How Has 2019 Treated You?

How Has 2019 Treated You?

I find it extremely valuable to look at my entire year and to assess how I’m doing as compared to where I was a year ago. And when I look at 2019 – I had a hell of a year!

 

I moved to Sydney, ended a long-term relationship, survived a full year of dating here (that in itself deserves a whole post which I will write soon!), went back to university and got a degree in commerce (still not sure why…), worked my ass of as a sex therapist, kept growing the Soulmate Speed-Dating brand, started running Tantra events on a regular basis, was invited to speak at a number of events and festivals, gave numerous interviews and have worked 1on1 with some truly incredible individuals – both in Australia and internationally!…

 

I also really grew as a person – recognizing and expanding my own personal power to create anything that I desire… A year ago, I still felt quite restricted in a few areas of my life that I have now tidied up and opened up to flow and abundance…

 

One of those challenging areas was finance. Even while making decent income in my business, I would still (almost automatically) put everything on a credit card and was bleeding money in interest repayments. That’s no longer the case! In 2019 I paid off my last credit card and have implemented a solid money management system. As a result of that, I have sent myself on a holiday to Laos this Christmas. And the entire trip was paid for from savings – what a great feeling!

 

I’ve also struggled with community in Sydney (another big topic which requires a whole different post!). Feeling lonely in a new big city has been difficult at times. I have a vast network of amazing friends all over the world but no amount of Skyping, Zooming and phone calls can replace the warmth and connection of face-to-face interactions.

 

Which is why I have recently said ‘goodbye’ to Sydney and I’m moving to the Gold Coast once I return from Laos. It’s time for a new adventure and I’m very excited about this new step…

 

If you’re on the Gold Coast, get in touch, I can’t wait to see you!

And in the meantime, have an absolutely GLORIOUS Christmas break

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5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers:

“Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another?

I want to do everything in my power to free myself from all that inhibits me sexually and to experience deep love and pleasure but I’m not in a position to do that with a lover.”

 

Social stigma

 

For different reasons, a variety of different people are not able to connect intimately with others at one time or another throughout their lives. This kind of circumstance should never be a reason to put your sexual practice on hold! In fact, your self-pleasuring practice is the most primary form of sexual expression.

Society seems to indicate to us that masturbation is only for people between relationships, older or incapacitated people, or maybe some desperate individuals. This unfortunately creates a level of stigma around self-touch and stops us from embracing it as a healthy and valid form of sexual practice.

 

Training your pleasure

 

I believe that this conditioning is actually really hurting our sex lives. I believe that creating a beautiful and profoundly ecstatic self-pleasuring practice can really support you in becoming a wonderful lover to another person.

I spend a big chunk of my sessions with clients doing masturbation coaching. I consider this skill absolutely crucial for embracing our pleasure and awakening our full orgasmic potential.

We watch movies and porn that show us people in moments of deep ecstasy and pleasure. So we aspire to similar experiences in our own bedrooms. But the body needs training in order to become fully orgasmic. You need to teach yourself pleasure first, before you can have your mind blown on a regular basis with a lover.

 

Self-pleasuring better

 

So here are my 5 steps to a more pleasurable and orgasmic masturbation practice:

 

1/ Set an intention

This is an important one. An intention creates your experience, it’s a bridge between now and the future. Don’t just go with whatever happens – consciously create your pleasure!

What would you like to achieve through your self-touch today? Would you like to explore new erogenous zones in your body? Would you like to last half an hour before coming? Would you like to cultivate a deep sense of loving bliss in your system? Or maybe bring more sensation to areas that feel a bit numb?…

 

2/ Awaken your entire body

Now it’s time to connect with your whole physical system. You can do this through movement (dancing, shaking, yoga, stretching, etc.) or through touch by giving yourself a loving full body massage. Feel free to spend as much time on this step as you need. At the end you should feel vibrant and alive from head to toe.

 

3/ Use your breath consciously

Keep taking deep, full breaths throughout the entire session.

When we get aroused, we tend to shorten and constrict our breathing. This locks sexual pleasure in one spot, usually our genitals. If you want to have a more expanded, powerful experience, breathe deeply in order to allow that erotic charge to travel up and down your entire body.

 

4/ Slow down

Another very important tip!

As you’re stroking your favourite erogenous zones, take your time. Do not rush to the finish line. Keep breathing deeply, allowing the delicious sensations to keep spreading through your entire system.

And remember – the longer you hold off before the big O, the more intense it will be!

 

5/ Integrate

After climax, don’t rush off anywhere, just stay where you are.

Allow yourself a few minutes to relax and notice the feelings and sensations in your entire body as all the pleasure hormones are happily travelling through your system. These few minutes at the end are crucial to teach your body about bliss. This is when your brain is working hard, creating all the new neural connections, learning from this experience so that next time you can go even deeper into your erotic ecstasy.

 

To learn more about sacred masturbation practices, check out my online course Masturbation Coaching (for men and women!). It’s currently available at 50% off as part of my Christmas Special. Simply use this code to claim your discount: xmas50

I filled this course with my favourite and most effective tools and techniques to train your body to experience:

  • more pleasure,
  • deeper orgasms,
  • richer sexual satisfaction in your body.

Don’t miss out! The discount code is only available until Sunday!

 

Masturbation Coaching is a fairly new modality offered by sex coaches and sex therapists all over the world. It’s extremely powerful because healthy and nurturing self-touch, self-touch that is free of shame and dogma, will prepare your body for a lifetime of great sex and amazing pleasure.

This 7-week online program will help you expand your erotic potential, experience completely new types of orgasm, create more charisma and magnetic power that others will respond to, let go of unhealthy patterns and toxic beliefs about your pleasure, your body and your sexuality, etc.

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How to Last Longer in Bed

How to Last Longer in Bed

Imagine entering the dance floor just as your favourite song begins to play. You feel pleasurable excitement in your body and the joy shines through your eyes and through your big, big smile. You can’t help but dance as the music begins to flow through your ears and through your entire system. You feel delight and an almost euphoric bliss. You’re giving in to the music completely, losing yourself in the ecstatic energy of the song. Nothing else exists, you’re completely lost in your experience. You’re flowing, dancing, laughing…

 

And then suddenly, after only 30 seconds or so, the music stops. Your body comes to an unexpected halt and you look up at the DJ with confusion. You want to keep going but the music is not coming back. Due to technical difficulties, the DJ decides to turn his equipment off. The party is over.

 

You’re feeling disappointed and let down. The crowd booes disapprovingly and then slowly disperses. There’s nothing left to do but go home.

 

How this relates to the bedroom

 

If you’re a man who has experienced premature ejaculation, you know exactly the feeling. You resonate with the buildup of joy, excitement and pleasure energy. And then the disappointment of a much too quick release. You are not finished, you have barely begun! Yet the body says – it’s over, time to go home.

 

If you’re a woman, this might give you a bit of an idea of what many men dread.

 

Premature ejaculation is a phenomenon that A LOT of men struggle with. It’s not fun and nobody teaches us how to overcome it. Modern society offers us ineffective, short-term solutions (pills, creams, thinking about grandma…) but not many people seem to know what else can be done.

 

How to treat premature ejaculation

 

A lot of these men feel incredibly inspired when they learn that they can use simple tantric techniques not only to address the problem on the night but to actually RETRAIN their bodies to never suffer from premature ejaculation again.

 

What conventionally happens in our bodies as we get aroused, is two things: tension and constriction. We tense up our bodies, particularly our pelvic area and upper legs. And we constrict our breathing.

 

And all this muscle tension and breath constriction is locking your sexual energy, your arousal, in your genitals. As a result, fairly quickly there’s a lot of erotic charge and excitement in one area of your body – your genitals. At that point the body will likely go: “I can’t hold this charge, there is too much tension, I need to release it!” And that’s exactly what happens – the tension is released, you ejaculate.

 

How to last longer in bed

 

In order to last much longer, tantric lovers do something very different – they consciously relax their bodies and deepen their breath. They pay particular attention to the area of the pelvis and let go of any muscle tension held there, they really relax and sort of ‘open up’ their genital region. So as they keep moving their bodies, as they keep making love, they do it without any clenching or holding in their muscles. They also continue taking deep, full breaths flowing all the way down to the belly.

 

I teach my clients a technique called ‘circular breath’. It’s a breath where you take deep abdominal breaths without any pauses between inhales and exhales. So as an inhale is ending, an exhale begins and as an exhale is ending, an inhale begins. There’s no holding of breath and there are no gaps between the in-breaths and the out-breaths. The breath is flowing continuously like a circle. I describe this one and many more effective techniques for lasting longer in my online course Tantric Mastery for Men which is currently available at 50% discount as a part of my Christmas Special offer. Simply use coupon code xmas50 on the checkout page!

 

How tantric men make love for hours

 

So as you’re relaxing your body and as you’re breathing deeply, your sexual energy will actually start flowing away from your genitals and circulating through your entire system. And this is extremely helpful in training your body to last much longer in bed. This is also the first step to experiencing full-body orgasms. And it feels amazing!

 

Please, take this simple tantric exercise into your bedroom and practice. This practice will not only train you to master your arousal and erection. It will also help you to build and expand your experience of erotic pleasure so that you can feel that wonderful pleasure not only in your genitals, but also throughout your entire system.

 

 

Tantric Mastery for Men is a 7-week online training for men who want to become the kind of lover that women dream about. In the Tantric Mastery course you’ll learn how to use a range of different tantric tools and practices to unlock your woman’s deep orgasmic potential.

You’ll learn how to give your partner a mind-blowing tantric massage. You’ll also learn to take full control over your excitement and arousal, allowing you to last as long as you want in bed and have multiple full-body non-ejaculatory energetic orgasms.

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Is Violence Ever Ok in Sex?

Is Violence Ever Ok in Sex?

According to a BBC article online, “more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex”. And “of the women who had experienced any of these acts, wanted or otherwise, 20% said they had been left upset or frightened.”.

 

On one hand, I really see the point the article is trying to make. It can be very unsafe and even traumatising to introduce acts perceived as violent into the bedroom without mutual consent and appropriate level of communication and agreements about it.

 

But it also seems that different media are trying to demonize this kind of acts. By portraying them as wrong and linked to male violence and porn-influence, we’re taking away the innocence of playfulness in the bedroom. This can also lead to an unhealthy idea that there is only one “right” way to experience sex and that other ways of sexual expression are somehow ‘invalid’.

 

I personally LOVE it when my lover is dominating, chokes me, spanks me and pulls my hair in bed. Obviously, I don’t want sex to play out this way every single time, but in appropriate measure (to be agreed upon by partners) and with full consent of both parties, these are extremely exciting and beautiful things to play with.

 

So maybe instead of criticising men and demonizing them for following their instincts and desires in the bedroom, we should focus more on educating them. Creating fear around kink and fetishes is unhealthy because a large portion of society enjoys them (yes, many more people than you would think!). Plus, they can be a part of a healthy erotic life, as long as all acts are 100% consensual.

 

Gentlemen, next time you’re in bed with your lady, instead of playing out any scenario that you find arousing, ASK HER first whether she’s willing to play with you this way. Make all agreements clear and well defined, even if that means a longer conversation than you would ideally prefer.

 

I promise that your sex life will benefit from it and that this kind of clear communication will not only create a safe container for both of you to play and experiment within, but also to dramatically deepen the level of pleasure, enjoyment, fun and connection that you can experience together!

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How to Breathe Yourself to Orgasm

How to Breathe Yourself to Orgasm

I have orgasmed in public many times before.

 

(I guess that’s a phrase you don’t hear very often!). It has happened mainly with me as a participant during workshops, Tantra events and different sexuality courses. But more recently, these public O’s have taken on a new dimension for me…

 

I’ve been breathing myself to orgasm as a facilitator, in front of all participants – at first accidentally and then, on purpose. (If you’re wondering how it’s possible to breathe yourself to orgasm accidentally, ask me – funny story…)

 

I’ve been running more and more of my own workshops and talks recently. Doing this allows me an amazing freedom as I can teach and conduct my events exactly how I want to. Things don’t always go to plan, as different participants bring their own degree of familiarity with the topic and their own set of questions…

 

But mostly my events attract people who are completely new to Tantra and sacred sexuality.

 

Most of them have never experienced the fullness of their orgasmic power. More than that – they’re not even aware of what their bodies are capable of in the realm of pleasure and sexual bliss!

 

When I describe orgasmic pleasure rippling and vibrating like waves through the entire body, when I talk about circulating energy between partners and merging into one being with your lover, when I describe a state where you don’t know any more whether it’s your orgasm or theirs, eyes widen and jaws drop.

 

Some of the workshops include a presentation of the full-body orgasm and sometimes a presentation is requested.

 

And as I sit there before my audience, taking myself into a deep state of orgasmic activation, within a minute or two, my body starts to shake, my eyes roll backwards and my deep erotic moans dominate a completely quiet room. My whole body feels electric, every cell of my being is vibrating and full-body pleasure keeps flooding my system.

 

When I finally open my eyes, the facial expressions around me are varied – from fascination and joy to shock and utter surprise.

 

There are a few things I love about this practical demo…

 

First of all, this challenges popular beliefs and ideas about achieving orgasm. Second of all, it gives the attendees practical tools to do the exact same thing themselves. And thirdly, there’s a sort of transmission happening there where some of the people in the audience become orgasmically activated just from watching me.

 

Because the truth is that anybody can do it!

 

I don’t have a special body with some supernatural powers. Instead, I have learned how to connect to my deep orgasmic potential and how to activate my body through breath and surrender. And if you’d like to do the same, you can learn more in my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women. As a part of my Christmas Special, I’m offering the entire 7-week program at a 50% discount until 8 December with code: xmas50.

 

I truly believe that there’s a deep power hidden within a person who has fully activated and cultivated their erotic energy. I absolutely know that expanded, deeply ecstatic and profoundly nurturing orgasms are our birthright. And I believe that we can use our full-body orgasms for more pleasure, more connection and to manifest amazing things into our lives.

 

We just need to know how…

 

Orgasmic Empowerment for Women is a 7-week online journey that will take you from where you are now sexually to where you want to be and beyond! You will learn, you will practice, you will explore and you will transform. This program is very practical and each week you’ll be working with new techniques and tools of sexual healing and empowerment.

At the end of this path, you’ll come out feeling like a new, better, more sensual version of yourself. You will build confidence, attraction and charisma in your body. You will cultivate your sexual force and power, making you irresistible to men, whether you’re single and looking for a partner or whether you’ve been in a relationship for years and want to create more juice, pleasure and fun at home!

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