How Often Should You Have Sex

How Often Should You Have Sex

Have you ever wondered how often you should be having sex? What’s normal? What’s standard? What’s recommended by sex therapists? If you have, you’re not alone! I’ve heard that question from my clients many, many times over the years and in this article, I have some answers for you.

I guess a lot of people wonder about some sort of “standard” in sex

How often should you do it, what should it look like, what makes for the most satisfying erotic experience and what to do to have the best orgasms.

I know that I was wondering that myself for many years. To be honest I received zero sexual education when I was young. I didn’t even get the “condom on the banana” talk. I knew absolutely nothing and I entered the world of sex truly clueless.

As a teenager, I was slowly learning from TV, from my friends in school and eventually from my interactions with men. But it was a bit like the blind leading the blind because others knew little more than I did. And the information I was receiving was mostly incorrect and misleading.

It’s such a shame that sexuality in modern world is covered with such thick layer of shame, guilt, embarrassment and inhibitions

How something so beautiful, intimate and nurturing can be perceived as so wrong and inappropriate?! It’s beyond me but that in itself is a topic for a whole different article.

So the answer to the question: how often you should have sex is simple – as often as you want to.

When I work with clients in my sessions, before I recommend anything, I always ask them what they actually want and desire in their sex lives. We’re all unique and our sex drive or a level of sexual activity that will bring us most joy, nourishment and pleasure depends on a variety of factors.

There’s no such thing as a “recommended frequency of sex” 

Every couple is different. The best way to look at it is: what do you and your partner desire? What level of sexual closeness and connection do you need in order to feel loved and cared for in your relationship?

For some people that’s sexual intercourse every day. For others, it’s once a week, once a month, etc. Other people still see sex as a chore or a nuisance and delegate it to only big, significant occasions in their lives.

And it’s all good and fine as long as you or your partner are not experiencing sexual frustration or resentment about your sexual connection. The moment the frustration starts, that’s where the problems begin and that’s where I come in with my professional help and expertise.

And by the way – how often do you want to have sex?

Are you clear on your answer to this question? Do you know where your partner stands on this issue? Let me know your number in comments below.

I actually released a video recently on the topic of “Do women like sex”. The video’s been really popular so far because it addresses 5 main factors that determine women’s desire for frequent sex. So make sure to check it out as well!

And if you’re finding that your sex life is getting infrequent and sort of boring or routine, have a look also at my Tantric Sex for Couples online course that will teach you how to infuse your intimate connection with more passion and desire.

So I guess our last question remains – what to do when there’s a conflict between your desired frequency of sex and that of your partner.

What if these numbers are different

And trust me, they probably will be because it’s hard to get together with someone who’s sex drive matches yours exactly.

But don’t worry, if your numbers are different, you’re not doomed. You simply need to create a win-win situation where you’re aware of your own needs and desires related to a more or less frequent sex. And you’re also aware of your partner’s preferences.

Once you’re both clear on that, you can work out a situation that works best for both of you. And here, my Tantric Sex for Couples online course can really help by introducing much more excitement, passion, joy and connection to your bedroom activities.

Because some couples simply need a bit more thinking outside of the box in order to bring back that spark and sizzle of a frequent and fulfilling sexual bond

 

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Do Women Like Sex

Do Women Like Sex

When I work with couples, an issue that arises very often is that the female partner loses her sex drive and her interest in sex. This is obviously not the case of every single couple, however, this comes up often enough to wonder what is really behind it. And whether women actually like sex.

I guess the topic of female sexual desire and her sex drive is very close to my heart

In many of my past relationships, I was the one who was struggling to keep up with my partner’s libido. It seemed that he frequently wanted sex and that not a lot of things could reduce his desire for a regular intercourse.

For me, however, things were much more tricky. For a variety of reasons, I would struggle to desire sex or to feel aroused in the act. And since arousal and lubrication are very important components of a satisfying intercourse, I would often experience pain or discomfort during sex, which then was making it even more difficult for me to desire it. And so it was a bit of a vicious cycle in that way.

So do women actually like sex? Or do they prefer to forget all about it?

The short answer is – yes, women do like sex. More than that – they have a deep capacity to love sex and to enjoy incredibly mind-blowing orgasms (some say that even much stronger than male orgasms).

In fact, woman’s body is deeply sensual and her erotic potential is rich, multi-layered and blissful. But! There is a number of factors that need to be taken into account here.

1/ Emotional connection 

In any romantic relationship, sexual connection is very strongly linked to the emotional connection between partners. It’s tricky to want to have sex if at the same time you’re thinking “He wants to have sex with me after what he did?”.

Accumulating resentment is something that happens in all relationships and if we don’t address these emotional issues, they’re only going to get deeper. This is why taking care of your emotional connection first is an absolute must to nurture and cultivate a healthy and passionate intimacy in the bedroom.

This means talking about any emotional hurt or disconnect. It means actively taking care of your partner’s needs to create a deep sense that you both are there for each other, no matter what. When that kind of connection is nourished and maintained, it’ll be much easier for her to feel sexual desire for you.

2/ Inhibitions

Most modern women grew up with some kind of unhealthy conditioning around sex. Many women still believe that there’s something inherently wrong about wanting, desiring or enjoying sex. There’s that unhealthy disconnect between a woman being a wife / mother and a sexual goddess.

While the truth is that women can be both at the same time. She doesn’t need to repress her lust or eroticism in order to play well her role in the family. But women need to recognize that first in order to overcome the conditioning.

3/ Sexual trauma

About 1 in 5 women has experienced sexual abuse at some point in her life. And almost all women know closely someone who is a victim of sexual assault. Sexual wounding and trauma, whether physical, emotional, spiritual or mental can leave a powerful mark on the victim for many, many years which will keep interfering with her healthy sexual expression.

Sexual trauma can be treated but in most cases it will require a support of a qualified therapist. So it’s crucial to understand the possible impact of her past on her current libido and sex drive.

4/ Lack of self-knowledge

A lot of women don’t actually understand their own bodies and needs when it comes to their sexuality. Many women have watched porn and try to have sex like men. Which is a problem because women and men are different when it comes to their sexual response.

On top of that, these women don’t know what to ask for in bed and they get poor quality sex. And so when their male lovers don’t understand how to truly satisfy a woman and simply concentrate on their own needs or on how they as men want to have sex, this just creates a very unfulfilling experience for a woman.

5/ Not enough self-activation

What’s connected with that is the fact that many women don’t masturbate consciously or don’t masturbate at all. And hence, they don’t understand their own erogenous zones or how to activate them.

While women who regularly touch and explore their bodies, who take the time to self pleasure, to fully active their erotic potential, women who can give themselves full-body, expanded, blissful orgasms, these women can have much more fulfilling sex with their male partners. These women know what to ask for, they know what they need and so they can create sexual experiences that are deeply satisfying and nurturing for them.

Please let me know in comments below if you resonate with this topic and what your experiences have been when it comes to women’s sex drive, whether you’re a man or a woman. I’m very curious to hear if you’ve ever struggled with sexual desire and what you did about it.

 

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5 Powerful Tips to Talk Dirty to Your Partner

5 Powerful Tips to Talk Dirty to Your Partner

Dirty talk or sexy talk in the bedroom can be an incredible turn-on for a lot of people. However, most of us don’t actually do it because we’re not certain how to. So, I’m going to give you very simple tips and techniques to drive your lover crazy using just your words!

When I was younger, I was never into talking dirty in bed 

I wasn’t into talking in bed – period. Once the sexy action started, all you would hear from me would be an occasional moan. Or a giggle. That’s it!

All of that changed in my late 20s, when I got together with a particularly talkative lover. It was a casual affair but lasted for at least 6 months because we really liked each other and sex was really good.

And he always talked in bed

It seemed so natural and effortless to him. Like, he didn’t even have to think about it, he didn’t have to wonder what to say. He would just speak. And I could clearly tell that it was giving him a lot of pleasure and increasing his turn-on.

And he would ask me to speak as well. And a great thing about him was that he would help me out in the beginning. He knew that I wasn’t used to talking dirty so he was happy to help. He would say things like “Tell me (this or that)”, “Tell me how wet you are, tell me how great my cock feels inside of you”, etc.

He taught me a lot not just about talking dirty but also about making it fun and truly enjoying myself in the process

I actually learned how to get turned on by dirty talk – whether it was me who was speaking or my lover.

So if talking dirty is something you’d like to try or learn how to do masterfully, here are my 5 top tips for hot sexy talk:

1/ Say what you want

Telling your partner what you want can be a true turn-on. This will be particularly hot when it’s something you’re authentically desiring, something that truly excites you. This also helps them give you more pleasure since you’re clearly expressing your desires that they can then fulfil. This can be things like:

“I want to ravish you.”

“I can’t wait to taste on you my lips.”

“I want you inside of me.” Or “I want to be inside of you.”

“I want you to come all over me.”

“I want you to spank my bum, while you’re putting that big hard cock of yours deep in my pussy.”

2/ Say what you’re going to do

Before you do something, tell your partner what you’re going to do to them. When you’re talking about things that are about to happen, you’re actually increasing the hotness of the moment for both of you by creating an anticipation of these yummy things to come. For example:

“I’m going to suck you and lick you until you’re hot and ready to explode.”

“I’m going to make you scream with pleasure.”

“Relax and let me take care of you.”

“I’m going to tease you until you can’t take it any longer.”

3/ Say what you’re feeling

The next easy way to talk dirty is to simply express what you’re feeling in the moment. The more descriptive you are about things that are actually happening in the moment, the better this will work. This can be things like:

“This feels so fucking amazing!” “I’m getting so turned on” “I’m dripping wet for you”

“I love it when you squeeze your pussy around me like that”

“Your cock feels so incredibly good inside of me!”

“You lick my pussy so good!”

“I could spend all day between your legs.”

4/ Say what you love about them

Tell your lover what’s really yummy and delicious about them – about how they look, about their scent, about how their touch and body feels on your skin, what you love about them as your lover, etc. For example:

“You have such perfect cock” or “You have such perfect pussy.”

“You taste so good, baby”

“You fuck me so well, you’re an incredible lover.”

“You look so sexy right now”

“I love the sounds you’re making”

5/ Use their trigger words

As a bonus tip, chances are there are particular words, body parts, expressions or activities that are a special turn-on for your lover. So make sure to use them, to speak in a way that is most customized for your partner’s desires and preferences.

If you’re not sure what they are, start listening to your partner closely when they talk about your sex life. Or even ask them about their specific fantasies or about things they’d enjoy hearing from you in bed.

 

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10 Tips for a Mind-Blowing Prostate Massage

10 Tips for a Mind-Blowing Prostate Massage

Are you curious how to give your man an exquisite prostate massage? Or are you a man who wants to know more about pleasurable stimulation of the anus – both externally and internally?

A lot of my male clients ask me about the stimulation of the prostate 

It seems that men really want to know more and want to be able to explore it and experience it with their lovers. But since it’s a topic covered with a lot of shame and embarrassment, it’s not easy to find quality information about it.

Many men worry that enjoying anal stimulation might make them gay. Others feel ashamed to mention such a desire to their partners. Others still worry about potential pain or discomfort caused by anal touch. And I feel that it’s important to acknowledge your potential concerns and worries. And then the next step is to look more closely into them.

Because the truth is that every single person has a sensitive anus

There is a high concentration of nerve endings there, meaning that anal touch can be really pleasurable or even orgasmic for anyone – whether you’re a man, a woman, a non-binary person, whether you identify as straight, gay or subscribe to any other sexual orientation.

And once we understand that pleasurable anal stimulation is natural, healthy and fun, we can move on to actually exploring it. So here are my 10 tips for an amazing prostate massage:

1/ Cut your nails

Ladies or gentlemen performing anal touch on your lover, make sure to keep your nails short. This is very important! The tissue lining the anus both internally and externally is very sensitive and even a little scratch can be very unpleasant for your partner. You can even use nitrile gloves for extra protection in case your fingers are rough or nails are a bit longer.

2/ Have an enema

The recipient of the prostate massage may opt for an enema or a douche in order to rinse the inside of the anal canal. This is not necessary but might make you feel more comfortable if you’re worried about traces of faeces.

As an extra tip, the nitrile gloves I mentioned in my previous point will also protect you – the giver of the prostate massage – in case you encounter faecal matter inside the rectum, which is not uncommon.

3/ Relax your partner

Don’t rush your prostate massage. Take your time and make sure that your partner is truly relaxed first. This way the entire experience will be much more pleasurable for them. So lay them down comfortably on either their back or stomach and massage their entire body gently and lovingly.

4/ Relax the anus

Anal sphincters located at the entrance of the anal canal are meant to keep everything moving out. So as soon as something is introduced from the outside, they’ll tense up to stop the intrusion which can make anal touch painful or uncomfortable.

You can actually convince these sphincters to stay open by massaging, stroking and caressing the anus externally first. Please make sure to use some kind of lubricant here to make sure you don’t hurt your partner – a coconut oil works particularly well.

Here are a few ways to massage that anus externally:

  • Gently holding still
  • Vibrating
  • Brushing past the anal opening with your fingers
  • Massaging it in circles
  • Opening up the anus by spreading the muscles, you can actually use both thumbs here
  • You can also do it by alternating the fingers
  • Applying the door bell motion
  • Tapping
  • Blowing on it, particularly when you’re gently spreading the muscles
  • Using the edge of your hand and going up and down

All of these different strokes will keep relaxing the anus so take your time here and don’t rush.

5/ Internal massage

Once your partner’s anus is fully relaxed, you can begin the internal massage. First simply introduce just the tip of your finger inside and hold it there. This is where the sphincters are so you can also ascertain here just how open and ready the anus is.

If you’re sensing tension, use your words to gently guide your partner to relax these muscles. They might be unaware of the tension and your guidance can be very helpful.

Next, start applying gentle pressure on the sphincters in 4 directions, going down, to the side, up and to the other side. Make sure to hold each one of these points for at least a minute. You can also generally massage and caress the sphincters here.

6/ Go deeper!

When you feel like your partner is ready for more, allow your finger to slide a bit deeper, maybe just past your first knuckle. And again, stretch the area in 4 directions, massage, be gentle, patient and loving here.

When you can introduce your finger even deeper, up to about the second knuckle, you’ll be able to massage the prostate. Prostate is a walnut-sized gland located below the bladder. You can sense it with your finger when pressing into the front wall of the rectum, towards the belly of your partner.

Feel free to explore this area and massage it up and down along the prostate gland, or in circles or to each side (to the left and right of the prostate). Experiment with different pressure, speed and depth of your touch.

7/ Penis massage

If your partner is lying on his back or on his side, adding some gentle stimulation of the penis can be very pleasurable here. But don’t stroke him hard and fast. You don’t want to make him ejaculate. You simply want to enhance his prostate massage.

8/ Communicate

Point number 8 is really crucial and it’s to stay in communication with your partner.

Everybody is different and they respond differently to anal touch and prostate massage. So stay sensitive to your partner’s needs, keep enquiring about how they’re feeling and about parts of the massage that they enjoy most.

9/ Toys

Your partner might enjoy it even more if you include a toy or two in your massage. There is a variety of anal toys available on the market so make sure to explore them and purchase the ones that pique your interest.

Vibrating toys gently applied externally to the anal opening can induce particularly strong pleasure sensations.

10/ Aftercare

When you’re finished with your massage, cover your partner with a sheet and stay right next to him. Don’t go anywhere, don’t leave his side! Give him as much time as he needs to stay in this blissful state and to fully integrate the entire experience.

Once he’s ready to open his eyes and speak, offer him your loving attention. He might want to talk about his experience, he might want a cuddle, he might want a drink… make sure to take a good care of him as he might be feeling raw and vulnerable at this point.

So there you have it, a complete guide to giving your partner a safe, pleasurable and blissful prostate massage 

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Stronger Orgasms with Edging

Stronger Orgasms with Edging

What if I told you that there is a technique that will make your orgasms 10 times stronger every time? And that you can use it both on yourself and on your lover, in order to give them truly mind-blowing experiences in the bedroom as well? If that sounds good, please stick around because I’m going to tell you how to do exactly that!

I first heard of edging many years ago when I started studying Tantra and great sex

Back then I was still struggling to have orgasms and when I did manage to have them, it was usually when I was placing a vibrator on my clitoris. Due to high intensity of the stimulation that the vibrators provide, I would usually come really quickly but the orgasm itself was always quite disappointing, almost non-existent.

I had no idea back then what a difference slowing down would make. It turns out that the best orgasms aren’t the ones that we reach quickly but the ones where a lot of time is taken to build up enough arousal and sexual energy.

In the mainstream world, people tend to think that the best lover is the one who takes his partner to orgasm quickly. However, in Tantra it’s quite the opposite. The best lover is the one that teases the partner and stimulates them pleasurably and makes them wild with desire before they let them reach that orgasmic peak.

These tantric lovers all use a technique called edging

The way edging works is quite simple – you come to the edge of orgasm and then you back away. So you don’t let yourself (or your partner) orgasm and you keep coming to that edge many times before you finally climax. I’m going to tell you first how to do it alone and then how to do that with your lover.

1/ Edging alone

When you’re masturbating, make sure to pleasurably stimulate yourself until you come close to an orgasm. Do not orgasm yet though! When you’re close, take your hands away from your genitals, relax your entire body and take at least 10 deep, abdominal breaths while touching and caressing the rest of your body.

When you’re breathing deeply, your sexual energy is being pulled out of your genital area and distributed throughout your body. This means that the intensity of arousal will reduce but the lovely sensations will start to spread out.

At that point, after 10 breaths, you can start stimulating your genital area again. Keep going until you get close to your edge again and then stop, take your hands away and breathe deeply – again about 10 breaths should do it. Once your arousal reduces, resume genital stimulation.

So what you’re doing here is you’re brining yourself up to a high level of arousal and then you’re coming back down. Then coming up again and then back down. Try to do this at least 5 times before you let yourself reach climax. And when you do, prepare for a mind-blowing, expanded, blissful experience.

When you take the time to build up enough sexual energy, the resulting orgasm will be much stronger than if you were only to stimulate yourself for a few minutes

2/ Edging with a lover

When you’re playing with your partner and you want to use edging on them, this will be a little bit more tricky because you won’t always know how close to the orgasm they are. This is why it’s helpful to ask them to let you know where they’re at. I find that simply raising their hand when they’re close to the edge is enough for me to know when I should stop the stimulation of their genitalia.

So once your partner is highly aroused, it’s time to spread out their sexual energy. So, instruct them to breathe deeply while you’re touching and massaging their chest, arms, belly and legs. After they take about 10 deep breaths, you can resume the genital touch. Keep going until you bring them to the edge at least 5 times!

This technique is truly mind-blowing and particularly when I use it on a new lover, it completely blows their socks off. I find that most people have no idea how strong, powerful and satisfying their orgasms can be.

But! The big secret is taking your time, using the edging and stimulating as much sexual energy and arousal in their body as possible

Then you’re pretty much guaranteed to rock their world once you let them reach that climax.

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