When I work with couples, there is one matter that keeps arising in a majority of cases – the woman complains about the way her partner touches her. I keep hearing ‘he is too harsh’, ‘he hurts me’, ‘I don’t like having sex with him’, ‘I don’t like the way...
If you’ve been in a relationship before, you’ve probably noticed that with time, the spark and sizzle of a passionate connection reduces. Sometimes even disappears completely. So, what to do to keep that desire, passion and flame alive? Is it even possible? Keep reading because I’m going to explain all of that!
I have lost count a long time ago of how many times I’ve heard from my clients the phrase “We don’t have sex anymore”
A lot of couples come to see me with some version of this story: “we haven’t had sex in months”, or “we only have sex once every few months”, or “my partner never initiates and I’ve stopped trying too”.
So, what’s the problem? Why do we crave sex and have so much of it at the beginning but we seem to struggle with it further down the road? And is it possible to enjoy a frequent, intimate and orgasmic sex life in a long-term relationship?
Well, the answer is: yes, it absolutely is possible! However, it comes at a price…
Let me explain!
Most people assume that a hot sex life is a natural consequence of a loving relationship. But that’s incorrect! If that were true, there would be a lot less sexless marriages out there!
The story I hear most often is “we love each other very much… and we don’t have sex anymore”.
The real issue is that we stop trying
We de-prioritize our sex life and we let it stagnate. One of the biggest reasons for this problem is that very notion that passionate sex life should spontaneously follow from a romantic love.
The truth is – sexual passion is a result of a conscious decision. Long years of an erotic connection is something that we create. It’s extremely rare to have that kind of bond in your relationship naturally. Most of us have to work for it.
And there are 5 different things we should be paying a particular attention to:
1/ emotional connection
Take care of your emotional connection! There is a very strong link between how you relate emotionally and how you relate sexually. When the emotional connection suffers, so will the sex.
Any resentment, upset, sense of betrayal, etc. either of you holds against each other needs to be faced, addressed and processed properly. For some couples this might mean working with a qualified relationship therapist. So make sure to use them, that’s what they’re trained to do!
2/ being an individual
Stop defining yourself as a half of a whole. Stop spending every possible second with your sweetheart. Make sure to fully develop your identity as a full and whole human being, outside of your relationship.
What are your passions? Your hobbies? What do you enjoy doing without your partner? Make sure to focus on that, as well as focusing on your connection.
Because closeness increases love but kills passion. Whereas separateness grows your desire for each other.
3/ date each other
Having only spontaneous sex is a myth. A lot of people resist the idea of scheduling sex. But remember when you first met and you had a lot of hot fun together? What did you do back then?
You scheduled sex! You planned it, you arranged dates, you looked forward to it, you prepared for it, you wanted to make it special.
There was nothing spontaneous about it – it was planned and it was probably very satisfying.
So start taking each other on dates. Take turns and put one person in charge of everything. The partner in charge will plan and prepare everything as a gift to their lover. And next time, you’ll swap
4/ explore Tantra
I teach a lot of my clients different tantric techniques and rituals. Tantric practices are an incredibly beautiful way to grow the intimacy, connection and sensuality in your relationship.
Tantra also teaches men and women how to have better sex – how to make sex last much longer, how to resensitize your entire system for expanded, full-body energetic orgasms, how to be multi-orgasmic and how to enter states of trance like bliss and orgasmic merging together in bed.
So if you’re finding that your sex life is lacking something or that simply you’d love to take your bedroom connection to a whole new level, make sure to check out my Tantric Sex for Couples online course. Tantra is the most straightforward path towards better sex, stronger orgasms and deeper pleasure.
5/ be playful
Your sex life doesn’t need to be a serious matter. Have fun with it! Take a trip to a sex shop or eBay online and look for toys, outfits and accessories that you find exciting. Share your sexual fantasies with each other and discuss which ones of them you’d like to play out.
You might want to dance and strip for each other, have a pillow fight, play naked poker, give each other an erotic massage, have sex outdoors or play a doctor and a naughty nurse. It’s YOUR sex life and nobody gets to decide what it looks like but the two of you.
This is obviously just the tip of the iceberg of the topic of sexual passion and desire in relationships and I’ll be posting more on this topic soon.
Please also comment below and let me know which ones of my tips you’re going to try. I always respond personally to all of the comments and I can’t wait to read yours.