Women Fear Growing Older

Women Fear Growing Older

When I was 27, I decided to stop wearing cropped tops since my young, flat stomach suddenly stopped being naturally and effortlessly flat and it was no longer an option to freely show it to the world. When I was turning 30, I experienced a profound existential crisis, since I could never, ever call myself a 20-something year old again. At around 35, I learned that from now on my body would make me pay for having a second glass of wine. And at 38, I noticed that there were more grey hairs on my head than I could be bothered to remove anymore.

 

All of these instances made me realize one undeniable fact:

 

I’m getting older.

 

And in society where “old” equals “worse”, it’s an interesting experience to face these moments of truth and to decide what to do about them.

 

I come across a lot of women – in my client sessions, in my events and in the world at large. And a lot of these women express fear and anxiety about getting older, getting less attractive, less valuable and even – invisible to men. And I understand these fears. In society that glorifies youth and superficial beauty, it’s easy to feel rejected once you reach a certain age. But – as is the case with everything else in life – a change of mindset might be more powerful than a facelift.

 

Let me take a stock of my life…

 

  • I now have unshakeable confidence – something I would kill for in my 20s.

 

  • I also have a wealth of experience and knowledge about life – I have lived in different countries, I have travelled, I have read a ton of books, I’ve worked with coaches, attended a shitload of workshops and events, spoken to thousands of people and learned from many of them.

 

  • I have no more ‘big’ questions – I know the meaning of life, I know how to live the most purposeful, fulfilling and joyful existence, I know what’s really important to me and how to create my reality as I go – something I really grappled with when I was younger.

 

  • I have found my purpose and have built a business around it – so I no longer need to perform meaningless (to me) jobs in order to pay my bills. Now I FILL my days with things I enjoy and feel enthusiastic about.

 

  • I make a lot of money – and I’m not ashamed to say it. Money is important and a big component of living a life where I can express myself fully as a human being and I can support others to do the same. And don’t get me started on how broke I was when I was younger!

 

So when I face these surprising moments of truth, when my body is telling me loud and clear “you’re not a young girl anymore!”, I know exactly how to deal with that.

 

I choose to embrace my age, I choose to love myself fiercely, regardless of how the world is judging women of “certain age”. I choose to celebrate who I am and what I’ve created for myself. Because my 30s were a hell of a lot better than my 20s. And my 40s will be so much better still. And once I hit 50, every day will be a celebration of my magnificent nature.

 

And if I’m still single at 50 and men choose to ignore me ‘because I’m too old’, I will simply know that they were not the right men to be allowed to participate in my glorious life!

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Essential Guide to Spanking

Essential Guide to Spanking

As both a keen receiver and giver of spanking, I’ve learned over the years that this form of kink can be pleasurable, fun and even orgasmic when performed right. But it can also be unpleasant, irritating or painful when performed without appropriate skill or insight.

 

My own butt is a highly erogenous zone which enjoys many different kinds of touch…

 

… It also seems to draw my lovers’ hands to it almost magically as I cannot actually recall ever having a partner who was NOT spanking me on a regular basis.

 

Because of that, my ass has experienced many forms of touch and spanking – the gentle, the intense, the slow, the fast, the Zen, the tantric, etc. Most of it was great, some of it – not so much. And on the basis of all of that empirical research, let me share with you my findings…

 

What goes without saying is that you need to obtain consent from your partner first. If they’re not into spanking, don’t do it. But if they’re willing to try, here are my top tips for a great spanking session:

 

1/ Location

Of course, you can spank or slap your partner on different body parts, but when it comes to their butt, there are some rules. Generally, the bottom half of the butt – the fleshy part – is most pleasurable to spank. The top part or the area near the hip can be quite unpleasant or even painful so make sure to check in with your partner about their preference first.

 

2/ Communication

Until you learn your partner’s preferences and tolerance for spanking, it’s a great idea to ask them to use a scale of intensity of 1 to 10. Also ask them, what level of intensity they’ll be willing to go up to. 1 is a very mild spank they can barely feel while 10 is an intense pain. If they choose to go up to 7, ask them to rate the spanking as you go so that you can learn where their limits are.

They don’t have to rate every single slap but mainly the ones where you increase intensity.

 

3/ No bang

In case of spanking, do not start off with a bang. You’ll need to build up to it. This is quite important and, on many occasions, poor spankers have totally turned me off with this mistake.

When you start off with a powerful slap, the area is not usually prepared yet and the experience will be most likely painful. So instead of an orgasmic moan, you’ll get from your lover an irritated “ouch”!

Start with little, gentle slaps and after each few, make sure to massage the area with your open palm. While massaging, allow your hand to also glide up to their back or down the legs in order to spread out yummy sensations.

When I have spank-gasms, the pleasure shoots from my butt up and down through my entire body so it’s essential to activate your lover’s entire system and to open up those energy channels for the yummy erotic energy to travel freely.

 

4/ Vary speed and intensity

Constantly going at the same speed and intensity will quickly make things boring. So, change it up! Build up from gentle slaps to stronger ones. Once your partner is good and ready, surprise them with a well-timed sharp spank. Play with a succession of quick ones and then make them wait for your hand.

Slow down and apply your spanking like an artist, playing your partner’s butt like a gorgeous instrument.

 

5/ Have fun!

Make sure to enjoy yourself! If you’re not going to have fun, it’s not likely that your partner will. This should be a playful experience for both of you.

 

Make sure to also discuss the experience afterwards. Ask your partner what they enjoyed and what they didn’t. Enquire whether they’d be willing to play with spanking again and if so, how can you make the experience even better.

 

Remember that everybody is different and that the only way to learn their preferences is through honest and open communication. There’s a lot of fun to be had in the bedroom. But it’s essential to know your partner’s body well enough so that you can give them most pleasure and reduce any potential discomfort.

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Why You Might Want to Surrender in Bed

Why You Might Want to Surrender in Bed

Whenever I talk to my clients about orgasms, I need to explain what I mean by that word. Because to anybody that practices Tantra and tantric sex, the word ‘orgasm’ gains a whole new meaning.

 

Typically and conventionally, the word ‘orgasm’ is understood as a climax of sexual pleasure that happens in the genital region, lasts a few seconds and is accompanied by contractions of the pelvic floor and for men – by ejaculation.

 

However, that’s just one type of orgasm.

 

It’s the most commonly known one and in my experience – the least satisfying. When I train people in expanding their orgasmic potential, I want them to first of all understand, that they’re capable of much more than that physiological genital release.

 

For any tantric lover, orgasm becomes a state of blissful oneness with everything. It’s an experience of dissolving, melting and merging with the energy of the entire Universe in an ecstatic state of trance. It’s an experience where you lose yourself, lose the barriers of your physical body and energetically expand outward in a delightful act of orgasmic ecstasy that can last minutes or hours.

 

But… there’s a catch here.

 

In order to be able to reach this kind of state of expanded orgasm, you absolutely need to be able to surrender. And that is something that many people struggle with. The surrender I’m talking about here has nothing to do with submission – you’re not submitting yourself or your will to another person. No! What I mean here is an utter and complete surrender to your pleasure, a complete immersion in your physical experience and letting go of the voice of the mind in order to simply BE in the body.

 

And that kind of surrender is difficult. In the world where we’re trained to always live in the head, being in the body can be tricky, new and challenging. I get it! I used to be there and I worked hard to develop my ability to surrender to my sexual experience. And I did that because the payoff is immense…

 

Imagine orgasmic pleasure expanding in waves of shivers, tingles…

 

… starting in your genital area and then growing outwards into the rest of your being. Imagine having absolutely no thoughts in your head because your entire world is a trance-like state of deep ecstatic pleasure. Imagine feeling like your entire body vibrates with electric energy so intensely that you can’t feel the bed underneath you and you don’t even know where your body starts and ends.

 

That’s the kind of orgasmic state that is immersive, long-lasting, nurturing and deeply satisfying on many levels. That’s the kind of orgasm that leaves you feeling nourished, rejuvenated and ready to conquer the world.

 

And that’s the kind of orgasm that requires deep surrender.

 

I speak in much more detail about surrender and cultivating your sexual potential in my Orgasmic Empowerment online course for women. In the course, I also share a wealth of practical tools and exercises that help women develop their orgasms and erotic pleasure in order to become a fully activated and charismatic woman.

 

Make sure to check out my course or get in touch with me about my 1on1 sessions!

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Practices for Maintaining Passion & Desire in Relationships

Practices for Maintaining Passion & Desire in Relationships

During my recent talk at Eros Festival in Sydney, I explored a topic that for most people comes with a lot of questions, confusion and mystery. I talked about maintaining passion and desire in relationships, and particularly in long-term relationships.

 

If you’ve been in romantic relationships that went way past the honeymoon period, you’ll most likely relate to the frustrating confusion that comes once the initial time of passion and hot sex is over. Because when we first get together, the desire for each other is strong, the arousal comes easily and we literally can’t keep our hands off of each other. But once that initial phase comes to an end, often so does the passion and so sexual struggles begin.

 

Please refer to my previous article where I talked in more length about a variety of specific reasons for this situation and for ways to deal with it.

 

And today I want to guide you through 3 very powerful exercises that I took the participants of the festival through. All 3 are meant to be performed with a partner but you can also pair up with a friend if you’re single. They will be much more powerful though when performed with your beloved so make sure to come back to them when you meet Your Special Someone!

 

 1/ Emotional healing

This is an extremely powerful exercise that brings many people to tears of love, appreciation and emotional release. Make sure to remain gentle, compassionate and kind during this practice both with yourself and with your partner!

 

Sit facing each other.

Partner 1 asks: “How have I hurt you?”

Partner 2 responds: “You’ve hurt me by… (leaving me alone at a party, not doing something you promised to do, being unkind with me on such occasions, etc.) It made me feel… (rejected, abandoned, hurt, sad, like you don’t care, like I don’t matter, etc.)”

Partner 1 performs the healing by stating with full conviction and honesty: “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry I made you feel… (rejected, abandoned, hurt, sad, like I don’t care, like you don’t matter, etc.)”

Once the interaction feels complete, you can switch and now Partner 2 asks “How have I hurt you?” and performs the healing.

 

An important aspect of this exercise is that saying “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings” has nothing to do with blaming you or placing the guilt on you. You’re simply acknowledging that your partner got hurt and you’re expressing a regret or sadness about that.

 

If you’re performing this exercise with a friend, you can ask them: “How has your previous partner(s) hurt you?”. Once they respond, you can perform a ‘third-party’ healing by saying: “I’m sorry they hurt your feelings. I’m sorry they made you feel unseen, unloved or unworthy, etc.”

 

2/ Communicating your desires

This is an exercise that will help both of you communicate better what you want and desire in the bedroom. This kind of conversations tend to be awkward and difficult to have. So, if that’s the case, give this practice a go!

 

Bring two pens and two pieces of paper. Give one to your partner and ask them to write down all the different sensual/sexual activities they would like to do with you that you’re not currently experiencing together. Do the same on your piece of paper.

Once you’re both done, swap papers and circle on your partner’s list all the activities that you’d be willing to try. Once you’re both done, swap your lists again and discuss your results.

 

Last step: schedule all the circled activities into your calendar to make sure that they happen soon!

 

3/ Moment of truth

This is another powerful practice for creating more depth and more open, authentic connection in your relationship. The significance of this practice lies in the fact that we often choose to not disclose certain things to our partners. This might be about the way you feel about something they’ve done, about your doubts or questions you’re asking yourself about the relationship… Maybe it’s something you’re afraid to share because you fear their reaction or you’re worried you’ll hurt their feelings, etc.

 

Sit down facing your partner.

Partner 1 asks: “What have you not told me yet?”

Partner 2 responds: “I haven’t told you…”

If nothing comes to mind at first, make sure to dig deep! This kind of authentic and honest interaction will lead you both into a space of much more meaningful and connected bond and love. Remember that there’s no true intimacy without vulnerability!

 

Once this interaction feels complete, you can swap and now Partner 2 asks “What have you not told me yet?”.

 

Please comment below or send me a message to let me know how you went with these practices. They might be extremely challenging to both of you or easy-peasy. You might feel like you nailed them all or failed miserably. If the latter happens, remember to not judge yourself too harshly. The power of this kind of exercises lies in attempting them, in taking this powerful step towards fuller and more authentic connection and communication in your relationship. Because that kind of openness and courage takes you much closer towards sexual passion and bliss in the bedroom!

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