How to Have Tantric Sex

How to Have Tantric Sex

In that very moment, when I first encountered Tantra, I fell in love. I fell deeply and passionately in love with tantric philosophy and its tools and rituals. And I fell particularly strongly in love with tantric sex. So if you’re curious what Tantra is and how to start having tantric sex yourself, keep reading!

 

In modern world, Tantra is becoming more and more mainstream

 

Which is amazing because its practices and teachings are truly life-changing. And I’ve definitely experienced first-hand the amazing magic and power of a tantric connection in the bedroom. Let me tell you a little more about that…

 

Before studying Tantra, I had a very mediocre sex life – I struggled to get aroused or to orgasm, I felt very disconnected from my lover and sex itself felt mostly uncomfortable or even painful. And I really wanted to change things! I really desired a passionate, hot, sexy, intimate connection with my lover but I had absolutely no tools or no insight about how to create that.

 

 

When I started learning about tantric sex, it felt like a revelation to me

 

I was finally getting answers to the questions I struggled with for so long:

  • How to create delicious desire a deep passion in the bedroom,
  • How to feel amazing, blissful pleasure in my body,
  • How to reach high states of arousal and get dripping wet (or rock hard for the men),
  • And how to have expansive, full-body multiple orgasms easily!

… among many other mind-blowing things.

 

So first of all, what is Tantra?

 

Tantra is an ancient philosophy that comes from India. We nowadays mostly associate it with sex but that’s not really correct. Tantra is a philosophy that embraces every single aspect of life and teaches us about the values of sacredness, specialness and mindfulness in everything we do. When we do things tantrically, we bring our full presence and awareness there. We’re fully in the here and now.

 

Not distracted, absentminded or trying to multitask but fully in the moment… whether that’s eating, working, having a conversation, drinking a cup of coffee… or having sex!

 

Because when you bring such intense presence into any activity, it allows you to experience everything as much more amazing, special and meaningful

 

There’s also a deep emphasis on sacredness. In Tantric sex, lovers worship, revere and honour each other. They see each other as divine and each other’s body as a temple of pleasure and delight.

 

So in Tantra, a lot IS about not particular things that you do but about HOW you do them. To live tantrically or to make love tantrically means at its essence to be mindful, to recognize the power of being in the now, to see and experience the specialness of each moment and to celebrate it with reverence. And in order to help you experience that for yourself, I’m going to give you a few practical pointers here.

 

So here are my tips:

 

1/ Sacred space

Turn your lovemaking into a ritual which starts with a sacred space. Tidy up your bedroom, decorate it with beautiful items, even a few extra comfy cushions or blankets will do. But you can go a little further and light some candles, put sensual music on, put on an incense stick or diffuse some essential oils and prepare some light snacks or drinks.

 

Bring also that sacredness to your intimate connection together. When you look at your partner, imagine that they’re an embodiment of a god or a goddess. When you touch them, do it with a deep sense of reverence and worship.

 

2/ Presence

Before you even touch each other, sit down facing each other and take a few minutes to become present. Close your eyes, deepen your breathing and simply follow the flow of breath.

 

This will help you disconnect from the busyness of your day and will allow you to meet your partner in a deeper way.

 

3/ Remove goals

As part of being present, make sure to also remove any goals or agenda from your lovemaking. And this includes focusing on orgasm! As soon as we focus on orgasm, we’re not present anymore, we’re ahead of ourselves.

 

Tantric lovers actually forget about orgasm. This doesn’t mean that they don’t orgasm – quite the opposite. They orgasm abundantly, freely and effortlessly. Because instead of efforting towards that climax, they simply fall into expanded, blissful orgasmic states.

 

4/ Breath

Using your breath consciously is a huge aspect of Tantra. Deep, abdominal breath spreads orgasmic energy so make sure to pay attention to the way you breathe.

 

We tend to constrict or hold the breath when we’re aroused so make sure to keep your breath slow, deep and relaxed.

 

5/ Slow down

And finally – slow down! It’s easy to lose yourself in the heat of the moment but these rushed erotic encounters are typically more disappointing than satisfying.

 

So train yourself to slow everything down. Extend the foreplay, keep teasing each other. Use plenty of kissing and slow, sensual strokes. Play with pleasure, arouse each other’s senses and keep your partner begging for more. And once penetration starts, remember that the more time you take and the more erotic charge you build up in the process, the more mind-blowing your orgasm will be!

 

And if you’e like to learn more about practicing Tantra in your own life and your bedroom, here are my powerful online courses, available world-wide:

MEN: Tantric Mastery for Men

WOMEN: Orgasmic Empowerment for Women

COUPLES: Tantric Sex for Couples 

 

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How to Orgasm Without Ejaculation

How to Orgasm Without Ejaculation

Can men orgasm without ejaculation? Why would they want to do it? And what non-ejaculatory orgasms have to do with tantric orgasms and being a multi-orgasmic men? Don’t go anywhere because I’ve got it all here!

 

Let’s talk about ejaculation!

 

It’s highly pleasurable, it helps relieve stress and tension, it helps you sleep and medical doctors claim that it’s beneficial for the health of your prostate.

 

However, many men tell me about side effects of releasing semen and particularly when they’re releasing it frequently. For most men that climax of pleasure is followed by a sense of fatigue, being drained, by a foggy brain and lack of motivation.

 

Also, for most men ejaculation means the end of sexual intercourse because of the refractory period that prevents them from getting hard again for a while

 

This can be frustrating for many men who would love to be able to make love for much longer. The refractory period can last between a few minutes and a few days, depending on your age, health and overall wellbeing.

 

So what’s the alternative. Well, I’m glad that you asked!

 

According to tantric practitioners, any man can learn to separate the experience of orgasm from the experience of ejaculation. These two are in fact two separate phenomena that usually occur for men together.

 

Ejaculation is the pleasurable squirting of the semen while orgasm is a release of the arousal, of sexual energy that was built up during intercourse or masturbation

 

When a man is ejaculating, that external flow of semen, will typically pull all of his sexual energy out with it. This is why men typically lose a lot of energy during ejaculation and feel quite deflated afterwards.

 

However, when a man can orgasm without ejaculating, he can allow that delicious orgasmic force to implode internally inside of his body, giving him an experience of expanded, full-body ecstasy.

 

Orgasming without ejaculation means also that you as a man can keep going in bed for as long as you want because there’s no refractory period

 

You can keep your erection after each orgasm and you can keep penetrating your woman. This in turn is a true treat for your lady because most women struggle to orgasm or experience sexual satisfaction if the man can’t last long enough.

 

The biggest issue with experiencing full-body orgasms is the conditioning most men have around sex. Particularly porn trains us to think of ejaculation as a natural conclusion of a sexual experience.

 

I’ve even had some clients ask me in my sessions whether it’s harmful for them to NOT ejaculate during sex. And let me re-assure you – no, it’s not harmful at all. It might just be uncomfortable if you leave sexual energy in your pelvis, in your sex centre. Because that energy is potent and powerful and it’ll need to either be released externally or spread out internally through your body.

 

So what are non-ejaculatory orgasms and how to have them?

 

An orgasm without ejaculation, also known as an expanded orgasm, full-body orgasm, energy orgasm, valley orgasm or tantric orgasm, is a very blissful experience where your sexual energy is released internally in your body.

 

Imagine your erotic pleasure, the way you feel it in your cock when you’re hard and aroused. Imagine that electric, blissful energy spreading out and vibrating in your entire body. NOT with that pressing sense of urge to be released but with a sense of trance-like ecstasy.

 

Tantric men who learn to orgasm without ejaculation describe going into altered states of consciousness where the pleasure is so blissful and divine, that the ejaculation completely pales in comparison

 

In addition, full-body orgasms last much longer and leave you feeling nurtured, satisfied and deeply energized. They fuel your creativity, your clarity of thinking, your sense of masculine charisma and your wellbeing.

 

In order to have them, you need to learn to hold sexual energy in your body. So instead of thrusting quickly, forcefully or mechanically, slow down, notice all the pleasure and savour it in your body.

 

Here my video on Edging for Stronger orgasms will be very helpful so make sure to check it out!

 

And if you’re ready to go all the way and become a tantric lover yourself, you should definitely check out my Tantric Mastery for Men online course. It will teach you everything you need to know in order to last as long as you want, experience full-body non-ejaculatory orgasms and be a multi-orgasmic man.

 

But a few quick tips here are:

 

1/ don’t overstimulate your body,

Fast pace and friction will lead to high levels of excitement which will take you into ejaculation fairly quickly. So don’t overstimulate your body. Slow down the penetration, notice the sensations in your body, and enjoy the pleasure and arousal without needing to release it quickly.

 

2/ stop chasing orgasm

Forget the orgasm and enjoy sex for the sake of pleasure. There’s much more to intercourse than ejaculation so train yourself to keep noticing all the sensations, to stay connected to your body, to your partner and to your intimate experience together.

 

3/ relax the pelvic floor muscles

Tension holds sexual energy in your penis. So make sure to consciously relax your pelvic floor muscle in order to allow that energy to flow up through your entire body.

 

4/ breathe deeply

Deep breath with a sigh on the exhale… will help you feel more pleasure and will actively pull your arousal out of your genital area and into the rest of your body.

 

5/ feel your entire body

Make sure to also touch and caress the rest of your body. Or ask your lover to do that. As long as your attention is firmly kept in your cock, that’s where the sexual energy will stay. So make sure to pay attention to your entire system and feel all of your erogenous zones.

 

I hope that you loved this article and that it inspired you to experience non-ejaculatory orgasms for yourself as well. Please don’t forget to check out my online course Tantric Mastery for Men!

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Would you like to know how to give your man a perfect blow job? How to blow his mind and take him to heights of pleasure he’s never experienced before with anybody else? Then read till the end because I have some powerful tips and techniques for you…

 

I fairly often hear from my male clients that they don’t like getting blow jobs from their partners

 

And that in itself should blow your mind because men everywhere claim that there’s NOTHING better than a blow job. Or that even bad blow jobs are still a great experience.

 

However, it turns out that many men prefer to turn down an offer of oral sex from their partners. And let me tell you why! Because this is something that I was very curious about.

 

It turns out that a high percentage of women give very poor blow jobs

 

I actually had to do a bit of digging and questioning to get to the bottom of this issue because most men can’t quite put a finger on what a bad BJ actually means. So after questioning many men over the years – both my clients and lovers, I’m bringing you all the answers!

 

1/ enthusiasm

Way before I became a sex therapist, I had a casual lover who was once telling me about the amazing oral sex sessions he used to get from this particular lady. I became curious and asked him about details.

 

It turns out that she wasn’t using any particular technique or skill. She was simply really into it. It seemed that she absolutely loved giving head and her enthusiasm was making all the difference for him.

 

2/ make out with his penis

Techniques are great and I’ll get to them in a moment. But they really are a secondary thing when it comes to BJ’s. It’s much more about the mindset, about your approach to his cock and your attitude towards fellatio.

 

So next time you’re treating him to some oral sex, I want you to imagine that you’re making out with his cock. Just the way you would approach a very passionate, loving, amazing kiss with your beloved, kiss, lick and suck his cock in the same way.

 

3/ learn to enjoy it

The inside of your mouth is very sensitive and can enjoy a variety of sensations. Treat his penis as a beautiful treat you get to play with. Don’t do it just for his pleasure! Learn to love it, enjoy it and get amazing pleasure from it for yourself as well!

 

Some women can actually orgasm from deep throating! So let go of any resistant thoughts about giving a blow job and give it your all! So that YOU can enjoy it as well.

 

4/ deep throating

Which brings me to deep-throating. A lot of men absolutely love it so it’s a skill worth mastering.

 

Many women can struggle with the gag reflex when taking the penis all the way in but the more you relax your throat while breathing deeply, the easier this will get. And the feeling of his cock growing harder and harder in your mouth when you’re taking him in deep is just divine!

 

5/ forget the orgasm

This one might sound strange at first but I can’t stress enough how important it is! Most men that complain of bad blow jobs, tell me that their partners just try to get them off. And that sense of rush and pressure is in most cases very off-putting.

 

Many women resort to blow jobs or hand jobs when they’re not in a mood for sex. But stroking your partner for the sake of getting him off your back and getting him off quickly, just kills the mood and takes away the joy of this beautiful act.

 

So do it for the pleasure of it, take your time and slow the fuck down… or don’t do it at all. Forcing a sexual experience won’t serve either of you in the long-term.

 

6/ ask him what he likes

All men are different and all cocks are different. Don’t assume that your current lover will enjoy everything that your last partner did.

 

Ask questions. Say: “do you like it when I do this and this?”, “do you like when I suck your balls, tickle your perineum, lick your shaft, etc.?”, “what else do you enjoy, how can I make this more perfect for you?”.

 

Another little tip is to ask him to show you how he masturbates so you can see exactly his favourite pressure, speed and pleasure spots.

 

7/ look him in the eye

Men are very visual and like to watch the woman in the act of giving him oral sex. Looking back at him while sucking his cock can be extremely hot for both you and him!

 

8/ cover your teeth

Be careful and make sure to cover your teeth with your lips. Even a moment of pain can ruin his ecstatic blow job experience.

 

9/ introduce variety

It’s definitely fun to keep your mouth moving up and down the shaft of his penis but there are so many other things you can do!

 

Play with variety, keep alternating the speed of your movements, the depth of your oral stimulation.

 

Don’t forget that he’s got balls and that they also adore touch, either with your hands or mouth. You can lick them, suck them and caress them. Just make sure to check in how he likes it as the testicles can be very sensitive at times.

 

Be curious, keep experimenting, watch his responses and ask questions. That’s the best path towards the most masterful blow job of all time!

 

10/ use your hand

Use your hand to support the base of his penis while you’re using your mouth, lips and tongue to play with the head. You can also stroke his balls, his perineum and his anus with your fingers while your mouth is deliciously exploring his cock.

 

Final two points – remember that STI’s can also be transmitted through oral sex so use a condom if you’re with a casual lover.

 

And gentlemen, don’t forget that hygiene is of utmost importance when someone is giving you oral sex. Don’t put her off by an unfresh cock. Make sure that you’re clean, particularly the area of foreskin and the head.

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How to Overcome Porn Addiction

Porn addiction – what is it? How to know if you’re addicted? What to do about it? Is there a cure? How can you overcome it? Stick around – I’m going to address all of that!

 

I regularly work with men who struggle with porn use and porn addiction

 

Some men who come to see me are self-proclaimed addicts. Others simply want to learn to reduce their porn usage or to stop it completely.

 

And there are fairly consistent reasons for their desire to quit porn. These men mention feelings of shame and guilt, they tell me about the negative effects of porn on their sexual performance like premature ejaculation or erectile difficulty. Watching porn often affects their mood, their focus and their overall wellbeing. And on top of all that, their relationships often suffer.

 

I really want to point out here that porn in itself isn’t good or bad

 

Watching porn isn’t always harmful. Many couples can successfully use it to bring a new sizzle and spark into their bedroom routine, particularly in long-term relationships. Many single people can use it to create more pleasure, arousal and fun for themselves.

 

Porn is just a tool and all comes down to HOW we use it. If we use it in ways that negatively affect our lives and our relationships, then that becomes a problem. Plus, porn can be highly addictive which is why so many people struggle with it.

 

So first of all, how can you tell if you’re addicted to porn?

 

1/ tolerance to porn

Is your tolerance to porn increasing? Are you finding yourself spending more and more time watching porn? Or have you started seeking more shocking or extreme type of porn videos?

 

2/ withdrawal symptoms

How do you feel when you don’t watch porn for a while? Are you experiencing frustration, irritability, anxiety, do you struggle to focus or to remain clear-minded?

 

3/ controlling your use

Are you able to control your porn usage? Do you use it more than you’d ideally like to?

 

4/ your wellbeing

Is watching porn affecting your mood, your clarity of mind, your wellbeing, the quality of your sleep, your daily life, your effectiveness in performing tasks – both at home and at work?

 

5/ desire to cut down

Are you feeling disappointed with yourself? Are you experiencing a desire to cut down your porn watching habit?

 

6/ secrecy

Are you hiding your porn use from others in your life? Do you feel like you need to sneak around in order to watch porn?

 

If you answered ‘Yes’ to at least some of these questions, that means that you might have a problem. But don’t worry, there are different things that you can do about it!

 

I’m going to break down my tips into two groups. First of all, the mindset changes and shifts you can create to reduce or end your porn watching habit. And secondly, practical things you can do while you’re watching porn which will help you wean yourself off porn over time.

 

A/ the mindset

 

So whenever you feel tempted to watch porn, think about how you will feel afterwards. Because yes, porn will give you a temporary pleasure, but it will probably make you feel shit about yourself afterwards.

 

Is it worth it? Is giving in to porn worth the shame, guilt, headache, low mood, foggy brain, poor sleep, etc? Or will you be better off walking away from it?

 

Also remember that the more you walk away from porn, the easier it will become to leave it. This is because you’ll start forming and strengthening new neural connections in your brain, allowing you to more easily give up the porn watching habit.

 

Make sure to also create more rewarding habits in your life to replace porn. Ultimately, you reach for porn because you want that hit of dopamine, of pleasure. Because you’re feeling low, stressed, lonely, depressed, etc. in the moment.

 

And porn offers a quick fix. However, you can reach for other rewarding behaviours like exercise, catching up with a friend, watching an entertaining movie, investing in self-improvement books, articles, workshops, etc.

 

All these things will also give you pleasure, but without the heavy burden of a bad mood, poor sleep or lower quality relationships in your life. So it’s a matter of swapping certain habits and behaviours (in this case watching porn) for other habits that will increase your wellbeing and make you feel good about yourself.

 

B/ new way to watch porn

 

If you can quit porn cold turkey, then good on you! This second part won’t concern you. However, if you’re struggling with that radical approach and you’re still finding yourself giving in to pornography, here are some tips to wean you off porn over time.

 

1/ stand up

People usually watch porn while laying or sitting down. This means that they cannot really move their bodies much. So you’re going to do something different. You’re going to stand up and place your phone or laptop at the level of your face. This will allow you to actually move your entire body as you’re masturbating.

 

2/ conscious breath

Stay connected to your body. Instead of losing yourself in the images on your screen, use your breath to stay connected to the sensations in your body. Make sure to make your breath deeper, slower, more relaxed. A conscious breath will help you stay more embodied.

 

3/ shift your attention

Every few minutes, pause the porn movie, turn away from the screen and continue masturbating, while paying a close attention to the pleasure in your body. After 5 breaths or so, you can come back to watching porn.

 

Part of the problem with porn is that it puts us in a sort of a trance, numbs us down and pulls us away from reality

 

This is why this alternating approach – where you’re moving your attention between porn on the screen and the physical sensations in your body – will start to retrain and recondition your body and mind to stay in your physical reality.

 

Over time, try to reduce the amount of time you’re watching porn in each session and keep increasing the amount of time you’re pausing porn and masturbating without it. This is a very powerful approach to help you let go of the need to watch porn.

 

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I recently talked about how often you should be having sex. And today I want to discuss the ideal duration of a sexual intercourse. Do you wonder what’s normal or standard? How long do other people have sex for? And how you compare to that?

 

I feel like first of all we need to define sex

 

What are we actually talking about here – when does sex begin and when does it end. What exactly is the picture in your mind when you hear the word “sex”? Is it the penis-in-the-vagina penetration alone? What about foreplay? And the cuddling afterwards? And what if you decide to have sex again. Is that two separate experiences or one extended sexual encounter?

 

So the statistics shared by the sexological community typically refer to the penetration alone. And the average duration of sexual intercourse viewed from that perspective is… 5.4 minutes. So that’s 5.4 mins from the moment of putting the penis inside the vagina, to the point of ejaculation.

 

The problem is that this length of time is typically described by women as insufficient for sexual satisfaction

 

Women on average need 4 times longer to orgasm than men do. So if she’s hoping to orgasm from penetration alone, her chances might not be that great if he cannot last longer.

 

And the truth here is that you need to find your own sweet spot when it comes to your relationship – your own perfect situation that will create this lovely feeling of satisfaction and intimate nourishment for both partners. Most people describe sex that lasts under 5 mins as too short. To many other people intercourse that goes for more than 15 mins is seen as too long. Others still can go on for hours and will cherish every moment of it.

 

So what is actually desirable for you and for your partner?

 

And here it’s also good to be clear on our desires relating to the entire sexual experience, as opposed to just the penetration alone.

 

So how much foreplay do you both desire? What exactly should happen during foreplay to give you both pleasure and a good level of arousal? How long should that part go for? And once penetration starts, can you both move freely between penetrative and non-penetrative sex? Or do you both prefer to keep going until some sort of conclusion occurs?

 

What does that conclusion look like?

 

Is it his ejaculation? Or are you not done until both partners have orgasmed?

 

And this is not to say that your sexual encounter should be the same each time. Sometimes it’s great to have a long, sensual experience full of teasing and playfulness. At other times a quickie is exactly what you both need and desire.

 

But the main point here is to recognize your own desires and to honour them, together with your partner’s desires

 

Which brings me to 2 significant issues that most couples need to address – his ability to last longer and her ability to have orgasms in order to derive much more satisfaction from sex.

 

Let’s first talk about men…

 

Gentlemen, if you feel like you struggle to last as long as you would like to, please be aware that you can train your body to last longer. It’s fairly simple and anybody can do it.

 

I talk about that topic in much more detail in my Tantric Mastery for Men course. But you can start by watching my video TANTRIC SECRET TO LAST LONGER IN BED.

 

And ladies…

 

If you’re currently struggling to orgasm during sex, then please be aware that there are different powerful tools and techniques that can help you re-sensitize your body for much more pleasure, sensuality and for deeper, more amazing orgasms.

 

And I talk in depth about that in my Orgasmic Empowerment for Women course. But for now you might want to start with my video GUIDE TO FEMALE ORGASM. And if on top of that struggle to orgasm, you also experience pain or discomfort during sex, then make sure to check out my video 4 STEPS TO DE-ARMOUR YOUR VAGINA.

 

Look, great, satisfying sex that lasts exactly as long as you both need and desire is a tricky goal

 

But you can both do a lot to come much closer to creating this kind of amazing sexual experiences in your bedroom much more often if you choose to educate yourself on the topic of sex and if you’re willing to invest some time and energy into your sex life.

 

I share regular articles and videos on the topic of great sex so make sure to take a stroll through my YouTube channel and watch whichever videos pique your interest.

 

Please also comment below to let me know your thoughts and your reaction to the 5.4min average of sexual intercourse. Do you think that’s long or short?

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