often pouring his bitterness all over our relationship, unable to get over past hurt and trauma. I kept paying the price of every instance of betrayal in his past, until I had enough and walked away. And this situation is fairly common among modern couples!
So, I have to ask the big question: WHY? Why do people cheat? Why do we stray? What is so alluring that we risk our relationship, our love, our happiness… We risk breaking the heart of that one person that we’re closest to in the entire world.
And after studying sex, intimacy and relationships for years, I keep seeing again and again the same pattern and the same illusion – that a new partner will give us what the current partner is not. Or that possibly we made a mistake with our current relationship and we missed out on our one-and-true-love. And now they’re finally in front of us and we need to be with them, no matter the consequences.
Walt Disney = BS
And this is where I have a very deep issue with Walt Disney. A lot of us grew up with the idea of princesses finding their princes and living happily ever after. And I truly want to call BS on this story. The process of dating, falling in love and getting to know each other is the easy part. Once you’re a ‘thing’, the real work starts. Real life begins.
Every committed, long-lasting relationship has its ups and downs. There are times when we’re bursting with love, joy and gratitude. And there are days when we can barely look at our partner as they annoy the hell out of us. Sometimes we cry, argue and scream. Other times we make love, talk, support each other and hold each other through tough times. And in between – we clean, shop, work, socialize and raise kids.
Have you found The One?
Most people are so stuck on finding The One, they’re missing out on the fact that they are the creators of their relationships. Let me repeat that – you are creating your relationship as you go! If you have unhealthy patterns, wounding and toxic beliefs, you will turn to shit the most fabulous crush in the world. And after you find yourself unhappy, disillusioned and depressed again, you’ll figure you chose wrong and turn your eyes to someone else, only to find out again that in the end they can’t make you happy either!
The truth is, there are many different reasons we cheat. Life is complex and human beings are infinitely complicated. But in majority of cases, cheating is caused by an immature belief that someone new is better than someone old. And that a thrill of a new connection can create eternal happiness and solve all our problems.
And if you’re recognizing this belief as your own, please, think again!
What are you looking for?
Your current relationship is a result of your past actions, thoughts and beliefs. If you’re looking elsewhere to find happiness and fulfilment, it might be time to revisit your own thoughts and beliefs first. Before you decide to sneakily spend some time with that attractive stranger, ask yourself: what am I looking for?
Most people don’t cheat for sex but to feel important to someone, to feel appreciated and seen. And if that’s your case, how can you bring more quality time into your relationship?
Don’t trust Disney! Take matters into your own hands and actively create the life and intimacy that you desire!
And if you feel like some old wounds and unhealthy patterns are holding you back, enquire about my 1on1 coaching packages. I have helped hundreds of people infuse a new spark, sizzle and love into their relationships and create more satisfaction, excitement and pleasure in their bedroom.