Many years ago, when I was starting my tantric journey, I was a total sponge for all the tantric knowledge, experiences and practices that I could find. Apart from reading a ton of books about Tantra and going to all the workshops I could find, I was also visiting...read more
They did what to her??
A few days ago, a woman’s vulva was cut and surgically altered before my very own eyes. And despite the fact that the said woman was a willing participant in the procedure and experienced barely any physical pain, I really struggled to keep my composure… But let me start from the beginning.
When it comes to surgery and particularly the cosmetic type, I’m a strong opponent of cutting our bodies without a very good reason. Of course, there are cases when a surgical procedure can be life-saving and I’m grateful for all the advancements of modern medicine that allow us to live long, happy, healthy lives.
Yet, I also recognize that a lot of people decide to go under a knife without a health emergency.
The whole cosmetic surgery arena was constructed to benefit from our insecurities
… and in many cases – to feed these securities into us in the first place. Does your body not fit the standard that we call ‘beauty’? We’ll fix that. Are you struggling to lose weight? We’ll cut off the fatty bits. Do you hate the shape of your nose? We’ll make you a new one…
Our bodies are perfect, beautiful and always, always enough! But if you’re not happy with something about your looks, it’s actually unlikely that a medical procedure will fully satisfy you. Because in many cases it might feel like you need to change the shape of your thighs but in reality, you need a deeper level of self-love and self-acceptance. This is why once people start having surgery, they keep coming back for more. Because changing your physical appearance doesn’t address the core of the issue.
Because of my area of expertise, I feel particularly strongly about procedures that change the shape of our intimate bits.
Genitals truly are like snowflakes – all different, all miraculous
Yet the boom of porn industry convinced many of us that there’s only one acceptable shape of a vulva. And so countless women rushed to their cosmetic surgeons to undergo labiaplasty. Labiaplasty is a plastic surgery that alters the look of a vulva. It usually consists of surgically trimming inner lips if they seem too large or if they protrude outside of the outer lips. Its sole function is aesthetic.
So baring all that in mind, it was a true surprise even to myself that a few days ago I found myself inside a surgery room, together with a surgeon and Sue – a willing patient laying on the table, naked from waist down, her legs spread. My curiosity got the better of me and I spent most of the procedure chatting to Sue about her experience. I wanted to know what exactly was behind her decision and what sort of potential wounding made her expose her precious vulva to a merciless knife.
But Sue surprised me
She was in her 50s, mother of two and a happy wife of a loving husband. Not an active porn user herself, she wasn’t too bothered about comparing the look of her genitals to the women on the computer screen. Her husband had never mentioned anything to her either about re-shaping her asymmetrical inner lips and she had never spent a lot of time examining them or worrying about them. Her reason for opting for the procedure was different.
From a young age, she noticed a degree of discomfort between her legs while performing different activities. One larger inner lip would sometimes get pinched by the underwear or irritated by the surface that Sue was sitting on. Things could also get painful during intercourse as the extra flesh was getting caught in the sexy action. Sue was excited that she could finally do something about the discomfort and her entire approach to the procedure was calm, mature and very conscious. I was delighted to see that what brought her into the surgery room that day had nothing to do with trauma or unhealthy beliefs about herself, her body or her genitalia.
I also appreciated the surgeon’s attitude
He kindly and compassionately explained the whole process, including the need to exercise sound judgement and not request too much skin to be taken off. He also warned about scar tissue forming in the area which would reduce the natural sensitivity of the inner lips. The whole procedure took less than 30 minutes, with Sue remaining fully conscious the entire time and with plenty of care being taken for her comfort and wellbeing.
Please note that this post is NOT an encouragement to undergo a labiaplasty, it’s simply a way to open a conversation about this procedure. I’m sharing my experience because witnessing someone undergoing it challenged my outlook on this kind of surgery and allowed me more understanding and compassion for women opting for it. So if labiaplasty is something that you’re considering, please explore first your deep, true reasons for doing it. And if your decision comes from a healthy, conscious place, make sure to find a reputable surgeon who can perform the procedure.
But above all, spend some time with your own body and your own intimate area first, exploring all the deep feelings and any negative emotions. Because your body itself might have some answers for you! And if you’d like some support with that, please reach out to me for a 1on1 session. I’ll be delighted to support you and your relationship with your body, pleasure and eroticism.
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