10 Unexpected Benefits of Orgasm

10 Unexpected Benefits of Orgasm

On one hand, I feel like there’s absolutely no need to convince anyone that they should be having orgasms. I think that we’re all more or less aware that orgasms are yum, delicious and amazing! It feels so good to approach one, to have one and to come back to Earth after having one.

 

AND don’t get me started on the multiples!…

 

But on the other hand, I’m also aware of various struggles and frustrations people face in their bedrooms. Some don’t have a partner and are not interested in self-pleasuring, others live in sexless relationships, others still struggle with sexual trauma, wounding, shame or toxic beliefs. All these things will affect the quality and frequency of our erotic experiences and hence – of our orgasms.

 

So in case you do experience some resistance and need a gentle push to ensure your orgasmic life is alive and well, here are some unexpected benefits of the blissful climax:

 

1/ Weight loss

Orgasms increase your levels of CCK (cholecystokinin) which causes the release of digestive enzymes and bile, and acts as a huger suppressant.

 

2/ Less stress & better mood

Oxytocin released during orgasm not only bonds you emotionally to your lover, it also combats the effects of cortisol in your body, lowering levels of stress and depression.

 

3/ More sex appeal

Regular sexual activity increases and optimises levels of estrogen and testosterone in women, which adds to their libido, improves their mood and creates more sex appeal. Men who orgasm often also enjoy higher levels of testosterone, adding to their strength, masculinity and wellbeing.

 

4/ Better sleep

Oxytocin and vasopressin (both released during orgasm) are involved in lowering the cortisol levels and controlling our circadian rhythm, helping us regulate the internal clock and sleep better.

 

5/ Improved social life

Numerous side effects of the oxytocin boost include improving your social skills and intuition, making you feel more social and trusting, and bonding better with others.

 

6/ Easier periods

Improved blood circulation to a woman’s pelvic area ensures higher levels of nutrients present, healthier tissues and supports a regular menstrual cycle.

 

7/ Better chances of getting pregnant

Women who orgasm during sex (after their partners do) retain more sperm. The increased oxytocin levels will also create healthier pregnancy and will help more women carry to term.

 

8/ Higher immunity

Orgasms boost infection-fighting cells which supports your body in fighting colds and flu.

 

9/ Higher life expectancy

According to studies conducted in Wales over the period of 10 years, people who orgasm regularly live longer than those who don’t. In fact, the difference is a mortality risk lowered by 50% which is quite amazing.

 

10/ More happiness

Although this one is pretty self-explanatory, the wellbeing caused by regular orgasms goes deeper than just an improved emotional state. Multiple chemical changes induced in the body during each orgasm affect your health in a myriad of ways, causing an improved wellbeing and a deeper general sense of life satisfaction.

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How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

How to Lose Yourself in a Tantric Orgasm

‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson

 

This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to the way we usually experience climax in the bedroom. When you think back to your typical orgasmic experience, you’ll probably notice that it tends to be an experience full of tension – muscles of your legs and pelvis are contracting and your breath becomes shorter and is often held. So why is Diana Richardson talking about being more relaxed in sex?

 

This used to really confuse me until I started training my body using tantric tools and practices. And after a while, what seemed to be a one and only way to experience sex and orgasm (tension, contraction, short breath, …) turned out to be just one of the ways to experience my eroticism.

 

These other ways led me down the path of not only becoming multi-orgasmic, but also of expanding my orgasms into a full-body, toe-curling, awe-inspiring experiences of expanded bliss…

 

I included my absolutely favourite tantric techniques in the Orgasmic Empowerment online course for Women. But more about that later as I currently have a very special Women’s Day deal on offer!

And I want to stress that there’s no judgement here about the more traditional tension-based approaches to sex. You should do whatever works for you and whatever you enjoy! I’m simply stressing that there are also other ways that might work better for you.

 

And this is significant because the amount of frustration around sex and orgasm in our society is truly mind blowing.

 

We often resign ourselves to infrequent, mediocre, painful or non-existent sex life because we lack basic understanding about how sex and sexual energy work. Even if a couple enjoys a juicy and frequent sex life at the beginning of their relationship, things usually change down the track and excitement morphs into disappointment or boredom.

 

An unhealthy routine develops, where men seek their own pleasure by penetrating woman’s body to achieve ejaculation. The amount of time required in such encounters is mostly not enough to arouse the woman sufficiently so that her sexual energy can start flowing equally abundantly. Women in such relationships feel used, lonely or purely disinterested in sex as their sexual frustration grows. Most men admit that this state of things is not truly satisfying to them either but they don’t know what to do about it.

 

There are also more considerate lovers who want to make sure that their female partner orgasms first by clitoral stimulation. But putting such pressure on a woman usually places her in a place where she feels guilty about taking too much time and becomes way too tense to achieve a true, deep ecstasy.

 

According to Tantra, we got it all wrong.

 

The basic understanding of male-female polarity suggests that male energy is like fire – heats up very quickly and quickly goes out. While female energy is like water – takes a longer time to warm up but also stays warm longer. This simple picture illustrates a very important point – we cannot force our bodies into being something that we are not and by not acknowledging our true nature, we remain empty and unsatisfied. It is often not in woman’s nature to heat up quickly and she usually doesn’t. Her nature is to create a beautifully relaxed, serene and sensitive environment for a man to enter which then allows him to also slow down, relax and last long enough to achieve a deeply satisfying and intense orgasm. Both can then join in a rich ecstasy, rooted in body awareness and deep relaxation.

 

We all have the inner ability to experience deep, long-lasting, spiritually enlightening orgasms.

 

But we lack basic education and awareness of the way our bodies work. A first, a very important step is to relax into our bodies and to develop a calm awareness of our sensations. We cannot experience mind blowing orgasms if we’re not truly connected to our bodies and if we don’t really know them. We need to take the time to learn what our bodies truly love and appreciate, what kind of touch arouses us, what kind of strokes give us pleasure.

 

Another important point is developing a loving awareness of ourselves. So many people (particularly women) suffer from poor body image, it’s no wonder we don’t like our bodies and try to disconnect from them as much as we can. As a regular practice, stand in front of a large mirror naked and look at your own body with admiration. This body carried you through so many years of ups and downs, it provided you with so much pleasure and served you well your entire life. Each mark or scar is a reminder of your body’s strength and survival abilities. Embrace yourself lovingly, your body is beautiful and it craves your love!

 

Whenever you lie down at night, practice a gentle, relaxed awareness for 10-15 minutes or as much time as you have. Lie down on your back with your spine straight, your feet more than hip-width apart and arms relaxed at your sides, palms up. Relax your entire body and allow your awareness to travel up and down your spine, becoming conscious of your body, particularly your heart area and your genitals.

 

Allow your awareness to penetrate your body so deep that you can feel your energy tingling in your organs as your body relaxes.

 

If you find it hard to become aware of your body part, place your hands on it to bring more energy there. And just rest with your body, connect to it, allow it to flood your awareness until you’re completely submerged in it. This deep awareness of your body is a first step in becoming more orgasmic. So practice it often and see your body as a lovable, beautiful creation. It will then provide you with as much pleasure as you can handle!

 

And if you’d love to learn all my favourite, more advanced techniques for awakening your orgasmic power, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women.

 

For the next 7 days the entire course is available at a price that you choose.

 

This is my International Women’s Day gift to all the ladies on my newsletter list. Orgasmic Empowerment course normally retails at AU$297 but for the next week you can name your price! Simply email me letting me know how much you can pay for the course and I’ll provide you with an immediate access to the entire program.

Ladies, here’s to awakening and activating your full orgasmic potential!

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5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers:

“Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another?

I want to do everything in my power to free myself from all that inhibits me sexually and to experience deep love and pleasure but I’m not in a position to do that with a lover.”

 

Social stigma

For different reasons, many people in our society are not able to connect intimately with others at one time or another in their lives. This should never be a reason to put your sexual practice on hold! In fact, your self-pleasuring practice is the most primary form of sexual expression.

Our society seems to indicate to us that masturbation is only for people between relationships, older or incapacitated people, or maybe some desperate individuals. This unfortunately creates a level of stigma around self-touch and stops us from embracing it as a healthy and valid form of sexual practice.

 

Training your pleasure

I believe that this conditioning is actually really hurting our sex lives. I believe that creating a beautiful and profoundly ecstatic self-pleasuring practice can really support you in becoming a wonderful lover to another person.

I spend a big chunk of my sessions on masturbation coaching. I consider it absolutely crucial for embracing our pleasure and awakening our full orgasmic potential.

We watch movies and porn that show us people in moments of deep ecstasy and pleasure. So we aspire to similar experiences in our own bedrooms. But the body needs training in order to become fully orgasmic. You need to teach yourself pleasure before you can have your mind blown on a regular basis with a lover.

 

Self-pleasuring better

So here are my 5 steps to a more embodied and more profound masturbation practice:

 

1/ Set an intention

This is an important one. An intention creates your experience, it’s a bridge between now and the future. Don’t just go with whatever happens – consciously create your pleasure!

What would you like to achieve through your self-touch today? Would you like to explore new erogenous zones on your body? Would you like to last half an hour before coming? Would you like to feel more love and compassion in your body? Or maybe bring more sensations to areas that feel a bit numb?…

 

2/ Awaken your entire body

Now it’s time to connect with your whole physical system. You can do this through movement (dancing, shaking, yoga, stretching, etc.) or through touch by giving yourself a loving full body massage. Feel free to spend as little or as much time on this step as you need. At the end you should feel vibrant and alive from head to toe.

 

3/ Use your breath consciously

Keep taking deep, full breaths throughout the entire session.

When we get aroused, we tend to shorten and constrict our breathing. This locks sexual pleasure in one spot, usually our genitals. If you want to have a more expanded, powerful experience, breathe deeply in order to allow that erotic charge to travel up and down your entire body.

 

4/ Slow down

Another very important tip!

As you’re stroking your favourite erogenous zones, take your time. Do not rush to the finish line. Keep breathing deeply, allowing the delicious sensations to keep spreading through your entire system.

And remember – the longer you hold off before the big O, the more intense it will be!

 

5/ Integrate

After climax, don’t rush off anywhere, just stay where you are.

Allow yourself a few minutes to relax and feel your entire body as all the pleasure hormones are happily travelling through your system. These few minutes at the end are crucial to teach your body about bliss. This is when your brain is working hard, creating all the new neural connections, learning from this experience so that next time you can go even deeper.

 

To learn more about sacred masturbation practices, check out my online courses:

Legendary Lover for Men

Orgasmic Empowerment for Women

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3 Amazing Benefits of Sleeping Naked

3 Amazing Benefits of Sleeping Naked

I don’t know about you, but I LOVE sleeping naked! I love to feel the softness of the sheets against my skin, I love the ease of access to different body parts that I can stroke or caress, I love the heightened sensations I experience all over my body. And when my beloved is in bed with me, I LOVE being held by him and touching his skin.

 

But it hasn’t always been this way

When I was growing up, I learned that sleeping naked was inappropriate and that I always needed a layer of fabric between me and the world, even when I was in bed alone. I learned that different body parts were wrong or shameful and that they always needed to be covered. And I learned to feel guilt and embarrassment if too much of my skin was ever accidentally exposed in front of someone else.

 

Even in our sleep we’re not allowed to have a relationship with our body

All these negative messages about sex, nudity and pleasure sink deep into our consciousness. It seems that even in our sleep we’re not allowed to have a relationship with our body. This in turn can create a profound disconnection from our senses, our pleasure and our eroticism.

So if you’re struggling with shame in sex or if you feel like you’re not feeling a lot of pleasure, this might be because you’ve disowned your sexuality or that you don’t feel comfortable with your naked body. When we’re not comfortable with nudity and particularly with our genitals, we simply cannot fully feel our bodies.

 

So here are 3 wonderful benefits that you’ll enjoy when sleeping naked:

 

1 Deeper sleep

Taking your clothes off when going to bed means that your body is able to naturally cool down. This is an important aspect of the circadian rhythm, which is a natural system that informs our bodies when it’s time to sleep. This means not only that you’ll be able to fall asleep quicker, but also that the quality of your sleep will be much better.

 

2 Better health

A deeper sleep has a vast range of health benefits – better skin, faster healing times, lower stress levels, healthier heart… It even boosts your calorie-burning ability which means remaining slimmer!

Sleeping naked is also beneficial for our intimate parts. Yeast infections like warm, moist places so going commando allows your private parts to get plenty of air. It also promotes a healthy sperm count in men since the testicles can remain cool enough for optimal sperm health.

 

3 Better relationship with your sexuality

Time spent naked helps us develop a more connected relationship with our skin, our sensuality and our eroticism. Clothes simply create a barrier that separates you from your body and de-sensitizes your experience of touch and pleasure.

 

 

What you don’t like, you disconnect from

So if sleeping naked is new for you, this might be a wonderful time to give it a go. And when you do, stay present with your experience – are you noticing feelings of shame, discomfort or awkwardness? or are you feeling delight, pleasure and relaxation? And what is your body experiencing? How is your skin reacting to this new experience?

 

If this feels tricky, take it slow and don’t judge yourself

Awakening your senses fully can take a bit of time but it’s ALWAYS worth it.

 

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Are Lifelong Relationships Obsolete?

Are Lifelong Relationships Obsolete?

I recently learned that two people I loved and admired (let’s call them Stan and Jo) were no longer together. After a few years of marriage, they called it quits. Both these people had spent years on a path of growth, inner healing and personal & spiritual development. Both had strong communication skills and a lot of awareness around authentic relating and building intimacy. So, the news about their breakup came as a shock.

 

If they couldn’t make it work, who of us can?!

 

But after an initial wave of shock and sadness, I actually felt happy and hopeful. Because a truly successful and healthy relationship is not measured by how long it lasts but by how aware and loving are people in it. And a big part of that awareness and loving is knowing when it’s time to stay, when it’s time to do the work, when it’s time to rest and when it’s time to leave. So instead of thinking that Stan and Jo’s relationship failed, I actually think that it was an incredibly successful one. And that both of them (and the people around them) got a lot out of their union.

 

I believe that as a part of our evolution as human beings, we’ll start to recognize old patterns and traditional views for what they are – obsolete ideas and repressive norms.

 

The institution of marriage isn’t any more sacred than the institution of divorce, or singlehood, or dating, or open relating, etc. Each one constitutes an option or a choice which is valid and healthy… as long as the decision we make about them is coming from a space of awareness, freedom and commitment to growth.

 

If the decision to stay in a relationship is motivated by religious guilt, fear, financial pressure, social expectations or worry about the kids, then the couple should seriously reconsider their commitment to each other. I’m not saying that they should necessarily separate but that they need to find better reasons to stay together.

 

These ‘better reasons’ can be different for different people.

 

It can be all about companionship, great sex, growth and healing, emotional support or common goals. But the decision should come from a place of free will and conscious awareness and not from a space of duty, obligation or moral norms upheld in your social environment.

 

I grew up in a Catholic family and the values and norms of the Catholic church were strongly imposed on my mind. But Catholic morality doesn’t feel authentic to me and I cannot accept it in my life. Promising someone that I’ll stand by them until death is something that I see as unhealthy and even potentially toxic.

 

But instead of that, why not stay together for as long as it serves both of us and makes us happy?

 

Why not stay together until we complete some kind of common goals that brought us together in the first place?

Why not stay together for as long as we both feel inspired to?

 

So this Valentine’s Day I wish all of us a celebration of relationships which are healthy, meaningful and full of conscious choices… even if they don’t last forever!

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