In that very moment, when I first encountered Tantra, I fell in love. I fell deeply and passionately in love with tantric philosophy and its tools and rituals. And I fell particularly strongly in love with tantric sex. So if you’re curious what Tantra is and how to...
In modern world, Tantra is becoming more and more mainstream
Which is amazing because its practices and teachings are truly life-changing. And I’ve definitely experienced first-hand the amazing magic and power of a tantric connection in the bedroom. Let me tell you a little more about that…
Before studying Tantra, I had a very mediocre sex life – I struggled to get aroused or to orgasm, I felt very disconnected from my lover and sex itself felt mostly uncomfortable or even painful. And I really wanted to change things! I really desired a passionate, hot, sexy, intimate connection with my lover but I had absolutely no tools or no insight about how to create that.
When I started learning about tantric sex, it felt like a revelation to me
I was finally getting answers to the questions I struggled with for so long:
- How to create delicious desire a deep passion in the bedroom,
- How to feel amazing, blissful pleasure in my body,
- How to reach high states of arousal and get dripping wet (or rock hard for the men),
- And how to have expansive, full-body multiple orgasms easily!
… among many other mind-blowing things.
So first of all, what is Tantra?
Tantra is an ancient philosophy that comes from India. We nowadays mostly associate it with sex but that’s not really correct. Tantra is a philosophy that embraces every single aspect of life and teaches us about the values of sacredness, specialness and mindfulness in everything we do. When we do things tantrically, we bring our full presence and awareness there. We’re fully in the here and now.
Not distracted, absentminded or trying to multitask but fully in the moment… whether that’s eating, working, having a conversation, drinking a cup of coffee… or having sex!
Because when you bring such intense presence into any activity, it allows you to experience everything as much more amazing, special and meaningful
There’s also a deep emphasis on sacredness. In Tantric sex, lovers worship, revere and honour each other. They see each other as divine and each other’s body as a temple of pleasure and delight.
So in Tantra, a lot IS about not particular things that you do but about HOW you do them. To live tantrically or to make love tantrically means at its essence to be mindful, to recognize the power of being in the now, to see and experience the specialness of each moment and to celebrate it with reverence. And in order to help you experience that for yourself, I’m going to give you a few practical pointers here.
So here are my tips:
1/ Sacred space
Turn your lovemaking into a ritual which starts with a sacred space. Tidy up your bedroom, decorate it with beautiful items, even a few extra comfy cushions or blankets will do. But you can go a little further and light some candles, put sensual music on, put on an incense stick or diffuse some essential oils and prepare some light snacks or drinks.
Bring also that sacredness to your intimate connection together. When you look at your partner, imagine that they’re an embodiment of a god or a goddess. When you touch them, do it with a deep sense of reverence and worship.
Before you even touch each other, sit down facing each other and take a few minutes to become present. Close your eyes, deepen your breathing and simply follow the flow of breath.
This will help you disconnect from the busyness of your day and will allow you to meet your partner in a deeper way.
3/ Remove goals
As part of being present, make sure to also remove any goals or agenda from your lovemaking. And this includes focusing on orgasm! As soon as we focus on orgasm, we’re not present anymore, we’re ahead of ourselves.
Tantric lovers actually forget about orgasm. This doesn’t mean that they don’t orgasm – quite the opposite. They orgasm abundantly, freely and effortlessly. Because instead of efforting towards that climax, they simply fall into expanded, blissful orgasmic states.
Using your breath consciously is a huge aspect of Tantra. Deep, abdominal breath spreads orgasmic energy so make sure to pay attention to the way you breathe.
We tend to constrict or hold the breath when we’re aroused so make sure to keep your breath slow, deep and relaxed.
5/ Slow down
And finally – slow down! It’s easy to lose yourself in the heat of the moment but these rushed erotic encounters are typically more disappointing than satisfying.
So train yourself to slow everything down. Extend the foreplay, keep teasing each other. Use plenty of kissing and slow, sensual strokes. Play with pleasure, arouse each other’s senses and keep your partner begging for more. And once penetration starts, remember that the more time you take and the more erotic charge you build up in the process, the more mind-blowing your orgasm will be!
And if you’e like to learn more about practicing Tantra in your own life and your bedroom, here are my powerful online courses, available world-wide:
COUPLES: Tantric Sex for Couples
According to the popular opinion in our society – men can only orgasm once at a time as each ejaculation is followed by a refractory period where he cannot get another erection. The refractory period varies from man to man, depending on his age, the state...