I often say to my clients that penetrative sex should never, ever, ever happen unless she is wet, juicy and aroused. Because without that beautiful wetness, sex will be most likely uncomfortable or even painful for her. Which will make orgasming or even enjoying sex...
I recently talked about how often you should be having sex. And today I want to discuss the ideal duration of a sexual intercourse. Do you wonder what’s normal or standard? How long do other people have sex for? And how you compare to that?
I feel like first of all we need to define sex
What are we actually talking about here – when does sex begin and when does it end. What exactly is the picture in your mind when you hear the word “sex”? Is it the penis-in-the-vagina penetration alone? What about foreplay? And the cuddling afterwards? And what if you decide to have sex again. Is that two separate experiences or one extended sexual encounter?
So the statistics shared by the sexological community typically refer to the penetration alone. And the average duration of sexual intercourse viewed from that perspective is… 5.4 minutes. So that’s 5.4 mins from the moment of putting the penis inside the vagina, to the point of ejaculation.
The problem is that this length of time is typically described by women as insufficient for sexual satisfaction
Women on average need 4 times longer to orgasm than men do. So if she’s hoping to orgasm from penetration alone, her chances might not be that great if he cannot last longer.
And the truth here is that you need to find your own sweet spot when it comes to your relationship – your own perfect situation that will create this lovely feeling of satisfaction and intimate nourishment for both partners. Most people describe sex that lasts under 5 mins as too short. To many other people intercourse that goes for more than 15 mins is seen as too long. Others still can go on for hours and will cherish every moment of it.
So what is actually desirable for you and for your partner?
And here it’s also good to be clear on our desires relating to the entire sexual experience, as opposed to just the penetration alone.
So how much foreplay do you both desire? What exactly should happen during foreplay to give you both pleasure and a good level of arousal? How long should that part go for? And once penetration starts, can you both move freely between penetrative and non-penetrative sex? Or do you both prefer to keep going until some sort of conclusion occurs?
What does that conclusion look like?
Is it his ejaculation? Or are you not done until both partners have orgasmed?
And this is not to say that your sexual encounter should be the same each time. Sometimes it’s great to have a long, sensual experience full of teasing and playfulness. At other times a quickie is exactly what you both need and desire.
But the main point here is to recognize your own desires and to honour them, together with your partner’s desires
Which brings me to 2 significant issues that most couples need to address – his ability to last longer and her ability to have orgasms in order to derive much more satisfaction from sex.
Let’s first talk about men…
Gentlemen, if you feel like you struggle to last as long as you would like to, please be aware that you can train your body to last longer. It’s fairly simple and anybody can do it.
If you’re currently struggling to orgasm during sex, then please be aware that there are different powerful tools and techniques that can help you re-sensitize your body for much more pleasure, sensuality and for deeper, more amazing orgasms.
And I talk in depth about that in my Orgasmic Empowerment for Women course. But for now you might want to start with my video GUIDE TO FEMALE ORGASM. And if on top of that struggle to orgasm, you also experience pain or discomfort during sex, then make sure to check out my video 4 STEPS TO DE-ARMOUR YOUR VAGINA.
Look, great, satisfying sex that lasts exactly as long as you both need and desire is a tricky goal
But you can both do a lot to come much closer to creating this kind of amazing sexual experiences in your bedroom much more often if you choose to educate yourself on the topic of sex and if you’re willing to invest some time and energy into your sex life.
I share regular articles and videos on the topic of great sex so make sure to take a stroll through my YouTube channel and watch whichever videos pique your interest.
Please also comment below to let me know your thoughts and your reaction to the 5.4min average of sexual intercourse. Do you think that’s long or short?
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