This Will Never Work…

This Will Never Work…

I recently posted two different quotes on social media that deeply inspired me:

 

“You could have anything in the world you wanted if you were willing to ask 1,000 people for it.” – Byron Katie

“The harder I am on myself, the easier life is on me.” – Steve Chandler

 

Both quotes received a mostly negative feedback as people described them as ‘wrong’, ‘useless’, ‘immature masculine speaking’ and even a ‘fail’ among other comments. A lot of people disagreed with each quote and some gave elaborate reasons why.

 

The sentiment I heard most often in these comments was: “this optimistic thinking will never work, I’ve tried it before and it got me nowhere, this silly thinking has nothing to do with reality”. And it got me thinking – why are we so resistant to the idea that we’re powerful creators in our lives? Is it purely about our limiting beliefs that “we’re not that special”, “we don’t deserve that kind of success” or “we’re not good enough”?

 

Or maybe we’re just too lazy to do the work required for a massive success?

 

I also wondered whether maybe it was a case of misunderstanding the quoted words which were taken out of a certain context. Maybe people put these quotes through their own filter and interpreted them differently than I did. So let me explain why these particular words inspired me so strongly. And I’d love to hear back from you about your own understanding of these quotes.

 

Let’s start with the first one:

“You could have anything in the world you wanted if you were willing to ask 1,000 people for it.” – Byron Katie

 

Wow! This one hit me like a tonne of bricks. To date nobody managed to disprove it, mainly because people give up before they reach 1,000 people. But just think about it! Think about the dream you have, something you’re passionate about, something you’d TRULY want to create / accomplish / receive. And now sit down with your computer or a piece of paper and brainstorm the names of all the people that could help you out in some way. People that could mentor you, invest in you, offer you a scholarship, an opportunity to work alongside them to gain experience or an opportunity to pitch your idea to others. Business people, thinkers, entrepreneurs, investors, teachers, consultants, philanthropists…

 

Imagine sitting down with these people for a 1on1 conversation to discuss your dream. Are you still doubting?…

 

Ok, time to tackle the second quote:

“The harder I am on myself, the easier life is on me.” – Steve Chandler

 

I believe this to be true. I also believe the opposite to be true: The easier I am on myself, the harder life is on me.

 

I interpret “hard” to mean “disciplined”. And practically that means that if I get up early, work out regularly, skip junk food and eat healthy meals, work hard in my career and/or in my business, if I continue educating myself through books, classes, workshops, courses, degrees, etc., my life will keep getting better and easier.

 

But if I do the opposite – if I sleep in often, spend a lot of time on the couch watching Netflix and indulging in unhealthy foods, life will likely get pretty tough for me.

 

The way I see it, we all have a choice.

 

You either choose to keep going up, believing in yourself and creating the life of your dreams; or you choose to invalidate the idea about yourself as a powerful human being and stay exactly where you are now.

 

Which one will you choose?

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Art of Intimacy or Intimate Art?

Art of Intimacy or Intimate Art?

Years ago, I used to live with an ex-partner of mine who was an art lover. His living room, his bedroom and even his kitchen were decorated with paintings and sculptures that captivated him so deeply at one time or another, that he decided to bring them home. The fact that these were mainly classical artists was just one reason for my surprise. The other part of it was the theme of most of the pieces – eroticism.

 

Gustav Klimt’s “Virgins” and Auguste Rodin’s “Kiss” were just two pieces of his extensive collection and my personal favourites. I loved watching his art pieces, I loved having them around, I loved feeling into their atmosphere, trying to guess what the artist was thinking while creating them. But most of all – I loved the sensual and intimate ambience that they were creating. I felt both fascinated and a little naughty while watching the naked bodies, intimate positions and erotic moments.

And this is why this week I’d love to introduce you to Veronica Blanco. Veronica is an artist based in Toronto, whose passion and interest are relationships and intimacy (my absolute fav topics in the world!). Her work really captivated me! I love the way she uses visual arts to express romantic connection, closeness and eroticism. I think that every couple in the world should have at least one sensual piece in their bedroom, inspiring them to always make time for intimacy and sexual fun. I also want to add that I’m not receiving any commission for this article! I love the art and the message behind it.

 

Meet Veronica!

 

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Helena: Why did you choose love and relationships as the focus of your art? What do you aim to express through your art?

Veronica: I enjoy working in this subject matter, I found a topic that I am fascinated with, provides so much room to explore and quite frankly, I think we are all a romantic.

I’m mainly inspired from personal moments and the people around me. Whichever embrace or moment that interests me, I try my best to depict with paint. People may think I am painting myself in the painting which isn’t necessarily true, I am painting moments that interest me. The couples in my paintings are a representation of all couples. It could be you and your lover or your friends or a couple on the street. I paint them without any facial characteristics because I want people to see themselves in the paintings.

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H: Who is your art for?

V: I paint for myself and I strongly believe that all art should be created as an expression by the artist and not created for others. I do take commission work of course but mostly all my paintings have been made because I wanted to explore the subject. I’m lucky to say that I have people who love my work and support me enough to buy my paintings. It’s always gratifying to see a new painting sold to a new home because at the end of the day, I created the piece for myself and I’m so happy to see that others can relate to the piece.

 

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H: Can you share some stories of impact your art has had on your clients?

V: Most of my clients have bought my paintings because they personally relate to the piece. Either because they see themselves in it, relate to the moment or it even reminded them of a song. Once I had a client who saw my painting, immediately called her partner, sent him a picture and bought it instantly because it reminded her of them. It’s always rewarding having that happen especially when clients are instantly drawn to my work.

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About Veronica:

Veronica Blanco is a Toronto based visual artist concentrating in painting and drawing. She received her BFA with Honours in Visual Arts from York University in the spring of 2014. Her work is passionately personal, a visual examination of love and relationships. Inspired by personal moments and the people around her, Veronica explores the intimacy, passion and even struggles between couples. She’s intrigued by the power of the human figure to allure us and the messages found in body language.

www.veronicablancoart.com

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Why is Our Society So Scared of Sex?

Why is Our Society So Scared of Sex?

When I was growing up as a little girl, I was taught that sex led to babies and that people had it when they wanted to be parents. I was given a little book with images showing two people holding hands and smiling at each other. Next the story took me to images of the internal structure of female genitalia and then the final part – the woman holding a new-born in a hospital bed while the husband visited.

It was still a mystery to me how the baby was actually created or how it was supposed to get out of mummy’s belly. The idea of being naked with a man sounded scary and I had no clue why two people would do such a thing. Sensual pleasure, female orgasms or intensity of arousal and intimate desire were not concepts that I had ever heard of.

Sexual education

‘Sex for procreation only’ is an idea that is harmful and limiting for both men and women. Sex that is ‘risky and scary’ is another damaging concept. We feed teenagers ideas about avoiding unwanted pregnancies and STIs and we forget (or don’t want to admit) that sex is much more than that.

The concept that children and teenagers are sexual beings confuses us and we try to keep the kids away from the eroticism of their bodies for as long as we can. But what we’re really doing is extremely wounding to them.

Girls who grow up with these ideas experience shame and embarrassment around sex and pleasure. They are inhibited in bed and struggle to embrace their pleasure or to orgasm. They are taught from young age to keep their legs closed and to not touch themselves. They learn that by having sex, they are losing something, giving something precious away and that they stop being pure. As they carry these ideas into their adult lives and into their marriages, this keeps creating very unhealthy, toxic or unfulfilling relationships. A lot of long-term relationships these days are sexless and a lot of men I coach in my programs keep asking: “Why doesn’t my wife want to have sex anymore?”.

Sexual frustration

Most of couples these days experience frustration, boredom or conflict in their sex lives. One of the men who graduated my Tantric Mastery program admitted: “I have just learnt in one session more about sexuality than I have in my entire life! Thank you!”. This illustrates pretty well the state of sexual awareness in our society.

It’s a real shame that parents don’t teach their kids about the value of pleasure, loving connection and joy that can be experienced in bed together – whether you’re with a spouse of 50 years or a casual friend with benefits.

My early sexual experiences

When I started having sex myself, I had no idea what to do or expect. The actual experience was painful, uncomfortable and disconnected. The tragedy of that was the fact that I had no models of sexuality to aspire to. I was unable to create a different form of intimacy because I didn’t know that there were other options. This led to years of discomfort and dissatisfaction in the bedroom.

Conscious sexuality

Years later, I now teach both men and women to embrace their sexuality intentionally and to create sexual experiences they truly crave and desire. I also teach them how to maintain that deep passion and rich sexual connection for years, not only during the ‘honeymoon period’.

I also live that idea in my own relationship. Me and my partner connect intimately at least once a day and we bring a lot of awareness, Tantra, kink and fun into our bedroom. We constantly look for ways to give each other more pleasure and to enhance and vary our sexual experiences. We use tantric rituals, breathwork and sex magic but also bondage, role play and spanking among many other things. What we do won’t necessarily work for every single couple but the key here is keeping an open mind and embracing sex as a natural, healthy and beautiful aspect of our lives.

What is your experience of sex?

Sex is not shameful or wrong. It’s amazing and magical. Sex is one of the most wonderful ways to express romantic love between partners. Why are we still so scared of it?

Getting proper sexual education and creating our sex lives intentionally, by design, is a much better option than stumbling in the dark while hoping for the best! So if you feel like your sex life needs some help, look for a Tantra workshop, a book or a sex coach. You can also reach out to me or anybody else that you resonate with.

It’s time our modern society finally embraced sex as a natural and very beautiful part of our lives.

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Escaping to a Naked Paradise

Escaping to a Naked Paradise

I recently came back from Confest – an alternative gathering of a few thousand of people, held in the bush, near the border of Victoria and NSW. The attendees set up their tents and motorhomes to spend Easter together, surrounded by nature, trees, river and birds. There is no amplified music there and the main themes of the event are community, family, living close to nature, embracing nudity and learning from each other.

My time there was extremely insightful and made me question a lot of things that we as a society take for granted. In fact, I cried in the car on my way home, realizing that at the end of my trip I had to face the normal life again.

 

“Normal” life

The ‘normal’ life is for most of us the life of separation – stuck in our beautiful homes or offices, we rarely know our neighbours or wider community.

The ‘normal’ life is a life of stress – we’re stuck in a rat race, purchasing things we cannot afford and stressing about working harder in order to pay our debts.

The ‘normal’ life is a life of 9-5 – tolerating Monday to Friday in order to do things we like on the weekends.

The society trains us to live life in a certain way, to the point that we do not question it anymore.

And this is why every time I escape to the bush and spend some time with other crazy hippies, I have a mini breakdown upon returning home.

 

Clothing optional paradise

We all enjoy being nude, yet we can only indulge in it in the privacy of our homes.

Somebody decided that it was indecent to be naked and our bodies became sexualized.

But anybody who is offended by naked strangers, should spend a few days at Confest.

After one day of an initial shock, seeing naked bodies everywhere becomes normal, natural.

Naked bodies are beautiful and healthy.

Naked people are not sexual – they’re just people.

Every clothing optional event I attend reminds me just how good it feels to be naked!

 

What is ‘normal’?

I actually feel that what we’ve come to consider normal, is really not.

My body and emotional states guide me in what serves me and what doesn’t.

My soul sings when I’m out in the bush, when I disconnect from the electronic devices and wake up to the sunrise, hearing birds and watching kangaroos.

I feel happy and nurtured when being surrounded by a happy, supportive community.

I thrive on simple, plant based foods.

I love watching people dropping all the “shoulds” and “should nots” in their lives, while embracing their true, authentic, colourful selves.

And I believe that this is the normal, this is how we are meant to live.

 

What if…

In the current world, the festival culture is a way to escape, even if only briefly, the reality that we’ve built for ourselves.

But what if we could bring it to our everyday lives?

What would happen if we all could express ourselves freely – through our clothing (or lack of), through our behaviour, our homes, our families?

What would happen if we abandoned the “shoulds”, the suits, the patterns of behaviour that serve somebody else’s profit?

What if we abandoned “profit” as a driving force and embraced community, compassion and connection instead?

I do wonder…

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