How to Give a Perfect Blow Job

How to Give a Perfect Blow Job

Would you like to know how to give your man a perfect blow job? How to blow his mind and take him to heights of pleasure he’s never experienced before with anybody else? Then read till the end because I have some powerful tips and techniques for you…

 

I fairly often hear from my male clients that they don’t like getting blow jobs from their partners

 

And that in itself should blow your mind because men everywhere claim that there’s NOTHING better than a blow job. Or that even bad blow jobs are still a great experience.

 

However, it turns out that many men prefer to turn down an offer of oral sex from their partners. And let me tell you why! Because this is something that I was very curious about.

 

It turns out that a high percentage of women give very poor blow jobs

 

I actually had to do a bit of digging and questioning to get to the bottom of this issue because most men can’t quite put a finger on what a bad BJ actually means. So after questioning many men over the years – both my clients and lovers, I’m bringing you all the answers!

 

1/ enthusiasm

Way before I became a sex therapist, I had a casual lover who was once telling me about the amazing oral sex sessions he used to get from this particular lady. I became curious and asked him about details.

 

It turns out that she wasn’t using any particular technique or skill. She was simply really into it. It seemed that she absolutely loved giving head and her enthusiasm was making all the difference for him.

 

2/ make out with his penis

Techniques are great and I’ll get to them in a moment. But they really are a secondary thing when it comes to BJ’s. It’s much more about the mindset, about your approach to his cock and your attitude towards fellatio.

 

So next time you’re treating him to some oral sex, I want you to imagine that you’re making out with his cock. Just the way you would approach a very passionate, loving, amazing kiss with your beloved, kiss, lick and suck his cock in the same way.

 

3/ learn to enjoy it

The inside of your mouth is very sensitive and can enjoy a variety of sensations. Treat his penis as a beautiful treat you get to play with. Don’t do it just for his pleasure! Learn to love it, enjoy it and get amazing pleasure from it for yourself as well!

 

Some women can actually orgasm from deep throating! So let go of any resistant thoughts about giving a blow job and give it your all! So that YOU can enjoy it as well.

 

4/ deep throating

Which brings me to deep-throating. A lot of men absolutely love it so it’s a skill worth mastering.

 

Many women can struggle with the gag reflex when taking the penis all the way in but the more you relax your throat while breathing deeply, the easier this will get. And the feeling of his cock growing harder and harder in your mouth when you’re taking him in deep is just divine!

 

5/ forget the orgasm

This one might sound strange at first but I can’t stress enough how important it is! Most men that complain of bad blow jobs, tell me that their partners just try to get them off. And that sense of rush and pressure is in most cases very off-putting.

 

Many women resort to blow jobs or hand jobs when they’re not in a mood for sex. But stroking your partner for the sake of getting him off your back and getting him off quickly, just kills the mood and takes away the joy of this beautiful act.

 

So do it for the pleasure of it, take your time and slow the fuck down… or don’t do it at all. Forcing a sexual experience won’t serve either of you in the long-term.

 

6/ ask him what he likes

All men are different and all cocks are different. Don’t assume that your current lover will enjoy everything that your last partner did.

 

Ask questions. Say: “do you like it when I do this and this?”, “do you like when I suck your balls, tickle your perineum, lick your shaft, etc.?”, “what else do you enjoy, how can I make this more perfect for you?”.

 

Another little tip is to ask him to show you how he masturbates so you can see exactly his favourite pressure, speed and pleasure spots.

 

7/ look him in the eye

Men are very visual and like to watch the woman in the act of giving him oral sex. Looking back at him while sucking his cock can be extremely hot for both you and him!

 

8/ cover your teeth

Be careful and make sure to cover your teeth with your lips. Even a moment of pain can ruin his ecstatic blow job experience.

 

9/ introduce variety

It’s definitely fun to keep your mouth moving up and down the shaft of his penis but there are so many other things you can do!

 

Play with variety, keep alternating the speed of your movements, the depth of your oral stimulation.

 

Don’t forget that he’s got balls and that they also adore touch, either with your hands or mouth. You can lick them, suck them and caress them. Just make sure to check in how he likes it as the testicles can be very sensitive at times.

 

Be curious, keep experimenting, watch his responses and ask questions. That’s the best path towards the most masterful blow job of all time!

 

10/ use your hand

Use your hand to support the base of his penis while you’re using your mouth, lips and tongue to play with the head. You can also stroke his balls, his perineum and his anus with your fingers while your mouth is deliciously exploring his cock.

 

Final two points – remember that STI’s can also be transmitted through oral sex so use a condom if you’re with a casual lover.

 

And gentlemen, don’t forget that hygiene is of utmost importance when someone is giving you oral sex. Don’t put her off by an unfresh cock. Make sure that you’re clean, particularly the area of foreskin and the head.

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How to Overcome Porn Addiction

How to Overcome Porn Addiction

Porn addiction – what is it? How to know if you’re addicted? What to do about it? Is there a cure? How can you overcome it? Stick around – I’m going to address all of that!

 

I regularly work with men who struggle with porn use and porn addiction

 

Some men who come to see me are self-proclaimed addicts. Others simply want to learn to reduce their porn usage or to stop it completely.

 

And there are fairly consistent reasons for their desire to quit porn. These men mention feelings of shame and guilt, they tell me about the negative effects of porn on their sexual performance like premature ejaculation or erectile difficulty. Watching porn often affects their mood, their focus and their overall wellbeing. And on top of all that, their relationships often suffer.

 

I really want to point out here that porn in itself isn’t good or bad

 

Watching porn isn’t always harmful. Many couples can successfully use it to bring a new sizzle and spark into their bedroom routine, particularly in long-term relationships. Many single people can use it to create more pleasure, arousal and fun for themselves.

 

Porn is just a tool and all comes down to HOW we use it. If we use it in ways that negatively affect our lives and our relationships, then that becomes a problem. Plus, porn can be highly addictive which is why so many people struggle with it.

 

So first of all, how can you tell if you’re addicted to porn?

 

1/ tolerance to porn

Is your tolerance to porn increasing? Are you finding yourself spending more and more time watching porn? Or have you started seeking more shocking or extreme type of porn videos?

 

2/ withdrawal symptoms

How do you feel when you don’t watch porn for a while? Are you experiencing frustration, irritability, anxiety, do you struggle to focus or to remain clear-minded?

 

3/ controlling your use

Are you able to control your porn usage? Do you use it more than you’d ideally like to?

 

4/ your wellbeing

Is watching porn affecting your mood, your clarity of mind, your wellbeing, the quality of your sleep, your daily life, your effectiveness in performing tasks – both at home and at work?

 

5/ desire to cut down

Are you feeling disappointed with yourself? Are you experiencing a desire to cut down your porn watching habit?

 

6/ secrecy

Are you hiding your porn use from others in your life? Do you feel like you need to sneak around in order to watch porn?

 

If you answered ‘Yes’ to at least some of these questions, that means that you might have a problem. But don’t worry, there are different things that you can do about it!

 

I’m going to break down my tips into two groups. First of all, the mindset changes and shifts you can create to reduce or end your porn watching habit. And secondly, practical things you can do while you’re watching porn which will help you wean yourself off porn over time.

 

A/ the mindset

 

So whenever you feel tempted to watch porn, think about how you will feel afterwards. Because yes, porn will give you a temporary pleasure, but it will probably make you feel shit about yourself afterwards.

 

Is it worth it? Is giving in to porn worth the shame, guilt, headache, low mood, foggy brain, poor sleep, etc? Or will you be better off walking away from it?

 

Also remember that the more you walk away from porn, the easier it will become to leave it. This is because you’ll start forming and strengthening new neural connections in your brain, allowing you to more easily give up the porn watching habit.

 

Make sure to also create more rewarding habits in your life to replace porn. Ultimately, you reach for porn because you want that hit of dopamine, of pleasure. Because you’re feeling low, stressed, lonely, depressed, etc. in the moment.

 

And porn offers a quick fix. However, you can reach for other rewarding behaviours like exercise, catching up with a friend, watching an entertaining movie, investing in self-improvement books, articles, workshops, etc.

 

All these things will also give you pleasure, but without the heavy burden of a bad mood, poor sleep or lower quality relationships in your life. So it’s a matter of swapping certain habits and behaviours (in this case watching porn) for other habits that will increase your wellbeing and make you feel good about yourself.

 

B/ new way to watch porn

 

If you can quit porn cold turkey, then good on you! This second part won’t concern you. However, if you’re struggling with that radical approach and you’re still finding yourself giving in to pornography, here are some tips to wean you off porn over time.

 

1/ stand up

People usually watch porn while laying or sitting down. This means that they cannot really move their bodies much. So you’re going to do something different. You’re going to stand up and place your phone or laptop at the level of your face. This will allow you to actually move your entire body as you’re masturbating.

 

2/ conscious breath

Stay connected to your body. Instead of losing yourself in the images on your screen, use your breath to stay connected to the sensations in your body. Make sure to make your breath deeper, slower, more relaxed. A conscious breath will help you stay more embodied.

 

3/ shift your attention

Every few minutes, pause the porn movie, turn away from the screen and continue masturbating, while paying a close attention to the pleasure in your body. After 5 breaths or so, you can come back to watching porn.

 

Part of the problem with porn is that it puts us in a sort of a trance, numbs us down and pulls us away from reality

 

This is why this alternating approach – where you’re moving your attention between porn on the screen and the physical sensations in your body – will start to retrain and recondition your body and mind to stay in your physical reality.

 

Over time, try to reduce the amount of time you’re watching porn in each session and keep increasing the amount of time you’re pausing porn and masturbating without it. This is a very powerful approach to help you let go of the need to watch porn.

 

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How to Orgasm During Sex

How to Orgasm During Sex

A lot of women come to me saying that they can’t orgasm during penetration. And in this article, I’m going to share with you exactly what I tell them!

 

So first of all, this topic is very close to my heart because for many years of my own sex life, I could NOT orgasm during sex. When I was younger, I was reading all the tips and articles in Cosmo and similar magazines. But none of their advice was working.

 

I eventually gave up trying and just resigned myself to a completely un-orgasmic sex life

 

But! Fortunately, life had other plans for me. And so I ended up going on a powerful journey of activating and cultivating my orgasmic potential.

 

And right now, I am multi-orgasmic. I can not only orgasm during sex easily, I can do it many, many times during each session of a sexual intercourse. And on top of that I can also enter into trance-like orgasmic states that can last for up to an hour.

 

And I feel that this is something I am in a particularly powerful position to teach other women because I not only studied this from books during my sexological education. This is something that I’ve gone through personally so I know exactly what my female clients are struggling with and how to help them.

 

So what’s the secret? How can ANY woman orgasm during penetration?

 

The ability to orgasm during intercourse comes down to two powerful elements. Let’s now look at both of them in detail.

 

1/ stimulation of erogenous zones

 

During a typical intercourse experience, a man’s penis is going in and out of the vagina as he is thrusting. So this means that his main erogenous zone (his cock) is rubbed, massaged and stroked entirely. Obviously, men have also other erogenous zones but this particular one is his easiest gateway to having an orgasm.

 

However, for a woman, the situation is very different. Her main erogenous zones – her clitoris and her gspot – are in most cases not stimulated at all or stimulated insufficiently during intercourse. This means that the thrusting motion is not creating enough arousal to take her over the edge of an orgasm.

 

This means a few things:

 

a) you as a woman need to know your pleasure zones and ideally you should be also regularly activating them through slow, conscious masturbation.

 

b) the in-and-out motion doesn’t usually work as well as the more sort of grinding motion, which is much better suited for stimulating all the right spots. So make sure to ask your partner to grind his hips instead of only going in-and-out.

 

You as a woman can also get on top and do the grinding yourself while paying a close attention to what particular body movements and positions give you most pleasure.

 

c) you as a woman should also experiment with different things like stroking your own clitoris during penetration (and some positions are obviously more suited to that than others), you might also try rhythmically clenching your pelvic floor muscle – it’s something that works really well for some women.

 

Or simply remember whatever it is that you do when you’re alone in order to bring yourself to a climax. And simply incorporate that into your partnered intercourse experience.

 

2/ ability to surrender to an orgasmic state

 

And the second big thing that allows women to orgasm during penetration is her ability to surrender to an orgasmic state.

 

This one is something that really took me a while to master. I would always go to my head and think my way through sex instead of feeling it all.

 

But think about it this way: pleasure that will take you into ecstasy is happening in your body. And as long as you’re thinking or worrying during sex, you’re just pulling yourself away from your bliss.

 

So here an ability to remain mindful, connected to your body and disconnected from your thinking mind is crucial!

 

On top of that being able to deeply relax into your pleasure will help. And this is one of the reasons why being on top doesn’t always work very well for me when I want to orgasm, because I really love to completely surrender during sex.

 

And I’ll typically feel a lot of delicious pleasure while I’m moving my body but that moment when I just relax and surrender, that’s when I usually fall into an expanded, full-body orgasm.

 

So I really encourage you to start thinking about sex as not so much something you do but something that you immerse yourself in, that you relax into, that you experience. And from that place, your orgasms will become much more effortless.

 

Please give all these tips a go and let me know in comments below what worked for you. Or maybe you’ve already tried some of these techniques??

 

And if you’d like more powerful tools and techniques, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for Women. This program is a 7-week journey for any woman who wants to heal, grow and expand her orgasmic potential.

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How Long Should Sex Last

How Long Should Sex Last

I recently talked about how often you should be having sex. And today I want to discuss the ideal duration of a sexual intercourse. Do you wonder what’s normal or standard? How long do other people have sex for? And how you compare to that?

 

I feel like first of all we need to define sex

 

What are we actually talking about here – when does sex begin and when does it end. What exactly is the picture in your mind when you hear the word “sex”? Is it the penis-in-the-vagina penetration alone? What about foreplay? And the cuddling afterwards? And what if you decide to have sex again. Is that two separate experiences or one extended sexual encounter?

 

So the statistics shared by the sexological community typically refer to the penetration alone. And the average duration of sexual intercourse viewed from that perspective is… 5.4 minutes. So that’s 5.4 mins from the moment of putting the penis inside the vagina, to the point of ejaculation.

 

The problem is that this length of time is typically described by women as insufficient for sexual satisfaction

 

Women on average need 4 times longer to orgasm than men do. So if she’s hoping to orgasm from penetration alone, her chances might not be that great if he cannot last longer.

 

And the truth here is that you need to find your own sweet spot when it comes to your relationship – your own perfect situation that will create this lovely feeling of satisfaction and intimate nourishment for both partners. Most people describe sex that lasts under 5 mins as too short. To many other people intercourse that goes for more than 15 mins is seen as too long. Others still can go on for hours and will cherish every moment of it.

 

So what is actually desirable for you and for your partner?

 

And here it’s also good to be clear on our desires relating to the entire sexual experience, as opposed to just the penetration alone.

 

So how much foreplay do you both desire? What exactly should happen during foreplay to give you both pleasure and a good level of arousal? How long should that part go for? And once penetration starts, can you both move freely between penetrative and non-penetrative sex? Or do you both prefer to keep going until some sort of conclusion occurs?

 

What does that conclusion look like?

 

Is it his ejaculation? Or are you not done until both partners have orgasmed?

 

And this is not to say that your sexual encounter should be the same each time. Sometimes it’s great to have a long, sensual experience full of teasing and playfulness. At other times a quickie is exactly what you both need and desire.

 

But the main point here is to recognize your own desires and to honour them, together with your partner’s desires

 

Which brings me to 2 significant issues that most couples need to address – his ability to last longer and her ability to have orgasms in order to derive much more satisfaction from sex.

 

Let’s first talk about men…

 

Gentlemen, if you feel like you struggle to last as long as you would like to, please be aware that you can train your body to last longer. It’s fairly simple and anybody can do it.

 

I talk about that topic in much more detail in my Tantric Mastery for Men course. But you can start by watching my video TANTRIC SECRET TO LAST LONGER IN BED.

 

And ladies…

 

If you’re currently struggling to orgasm during sex, then please be aware that there are different powerful tools and techniques that can help you re-sensitize your body for much more pleasure, sensuality and for deeper, more amazing orgasms.

 

And I talk in depth about that in my Orgasmic Empowerment for Women course. But for now you might want to start with my video GUIDE TO FEMALE ORGASM. And if on top of that struggle to orgasm, you also experience pain or discomfort during sex, then make sure to check out my video 4 STEPS TO DE-ARMOUR YOUR VAGINA.

 

Look, great, satisfying sex that lasts exactly as long as you both need and desire is a tricky goal

 

But you can both do a lot to come much closer to creating this kind of amazing sexual experiences in your bedroom much more often if you choose to educate yourself on the topic of sex and if you’re willing to invest some time and energy into your sex life.

 

I share regular articles and videos on the topic of great sex so make sure to take a stroll through my YouTube channel and watch whichever videos pique your interest.

 

Please also comment below to let me know your thoughts and your reaction to the 5.4min average of sexual intercourse. Do you think that’s long or short?

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How to Maintain Passion in Relationships?

How to Maintain Passion in Relationships?

If you’ve been in a relationship before, you’ve probably noticed that with time, the spark and sizzle of a passionate connection reduces. Sometimes even disappears completely. So, what to do to keep that desire, passion and flame alive? Is it even possible? Keep reading because I’m going to explain all of that!

I have lost count a long time ago of how many times I’ve heard from my clients the phrase “We don’t have sex anymore” 

A lot of couples come to see me with some version of this story: “we haven’t had sex in months”, or “we only have sex once every few months”, or “my partner never initiates and I’ve stopped trying too”.

So, what’s the problem? Why do we crave sex and have so much of it at the beginning but we seem to struggle with it further down the road? And is it possible to enjoy a frequent, intimate and orgasmic sex life in a long-term relationship?

Well, the answer is: yes, it absolutely is possible! However, it comes at a price…

Let me explain!

Most people assume that a hot sex life is a natural consequence of a loving relationship. But that’s incorrect! If that were true, there would be a lot less sexless marriages out there!

The story I hear most often is “we love each other very much… and we don’t have sex anymore”.

The real issue is that we stop trying

We de-prioritize our sex life and we let it stagnate. One of the biggest reasons for this problem is that very notion that passionate sex life should spontaneously follow from a romantic love.

The truth is – sexual passion is a result of a conscious decision. Long years of an erotic connection is something that we create. It’s extremely rare to have that kind of bond in your relationship naturally. Most of us have to work for it.

And there are 5 different things we should be paying a particular attention to:

1/ emotional connection 

Take care of your emotional connection! There is a very strong link between how you relate emotionally and how you relate sexually. When the emotional connection suffers, so will the sex.

Any resentment, upset, sense of betrayal, etc. either of you holds against each other needs to be faced, addressed and processed properly. For some couples this might mean working with a qualified relationship therapist. So make sure to use them, that’s what they’re trained to do!

2/ being an individual 

Stop defining yourself as a half of a whole. Stop spending every possible second with your sweetheart. Make sure to fully develop your identity as a full and whole human being, outside of your relationship.

What are your passions? Your hobbies? What do you enjoy doing without your partner? Make sure to focus on that, as well as focusing on your connection.

Because closeness increases love but kills passion. Whereas separateness grows your desire for each other.

3/ date each other 

Having only spontaneous sex is a myth. A lot of people resist the idea of scheduling sex. But remember when you first met and you had a lot of hot fun together? What did you do back then?

You scheduled sex! You planned it, you arranged dates, you looked forward to it, you prepared for it, you wanted to make it special.

There was nothing spontaneous about it – it was planned and it was probably very satisfying.

So start taking each other on dates. Take turns and put one person in charge of everything. The partner in charge will plan and prepare everything as a gift to their lover. And next time, you’ll swap

4/ explore Tantra

I teach a lot of my clients different tantric techniques and rituals. Tantric practices are an incredibly beautiful way to grow the intimacy, connection and sensuality in your relationship.

Tantra also teaches men and women how to have better sex – how to make sex last much longer, how to resensitize your entire system for expanded, full-body energetic orgasms, how to be multi-orgasmic and how to enter states of trance like bliss and orgasmic merging together in bed.

So if you’re finding that your sex life is lacking something or that simply you’d love to take your bedroom connection to a whole new level, make sure to check out my Tantric Sex for Couples online course. Tantra is the most straightforward path towards better sex, stronger orgasms and deeper pleasure.

5/ be playful

Your sex life doesn’t need to be a serious matter. Have fun with it! Take a trip to a sex shop or eBay online and look for toys, outfits and accessories that you find exciting. Share your sexual fantasies with each other and discuss which ones of them you’d like to play out.

You might want to dance and strip for each other, have a pillow fight, play naked poker, give each other an erotic massage, have sex outdoors or play a doctor and a naughty nurse. It’s YOUR sex life and nobody gets to decide what it looks like but the two of you.

This is obviously just the tip of the iceberg of the topic of sexual passion and desire in relationships and I’ll be posting more on this topic soon.

Please also comment below and let me know which ones of my tips you’re going to try. I always respond personally to all of the comments and I can’t wait to read yours.

 

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