How Do We Connect in Relationships

How Do We Connect in Relationships

Since sex had been an area of struggle for most of my life, I always connected with my partners through talking. After reading “Five Love Languages”, I learned that Quality Time was my primary love language. And it just made sense to me that spending uninterrupted time together, time filled with deep conversation, meaningful exchanges and vulnerable shares was what my soul and heart needed to feel deeply bonded to my beloved.

 

While being in my early relationships, I was learning that my partners’ desire for sex was usually much higher than mine, while their need to talk with me – lower. It usually felt like I had to work hard to get as much quality time with them as I wanted, while their preference was usually to have sex.

 

I was reasoning with myself that men are just differently wired, that they “only think about one thing”, that they’re always horny.

 

At the same time, for me sex was unimportant. I could take it or leave it. I could get some pleasure from it, some nice experiences, some fun… but in the end, I kept walking away from it unfulfilled and empty.

 

Conceptually I knew that sex was a tool of connection. But if I felt disconnected from my partner to start with, no amount of sex could change that.

 

A lot of women tell me that they can happily forget about sex altogether.

 

And these are usually women in relationships. They can still feel loved, connected and fulfilled in their lives and their relationships, without the need for a sexual interaction. This tells me that I wasn’t alone in my early experiences.

 

It took me some time and a whole lot of sexual education to learn the shocking truth: the way that I felt connected to my partner through talking, the same way he felt connected to me through sex. Wow! That had caught me by surprise and allowed me to see a completely new dimension in sex…

 

When my partner was cutting short our quality time together, he was leaving me empty and disappointed, while I was doing the same to him by refusing to connect sexually…

 

Many years later and after speaking to thousands of clients and individuals all over the world, I realize that the truth is complicated. It’s not really so much about the male-female dynamic. We’re all different and have different needs when it comes to connection and feeling loved.

 

For some – it’s talking, for others – it’s sex. For others still, it’s a combination of both plus different variations and elements added.

 

What truly matters is that we feel safe and courageous enough to express these needs, to talk about them and to ask for what we want. A lot of couples I see have no idea how to talk about their intimate needs and that creates a split and conflict.

 

So I challenge you here to look deeply into what you want, need and desire in your own relationship.

 

And then to ask for it! Discuss it with your partner and ask them to take some time to think deeply about their own needs as well.

 

And who knows – you might create much more love, fulfilment and connection in your relationship, and you might also learn something new about your beloved!

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Are You Scared? Or Excited?

Are You Scared? Or Excited?

Since this whole pandemic started, I’ve been experiencing episodes of fear and worry…

What if I get sick and die?
What if someone I know gets sick and dies?
What if this Coronavirus hangs around for a very long time?
What if we can never go back to our normal lives?…

 

And there’s also that bigger, darker one…

 

What if I can no longer make any money? what if my business collapses and I find myself homeless?

 

I’m single which means that I don’t have a partner that I can rely on in tough times. My family lives on the other side of the globe and so I can’t just go crash at mum’s for a few months until I get myself back on my feet.

It’s scary to think that I might lose my house and income. My business is my only source of money and I’m currently cancelling all my in-person workshops and events.

 

I was speaking to a very wise friend a few days ago and he pointed out something very significant…
I’m actually really lucky and really well placed business-wise in the current situation. I’ve been moving most of my income online for the last 3-4 years and things are going pretty well there!

My online courses are powerful and popular. More and more of my clients opt for 1on1 sessions over Zoom and now I’m testing running my events online.

 

What if this is an amazing opportunity?…

 

What if this whole situation is an amazing opportunity for me to create even more amazing courses, programs, services, offerings and online events? What if this is a clue from the Universe to up my online game and create even more powerful services?

What if this is NOT the time to be scared but the time to be excited? What if I can turn this current situation from a scary inconvenience into an exciting opportunity?

 

And what if you can do the same in your own life?!

 

I recently posted a quote on social media about how you are the only person who can kick yourself out of paradise. This quote was related to a romantic pursuit where we look to our partner to make us complete, to keep us happy, to put us in paradise.

But, what’s also been occurring to me is that this quote is equally applicable in the current Corona situation. The virus, the fear and the anxiety can literally “kick you out of paradise”… if you allow it.

 

Reading the news, thinking ahead and trying to assess the whole situation would send anybody into a negative spin that typically ends on the bottom of a dark, scary hole – that’s what keeps happening to me anyway!

But I’m starting to see more and more clearly that we have a choice, that we don’t have to follow the negative feelings and that we can shift them.

 

Yes, it’s very uncomfortable to live in such uncertain times.

 

But!… I’m still alive, I’m still well, I have a home, my friends and family are fine, there’s money in my bank account and food in my fridge (plus a whole packet of TP in my bathroom!).

I have a say when it comes to how I feel. And I choose to feel safe, optimistic, maybe even excited.
Things are fine.
Everything always works out for me.
It’ll be all OK in the end.
I might need to make changes in my life for a while, but it’s all only temporary.
Maybe this is the Universe pointing my life in a new direction, stepping in to remind me what’s really important, giving me hints about great things ahead.

 

Because after all – this too shall pass…

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Claiming Your Right to Pleasure

Claiming Your Right to Pleasure

I don’t think there’s ever a bad time to claim your right to pleasure. BUT!… if there’s ever a REALLY good time for it, it’s now. Whether you’re currently stuck at home due to the coronavirus or not, whether you’re alone, with your beloved or the entire family, pleasure is a great antidote to fear, worry, anxiety and a range of other heavy emotions.

 

Pleasure is healthy, it’s natural and very uplifting!

 

However, we don’t usually realise just how much the way we experience pleasure is linked to our childhood years. It’s usually during those early years of our lives that we first learn how to allow pleasure into our experience and how much pleasure we actually deserve.

 

If a child is allowed to play, care-free and joyous, free from premature responsibilities or grief, they’ll keep expanding their pleasure potential, allowing the body to feel more pleasure throughout their entire system. However, if a child grows up in a stressful environment, with angry parents, alcohol abuse, tension or sadness in the family, prematurely taking on responsibility to take care of others emotionally, their pleasure potential and its expression will be stifled.

 

During early years on my tantric path, I attended different Tantra and sexuality events and 1on1 sessions. And I realised that my own pleasure potential was restricted by religious guilt and shame, and that I was suffocating my own body energetically.

 

I was suffocating my own body energetically.

 

Being guided by experienced practitioners and therapists was life-changing, as I kept witnessing my own body transform and heal. Each time I was coming back home feeling more alive, more electric and more blissful.

 

The more I was growing the relationship with my body, the more pleasure I was experiencing. The more pleasure I was allowing into my body, the more my sensitivity was growing. And the more sensitive I was becoming, the more ecstatic my sexual experiences were.

 

As my gift to anyone who’d love to explore their relationship to pleasure in these weird, challenging times, I’m offering my online course – Masturbation Coaching – at 50% off.

 

It’s a powerful journey of self-touch, into sexual activation and bliss.

 

Click here to access the course and make sure to use code LOVE at checkout to claim the discount.

You can enrol and do the entire course from the safety of your home!

Enjoy your pleasure!!!

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Why Do I Lose My Erection At Times

Why Do I Lose My Erection At Times

A client asked me recently with hesitation and visible embarrassment: ‘Why do I lose erection sometimes?’. I appreciated the courage it took him to ask. This question arises in my sessions regularly, indicating just how common the problem is.

 

In fact, I have experienced this recently in my own life with a casual lover. We jumped in to bed together only to realize that despite mine and his efforts, his penis wouldn’t get hard. And since this wasn’t our first time together, I was not concerned. He was obviously still attracted to me and so his lack of erection was not a reflection on our connection.

 

He, on the other hand, was devastated.

 

I had to offer him a lot of loving support before he fully accepted that his body’s lack of reaction was really not an issue.

 

The first thing to understand is that men put a lot of pressure on themselves around their sexual performance – they expect themselves to produce an erection each time, to keep it rock-hard and to not lose it before they’re finished. On top of that, women add to the problem, expecting their men to be always ready, always erect, otherwise it’s surely a sign that ‘he’s not aroused by me anymore’… they assume. Men feel this pressure and start to stress if the body does not perform as expected – if they have a problem ‘getting it up’ or if they lose the erection half way through the lovemaking.

 

The biggest enemy of healthy, pleasurable, long-lasting lovemaking is tension.

 

When you’re anxious or tense, you’ll struggle to enjoy long, deep, sensual, intimate times with your partner or with yourself. Only once you relax and accept your body just the way it is, just the way it works, once you start to love and support it wholeheartedly, only then it’ll pay you back with strong arousal and powerful erections.

 

Please understand, your performance will be affected by many circumstances and situations – sometimes you’re stressed by work, annoyed by someone or simply tired and low on energy. For whatever reason, your body might not be ready to produce an erection and respecting it is an important part of being connected to your body and honouring its needs. If you keep forcing your body to perform and deliver every single time, you’ll notice more resistance which will stress you even more. And the vicious cycle continues…

 

Some men resort to Viagra which helps in short term but drains your body’s resources overall. Every time you ejaculate, you lose nutrients and energy that your body creates in order to form a new life – a baby. As you slowly build up arousal, you awaken a lot of sexual energy which allows your body to replenish these resources. When your erection is caused by a pill, there’s considerably lesser amount of sexual energy awakened but your still ejaculate, causing your body to become more and more drained, tired and stressed.

 

Lack of erection doesn’t necessarily equal no sex…

 

Soft penis is still a very sensitive penis and you can experience a lot of pleasure without an erection. You can even, with a bit of help from your partner and some lubricant, make love without a hard-on. And you might actually discover yourself getting hard as your body’s arousal and sexual energy start to build up naturally.

 

So give your body a break! Learn to love and accept it. Embrace yourself lovingly and offer yourself compassion and support. Think of your penis as a small child. If you treat it with anger and frustration, it will withdraw and back away even more, scared and rejected. But if you love and accept your body even through its challenges, it will start performing better and better, giving you more and more pleasure and satisfaction.

 

And if you’d like some practical tools and exercises to strengthen your erection, get in touch with me for a 1on1 session – in person or over Zoom.

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Your Orgasms Can Activate Your Desires

Your Orgasms Can Activate Your Desires

I feel a little weird every time someone asks me about my age. Not because I’m worried about it or because it makes me uncomfortable. It doesn’t.

 

However, each time I answer this question, the reaction is one of shock and surprise. And it happens so often and without fail that I don’t even look out for that “No way, really??” look on their face. I just state my age and move on with the conversation.

 

But it does get me thinking…

 

How come so many other people my age look so much older than me? Why do I seem to effortlessly keep my youthful appearance, even though the date on my ID tells a very different story?

 

And yes, I do make an effort to eat healthy and exercise. But I’m far from ideal and often lack discipline in these areas. And, to be absolutely honest with you, I actually believe it’s something else…

 

As a Tantra practitioner, I regularly move sexual energy through my body.

 

I have now taught thousands of individuals about the amazing healing, energizing and rejuvenating qualities of our orgasmic charge. Your erotic charge can literally create a new life – a baby – when expelled out of a man’s body and connected with a woman’s sexual centre. And when that charge is consciously moved and expanded inside of our own bodies – it creates more life for ourselves.

 

And since, most of the time we experience arousal, we’re not actually planning to become parents, it just makes sense to me to use that potent energy to invigorate our own bodies.

 

But did you know that your orgasmic energy is much more powerful than that? On top of increasing your wellbeing, it can literally blow life into any desire, wish or goal that you have in your life. Your orgasms can charge your dreams and make them come true!

 

Isn’t that magical?…

 

Over the years, I’ve used my orgasms to manifest things like trips, money, lovers, a car, a community, more joy and better health among other things.

 

There is no limit to the creative power of our sexual energy and all it takes is willingness to try. Sex Magic is real magic. It involves entering a state of altered consciousness created by surrendering to states of high arousal. Once there, the mind can bliss out, while the body is flooded with amazing erotic pleasure. When the vision of your desired goal is then included in this experience, a powerful alchemical transformation can happen, allowing the goal to be activated, charged and released into the Universe on the wave of orgasm.

 

This is the most potent form of manifestation known to man

 

…because it combines our desire with nature’s ultimate creative force – sexual energy. And I teach all about that process in my online course Manifesting with Sex Magic.

 

The course is currently on special and is available at a 50% discount with coupon code MAGIC (only until tomorrow!).

 

So if you’re ready to infuse your body, mind and life with more amazing things that you desire and if you’d like to learn how to use a powerful Sex Magic ritual to achieve that, check out my online course. And make sure to let me know what you manifest with your newfound orgasmic power!

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