7 Juicy Steps to Make Her Wet

7 Juicy Steps to Make Her Wet

I often say to my clients that penetrative sex should never, ever, ever happen unless she is wet, juicy and aroused. Because without that beautiful wetness, sex will be most likely uncomfortable or even painful for her. Which will make orgasming or even enjoying sex in the first place quite challenging.

Just think about it: forcing an erect penis into a dry vagina… Yeah, it just doesn’t sound like fun!

And I’m sure that you as a man want to be an amazing lover and that you want to give your partner the most amazing, mind-blowing sexual experiences. Not the dry, uncomfortable kind of sex but the hot, lush, exciting, pleasurable and oh-so-wet kind of sex!

 

So what are the best ways to get a woman wet? 

Lubrication in the vagina is part of the sexual arousal process. The more aroused she gets, the more wet her pussy gets. It is, however, important to remember that women typically take more time to get aroused than men’s bodies do. Just because you as a man are ready to go, doesn’t mean that her body is the same.

This is important! If her pussy is wet, she’ll be much more likely to want to have sex with you. Simple: wet pussy means you have an aroused woman on your hands. And how delicious is that!

So what can you do to create juiciness in her vagina?

 

1/ How to use your words in the bedroom

Before you even get anywhere near her pussy, use your words to arouse, excite and seduce her. You can embrace her from behind, bring your lips very close to her ear and whisper something delicious: “your body is so beautiful and you turn me on so much”, “I can’t control myself around you”.

 

2/ Embrace the magic of kissing

Do not underestimate the magic and the power of kissing. Before you start kissing her, connect to your masculine desire, connect to your masculine essence. Really feel that desire in your body.

And when you approach her, start kissing her very softly, gently at first. Just brushing her lips with yours. Then going into more soft, wet, slow kisses. Building and building, and building until she’s ready for the more deep, more passionate kissing.

Many women I speak to find kissing absolutely essential to arousal so invest some time here into this step.

 

3/ Caress her entire body

Next start touching her body. Don’t go straight for her erogenous zones, actually start with her extremities first: her arms, her legs, her neck, her face, her thighs… These are all really great places to start stroking, caressing her.

Because female desire really works from the outside in. You have to work with the more external parts of her body first before she’s ready for her more primary erogenous zones (her breasts and her genitals) to be touched.

So don’t rush here! Build up the anticipation, take your time, caress her, lick her, stroke her… Really build up the pleasure and activation in her body.

 

4/ Hold her vulva

That very first moment when you touch her vulva is very important. Don’t go for anything too firm or too rushed. Actually what I would advise you to do is simply to cup her genital area, cup her vulva, with your hand and just hold it there, while you’re looking into her eyes or you’re kissing her.

So many women respond so well to this kind of touch. It allows them to get relaxed and to really surrender and soften into your touch and caresses.

After a few minutes of holding her pussy you can start gently moving your hand and just caressing and stroking using flat, firm pressure with your hand. Just really massaging the entire area. You can also follow that with very gentle, nice strokes all over her pussy, without targeting any particular spots at the moment. Just stroking her all over.

 

5/ Give her an amazing oral!

Gentlemen, oral sex is one of the top skills you should invest in if you want to be a masterful lover! Here’s a great video to help you out.

Giving her an amazing, mind-blowing, ecstatic, exciting oral sex experience is really going to help her build up that juiciness and that wetness that is so wonderful and so necessary for an amazing sex.

 

6/ How to tease her in bed

As you’re playing with her entire body and kissing her, and stroking her, and arousing her, make sure to tease her and to really play with that dynamic of build-up and relaxation.

This is magical! Every man and woman should know about this.

Every time you spend some time rubbing and stroking and kissing and being passionate and building up arousal in her body, follow that up with at least few moments of just slowness or even stillness, allowing her body to really integrate the pleasure and to soften into her excitement.

When you’re only building, building, building, building, you can overwhelm the body too quickly. But if you’re playing and teasing, between building and relaxing, and building and relaxing, that’s how the body gets to its most powerful depths of pleasure and orgasmic bliss.

 

7/ Ask her if she’s ready for more

After at least 30 minutes of this building and stroking, and caressing her, you can ask her if she’s ready for more, if she’s ready for the penetration. You can obviously also check with your finger, placing your finger at the entrance of her vagina and seeing how the wetness is going on there.

But you can also check in with her and ask her if she’s feeling ready. And even if she is, you can actually make her wait a bit longer. This is something that typically blows women’s minds because men are usually in such a rush to penetrate, to get inside, to get on with the sexual act. So for a man to say: “no, not yet, you’re not getting my cock in your pussy as yet”, that can be a tease and a beautiful surprise.

After that, you can go back to stroking her again or giving her oral sex again until she is the one begging you to get inside of her.

 

What if she doesn’t get wet naturally?

Sometimes what might happen is that she will feel ready and aroused but her pussy won’t be wet or it won’t be wet enough. This is normal and happens sometimes to all women, depending on their age and their health situation, whether they’ve been through menopause, and also on where they are in their monthly cycle.

So this is nothing to worry about. But in this situation you might need to apply an actual lubricant to her pussy or to your cock. So it is quite important to have a lubricant handy near your bed or wherever you’re playing, so that you can use it in situations like this.

 

Premature penetration issue…

Premature penetration is actually a real problem and no I’m not talking about premature ejaculation. I’m talking about premature penetration, meaning penetrating the woman too early, before she’s ready and good to go.

This is a real problem and a lot of women in my sessions mention uncomfortable or painful intercourse. And in most cases the reason is that she’s not ready yet, she’s not juicy yet, she’s not open and wet enough for you. 

So instead of risking being a premature penetrator and potentially causing your love pain or discomfort (or disappointment due to no climax), embrace the 7 juicy steps and make sure to make her wet, wet, wet! I have a feeling that you’ll enjoy the process as well… 

Helena Nista Sex Therapist
Hi! I'm Helena Nista

I help men, women, and couples experience deeper intimacy, more connected sex, and mind-blowing pleasure. Follow me on Social Media for more awesome Tantric tips, tricks, and techniques!

Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

When it comes to masturbation, there’s a lot of misinformation and confusion about it out in the world. Many people ask me if masturbation is good for you or how to do it. Masturbation still feels like a dirty word to many people and I usually sense shame or embarrassment in other people whenever I even say the word “masturbation”.

 

This usually leads to a lot of negativity in the way that we perceive it and approach self-touch. 

 

Catholic Church and different religions still tell us that it’s sinful to self-pleasure so a lot of people have very skewed or negative attitudes towards it while doctors and psychologists all over the world have been telling us FOR YEARS to change our approach.

 

So what’s the actual truth about masturbation?

Masturbation… I wonder what you feel and think when hearing this word. Typically people feel uncomfortable with it or uncertain how to even talk about self-touch. So I do want to make others think about it. Because if we assume that masturbation is wrong, inappropriate or shameful, we’ll continue carrying this kind of low, heavy emotional energy around it for many, many years.

 

So here are my 5 actually helpful tips to reclaim your self-pleasure time as something delicious, fun and enjoyable.

 

1/ It’s normal and healthy

If you’re a human being, sexuality is an aspect of who you are. And just like breathing or digestion, you cannot disconnect from it. It’s simple biology – the body has its needs and we cannot deny or ignore them.

You ARE a sexual being and there’s nothing wrong, inappropriate or shameful about that. Your genital area is deliciously full of nerve endings capable of giving you incredible pleasure and mind-blowing orgasms – deal with it!… 😉 

 

2/ Masturbation doesn’t equal ejaculation

When I say that you should masturbate regularly, it doesn’t mean that I’m encouraging you to ejaculate excessively. Far from it! Masturbation does NOT equal ejaculation.

Touching yourself often and cultivating a regular connection with your body and your pleasure is very beneficial for your overall health, your wellness, your emotional happiness and your erotic life.

However, ejaculating frequently can lead to the opposite outcomes. So remember that it can serve you better to NOT ejaculate every time you touch yourself.

And if you want to learn the art of having non-ejaculatory orgasms, make sure to check out my online course Tantric Mastery for Men. It will teach you amazing ecstatic practices of tantric lovers who have been known for thousands of years to control their arousal and to be multi-orgasmic.

 

3/ Truth about porn

Porn is a tool, it’s neither good or bad. But all depends on how we use it. If it enhances your self-pleasure practice – enjoy it! But if it’s leaving you feeling ashamed, embarrassed, depleted or frustrated, it might be time to cultivate other practices.

And if you are struggling with porn addiction, my online course Masturbation Coaching has an entire section on moving on from porn into better, more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experiences. 

 

4/ Masturbation can train your body for better sex

This is something very few people know – the way you self pleasure trains your body in the art of partnered sex. If your masturbation practice is quick and efficient, you’ll likely develop a premature ejaculation or other issues.

BUT, if you touch yourself in a way that teaches your body to last much longer, to reach deeper and deeper layers of pleasure and more amazing orgasms, this will truly benefit your experiences with a lover.

It’s like a gym for your sexual performance. You can do all the training alone, in order to ace your performance when you’re in bed with your partner.

And if you’re not sure what solo-sex practices will be most beneficial for your body, check out the Masturbation Coaching online course. It’s full of my best and most efficient self touch practices that will train your body for a lifetime of mind-blowing sex and orgasmic bliss.

 

5/ Sexual energy can be transformed into higher energies

This is another one of tantric secrets that most people have never heard of. Your sexual energy is much more powerful than you think. And releasing it externally in an ejaculation (for men) or clitoral orgasm (for women) is only one thing you can do with it.

People who practice Tantra, learn to sublimate their sexual energy – to move it up through the body in order to achieve high states of bliss, in order to channel that energy into their projects and pursuits and even to connect to the spiritual realm.

If that’s something that interests you, then you should DEFINITELY check out my Masturbation Coaching online course. But I’ve already told you about it…

 

6/ Sex toys can be very helpful

A lot of people report that using sex toys when they masturbate really enhances their experience. Toys can stimulate us in ways that is tricky to do just with our hands. Or they can provide a next level stimulation whenever we want it.

And the list here is endless – massagers, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, prostate stimulators, bondage accessories, sexy outfits and many other tools enrich people’s sex lives all over the world.

The popularity of adult stores – physical ones and online – speaks for itself. So if you haven’t given in yet to the fun and playfulness of sex toys, maybe it’s time to try.

And if you have, maybe it’s time for a new purchase?…

 

7/ Safest sex

Let’s be honest – there’s no such thing as safe sex. Condoms and other precautionary practices can reduce the risk of contracting an STI. But at times viruses can still find the way from one lover to the other one.

EXCEPT for masturbation. There is no safer way to enjoy your eroticism plus, you don’t need to wait for your partner to be in the mood…

 

8/ Health benefits of masturbation 

Regular masturbation alleviates stress and tension in the body. Orgasms reduce pain and relax us, they help us sleep, strengthen the immune system etc.

The wealth of health benefits caused by regular masturbation practice is well known to modern day doctors and therapists. So let’s listen to them, starting tonight…

 

9/ Repression leads to frustration

If you’re trying abstinence as a way to deal with sexual shame or as a result of inhibitions or religious beliefs, you’re probably very familiar with the phenomenon of sexual frustration.

Or if you’ve given in to the NoFap movement, you very likely know what I’m talking about. Any period of time when you’re repressing a healthy and natural bodily function will create an imbalance and discomfort in your body.

I cannot say it enough – masturbation is healthy, beneficial and feels amazing.

If repressing it makes you feel good, healthy and satisfied, then that’s perfectly fine. But much more likely, it’ll leave you uncomfortable or suffering. Don’t do that to yourself!

 

10/ Masturbation is your choice

When it comes to your body and your self-pleasure practice, there’s no one size fits all approach. You need to work out what is best for you.

  • How often do you want to do it?
  • How long should you masturbate for?
  • Should you use toys or any props?
  • Should you enrol in courses to take your self-love time to the next level?
  • What position, what techniques, what routine to use?
  • Etc.

The best way forward here is experimentation, curiosity and an open mind. Once you find what you like, use it to enrich your experience. And remember, our genitals are the most sensitive area of the entire body – let’s use that fact to our advantage…

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:
Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

When it comes to masturbation, there’s a lot of misinformation and confusion about it out in the world. Many people ask me if masturbation is good for you or how to do it. Masturbation still feels like a dirty word to many people and I usually sense shame or...

read more
Why You Need To Masturbate

Why You Need To Masturbate

Some of the more common questions I answer in my sex therapy sessions are about masturbation. Is it ok to do it. How often, what techniques, what’s the best way to touch your genitals, etc. The taboo of masturbation seems to be still alive and well so in this article...

read more

Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

Some of the most common messages that land in my inbox request information about penis size and about increasing both the length and the girth of the penis. And since so many people still feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about discussing any sexual matters, most people don’t actually know what a normal or average penis size is. Or when an increase is actually needed. Or what are the best methods to grow the size of the man’s penis.

 

AND what penis size women actually prefer!

According to studies, penis size is the biggest concern that men typically have about their genitals. This issue has grown in recent years together with the popularity of porn because male porn actors are often chosen for the role due to their abnormally large penises. This can create an unrealistic image in the mind of the viewer about what a normal, standard or average penis size is. And this distorted view can then lead to a sense of insecurity or even anxiety about one’s own genitalia.

 

On top of that, we also tend to be surrounded by a media hype that “bigger is better”. And huge majority of men who do wish to be larger, have actually perfectly normal penises to begin with.

 

So, how big is an average sized penis?

 

When it comes to a flaccid penis, the average length sits at 3.6 inches or 9.2 cm. And the average circumference is 4.6 inch or 11.6 cm. And for an erect penis, the average length is 5.2 inches or 13.1 cm. The average circumference when erect is 4.6 inches or 11.6 cm.

 

HUGE majority of men fall within the average size. So, if you haven’t measured yourself yet, it’s very likely that you have a normal / average sized penis. But do by all means perform the measurement and let me know in the comments below how you went!

 

Please also bear in mind that the average size extends at least 1cm in each direction, meaning that while 5.2 inches or 13.1 cm is an average length of an erect penis, most men fall within the range of 12.1 – 14.1 cm and they’re still considered average in size.

 

The extreme penises (both large and small) are very rare

 

On the larger side, only about 2.5% of men have penises that are larger than 6.9 inches or 17.5cm.

 

And on the smaller side of the spectrum are men with a penis smaller than 2.9 inches or 7.5cm. These are considered micropenises and account for less than 1% of the population.

 

So before you give in to the larger is better hype, measure yourself and check the facts. Because the ideas popularised by media can hurt your body image and your inner sense of satisfaction as a man  and as a lover.

 

And before I tell you how to make your penis larger (if that’s what you choose to do), let’s look at what women actually prefer.

 

Just as all penises are different and unique, so are vaginas. Some women have longer vaginal canals while many have reasonably short ones. An average vaginal canal is a little shorter than an average penis. So keep that in mind when dreaming about a giant penis. Most women will not be able to accommodate you and you’ll likely end up hurting them.

 

A lot of women in my sessions, talk about experiencing pain during intercourse. And that pain is caused by the head of the penis hitting the cervix which is the back wall of the vagina. On top of that some sexual activities are actually much easier to perform and enjoy with a smaller penis, like for example anal sex. Or deep throating.

 

So while your ego might be craving a boost of a large manhood, your woman will likely thank you for keeping things average in size. Painful sex caused by a large penis will not be pleasurable for her and make her lose interest in having intercourse with you.

 

Having said that, some women do have longer vaginal canals and can enjoy a larger penis very much! But even they tend to say that it’s mainly the girth or thickness of the penis that is responsible for most pleasure and not necessarily the length. This is because the vaginal walls love the pressure. Plus it’s the first THIRD of the vagina that is most rich in nerve endings and capable of producing most pleasure for your lady.

 

But if after all that, you’re still sure you want to look into penis enlargement options, let’s see what’s possible.

 

Penis enlargement methods 

 

There are surgical and non-surgical options. The non-surgical methods include penile extenders and vacuum erection devices that can be used at home. The idea here is to stretch the penis over time until it becomes permanently longer. However, according to men who have used them in the past, none or barely any increase was actually noticed.

 

So this kind of treatment can cost of a lot of time, effort and discomfort for no results whatsoever.

 

When it comes to surgical penis enlargement methods, you could opt for a phalloplasty which involves cutting the ligaments that attach the penis to the pubic bone in order to let the penis hang more outside of the body. Or there are also penile injections that are meant to increase the circumference of the penis.

 

A word of warning here – a lot of men who have undergone these procedures, report very low level satisfaction with the outcome. And many others have been actually disfigured and had required a follow-up surgery to correct issues like scarring, lumps on the penis and erections that point downwards rather than up.

 

I truly believe that when it comes to the size, shape and function of our bodies, nature knows best! So any attempts at correcting it, carry a lot of risk, in terms of ending up with something worse than you started with.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:
7 Juicy Steps to Make Her Wet

7 Juicy Steps to Make Her Wet

I often say to my clients that penetrative sex should never, ever, ever happen unless she is wet, juicy and aroused. Because without that beautiful wetness, sex will be most likely uncomfortable or even painful for her. Which will make orgasming or even enjoying sex...

read more
Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

Some of the most common messages that land in my inbox request information about penis size and about increasing both the length and the girth of the penis. And since so many people still feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about discussing any sexual matters, most...

read more
How to Finger a Woman

How to Finger a Woman

In my life I’ve received some exquisite fingering sessions from my lovers. And also some really, really bad ones… So today I’m bringing to you all of that wisdom, experience and insight in my comprehensive guide on fingering a woman!   There are absolutely...

read more

The Truth about Female Orgasm: How to Make Her Come Every Time

The Truth about Female Orgasm: How to Make Her Come Every Time

Female orgasm tends to be covered with a layer of mystery. Many men (and some women) wonder what it is, how it works, how to have one (or give her one) or whether such a thing even exists.

 

In my own experience as a woman, the female orgasm remained elusive and puzzling for the first 15 years of my sexual life! Not only I couldn’t orgasm with a partner, I struggled to orgasm alone and whenever I did manage to “rub one out”, the whole experience was barely pleasurable and quite frankly – mostly disappointing.

 

Fortunately, then everything changed…

 

What is female orgasm

 

The term “female orgasm” refers to any type of orgasmic climax that can be reached by a woman. Most ladies are only aware of the clitoral orgasms but the female body is in fact capable of many different types of orgasm.

 

The orgasm itself is a release of arousal, of sexual energy. When you’re having sex or masturbating, you’re building up sexual charge in the area being stimulated. When that charge reaches a critical point of intensity, the energy is released and you experience a surge of pleasure followed by a sense of release.

 

Types of female orgasm

 

Depending on who you ask, you’ll hear a variety of answers to the question: “What are different types of female orgasm?”.

 

In tantric tradition, women are said to experience either internal or external orgasms. The external orgasms include:

  • Clitoral orgasm – caused by the stimulation of the clitoris,
  • Vaginal opening orgasm – caused by the stimulation of the vaginal opening.

 

The external orgasms are typically experienced as a pleasurable ‘peak’ of sexual tension. These orgasms are localised in the genitals and typically last a few seconds. They are usually followed by a sense of “being done” where the arousal rapidly decreases. For most women, the clitoris becomes too sensitive to continue the stimulation at this point.

 

 

The internal orgasms feel quite different – more relaxed, open and expansive. This is where women talk about full-body experiences that can last much, much longer than the external orgasms.

 

The internal orgasms include:

  • G-Spot orgasm – achieved through the stimulation of the spongy tissue on the upper wall of the vagina, not too far behind the vaginal opening,
  • A-Spot orgasm – the A-Spot is located deeper in the vagina, behind the G-Spot,
  • Cervical orgasm – the cervix is the gateway to the womb and its stimulation can induce trance-like orgasmic states,
  • Anal orgasm – for many women the stimulation of the anus (externally or internally) can be extremely pleasurable and can lead to very satisfying orgasms,
  • Nipple orgasm – woman’s nipples are naturally very sensitive as they contain a richness of nerve endings, making them a powerful area to stimulate a woman to orgasm. Not many women know that they can experience nipple orgasms but this kind of orgasms feel incredibly pleasurable and seem to spill out from the chest to the rest of the body – pure bliss!
  • Other erogenous zones – the areas of the body mentioned above are typically considered the main erogenous zones but every body is quite unique in its own ability to experience arousal and orgasms. Make sure to explore your secondary erogenous zones as well (ears, neck, face, inner arms, inner thighs, feet, behind knees, buttocks, etc.) to see what works for you!

 

If you’d like to learn more about having these different internal orgasms, have a look at my online course for women: Orgasmic Empowerment. This program is a 7-week journey for any woman who is keen to awaken her full erotic power and to experience a variety of deeply blissful and satisfying orgasms easily – with a partner or all by herself!

 

 

What happens in the body when you orgasm?

 

When we have sex or masturbate, our erogenous zones – the primary or the secondary ones – are pleasurably stimulated. As the stimulation continues, the arousal keeps building and eventually we reach a point where that erotic energy reaches a point of climax. When that happens, we orgasm, the sexual tension is released and the body typically experiences the following physical changes:

 

  • Release of pleasure hormones in the body,
  • Contractions of the pelvic floor muscle,
  • Increased heart rate,
  • Increased pace of breathing.

 

Depending on the type of the orgasm you’ve just had, you might then move on to a refractory period. In that phase, your body is recovering and most people report being unable to experience arousal again. The refractory period can last between a few seconds and a few days, depending on your gender, age, state of your health and a few other factors.

 

For women, the refractory period seem to be much shorter than for men.

 

Combination orgasm or a blended orgasm

 

Did you know that you could combine or blend your orgasms? This can be a really fun experience and a space for much creativity and exploration for women.

 

 

Blended orgasms are achieved when more than one erogenous zone are stimulated in a lead up to orgasm. When sexual tension is stimulated in at least two different body parts, the resulting orgasm will combine the characteristics of both of these areas, giving you a richer, more expanded climax.

 

The most common example of a blended orgasm happens when both the clitoris and the G-Spot are stimulated at the same time.

 

Female orgasm during sex

 

Many women I speak to report being unable to orgasm from penetration alone. This can make achieving orgasm during sex tricky but not impossible!

 

When having sex with a woman, always remember that she has an amazing organ, responsible solely for giving her pleasure – her clitoris.

 

The clitoral glans (the external part of the clitoral structure) contains about 8,000 nerve endings which is a lot more than the entire head of the penis has. Use this knowledge to your advantage and make sure that the clit is a part of the action!

 

If you’re making love to a woman, include her clit in the love-making – rub it with your fingers, with a toy or with your pubic bone if the position of your body allows it.

 

And if you’re a woman, don’t be shy and make sure to stroke yourself or ask your partner for the kind of stimulation that you’ll enjoy.

 

And if you’d like to learn how to go beyond the clitoral orgasm and start experiencing a rich variety of internal, expanded, full-body orgasms anytime you want to, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment online course for women. I’ve filled it with my most powerful tools and techniques to help any woman activate and cultivate her full orgasmic power!

 

How to make her come

 

Every woman is unique and there’s no formula that will work for them all. But there are a few things you can do to improve your chances of taking her to an epic O:

 

 

1/ Communication

Ask her what she likes, ask her how she usually orgasms, what kind of stimulation she needs. Maybe she’ll even be open to showing you how she masturbates!

 

2/ Foreplay

Women need foreplay – period! There’s no way around it. Her genital area needs to become engorged and lubricated so that penetration can be actually pleasurable for her. So don’t rush it! Learn to enjoy foreplay and you’ll feel like a king each time you take her into a place of orgasmic ecstasy.

 

3/ Her magic spots

Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Others favour the G-Spot. Find out what works for her and make sure to include her magic zones each time you touch her!

 

4/ No pressure!

Make sure to never put any pressure on her to come when you’re playing with her. If she feels rushed by you, she’ll struggle to let herself go and orgasm will keep eluding her.

 

5/ Toys

A lot of women report that sex toys make orgasming much easier for them. So don’t let the dildos and vibrators threaten your ego – they’re not your competition. They’re just a tool that both of you can use for increased pleasure and enjoyment.

 

6/ Safety

She absolutely needs to feel safe when you’re exploring together. If she’s stressed or worried for whatever reason (about someone knocking on the door, about STI’s, pregnancy, etc.), she’ll find it much more challenging to orgasm.

 

7/ Who is responsible?

Finally, understand that it’s not your responsibility to make her orgasm. Female orgasms belong to women and women only. That means that you can’t actually GIVE her an orgasm.

 

You can support her in having one but it’s ultimately up to her to orgasm. And there are certain things that can stand in her way, things that you have no control over. This can be things like: her sexual past, her inhibitions, underlying ideas and beliefs about sex and pleasure, her attitudes towards her naked body, etc.

 

 

Benefits of female orgasm

 

Orgasms are wonderful and there are a lot of wonderful benefits that we can obtain from them. And female orgasms are no different!

 

Some of the benefits of a really great orgasm in a woman are:

  • More sex appeal – regular orgasms balance women’s hormones which adds to their libido, improves their mood and adds to their sex appeal,
  • Lower stress – oxytocin not only creates a sense of bonding with the lover, it also combats the effects of cortisol in the body,
  • Better sleep – an orgasm will help her body regulate the circadian rhythm better, leading to better quality sleep,
  • Higher immunity – orgasms boost infection-fighting cells in the body,
  • Easier periods – improved blood circulation in the pelvic area supports a regular menstrual cycle,
  • More happiness – multiple chemical changes in the body induced by orgasms cause an improved wellbeing and a deeper sense of life satisfaction.

 

Orgasm gap

 

Orgasm gap is a term that refers to the difference between the frequency of male orgasms and female orgasms experienced by lovers during intercourse.

 

According to a recent study, about 90% of men reach climax regularly when having sex with their partners. This compares to only about 30% of women who can say the same.

 

 

What if you never orgasmed before?

 

I have worked with many women who had never climaxed before. So if that’s your experience, don’t worry – you’re not alone! And help is available.

 

Working with an experienced sex therapist like myself is a wonderful way to discover any blocks and issues that stand in the way of your orgasmic ease and power.

 

However, if you’re currently unable to employ the services of a professional, the next best thing is to enrol in my Orgasmic Empowerment online course for women. This program was specifically designed for any woman who is ready to deepen, expand and grow her erotic power.

 

Women are naturally orgasmic and can experience a rich variety of blissful ecstatic states. And it’s never too late to start!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:
How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

How to Give a Penis Massage: 5 Steps to Blow His Mind

I recently posted a video about the best way to finger a pussy. It’s been one of my most popular videos to date and it keeps getting more and more views every day.   So today I’m going to continue in the spirit of giving our partners amazing touch, pleasure and...

read more
How to Have Cervical Orgasms

How to Have Cervical Orgasms

Each time I mention cervical orgasms during public talks and interviews, I get a lot of surprised looks and questions. This keeps reminding me of how very few people are actually aware of what cervical orgasms are and how to have them.   I didn’t always have...

read more

How to Have Multiple Orgasms: The Ultimate Guide

How to Have Multiple Orgasms: The Ultimate Guide

So you’ve heard of multiple orgasms and now you’d like to start having them too. Maybe you’re feeling intrigued and curious – maybe even a little intimidated.

 

After all, multiple orgasms are usually made to sound like magical, unicorn-like experiences denied most everyday humans: as if they’re some mystical realm reserved only for tantric lovers, yogic practitioners, and people who are really into the Kamasutra.

 

But the truth is everybody can learn how to have multiple orgasms. If you have a body and you can experience arousal, then you’re capable of multiple orgasms too. Yes, even if you’re a man. Even if you’ve never even had a single orgasm before.

 

Because becoming multi-orgasmic is part of your sexual birthright. Learning how to have multiple orgasms is simply about recognising where you’re blocking your multi-orgasmic self, and where you’re resisting your natural capacity for many, many orgasms. So let’s start at the beginning…

 

 

What are Multiple Orgasms?

 

Multiple orgasms happen when a person reaches an orgasm more than once during a sexual experience. You can be multi-orgasmic all by yourself or with a partner. Both men and women can be multi-orgasmic, but multiple orgasms in men can be a little trickier because of the refractory period (more about that later). 

 

Multiple orgasms can happen in close proximity – just seconds apart. Or arousal can decline before it builds up again, taking you into another climax… and another one… and another one… and so on.

 

Despite the amazing pleasure and bliss promised by multiple orgasms, according to studies, less than 10% of women are having multiple orgasms. And there’s barely any data about men having multiple orgasms. (‘Cause we live in a culture that doesn’t really talk about these kinds of things).

 

But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible for you. Anyone can learn how to have multiple orgasms – you just need to follow the right approach.

 

What do Multiple Orgasms Feel Like?

 

How a multiple orgasms feels depends on the type of orgasm you have, and how close together they are. Some women describe multiple orgasms as one intense orgasm with softer waves of orgasmic pleasure straight after. Others describe having many orgasms in one sexual encounter that build in intensity. For men, multiple orgasms usually happen without ejaculation, because after ejaculation men enter the refractory period.

 

Once you start having multiple orgasms, you may also find yourself experiencing pleasure in new and unexpected ways. Whereas sexual arousal and pleasure are usually associated with genital touch, as your overall arousal builds you may find yourself able to reach orgasm from nipple touch, anal play or other under-explored areas of your body.

 

In this way, multiple orgasms can help to expand your overall orgasmic potential, and open you up to whole new ways of experiencing pleasure.

 

 

How Many Orgasms Can You Have?

 

The truth is there is no limit. Some multi-orgasmic women report having an average of 5 orgasms per session, but other women have reported going much higher than that. For men, it really depends on their ejaculation control and their ability to delay the refractory period.

 

Over the years, different studies have attempted to quantify orgasms and learn more about human orgasmic potential. But there’s still SO much science doesn’t know about human sexuality.

 

But there are a few factors that will affect how many orgasms you can have:

  • how much time you have for sex / masturbation
  • how connected you are to your own body and your sensitivity
  • how familiar you are with your erogenous zones and how well you can stimulate them / ask your partner to do that for you
  • the level of past sexual trauma still present in your body
  • any inhibitions, limiting beliefs, shame, guilt, and other blocks present in your system
  • your anatomy and libido.

 

 

Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms?

 

Absolutely yes! Men have an incredible potential for pleasure – it’s just not something that’s widely spoken about. Men have the same capacity to be multi-orgasmic as women – but they have to learn how to control ejaculation in order to overcome the refractory period.

 

The refractory what?

The Refractory period is the time your body needs to recover after each orgasm before you can become sexually aroused and reach climax again.

 

For men, this means that after ejaculating, they have a period of time where they can’t get an erection.

 

Many women also experience a refractory period after a climax that involves lots of clitoral stimulation: the clit becomes very sensitive, and there’s a period of time where you want a break from clitoral stimulation.

 

But women typically experience a much shorter refractory period than men.

 

 

Multiple Orgasms in Women

 

Women are naturally multi-orgasmic – something that we sadly we don’t talk about enough. Women are actually able to experience a whole array of delicious orgasms too, well beyond the conventional clitoral orgasms.

 

Women can have vaginal orgasms, G-spot orgasms, cervical orgasms, anal orgasms, breast orgasms – and much, much more. (Yes, the female body is AMAZING!)

 

And because women are capable of so many different types of orgasms, they’re usually able to become multi-orgasmic much more easily than men.

 

In fact, once women learn how to have orgasms beyond the conventional clitoral orgasm, they don’t experience a refractory period at all! Which means it’s often easier for women to have multiple orgasms in a shorter period of time than men.

 

Want to learn all about the different types of female orgasms – and how to have them? My Orgasmic Empowerment course will help you unlock your multi-orgasmic potential and open yourself to a whole new level of pleasure. Check it out here.

 

 

Multiple Orgasms in Men

 

Here’s the really exciting part though: men can orgasm without ejaculation! Yes – men can have more than one type of orgasm as well.

 

This is something that most modern men have never heard of. But tantric men have been practicing this skill for thousands of years.

 

Orgasm and ejaculation are in fact two separate phenomena – but they typically happen together for an untrained man.

 

Ejaculation is the pleasurable squirting of the semen, while orgasm is a release of arousal: of that delicious sexual energy that builds up to the point of climax. Orgasm feels like an intense surge of pleasure in your body and it usually precedes ejaculation – but the ejaculation doesn’t HAVE to happen.

 

And if ejaculation doesn’t happen, there’s no refractory period. Yay!

 

There are various techniques that allow men to separate ejaculation and orgasm. And for most men this process takes at least a few weeks of training. However, the men in my Tantric Mastery online course have been reporting full-body non-ejaculatory orgasms within the first week of training! Click here to discover exactly how to control ejaculation, say goodbye to the refractory period and learn how to have male multiple orgasms for men.

 

 

How to Achieve Multiple Orgasms?

 

It all starts with a really good awareness of your own body. When it comes to our sexuality, arousal and pleasure, we’re all different and unique. But here are the most important points to keep in mind:

 

 

1/ Know that you can

 

If you believe that you can orgasm more than once, then you’ll be more likely to actually do it. Check your mindset and make sure you’re not running any unhelpful ideas such as “I’m just not able to orgasm like that.” Or “having multiple orgasms is just for people who XYZ.”

 

Know that having multiple orgasms is possible for YOU too – and go into your sexual encounters with an attitude of when – not if. 

 

That doesn’t mean you put pressure or expectation on yourself though. (This is a journey, and it can take some time.) But trusting in yourself and your body’s capacity for pleasure is key to maintaining your curiosity while you continue with your orgasmic exploration.

 

 

2/ Take your time

 

Allow yourself plenty of time to build up your arousal energy during your sexual play and/or self pleasuring session. The more energy you build up, the more energy you’ll have for your next orgasm (and the next, and the next!)

 

That might mean slowing down – which also allows you to savour the experience more. It might mean taking more time for foreplay, and taking your time before you build up to the intensely pleasurable activities. 

 

Remember – it’s a journey, not a race! 

 

 

3/ Talk your way through

 

Partners who communicate regularly and openly about their desire, needs and wants in the bedroom report having more satisfying and more frequent orgasms. Communication is key!

 

Being able to communicate also helps you to follow point number 1 (taking your time). If you feel like you’re building up intensity too quickly, don’t be scared to ask your partner to slow down or ask for something different. 

 

The more you own and ask for what you want, the more you expand your orgasmic potential.

 

If you’re in a relationship and want to take your sex life to the next level together, Tantric Sex For Couples is the complete guide to help deepen the love, connection and pleasure in the bedroom. Click here to learn more.

 

 

4/ Relaaaaaaaaax

 

If you’re stressed, tense or tired, your body might not be up for multiple orgasms (or even 1 orgasm for that matter!). So make sure that you’re feeling calm and relaxed before you begin your multi-orgasmic session. 

 

A thriving, pleasurable and exciting sex life actually begins with taking care of yourself, knowing how to de-stress and how to feel relaxed, present and open to pleasure. 

 

 

5/ Map your erogenous zones

 

Being familiar with your erogenous zones is essential when it comes to giving yourself what you want – AND when asking for what you want from your partner. Knowing how, where and when to touch yourself are the skills you need to achieve multiple orgasms over and over again.

 

And how do you map your erogenous zones? By becoming an explorer!

 

Explore different parts of your body, and experiment with different kinds of touch too. This kind of curiosity can lead you to discovering new, orgasmic ways to touch your body.

 

And don’t forget that things change and feel different as your arousal builds too. One area might not feel much when you first start out, but once you’re feeling hot and turned on, suddenly it’s a pleasure wonderland!

 

(Want an easy guide to discover all your erogenous zones? Check my Tantric Master course for men or Orgasmic Empowerment for women).

 

 

6/ Bring in the toys!

 

Many of my clients find that sex toys greatly enhance their ability to orgasm and the ease with which they get there – so don’t be afraid to give it a go!

 

Toys that incorporate ALL your senses can help you expand your pleasure and build up even more sexual energy (which you’ll need to help you reach orgasm after orgasm). So things like scented massage oil, feathers, luxurious silks or bondage toys can be great for building the sensual experience needed for multiple orgasms.

 

For men, toys that help you incorporate prostate play, or that stimulate your genitals beyond just the head of your cock can help to expand your pleasure and also help you control ejaculation (cock rings are a good example).

 

And for women, toys that help you stimulate a variety of erogenous zones – from your clitoris to your cervix and everywhere in between – will also help you build your sexual energy to new orgasmic heights. 

 

 

7/ Use your breath and body

 

Deep breath and mindfulness can create wonders when it comes to arousal and pleasure, so keep checking in with your body. If you’re distracted and your breathing is constricted, your body will struggle to climb the arousal ladder. 

 

Slowing down your breath and moving sexual energy through your entire body is key for having multiple orgasms for both men and women. In fact, the breath is one of the most important tools of orgasmic, tantric experiences.

 

The more connected you are to your breath, the more able you are to move orgasmic energy around and through your body, and the easier it is to reach orgasmic, bliss filled states.

 

The Benefits of Being Multi-Orgasmic

 

Each orgasm brings the body a wealth of benefits. So it goes without saying that many O’s will just multiply the rewards. Here are most commonly quoted benefits of multiple orgasms:

 

  • deeper intimacy in the relationship
  • greater pleasure and satisfaction of both partners
  • lower stress levels
  • better health and wellbeing due to the pleasure hormones being regularly released in the body
  • better immunity
  • better sleep

 

 

Stop! Before you start cultivating your multi-orgasmic ability!…

 

It’s not just about the quantity, it’s also about quality! Multiple orgasms can sound amazing and exciting but not everybody needs them. If you’re perfectly satisfied with your sex life, even if you only climax once per session – that’s perfectly fine!

 

AKA don’t fix it if it ain’t broken!

 

It’s wonderful to always aspire to better experiences. But don’t let that pursuit stop you from enjoying what you already have. Because one really epic orgasm can be exactly what you need to feel satisfied!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:
7 Juicy Steps to Make Her Wet

7 Juicy Steps to Make Her Wet

I often say to my clients that penetrative sex should never, ever, ever happen unless she is wet, juicy and aroused. Because without that beautiful wetness, sex will be most likely uncomfortable or even painful for her. Which will make orgasming or even enjoying sex...

read more
Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

Some of the most common messages that land in my inbox request information about penis size and about increasing both the length and the girth of the penis. And since so many people still feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about discussing any sexual matters, most...

read more
How to Finger a Woman

How to Finger a Woman

In my life I’ve received some exquisite fingering sessions from my lovers. And also some really, really bad ones… So today I’m bringing to you all of that wisdom, experience and insight in my comprehensive guide on fingering a woman!   There are absolutely...

read more