How Often Should You Have Sex

How Often Should You Have Sex

Have you ever wondered how often you should be having sex? What’s normal? What’s standard? What’s recommended by sex therapists? If you have, you’re not alone! I’ve heard that question from my clients many, many times over the years and in this article, I have some answers for you.

I guess a lot of people wonder about some sort of “standard” in sex

How often should you do it, what should it look like, what makes for the most satisfying erotic experience and what to do to have the best orgasms.

I know that I was wondering that myself for many years. To be honest I received zero sexual education when I was young. I didn’t even get the “condom on the banana” talk. I knew absolutely nothing and I entered the world of sex truly clueless.

As a teenager, I was slowly learning from TV, from my friends in school and eventually from my interactions with men. But it was a bit like the blind leading the blind because others knew little more than I did. And the information I was receiving was mostly incorrect and misleading.

It’s such a shame that sexuality in modern world is covered with such thick layer of shame, guilt, embarrassment and inhibitions

How something so beautiful, intimate and nurturing can be perceived as so wrong and inappropriate?! It’s beyond me but that in itself is a topic for a whole different article.

So the answer to the question: how often you should have sex is simple – as often as you want to.

When I work with clients in my sessions, before I recommend anything, I always ask them what they actually want and desire in their sex lives. We’re all unique and our sex drive or a level of sexual activity that will bring us most joy, nourishment and pleasure depends on a variety of factors.

There’s no such thing as a “recommended frequency of sex” 

Every couple is different. The best way to look at it is: what do you and your partner desire? What level of sexual closeness and connection do you need in order to feel loved and cared for in your relationship?

For some people that’s sexual intercourse every day. For others, it’s once a week, once a month, etc. Other people still see sex as a chore or a nuisance and delegate it to only big, significant occasions in their lives.

And it’s all good and fine as long as you or your partner are not experiencing sexual frustration or resentment about your sexual connection. The moment the frustration starts, that’s where the problems begin and that’s where I come in with my professional help and expertise.

And by the way – how often do you want to have sex?

Are you clear on your answer to this question? Do you know where your partner stands on this issue? Let me know your number in comments below.

I actually released a video recently on the topic of “Do women like sex”. The video’s been really popular so far because it addresses 5 main factors that determine women’s desire for frequent sex. So make sure to check it out as well!

And if you’re finding that your sex life is getting infrequent and sort of boring or routine, have a look also at my Tantric Sex for Couples online course that will teach you how to infuse your intimate connection with more passion and desire.

So I guess our last question remains – what to do when there’s a conflict between your desired frequency of sex and that of your partner.

What if these numbers are different

And trust me, they probably will be because it’s hard to get together with someone who’s sex drive matches yours exactly.

But don’t worry, if your numbers are different, you’re not doomed. You simply need to create a win-win situation where you’re aware of your own needs and desires related to a more or less frequent sex. And you’re also aware of your partner’s preferences.

Once you’re both clear on that, you can work out a situation that works best for both of you. And here, my Tantric Sex for Couples online course can really help by introducing much more excitement, passion, joy and connection to your bedroom activities.

Because some couples simply need a bit more thinking outside of the box in order to bring back that spark and sizzle of a frequent and fulfilling sexual bond

 

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10 Tips for a Mind-Blowing Prostate Massage

10 Tips for a Mind-Blowing Prostate Massage

Are you curious how to give your man an exquisite prostate massage? Or are you a man who wants to know more about pleasurable stimulation of the anus – both externally and internally?
 
A lot of my male clients ask me about the stimulation of the prostate 
 
It seems that men really want to know more and want to be able to explore it and experience it with their lovers. But since it’s a topic covered with a lot of shame and embarrassment, it’s not easy to find quality information about it.
 
Many men worry that enjoying anal stimulation might make them gay. Others feel ashamed to mention such a desire to their partners. Others still worry about potential pain or discomfort caused by anal touch. And I feel that it’s important to acknowledge your potential concerns and worries. And then the next step is to look more closely into them.
 
Because the truth is that every single person has a sensitive anus
 
There is a high concentration of nerve endings there, meaning that anal touch can be really pleasurable or even orgasmic for anyone – whether you’re a man, a woman, a non-binary person, whether you identify as straight, gay or subscribe to any other sexual orientation.
 
And once we understand that pleasurable anal stimulation is natural, healthy and fun, we can move on to actually exploring it. So here are my 10 tips for an amazing prostate massage:
 

 
1/ Cut your nails
 
Ladies or gentlemen performing anal touch on your lover, make sure to keep your nails short. This is very important! The tissue lining the anus both internally and externally is very sensitive and even a little scratch can be very unpleasant for your partner. You can even use nitrile gloves for extra protection in case your fingers are rough or nails are a bit longer.
 
2/ Have an enema
 
The recipient of the prostate massage may opt for an enema or a douche in order to rinse the inside of the anal canal. This is not necessary but might make you feel more comfortable if you’re worried about traces of faeces.
 
As an extra tip, the nitrile gloves I mentioned in my previous point will also protect you – the giver of the prostate massage – in case you encounter faecal matter inside the rectum, which is not uncommon.
 
3/ Relax your partner
 
Don’t rush your prostate massage. Take your time and make sure that your partner is truly relaxed first. This way the entire experience will be much more pleasurable for them. So lay them down comfortably on either their back or stomach and massage their entire body gently and lovingly.
 
4/ Relax the anus
 
Anal sphincters located at the entrance of the anal canal are meant to keep everything moving out. So as soon as something is introduced from the outside, they’ll tense up to stop the intrusion which can make anal touch painful or uncomfortable.
 
You can actually convince these sphincters to stay open by massaging, stroking and caressing the anus externally first. Please make sure to use some kind of lubricant here to make sure you don’t hurt your partner – a coconut oil works particularly well.
 
Here are a few ways to massage that anus externally:
 

  • Gently holding still
  • Vibrating
  • Brushing past the anal opening with your fingers
  • Massaging it in circles
  • Opening up the anus by spreading the muscles, you can actually use both thumbs here
  • You can also do it by alternating the fingers
  • Applying the door bell motion
  • Tapping
  • Blowing on it, particularly when you’re gently spreading the muscles
  • Using the edge of your hand and going up and down

 
All of these different strokes will keep relaxing the anus so take your time here and don’t rush.
 
5/ Internal massage
 
Once your partner’s anus is fully relaxed, you can begin the internal massage. First simply introduce just the tip of your finger inside and hold it there. This is where the sphincters are so you can also ascertain here just how open and ready the anus is.
 
If you’re sensing tension, use your words to gently guide your partner to relax these muscles. They might be unaware of the tension and your guidance can be very helpful.
 
Next, start applying gentle pressure on the sphincters in 4 directions, going down, to the side, up and to the other side. Make sure to hold each one of these points for at least a minute. You can also generally massage and caress the sphincters here.
 
6/ Go deeper!
 
When you feel like your partner is ready for more, allow your finger to slide a bit deeper, maybe just past your first knuckle. And again, stretch the area in 4 directions, massage, be gentle, patient and loving here.
 
When you can introduce your finger even deeper, up to about the second knuckle, you’ll be able to massage the prostate. Prostate is a walnut-sized gland located below the bladder. You can sense it with your finger when pressing into the front wall of the rectum, towards the belly of your partner.
 
Feel free to explore this area and massage it up and down along the prostate gland, or in circles or to each side (to the left and right of the prostate). Experiment with different pressure, speed and depth of your touch.
 
7/ Penis massage
 
If your partner is lying on his back or on his side, adding some gentle stimulation of the penis can be very pleasurable here. But don’t stroke him hard and fast. You don’t want to make him ejaculate. You simply want to enhance his prostate massage.
 
8/ Communicate
 
Point number 8 is really crucial and it’s to stay in communication with your partner.
 
Everybody is different and they respond differently to anal touch and prostate massage. So stay sensitive to your partner’s needs, keep enquiring about how they’re feeling and about parts of the massage that they enjoy most.
 
9/ Toys
 
Your partner might enjoy it even more if you include a toy or two in your massage. There is a variety of anal toys available on the market so make sure to explore them and purchase the ones that pique your interest.
 
Vibrating toys gently applied externally to the anal opening can induce particularly strong pleasure sensations.
 
10/ Aftercare
 
When you’re finished with your massage, cover your partner with a sheet and stay right next to him. Don’t go anywhere, don’t leave his side! Give him as much time as he needs to stay in this blissful state and to fully integrate the entire experience.
 
Once he’s ready to open his eyes and speak, offer him your loving attention. He might want to talk about his experience, he might want a cuddle, he might want a drink… make sure to take a good care of him as he might be feeling raw and vulnerable at this point.
 
So there you have it, a complete guide to giving your partner a safe, pleasurable and blissful prostate massage 

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Truth About Dick Pics

Truth About Dick Pics

I feel like it’s really time we talked about this very delicate topic. And if you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m not afraid to address … sensitive subjects. So here it is – dick pics! The good, the bad, the ugly. Why so many men send them, why women typically feel offended by that and what to do to send a dick pic successfully and get a positive reaction from her.

Over the years I have received a ton of dick pics 

They’ve been pouring in through my email, Fb messenger, IG and even WhatsApp. Men seem compelled to expose their erect penises to me and while I appreciate the generous thought behind the photo, I’ve never had a desire to actually respond to these messages with pictures of my own naked genitalia.

When I hear from women who have received uninvited dick pics in their lives, they’re pretty much always offended, shocked or at least annoyed by the man behind the dick photo. And what’s really interesting about that is that there seems to be this huge miscommunication or a massive misunderstanding from both sides – the sender and the receiver of the dick pic – about the meaning of that photo…

Because upon conducting a little research of my own about this very topic, I asked some male friends how they would feel when receiving an uninvited picture of a naked vulva, particularly from a woman they didn’t know. To my surprise, their reaction was very positive – mostly interest, excitement, amusement and curiosity.

It turns out that men see a photo of exposed genitalia as a lovely and welcome invitation.

And so when they decide to send a dick pic, it’s in the hope that the female recipient will react in a positive way and that she’ll engage with him in some form of erotic exchange – meaning further photos or maybe even sexual intercourse at some point.

But that’s not what happens when a woman receives an uninvited dick pic – not at all! Instead of a happy surprise, she’ll most likely feel insulted or even disgusted. Because women see dick pics as an almost aggressive attempt to use her sexually. She’ll likely interpret the photo along the lines of “I’m a horny man and I want to stick my hard cock in your vagina”.

And that message really is not that appealing to women.

She doesn’t want to be seen as JUST a vagina. And she definitely doesn’t want her body to be used by him to just release his biological urges. For a woman to feel sexually aroused and to desire a particular cock, there are a few steps that need to happen first – she wants to get to know you a bit, she needs to feel attracted to you, she needs to be able to trust you enough to relax in your presence and she needs to feel safe with you, etc. So simply sending a photo of a hard cock to her inbox will be a lazy attempt to skip these steps. And that’s just not going to work.

So just to be clear, I’m talking here about uninvited dick pics from strangers. It’s actually a very different story when the man sending the dick pic is a partner or a lover of the woman. That’s obviously a different kind of situation. When you know each other well and you have been intimate together, these kind of sexy photos can be a lovely way to flirt or seduce each other. But when these pics come from a stranger, that bond and intimate connection is just not there.

How to send a dick pic successfully 

Now! If you REALLY want to send a dick pic to a stranger, there IS actually a way to do it in a caring and respectful way, in a way that will increase your chances of creating a positive reaction in her. And that’s asking for her permission before you send her any graphic content. That request can be as simple as “I would like to send you some adult photos or videos. Would you like to receive them?”

If she says “Yes”, then you can safely go ahead. By asking for her permission first, you’ve shown to her that you respect her and that she can feel comfortable around you. However, if she says “No”, do not send her the dick pic. Under any circumstances, do not send that photo. If you need to turn off your wifi because you cannot trust yourself to not send the dick pic, turn that wifi off!

This is really important, please do not overlook this step

Getting her permission first is the only way to achieve any level of success with your dick pic. It’s still not a guarantee that she’ll send any adult photos back OR have sex with you. But at least she won’t block you or think of you as a creep.

I hope that this helps in untangling the complex world of dick pics – both for the senders and the receivers of such photos. If you enjoyed this post, please comment below and let me know if you have ever sent or received a dick pic. And what your experience was with that!

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