Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

Masturbation: Are You Doing It Wrong?

When it comes to masturbation, there’s a lot of misinformation and confusion about it out in the world. Many people ask me if masturbation is good for you or how to do it. Masturbation still feels like a dirty word to many people and I usually sense shame or embarrassment in other people whenever I even say the word “masturbation”.


This usually leads to a lot of negativity in the way that we perceive it and approach self-touch. 


Catholic Church and different religions still tell us that it’s sinful to self-pleasure so a lot of people have very skewed or negative attitudes towards it while doctors and psychologists all over the world have been telling us FOR YEARS to change our approach.


So what’s the actual truth about masturbation?

Masturbation… I wonder what you feel and think when hearing this word. Typically people feel uncomfortable with it or uncertain how to even talk about self-touch. So I do want to make others think about it. Because if we assume that masturbation is wrong, inappropriate or shameful, we’ll continue carrying this kind of low, heavy emotional energy around it for many, many years.


So here are my 5 actually helpful tips to reclaim your self-pleasure time as something delicious, fun and enjoyable.


1/ It’s normal and healthy

If you’re a human being, sexuality is an aspect of who you are. And just like breathing or digestion, you cannot disconnect from it. It’s simple biology – the body has its needs and we cannot deny or ignore them.

You ARE a sexual being and there’s nothing wrong, inappropriate or shameful about that. Your genital area is deliciously full of nerve endings capable of giving you incredible pleasure and mind-blowing orgasms – deal with it!… 😉 


2/ Masturbation doesn’t equal ejaculation

When I say that you should masturbate regularly, it doesn’t mean that I’m encouraging you to ejaculate excessively. Far from it! Masturbation does NOT equal ejaculation.

Touching yourself often and cultivating a regular connection with your body and your pleasure is very beneficial for your overall health, your wellness, your emotional happiness and your erotic life.

However, ejaculating frequently can lead to the opposite outcomes. So remember that it can serve you better to NOT ejaculate every time you touch yourself.

And if you want to learn the art of having non-ejaculatory orgasms, make sure to check out my online course Tantric Mastery for Men. It will teach you amazing ecstatic practices of tantric lovers who have been known for thousands of years to control their arousal and to be multi-orgasmic.


3/ Truth about porn

Porn is a tool, it’s neither good or bad. But all depends on how we use it. If it enhances your self-pleasure practice – enjoy it! But if it’s leaving you feeling ashamed, embarrassed, depleted or frustrated, it might be time to cultivate other practices.

And if you are struggling with porn addiction, my online course Masturbation Coaching has an entire section on moving on from porn into better, more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experiences. 


4/ Masturbation can train your body for better sex

This is something very few people know – the way you self pleasure trains your body in the art of partnered sex. If your masturbation practice is quick and efficient, you’ll likely develop a premature ejaculation or other issues.

BUT, if you touch yourself in a way that teaches your body to last much longer, to reach deeper and deeper layers of pleasure and more amazing orgasms, this will truly benefit your experiences with a lover.

It’s like a gym for your sexual performance. You can do all the training alone, in order to ace your performance when you’re in bed with your partner.

And if you’re not sure what solo-sex practices will be most beneficial for your body, check out the Masturbation Coaching online course. It’s full of my best and most efficient self touch practices that will train your body for a lifetime of mind-blowing sex and orgasmic bliss.


5/ Sexual energy can be transformed into higher energies

This is another one of tantric secrets that most people have never heard of. Your sexual energy is much more powerful than you think. And releasing it externally in an ejaculation (for men) or clitoral orgasm (for women) is only one thing you can do with it.

People who practice Tantra, learn to sublimate their sexual energy – to move it up through the body in order to achieve high states of bliss, in order to channel that energy into their projects and pursuits and even to connect to the spiritual realm.

If that’s something that interests you, then you should DEFINITELY check out my Masturbation Coaching online course. But I’ve already told you about it…


6/ Sex toys can be very helpful

A lot of people report that using sex toys when they masturbate really enhances their experience. Toys can stimulate us in ways that is tricky to do just with our hands. Or they can provide a next level stimulation whenever we want it.

And the list here is endless – massagers, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, prostate stimulators, bondage accessories, sexy outfits and many other tools enrich people’s sex lives all over the world.

The popularity of adult stores – physical ones and online – speaks for itself. So if you haven’t given in yet to the fun and playfulness of sex toys, maybe it’s time to try.

And if you have, maybe it’s time for a new purchase?…


7/ Safest sex

Let’s be honest – there’s no such thing as safe sex. Condoms and other precautionary practices can reduce the risk of contracting an STI. But at times viruses can still find the way from one lover to the other one.

EXCEPT for masturbation. There is no safer way to enjoy your eroticism plus, you don’t need to wait for your partner to be in the mood…


8/ Health benefits of masturbation 

Regular masturbation alleviates stress and tension in the body. Orgasms reduce pain and relax us, they help us sleep, strengthen the immune system etc.

The wealth of health benefits caused by regular masturbation practice is well known to modern day doctors and therapists. So let’s listen to them, starting tonight…


9/ Repression leads to frustration

If you’re trying abstinence as a way to deal with sexual shame or as a result of inhibitions or religious beliefs, you’re probably very familiar with the phenomenon of sexual frustration.

Or if you’ve given in to the NoFap movement, you very likely know what I’m talking about. Any period of time when you’re repressing a healthy and natural bodily function will create an imbalance and discomfort in your body.

I cannot say it enough – masturbation is healthy, beneficial and feels amazing.

If repressing it makes you feel good, healthy and satisfied, then that’s perfectly fine. But much more likely, it’ll leave you uncomfortable or suffering. Don’t do that to yourself!


10/ Masturbation is your choice

When it comes to your body and your self-pleasure practice, there’s no one size fits all approach. You need to work out what is best for you.

  • How often do you want to do it?
  • How long should you masturbate for?
  • Should you use toys or any props?
  • Should you enrol in courses to take your self-love time to the next level?
  • What position, what techniques, what routine to use?
  • Etc.

The best way forward here is experimentation, curiosity and an open mind. Once you find what you like, use it to enrich your experience. And remember, our genitals are the most sensitive area of the entire body – let’s use that fact to our advantage…

Helena Nista Sex Therapist
Hi! I'm Helena Nista

I help men, women, and couples experience deeper intimacy, more connected sex, and mind-blowing pleasure. Follow me on Social Media for more awesome Tantric tips, tricks, and techniques!

Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

Some of the most common messages that land in my inbox request information about penis size and about increasing both the length and the girth of the penis. And since so many people still feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about discussing any sexual matters, most people don’t actually know what a normal or average penis size is. Or when an increase is actually needed. Or what are the best methods to grow the size of the man’s penis.


AND what penis size women actually prefer!

According to studies, penis size is the biggest concern that men typically have about their genitals. This issue has grown in recent years together with the popularity of porn because male porn actors are often chosen for the role due to their abnormally large penises. This can create an unrealistic image in the mind of the viewer about what a normal, standard or average penis size is. And this distorted view can then lead to a sense of insecurity or even anxiety about one’s own genitalia.


On top of that, we also tend to be surrounded by a media hype that “bigger is better”. And huge majority of men who do wish to be larger, have actually perfectly normal penises to begin with.


So, how big is an average sized penis?


When it comes to a flaccid penis, the average length sits at 3.6 inches or 9.2 cm. And the average circumference is 4.6 inch or 11.6 cm. And for an erect penis, the average length is 5.2 inches or 13.1 cm. The average circumference when erect is 4.6 inches or 11.6 cm.


HUGE majority of men fall within the average size. So, if you haven’t measured yourself yet, it’s very likely that you have a normal / average sized penis. But do by all means perform the measurement and let me know in the comments below how you went!


Please also bear in mind that the average size extends at least 1cm in each direction, meaning that while 5.2 inches or 13.1 cm is an average length of an erect penis, most men fall within the range of 12.1 – 14.1 cm and they’re still considered average in size.


The extreme penises (both large and small) are very rare


On the larger side, only about 2.5% of men have penises that are larger than 6.9 inches or 17.5cm.


And on the smaller side of the spectrum are men with a penis smaller than 2.9 inches or 7.5cm. These are considered micropenises and account for less than 1% of the population.


So before you give in to the larger is better hype, measure yourself and check the facts. Because the ideas popularised by media can hurt your body image and your inner sense of satisfaction as a man  and as a lover.


And before I tell you how to make your penis larger (if that’s what you choose to do), let’s look at what women actually prefer.


Just as all penises are different and unique, so are vaginas. Some women have longer vaginal canals while many have reasonably short ones. An average vaginal canal is a little shorter than an average penis. So keep that in mind when dreaming about a giant penis. Most women will not be able to accommodate you and you’ll likely end up hurting them.


A lot of women in my sessions, talk about experiencing pain during intercourse. And that pain is caused by the head of the penis hitting the cervix which is the back wall of the vagina. On top of that some sexual activities are actually much easier to perform and enjoy with a smaller penis, like for example anal sex. Or deep throating.


So while your ego might be craving a boost of a large manhood, your woman will likely thank you for keeping things average in size. Painful sex caused by a large penis will not be pleasurable for her and make her lose interest in having intercourse with you.


Having said that, some women do have longer vaginal canals and can enjoy a larger penis very much! But even they tend to say that it’s mainly the girth or thickness of the penis that is responsible for most pleasure and not necessarily the length. This is because the vaginal walls love the pressure. Plus it’s the first THIRD of the vagina that is most rich in nerve endings and capable of producing most pleasure for your lady.


But if after all that, you’re still sure you want to look into penis enlargement options, let’s see what’s possible.


Penis enlargement methods 


There are surgical and non-surgical options. The non-surgical methods include penile extenders and vacuum erection devices that can be used at home. The idea here is to stretch the penis over time until it becomes permanently longer. However, according to men who have used them in the past, none or barely any increase was actually noticed.


So this kind of treatment can cost of a lot of time, effort and discomfort for no results whatsoever.


When it comes to surgical penis enlargement methods, you could opt for a phalloplasty which involves cutting the ligaments that attach the penis to the pubic bone in order to let the penis hang more outside of the body. Or there are also penile injections that are meant to increase the circumference of the penis.


A word of warning here – a lot of men who have undergone these procedures, report very low level satisfaction with the outcome. And many others have been actually disfigured and had required a follow-up surgery to correct issues like scarring, lumps on the penis and erections that point downwards rather than up.


I truly believe that when it comes to the size, shape and function of our bodies, nature knows best! So any attempts at correcting it, carry a lot of risk, in terms of ending up with something worse than you started with.

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Average Penis Size & How to Increase It

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Some of the most common messages that land in my inbox request information about penis size and about increasing both the length and the girth of the penis. And since so many people still feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about discussing any sexual matters, most...

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