Why The World Needs Tantra

Why The World Needs Tantra

I have a dream…

 

It may be uncommon and strongly influenced by my professional background and my personal history but… hear me out!

 

I dream of a world where sexuality is revered and celebrated, where pleasure is cherished, where body is honoured and deeply respected. I hope to see young people guided by their families into the world of sacred sexual unions, creating deep, intimate relationships with others, giving and receiving pleasure in a loving, conscious way.

 

Lack of sexual satisfaction in modern world is a real problem.

 

Sexuality has been repressed so strongly over the last few hundred years that this subject has become taboo. Even parents barely talk to their children about it, not that they actually know much since they have never been properly advised either.

 

We take our first steps into the world of sexuality based on the guidance of porn and movies that show sex as a quick meeting of genitals, full of excitement and friction. These fast, heated encounters often lead to struggle to orgasm, premature ejaculation and sexual frustration. However, we convince ourselves that we like it that way since we all want to be great lovers. But deep inside we feel empty and disappointed…

 

For so many people the teachings of Tantra feel like coming home.

 

Every time I complete a session with a client or when I run a tantric workshop, I see joy and excitement shining in people’s eyes. The joy is sometimes bittersweet as they realize how much they’ve been missing out on so far. But tantric practices always bring us to a place of amazement, gratitude and peace – like we’re finally getting to understand our true nature when it comes to our eroticism.

 

I completely sympathize with these reactions because I can still remember years of sexual reppression, dissatisfaction and pain in my own life – always thinking that there was something wrong with me but having no idea how to fix it. My ex partners never wanted to talk about sex and I didn’t know back then how to have that conversation either. So we kept going for years – frustrated and sexually empty.

 

Within just a few months of practicing Tantra, I developed a deep connection to my own body and pleasure (and particularly my pussy which is now extremely orgasmic!). I also gained a better understanding why sex never felt that good before. After asking myself for years ‘what am I doing wrong?’, I finally had my ‘aha!’ moment and was able to start changing all the toxic conditioning and limiting beliefs that I had carried with me for a very long time…

 

Society gives us all the wrong messages about sex – it’s shameful, it’s wrong.

 

So we try (often subconsciously) to get done with it as quickly as we can, especially when we’re teenagers. This early conditioning teaches our bodies to tense up in order to get to the orgasm/ejaculation bit as quickly as possible. And the whole thing ends up being a rushed, disconnected, shallow experience for both men and women.

 

But sex is not shameful or bad. Quite the opposite – it’s beautiful and sacred! It’s a source of all life and creation, it’s a source of our life force, our pleasure and a wonderful way to connect with others on a deep, intimate level.

 

So let’s change the way we educate our children about their bodies and erotic desires.

 

Instead of getting tense and embarrassed about sex, let’s talk to them about touch, intimacy and masturbation in an open, accepting way. These are all very natural parts of life and by denying them, we’re denying our biology and human nature.

 

It’s obviously essential to be aware of a need for protection and safe sex practices. However, once that awareness is there, sexuality should be enjoyed, explored and treasured as a divine gift to every single human being. And with tantric practices, it’s much easier to create deep, intimate relationships with others and to give sexuality back its sacred status.

 

And if you’re not sure how to begin, check out my Tantra for Beginners course for an easy, to-the-point and completely free information about Tantra!

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10 Things Most People Still Don’t Know About Anal Sex

10 Things Most People Still Don’t Know About Anal Sex

Most people in our society still have a lot of hangups around their anuses. We consider them dirty, shameful and anal touch – wrong and embarrassing. The truth is that the poor, disgraced anus is extremely nerve rich, making it a very sensitive spot, able to receive and enjoy a lot of pleasure.

 

Both men and women are capable of experiencing intense pleasure in their anal areas. However, in order to have a truly enjoyable experience, you need to be aware of the rules of anal touch and anal sex.

 

Dr. Jack Morin was an American pioneer in the field of anal pleasure, and over many years he had done a lot of marvellous work helping men and women reclaim erotic pleasure in their anuses and to heal the phenomenon of “genital hole” – a high degree of dissociation and numbness many people experience there. I learned a lot from him about anal touch and if you are interested in delving into this subject much deeper, you should definitely research his work.

 

Here is what you need to know in order to be successful in your anal play:

 

1/  No pain

Anal touch should never, ever hurt. If it does – you are doing it wrong. Anal sphincters are muscle rings located at the entrance of the anus which are meant to keep things moving out. If something is introduced from the outside (a finger, penis or a toy), these muscles will tense up in order to stop the intrusion. Instead of forcing items in, you need to massage the anus externally first, in order to relax the sphincters before the insertion.

 

2/  Lubrication

There is no natural lubrication in the anus so you always need to use a lubricant during anal play. I recommend coconut oil.

 

3/  Rectum

Past the anal sphincters, you will encounter the rectum. Faeces are not normally stored in there until just before the bowel movement. You can, however, encounter traces of faeces in there. If that is a problem for either of you, I recommend having an enema or using nitrile gloves for protection.

 

4/  What to use

For most couples, anal sex does not include using the penis. Instead, they prefer using fingers or toys. Oral stimulation of the anus is called rimming and can be a source of a lot of pleasure. Using vibrating toys externally or internally can add an exciting level of pleasure.

 

5/  Sexual health

There are health risks associated with anal contact and if you are worried about STI’s, make sure to use a barrier – a condom for insertion or a dental dam for rimming.

 

6/  Communication

Keep communicating during the experience. The person being penetrated always has the final say when it comes to the anal stimulation. Nothing should be inserted into the anus until the recipient of the touch is ready and keen. As soon as they say ‘stop’, this should be fully respected. The anus is a highly sensitive area and as such, it can be both a source of a lot of pleasure and a lot of pain. As soon as the pleasure turns into pain, all touch should stop.

 

7/  Prostate

Many men enjoy prostate stimulation. The prostate is located on the belly side of the rectum, about two knuckles in.

 

8/  Anal orgasms

It is possible to experience anal orgasms, even without any direct genital stimulation. In my experience, this is not very common but it does happen sometimes; particularly when the person being anally stimulated is not determined to have an orgasm, but rather is completely immersed in the moment and in the pleasure they are experiencing, without any goals or expectations.

 

9/  Toy safety

If you are using toys, make sure to pick the ones with a flared base as it is possible to lose items inside the anus.

 

10/  Anal tension

Due to a sedentary lifestyle, trauma or shame, many people hold chronic tension inside the anus which can make insertion difficult and uncomfortable. In such cases, I recommend gently inserting the tip of your own finger into the anus while in the shower or a bath and trying to consciously relax the anal sphincters. When done on a regular basis, this practice will allow you to enjoy anal stimulation much more.

 

If you are still feeling a bit uncertain about anal stimulation, I would definitely recommend using nitrile gloves. This can provide a level of comfort to both parties from the hygiene perspective, and also for the protection of the receiver as nails or hard skin can feel unpleasant against the soft tissue of the anal canal.

 

As long as you are keeping in mind the rules of anal sex, you are very likely to give your beloved a very beautiful, safe and even ecstatic experience of anal pleasure.

 

Above all, take your time, stay curious, keep checking in with them and use plenty of lubrication. You might even discover that your partner becomes open to the idea of anal intercourse if this is something they had been opposed to before!

– from “Legendary Lover: 6 Essential Steps to Having Great Sex” by Helena Nista

 

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How to Find & Pleasure Her G-spot

How to Find & Pleasure Her G-spot

When I first heard of the G-spot and the G-spot orgasms, I was still a teenager and the whole concept was covered with a layer of mystery. I knew it was somewhere inside my vaginal canal and I even tried to look for it with my fingers but failed to locate it. My G-spot remained elusive (if it was even a real thing!) for many more years…

 

According to many people, the G-spot holds the key to woman’s vaginal orgasms.

 

Vaginal (internal) orgasms provide us ladies with a very different experience than the more common clitoral climax. The internal O feels more profound, more expansive, more grounding… It seems to flow like waves through our entire bodies, immersing us in a bliss-like state… which is in quite a contrast with the more external, explosive and sharp clitoral peaks.

 

The sad truth is that many, many women don’t know where their own G-spot is. Or how powerful its potential for pleasure is! Many other women are familiar with their G-spots but the area can be very de-sensitized due to years of rough sex. This means that a lot of ladies will struggle to stimulate that spot in a pleasurable way or they might even feel like there’s not a lot of sensation there. So if even women are confused about their G-spots, what chance of success do men have?

 

Where is the G-spot?

 

It’s not really a spot but more an area and it’s located on the upper wall of the vagina, close behind the vaginal entrance.

 

How to find it?

 

Insert a finger into the vaginal canal about two knuckles in. Press the pads of your fingers up towards her belly and start exploring. You’ll notice that the skin texture there is quite different than the rest of her vaginal canal. The vaginal walls are pretty smooth but the G-spot feels more like the roof of your mouth. The ridges will typically become even more pronounced when the woman is aroused.

 

How to stimulate the G-spot?

 

This is where all the fun begins… All women are different and like different things but here are a few techniques to start you off on this exploration adventure:

 

1/ Circles

Massage the G-spot with your fingers in a circular motion. Vary speed and pressure. Keep asking for her feedback to figure out what kind of touch works best for her.

 

2/ Come-hither motion

Insert a finger, press it into the G-spot and slowly pull it out, allowing it to glide over the whole area. It should feel like as if you were dragging a coin off of the table.

Vary speed and pressure. Try two or even three fingers. Keep asking for feedback.

 

3/ Pressing in

Place your finger on the G-spot and push into it. Keep communicating with her to find the best level of pressure. After a few moment, move your finger to a different location (within the same area) and repeat. Keep repeating until you find all the most yummy spots.

Remember that even a tiny difference in the placement of your finger can make a huge difference to her pleasure!

 

4/ Toys

There is a whole range of dildos and specifically shaped G-spot massagers out there. They can be a lot of fun to play with!

And if you’re on a budget, you can use a cucumber but make sure that it’s peeled and smooth. Also, ask your lady if she has a preference for a particular vegetable.

 

5/ Penetration

The good old missionary position isn’t typically great for stimulating the G-spot but there are other great options:

– modified missionary – the woman puts a few pillows under her butt and keeps her feet flat on the bed,

– woman on top – man is lying on his back, woman lowers herself onto his penis, BUT she needs to lean back, this way she can position herself pretty well for some G-spot action,

– reverse cowgirl – this is still woman on top but here she’s facing her lover’s feet instead of his head,

– from behind – not quite the doggy style because the woman lies down on her belly with her legs together while her lover enters her from behind.

 

Make sure to experiment with all these positions, looking for the best angle, pressure and speed. And make sure to be playful about the whole experience! Nothing kills the erotic fun more quickly than treating it like a chore.

 

This is an invitation to start exploring the mysterious G-spot and learning more about it.

 

The more familiar we are with our (and our partner’s) genital anatomy, the better we can navigate our way around it and the more pleasure we can give and receive.

 

So let’s start exploring!

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How to Turn Foreplay Into a Delicious Feast

It has always confused me why people rush so much through foreplay and into the “main bit”, the penetration. Even more, it has always confused me why I seemed to rush into penetration in my earlier years, even though I knew that foreplay could provide me with pleasure, sensual fun and enjoyment. It seems that majority of people like and want all the non-penetrative sexy fun that comes first, yet not many people choose to stay in that phase for very long.

 

Think about it, how often have you spent an hour or more in foreplay? Imagine how amazing it would feel to spend that kind of time, delighting in sensual touch, caresses, kisses and erotic massage. But do we actually do it? Rarely. And if you do play this way, you’re among the lucky few!

 

So why do we so often fast-forward through foreplay and rush into the penetration?

 

Well, there are a few reasons…

 

First of all, we don’t have a script for foreplay. Since porn has become mainstream, we all have seen plenty of penetrative sex but not a lot of pre-penetrative fun. We don’t have a lot of ideas of what to actually do there, outside of a few kisses and strokes. The foreplay feels like an unscripted territory that we don’t have a map for and feel a little lost in. In contrast, intercourse feels much safer, once the penis is in the vagina, we know what we’re doing and where we’re heading. We’re back on the safe, tested ground.

 

Secondly, we don’t usually know how to handle the sensual energy or the arousal that feels like an intense build-up in our bodies. The penetrative sex provides a release, a resolution. It allows us to let go of all that stored sexual energy in a climatic peak. But foreplay forces us to stay with everything that we’re feeling and experiencing in our bodies in the moment.

 

So what can you do to turn foreplay into a much more profound experience than just a few rushed strokes of passion?

 

1 Slow down

Realize that there’s no rush. The more you extend your sexual experience, the more pleasure, arousal and bliss you’ll feel as a result. Pleasure is both in the intensity of the build-up and in the slowing down of a relaxed touch. Slowing down allows you to feel more and to bathe more deeply in each stroke, each caress and each kiss.

 

And whenever you feel like rushing into the penetration, relax, breathe and witness the experience your body is having. Most people don’t even realize how amazing it feels to simply remain in arousal, without needing to release it.

 

2 Stay present

Being slow allows more presence, more sensuality and more awareness of what you’re actually feeling. Most people rush so much in sex that they miss out on tons of delightful moments and subtle sensations in their bodies. Give yourself a permission to remain completely mindful of what your body is feeling in each and every little moment and you’ll be blown away by the variety and depth of pleasure and ecstatic bliss that your body is capable of.

 

3 Be curious

Many people keep repeating exactly the same steps and movements in bed every time. But even the most pleasurable routine will eventually become boring and unexciting. So imagine that you’ve never touched your lover before. Allow yourself to go on a curious exploration of their body, trying many different strokes and types of touch. Give them a luscious erotic massage, imagine that you’re making love to their body with your hands. You can even use your entire body to massage and caress theirs! Sky is the limit so take your time, have fun and explore.

 

Play with these ideas and enjoy. Remember not to beat yourself up if you don’t feel like you’re making a lot of progress quickly! The journey of sexual mastery and expanded pleasure is exactly that – a journey, where every step should be fun, joyful and enjoyed.

 

And if you decide that you need some guidance and support on your path, please have a look at the online courses I offer for both men and women and at my coaching options. Let me help you fill your bedroom with great sex and legendary pleasure!

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How Has 2019 Treated You?

I find it extremely valuable to look at my entire year and to assess how I’m doing as compared to where I was a year ago. And when I look at 2019 – I had a hell of a year!

 

I moved to Sydney, ended a long-term relationship, survived a full year of dating here (that in itself deserves a whole post which I will write soon!), went back to university and got a degree in commerce (still not sure why…), worked my ass of as a sex therapist, kept growing the Soulmate Speed-Dating brand, started running Tantra events on a regular basis, was invited to speak at a number of events and festivals, gave numerous interviews and have worked 1on1 with some truly incredible individuals – both in Australia and internationally!…

 

I also really grew as a person – recognizing and expanding my own personal power to create anything that I desire… A year ago, I still felt quite restricted in a few areas of my life that I have now tidied up and opened up to flow and abundance…

 

One of those challenging areas was finance. Even while making decent income in my business, I would still (almost automatically) put everything on a credit card and was bleeding money in interest repayments. That’s no longer the case! In 2019 I paid off my last credit card and have implemented a solid money management system. As a result of that, I have sent myself on a holiday to Laos this Christmas. And the entire trip was paid for from savings – what a great feeling!

 

I’ve also struggled with community in Sydney (another big topic which requires a whole different post!). Feeling lonely in a new big city has been difficult at times. I have a vast network of amazing friends all over the world but no amount of Skyping, Zooming and phone calls can replace the warmth and connection of face-to-face interactions.

 

Which is why I have recently said ‘goodbye’ to Sydney and I’m moving to the Gold Coast once I return from Laos. It’s time for a new adventure and I’m very excited about this new step…

 

If you’re on the Gold Coast, get in touch, I can’t wait to see you!

And in the meantime, have an absolutely GLORIOUS Christmas break

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