Female orgasm tends to be covered with a layer of mystery. Many men (and some women) wonder what it is, how it works, how to have one (or give her one) or whether such a thing even exists. In my own experience as a woman, the female orgasm remained elusive and...
‘Orgasm is a state of being that arises naturally when we are more relaxed in sex’ – Diana Richardson
This quote from one of my early teachers beautifully and simply captures the essence of tantric sex. Yet at the same time, its deep wisdom seems counterintuitive to the way we usually experience climax in the bedroom. When you think back to your typical orgasmic experience, you’ll probably notice that it tends to be an experience full of tension – muscles of your legs and pelvis are contracting and your breath becomes shorter and is often held. So why is Diana Richardson talking about being more relaxed in sex?
This used to really confuse me until I started training my body using tantric tools and practices. And after a while, what seemed to be a one and only way to experience sex and orgasm (tension, contraction, short breath, …) turned out to be just one of the ways to experience my eroticism.
These other ways led me down the path of not only becoming multi-orgasmic, but also of expanding my orgasms into a full-body, toe-curling, awe-inspiring experiences of expanded bliss…
I included my absolutely favourite tantric techniques in the Orgasmic Empowerment online course for Women. But more about that later as I currently have a very special Women’s Day deal on offer!
And I want to stress that there’s no judgement here about the more traditional tension-based approaches to sex. You should do whatever works for you and whatever you enjoy! I’m simply stressing that there are also other ways that might work better for you.
And this is significant because the amount of frustration around sex and orgasm in our society is truly mind blowing.
We often resign ourselves to infrequent, mediocre, painful or non-existent sex life because we lack basic understanding about how sex and sexual energy work. Even if a couple enjoys a juicy and frequent sex life at the beginning of their relationship, things usually change down the track and excitement morphs into disappointment or boredom.
An unhealthy routine develops, where men seek their own pleasure by penetrating woman’s body to achieve ejaculation. The amount of time required in such encounters is mostly not enough to arouse the woman sufficiently so that her sexual energy can start flowing equally abundantly. Women in such relationships feel used, lonely or purely disinterested in sex as their sexual frustration grows. Most men admit that this state of things is not truly satisfying to them either but they don’t know what to do about it.
There are also more considerate lovers who want to make sure that their female partner orgasms first by clitoral stimulation. But putting such pressure on a woman usually places her in a place where she feels guilty about taking too much time and becomes way too tense to achieve a true, deep ecstasy.
According to Tantra, we got it all wrong.
The basic understanding of male-female polarity suggests that male energy is like fire – heats up very quickly and quickly goes out. While female energy is like water – takes a longer time to warm up but also stays warm longer. This simple picture illustrates a very important point – we cannot force our bodies into being something that we are not and by not acknowledging our true nature, we remain empty and unsatisfied. It is often not in woman’s nature to heat up quickly and she usually doesn’t. Her nature is to create a beautifully relaxed, serene and sensitive environment for a man to enter which then allows him to also slow down, relax and last long enough to achieve a deeply satisfying and intense orgasm. Both can then join in a rich ecstasy, rooted in body awareness and deep relaxation.
We all have the inner ability to experience deep, long-lasting, spiritually enlightening orgasms.
But we lack basic education and awareness of the way our bodies work. A first, a very important step is to relax into our bodies and to develop a calm awareness of our sensations. We cannot experience mind blowing orgasms if we’re not truly connected to our bodies and if we don’t really know them. We need to take the time to learn what our bodies truly love and appreciate, what kind of touch arouses us, what kind of strokes give us pleasure.
Another important point is developing a loving awareness of ourselves. So many people (particularly women) suffer from poor body image, it’s no wonder we don’t like our bodies and try to disconnect from them as much as we can. As a regular practice, stand in front of a large mirror naked and look at your own body with admiration. This body carried you through so many years of ups and downs, it provided you with so much pleasure and served you well your entire life. Each mark or scar is a reminder of your body’s strength and survival abilities. Embrace yourself lovingly, your body is beautiful and it craves your love!
Whenever you lie down at night, practice a gentle, relaxed awareness for 10-15 minutes or as much time as you have. Lie down on your back with your spine straight, your feet more than hip-width apart and arms relaxed at your sides, palms up. Relax your entire body and allow your awareness to travel up and down your spine, becoming conscious of your body, particularly your heart area and your genitals.
Allow your awareness to penetrate your body so deep that you can feel your energy tingling in your organs as your body relaxes.
If you find it hard to become aware of your body part, place your hands on it to bring more energy there. And just rest with your body, connect to it, allow it to flood your awareness until you’re completely submerged in it. This deep awareness of your body is a first step in becoming more orgasmic. So practice it often and see your body as a lovable, beautiful creation. It will then provide you with as much pleasure as you can handle!
And if you’d love to learn all my favourite, more advanced techniques for awakening your orgasmic power, make sure to check out my Orgasmic Empowerment course for women.
For the next 7 days the entire course is available at a price that you choose.
This is my International Women’s Day gift to all the ladies on my newsletter list. Orgasmic Empowerment course normally retails at AU$297 but for the next week you can name your price! Simply email me letting me know how much you can pay for the course and I’ll provide you with an immediate access to the entire program.
Ladies, here’s to awakening and activating your full orgasmic potential!
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