I recently talked about how often you should be having sex. And today I want to discuss the ideal duration of a sexual intercourse. Do you wonder what’s normal or standard? How long do other people have sex for? And how you compare to that? I feel like first of...
Mere weeks ago, we had no idea what a Coronavirus was. In early March I was still planning my workshops and events (yes, in person!) and filling my calendar with social get-togethers. I was popping into my favourite cafés for a brunch or coffee while looking forward to an August trip to Europe to see my family. Awwww… good old times!
When the social distancing measures were put in place, I deleted a lot of things from my calendar.
And whatever was left, I converted into the online world. I moved all my sessions and events onto Zoom and cancelled anything that I couldn’t do online.
I’m still working – from home. I can get a lot done with a laptop and an internet connection so I’m feeling fortunate. I’m also still able to run sessions with clients which allows me a deep insight into the minds, hearts and bedrooms of people all over the world. Some are home alone, some are with their partners, some with families or friends. And many are reporting some level of impact that COVID-19 is having on their sex life and libido.
There are people who are now desiring sex more than ever.
The uncertainty we’re currently experiencing about our lives, our future, or our health can be a driving force behind seeking comfort and safety in the arms of a lover. This means a deep frustration for people who are single or live alone, or are separated from their partners.
Many people are currently feeling unsettled, frustrated, lost or angry at the Coronavirus situation and sex can provide a much needed release, a happy place to go to in order to lift our moods and morale. Spending intimate time with our partners can also be an amazing therapy in this strange world of isolation and disconnection.
But there are also people for whom sex is at the bottom of the priority list right now.
A sense of stress, fear or anxiety can repress libido and push sex out of our minds. After all, why would you worry about sex if your job, your income, your family or your own health and life were potentially at risk right now?!
Couples who are spending a lot of time together can also struggle with conflict and resentment. And if there are kids present in the house as well, that just might mean even less privacy and more stress keeping both partners from connecting sexually.
We’re living in unprecedented times (and hey, what a great story to tell our grandkids one day!) so it’s crucial to find our own way through the confusion, anxiety, fear or grief caused by COVID-19.
The first thing is to not judge yourself for potentially not coping with it all as well as you would ideally like.
And the second – to self-nurture, with the kind of compassion you would show a loved one.
This might mean sleeping a bit longer than you usually would. Or eating more comfort foods. Or giving yourself more time to deliver your tasks and chores. Or saying “no” to some things. Taking walks, taking baths, having regular Zoom calls with the people you love. Reading more, reading less, setting up a garden, taking up a hobby or binge watching a show on Netflix.
And if you’re really struggling with lack of sex-life right now, then creating regular sessions of self-pleasure might just be the right thing for you!
Make sure to schedule a regular time to touch, stroke and caress your entire body. Don’t focus just on your genitals. Imagine that your body is a body of the most exquisite lover and give yourself the kind of TLC that you would give them!
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Have you ever wondered how often you should be having sex? What’s normal? What’s standard? What’s recommended by sex therapists? If you have, you’re not alone! I’ve heard that question from my clients many, many times over the years and in this article, I have some...