I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers:
“Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another?
I want to do everything in my power to free myself from all that inhibits me sexually and to experience deep love and pleasure but I’m not in a position to do that with a lover.”
For different reasons, a variety of different people are not able to connect intimately with others at one time or another throughout their lives. This kind of circumstance should never be a reason to put your sexual practice on hold! In fact, your self-pleasuring practice is the most primary form of sexual expression.
Society seems to indicate to us that masturbation is only for people between relationships, older or incapacitated people, or maybe some desperate individuals. This unfortunately creates a level of stigma around self-touch and stops us from embracing it as a healthy and valid form of sexual practice.
Training your pleasure
I believe that this conditioning is actually really hurting our sex lives. I believe that creating a beautiful and profoundly ecstatic self-pleasuring practice can really support you in becoming a wonderful lover to another person.
I spend a big chunk of my sessions with clients doing masturbation coaching. I consider this skill absolutely crucial for embracing our pleasure and awakening our full orgasmic potential.
We watch movies and porn that show us people in moments of deep ecstasy and pleasure. So we aspire to similar experiences in our own bedrooms. But the body needs training in order to become fully orgasmic. You need to teach yourself pleasure first, before you can have your mind blown on a regular basis with a lover.
So here are my 5 steps to a more pleasurable and orgasmic masturbation practice:
1/ Set an intention
This is an important one. An intention creates your experience, it’s a bridge between now and the future. Don’t just go with whatever happens – consciously create your pleasure!
What would you like to achieve through your self-touch today? Would you like to explore new erogenous zones in your body? Would you like to last half an hour before coming? Would you like to cultivate a deep sense of loving bliss in your system? Or maybe bring more sensation to areas that feel a bit numb?…
2/ Awaken your entire body
Now it’s time to connect with your whole physical system. You can do this through movement (dancing, shaking, yoga, stretching, etc.) or through touch by giving yourself a loving full body massage. Feel free to spend as much time on this step as you need. At the end you should feel vibrant and alive from head to toe.
3/ Use your breath consciously
Keep taking deep, full breaths throughout the entire session.
When we get aroused, we tend to shorten and constrict our breathing. This locks sexual pleasure in one spot, usually our genitals. If you want to have a more expanded, powerful experience, breathe deeply in order to allow that erotic charge to travel up and down your entire body.
4/ Slow down
Another very important tip!
As you’re stroking your favourite erogenous zones, take your time. Do not rush to the finish line. Keep breathing deeply, allowing the delicious sensations to keep spreading through your entire system.
And remember – the longer you hold off before the big O, the more intense it will be!
After climax, don’t rush off anywhere, just stay where you are.
Allow yourself a few minutes to relax and notice the feelings and sensations in your entire body as all the pleasure hormones are happily travelling through your system. These few minutes at the end are crucial to teach your body about bliss. This is when your brain is working hard, creating all the new neural connections, learning from this experience so that next time you can go even deeper into your erotic ecstasy.
To learn more about sacred masturbation practices, check out my online course Masturbation Coaching (for men and women!). It’s currently available at 50% off as part of my Christmas Special. Simply use this code to claim your discount: xmas50
I filled this course with my favourite and most effective tools and techniques to train your body to experience:
- more pleasure,
- deeper orgasms,
- richer sexual satisfaction in your body.
Don’t miss out! The discount code is only available until Sunday!
Masturbation Coaching is a fairly new modality offered by sex coaches and sex therapists all over the world. It’s extremely powerful because healthy and nurturing self-touch, self-touch that is free of shame and dogma, will prepare your body for a lifetime of great sex and amazing pleasure.
This 7-week online program will help you expand your erotic potential, experience completely new types of orgasm, create more charisma and magnetic power that others will respond to, let go of unhealthy patterns and toxic beliefs about your pleasure, your body and your sexuality, etc.
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