Have You Had Your Sungasm Yet?

Have You Had Your Sungasm Yet?

What answer would you give me if I asked you: “Can you feel your body?”

Would it be: “Yes, of course!” or would you stop to really think about it?

 

What if I told you that you’ve forgotten how to actually feel your body?

 

And that if you were really feeling it, you’d be in a mild (or not so mild) ecstatic state every time you took a deep breath? Every time you experienced warm breeze on your skin? Every time sun kissed your face?…

 

But if you have been following me for a while and you haven’t had your sun-gasm yet, we still have more work to do here 😉

 

I often joke that in my sessions, I teach people how to feel.

 

But in many cases, that’s exactly what happens. A lot of people come to me to learn to experience better, stronger orgasms, to become multi-orgasmic or to master the art of full-body ecstasy. And everybody’s journey towards these experiences is different and unique. But it ALWAYS involves developing more sensitivity and more awareness of the subtlest sensations.

 

This process is not complicated or difficult. It simply takes time. Whatever you pay attention to, becomes stronger. Wherever your awareness flows, grows and expands. If you spend some time daily connecting to your sensory receptors, the neural connections between your brain and your pleasure will get stronger.

 

That’s the magic of human body – it always keeps adapting and changing.

 

It’s never still, it’s a process that keeps happening. And you can consciously affect this ‘becoming’.

 

The science of neuroplasticity tells us that neurons that fire together, wire together. That means that if you often feel grumpy upon waking up early, you’re linking the experience of early morning with a bad mood. If you often whinge about bad traffic, you’re wiring being in the car with having a horrible experience. And if you’re often getting stuck in your head during sex, you’re disconnecting yourself from the delicious pleasure in your body AND your full orgasmic potential.

 

There’s good news – this process is fully reversible.

 

You can completely turn around your relationship with your body, your genitals, your pleasure and the full depth of your orgasms. And this means teaching your nervous system how to feel again, how to feel better and deeper.

 

You need to learn how to feel things in your body that you may have never felt before – the flow of breath through your system, your muscles relaxing and contracting, the blood flowing through your veins, your heartbeat, the touch of clothes on your skin, the pressure of furniture underneath you, energetic flows and blockages manifesting as subtle sensations, the sense of aliveness just underneath your skin, temperature changes in and outside of your body and much, much more.

 

Exercise:

 

The best way to start is to spend 5 minutes (or longer) every day on a simple activity – feeling. This is a completely uninterrupted time – just you and your body. Make sure to sit or lie down comfortably, close your eyes and slightly deepen your breathing. Once you’re feeling relaxed, start slowly scanning your entire body. You don’t need to make anything happen, just look for sensations. Be curious but don’t form any specific expectations. Allow your body to surprise you.

 

When performed regularly, this exercise will start to completely alter your connection with your body. You’ll start to strengthen the existing and form new neural connections between your brain and your pleasure. You’ll start experiencing new types of sensations and your pleasure will gain new depth and new layers to it. You won’t believe that you’d ever been able to experience sexual satisfaction before!

 

This new level of sensitivity will open up a completely new landscape of sensuality, eroticism and orgasmic potential for you. Will you give it a go? I hope so!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

3 Amazing Benefits of Sleeping Naked

I don’t know about you, but I LOVE sleeping naked! I love to feel the softness of the sheets against my skin, I love the ease of access to different body parts that I can stroke or caress, I love the heightened sensations I experience all over my body. And when my...

read more

How to Have Slow Sex & Stronger Orgasms

Have you ever heard of slow sex? What comes to mind when you hear these words together? Slow - sex... What kind of scenes do you see when you picture it in your head? Can you even picture it? When I first heard of this notion about 5 years ago, I was shocked and...

read more

If She Loved Me, She Would Be Physically Attracted to Me

If She Loved Me, She Would Be Physically Attracted to Me

I recently worked with a couple who was facing a very confronting issue. They both genuinely loved each other, yet she struggled to feel sexually attracted to him. He felt incredibly hurt and rejected by that. He assumed that:

 

if you love someone romantically, you should feel physically attracted to them.

 

She felt deeply confused and conflicted because she knew that her feelings for him were true. More than that, she described the depth of their connection as a “twin flame”, she saw him as her soulmate and hence she struggled to reconcile the feelings in her heart with the reaction of her body.

 

This situation is incredibly common and I have seen it countless times in my sessions, in one form or another. But it always comes down to this one grand assumption: If you love me, you should feel physically attracted to me.

 

But is that true?

 

It will really serve us all to unpack this statement and to look at all the different layers of our eroticism. Because when it comes to human emotions and arousal, things aren’t usually this simple.

 

1/ Sexual repression and shame

There are many different reasons why romantic love and physical attraction might not go together. And the most common one I encounter as a sex therapist, is sexual repression and shame that had been experienced earlier in life. These two are quite deadly for our sense of eroticism and arousal, and deeply affect our free sexual expression. A man or a woman who had been fed toxic, unhealthy ideas about their body, their pleasure and their genitals, will genuinely struggle to connect with or to activate their physical arousal. And it will have nothing to do with their partner and all to do with their own sense of self as a sexual being.

 

2/ Past resentment

Another common theme is the under-appreciated connection between past resentment and current arousal. Little hurts and disappointments that we’ve experienced because of our partner can add up and culminate in a subconscious refusal of intimacy with the partner. Also known as: “You want me to have sex with you after what you did???” syndrome. This one can be tricky because it can hide deep in our emotional body, away from the watchful eye of our logical brain. After all, it’s not ok to still feel hurt after all this time. So the body hides the grief, anger or resentment deep in the tissues to keep it away from the brain.

 

I have heard many clients insist that they don’t harbour resentment towards their beloved, only to be faced with uncomfortable truth upon closer inspection. It can be hard to look deep into your own heart and discover there something that you’re not proud of. But that’s the only way towards improvement.

 

3/ Too much togetherness

Third case is also quite common – a lot of couples I see have pretty much killed their physical attraction by overload of togetherness. And don’t get me wrong because I fully get it – it feels wonderful to spend plenty of time with the person you’re in love with. And it brings benefits too – deeper sense of closeness, companionship and emotional fulfilment. But the physical attraction will suffer.

 

You see, our sexual attraction to each other needs some separation, some missing each other and a deep sense of being your own person. Couples who don’t recognize that can love each other very deeply and will still struggle in the bedroom.

 

Of course, on top of these 3 cases, there are also plenty of other situations, scenarios and possibilities. And there’s nothing unusual, weird or uncommon about them. Almost all couples experience challenges with physical attraction at some point in their relationships. So if you feel like you might need help with untangling the beautifully complex aspects of your intimate connection, seek an experienced practitioner who can help. Overcoming this kind of struggles will work wonders in your relationship!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How to Make Online Dating Work for You

Since I started running Soulmate Speed-Dating events, I’ve been talking to a lot of single people. And they’ve shared with me countless stories of struggles, challenges and disappointments of the modern dating life.   Somehow, it seems that finding The One has been...

read more

3 Surprising Things that Make Men Fall in Love

Hello, modern woman. Whether you’re single and dating or in a relationship, there’s something I’d love to share with you today. This information actually changed lives of countless women and allowed them to not only date better but to also create better, more loving...

read more

Relationships Are Not Meant to Make Us Happy

We enter romantic relationships for many different reasons – love, mutual attraction, fear of loneliness, peer pressure, social expectation, desire for sex, desire for money, we want a family, etc. And underneath all of these reasons, there’s also that deeper one, the...

read more

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

They did what to her??

 

A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my composure… But let me start from the beginning.

 

When it comes to surgery and particularly the cosmetic type, I’m a strong opponent of cutting our bodies without a very good reason. Of course, there are cases when a surgical procedure can be life-saving and I’m grateful for all the advancements of modern medicine that allow us to live long, happy, healthy lives.

 

Yet, I also recognize that a lot of people decide to go under a knife without a health emergency.

 

The whole cosmetic surgery arena was constructed to benefit from our insecurities

 

… and in many cases – to feed these securities into us in the first place. Does your body not fit the standard that we call ‘beauty’? We’ll fix that. Are you struggling to lose weight? We’ll cut off the fatty bits. Do you hate the shape of your nose? We’ll make you a new one…

 

It’s madness!

 

Our bodies are perfect, beautiful and always, always enough! But if you’re not happy with something about your looks, it’s actually unlikely that a medical procedure will fully satisfy you. Because in many cases it might feel like you need to change the shape of your thighs but in reality, you need a deeper level of self-love and self-acceptance. This is why once people start having surgery, they keep coming back for more. Because changing your physical appearance doesn’t address the core of the issue.

 

Because of my area of expertise, I feel particularly strongly about procedures that change the shape of our intimate bits.

 

Genitals truly are like snowflakes – all different, all miraculous

 

Yet the boom of porn industry convinced many of us that there’s only one acceptable shape of a vulva. And so countless women rushed to their cosmetic surgeons to undergo labiaplasty. Labiaplasty is a plastic surgery that alters the look of a vulva. It usually consists of surgically trimming inner lips if they seem too large or if they protrude outside of the outer lips. Its sole function is aesthetic.

 

So baring all that in mind, it was a true surprise even to myself that a few days ago I found myself inside a surgery room, together with a surgeon and Sue – a willing patient laying on the table, naked from waist down, her legs spread. My curiosity got the better of me and I spent most of the procedure chatting to Sue about her experience. I wanted to know what exactly was behind her decision and what sort of potential wounding made her expose her precious vulva to a merciless knife.

 

But Sue surprised me

 

She was in her 50s, mother of two and a happy wife of a loving husband. Not an active porn user herself, she wasn’t too bothered about comparing the look of her genitals to the women on the computer screen. Her husband had never mentioned anything to her either about re-shaping her asymmetrical inner lips and she had never spent a lot of time examining them or worrying about them. Her reason for opting for the procedure was different.

 

From a young age, she noticed a degree of discomfort between her legs while performing different activities. One larger inner lip would sometimes get pinched by the underwear or irritated by the surface that Sue was sitting on. Things could also get painful during intercourse as the extra flesh was getting caught in the sexy action. Sue was excited that she could finally do something about the discomfort and her entire approach to the procedure was calm, mature and very conscious. I was delighted to see that what brought her into the surgery room that day had nothing to do with trauma or unhealthy beliefs about herself, her body or her genitalia.

 

I also appreciated the surgeon’s attitude

 

He kindly and compassionately explained the whole process, including the need to exercise sound judgement and not request too much skin to be taken off. He also warned about scar tissue forming in the area which would reduce the natural sensitivity of the inner lips. The whole procedure took less than 30 minutes, with Sue remaining fully conscious the entire time and with plenty of care being taken for her comfort and wellbeing.

 

Please note that this post is NOT an encouragement to undergo a labiaplasty, it’s simply a way to open a conversation about this procedure. I’m sharing my experience because witnessing someone undergoing it challenged my outlook on this kind of surgery and allowed me more understanding and compassion for women opting for it. So if labiaplasty is something that you’re considering, please explore first your deep, true reasons for doing it. And if your decision comes from a healthy, conscious place, make sure to find a reputable surgeon who can perform the procedure.

 

But above all, spend some time with your own body and your own intimate area first, exploring all the deep feelings and any negative emotions. Because your body itself might have some answers for you! And if you’d like some support with that, please reach out to me for a 1on1 session. I’ll be delighted to support you and your relationship with your body, pleasure and eroticism.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting...

read more

5 Must-try Masturbation Moves for Her

If you’re like most people, you probably always masturbate in the same way. It’s likely that over time you have developed a masturbation routine that works for you. This routine is a set of moves and strokes that give you pleasure and bring you to orgasm in the...

read more

Why you don’t want a tight vagina

As a sex coach, I see the world a bit differently than others. I see it through the lens of sexual behaviours, desires and needs. I can quickly assess and determine what a person needs to create a healthier, much more fulfilling and satisfying intimacy in their life....

read more

10 Unexpected Benefits of Orgasm

10 Unexpected Benefits of Orgasm

On one hand, I feel like there’s absolutely no need to convince anyone that they should be having orgasms. I think that we’re all more or less aware that orgasms are yum, delicious and amazing! It feels so good to approach one, to have one and to come back to Earth after having one.

 

AND don’t get me started on the multiples!…

 

But on the other hand, I’m also aware of various struggles and frustrations people face in their bedrooms. Some don’t have a partner and are not interested in self-pleasuring, others live in sexless relationships, others still struggle with sexual trauma, wounding, shame or toxic beliefs. All these things will affect the quality and frequency of our erotic experiences and hence – of our orgasms.

 

So in case you do experience some resistance and need a gentle push to ensure your orgasmic life is alive and well, here are some unexpected benefits of the blissful climax:

 

1/ Weight loss

Orgasms increase your levels of CCK (cholecystokinin) which causes the release of digestive enzymes and bile, and acts as a huger suppressant.

 

2/ Less stress & better mood

Oxytocin released during orgasm not only bonds you emotionally to your lover, it also combats the effects of cortisol in your body, lowering levels of stress and depression.

 

3/ More sex appeal

Regular sexual activity increases and optimises levels of estrogen and testosterone in women, which adds to their libido, improves their mood and creates more sex appeal. Men who orgasm often also enjoy higher levels of testosterone, adding to their strength, masculinity and wellbeing.

 

4/ Better sleep

Oxytocin and vasopressin (both released during orgasm) are involved in lowering the cortisol levels and controlling our circadian rhythm, helping us regulate the internal clock and sleep better.

 

5/ Improved social life

Numerous side effects of the oxytocin boost include improving your social skills and intuition, making you feel more social and trusting, and bonding better with others.

 

6/ Easier periods

Improved blood circulation to a woman’s pelvic area ensures higher levels of nutrients present, healthier tissues and supports a regular menstrual cycle.

 

7/ Better chances of getting pregnant

Women who orgasm during sex (after their partners do) retain more sperm. The increased oxytocin levels will also create healthier pregnancy and will help more women carry to term.

 

8/ Higher immunity

Orgasms boost infection-fighting cells which supports your body in fighting colds and flu.

 

9/ Higher life expectancy

According to studies conducted in Wales over the period of 10 years, people who orgasm regularly live longer than those who don’t. In fact, the difference is a mortality risk lowered by 50% which is quite amazing.

 

10/ More happiness

Although this one is pretty self-explanatory, the wellbeing caused by regular orgasms goes deeper than just an improved emotional state. Multiple chemical changes induced in the body during each orgasm affect your health in a myriad of ways, causing an improved wellbeing and a deeper general sense of life satisfaction.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

Have You Had Your Sungasm Yet?

What answer would you give me if I asked you: “Can you feel your body?” Would it be: “Yes, of course!” or would you stop to really think about it?   What if I told you that you’ve forgotten how to actually feel your body?   And that if you were really feeling it,...

read more

5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers: “Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another? I want to do everything in my power to free...

read more

3 Amazing Benefits of Sleeping Naked

I don’t know about you, but I LOVE sleeping naked! I love to feel the softness of the sheets against my skin, I love the ease of access to different body parts that I can stroke or caress, I love the heightened sensations I experience all over my body. And when my...

read more

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson

 

This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to the way we usually experience climax in the bedroom. When you think back to your typical orgasmic experience, you’ll probably notice that it tends to be an experience full of tension – muscles of your legs and pelvis are contracting and your breath becomes shorter and is often held. So why is Diana Richardson talking about being more relaxed in sex?

 

This used to really confuse me until I started training my body using tantric tools and practices. And after a while, what seemed to be a one and only way to experience sex and orgasm (tension, contraction, short breath, …) turned out to be just one of the ways to experience my eroticism.

 

These other ways led me down the path of not only becoming multi-orgasmic, but also of expanding my orgasms into a full-body, toe-curling, awe-inspiring experiences of expanded bliss…

 

I included my absolutely favourite tantric techniques in the Orgasmic Empowerment online course for Women. But more about that later as I currently have a very special Women’s Day deal on offer!

And I want to stress that there’s no judgement here about the more traditional tension-based approaches to sex. You should do whatever works for you and whatever you enjoy! I’m simply stressing that there are also other ways that might work better for you.

 

And this is significant because the amount of frustration around sex and orgasm in our society is truly mind blowing.

 

We often resign ourselves to infrequent, mediocre, painful or non-existent sex life because we lack basic understanding about how sex and sexual energy work. Even if a couple enjoys a juicy and frequent sex life at the beginning of their relationship, things usually change down the track and excitement morphs into disappointment or boredom.

 

An unhealthy routine develops, where men seek their own pleasure by penetrating woman’s body to achieve ejaculation. The amount of time required in such encounters is mostly not enough to arouse the woman sufficiently so that her sexual energy can start flowing equally abundantly. Women in such relationships feel used, lonely or purely disinterested in sex as their sexual frustration grows. Most men admit that this state of things is not truly satisfying to them either but they don’t know what to do about it.

 

There are also more considerate lovers who want to make sure that their female partner orgasms first by clitoral stimulation. But putting such pressure on a woman usually places her in a place where she feels guilty about taking too much time and becomes way too tense to achieve a true, deep ecstasy.

 

According to Tantra, we got it all wrong.

 

The basic understanding of male-female polarity suggests that male energy is like fire – heats up very quickly and quickly goes out. While female energy is like water – takes a longer time to warm up but also stays warm longer. This simple picture illustrates a very important point – we cannot force our bodies into being something that we are not and by not acknowledging our true nature, we remain empty and unsatisfied. It is often not in woman’s nature to heat up quickly and she usually doesn’t. Her nature is to create a beautifully relaxed, serene and sensitive environment for a man to enter which then allows him to also slow down, relax and last long enough to achieve a deeply satisfying and intense orgasm. Both can then join in a rich ecstasy, rooted in body awareness and deep relaxation.

 

We all have the inner ability to experience deep, long-lasting, spiritually enlightening orgasms.

 

But we lack basic education and awareness of the way our bodies work. A first, a very important step is to relax into our bodies and to develop a calm awareness of our sensations. We cannot experience mind blowing orgasms if we’re not truly connected to our bodies and if we don’t really know them. We need to take the time to learn what our bodies truly love and appreciate, what kind of touch arouses us, what kind of strokes give us pleasure.

 

Another important point is developing a loving awareness of ourselves. So many people (particularly women) suffer from poor body image, it’s no wonder we don’t like our bodies and try to disconnect from them as much as we can. As a regular practice, stand in front of a large mirror naked and look at your own body with admiration. This body carried you through so many years of ups and downs, it provided you with so much pleasure and served you well your entire life. Each mark or scar is a reminder of your body’s strength and survival abilities. Embrace yourself lovingly, your body is beautiful and it craves your love!

 

Whenever you lie down at night, practice a gentle, relaxed awareness for 10-15 minutes or as much time as you have. Lie down on your back with your spine straight, your feet more than hip-width apart and arms relaxed at your sides, palms up. Relax your entire body and allow your awareness to travel up and down your spine, becoming conscious of your body, particularly your heart area and your genitals.

 

Allow your awareness to penetrate your body so deep that you can feel your energy tingling in your organs as your body relaxes.

 

If you find it hard to become aware of your body part, place your hands on it to bring more energy there. And just rest with your body, connect to it, allow it to flood your awareness until you’re completely submerged in it. This deep awareness of your body is a first step in becoming more orgasmic. So practice it often and see your body as a lovable, beautiful creation. It will then provide you with as much pleasure as you can handle!

 

And if you’d love to learn all my favourite, more advanced techniques for awakening your orgasmic power, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women.

 

For the next 7 days the entire course is available at a price that you choose.

 

This is my International Women’s Day gift to all the ladies on my newsletter list. Orgasmic Empowerment course normally retails at AU$297 but for the next week you can name your price! Simply email me letting me know how much you can pay for the course and I’ll provide you with an immediate access to the entire program.

Ladies, here’s to awakening and activating your full orgasmic potential!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

What Happened When I Witnessed Labiaplasty

They did what to her??   A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my...

read more

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson   This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to...

read more

How Big Is Your Orgasmic Potential?

Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting...

read more

Pin It on Pinterest