When Paul came to see me, he looked like a man who lost all hope. He seemed sceptical and very bitter about his sexual life. I could clearly see that he’d had his fair share of pain and disappointment. Paul struggled with severe premature ejaculation. Not only he...read more
I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers:
“Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another?
I want to do everything in my power to free myself from all that inhibits me sexually and to experience deep love and pleasure but I’m not in a position to do that with a lover.”
For different reasons, many people in our society are not able to connect intimately with others at one time or another in their lives. This should never be a reason to put your sexual practice on hold! In fact, your self-pleasuring practice is the most primary form of sexual expression.
Our society seems to indicate to us that masturbation is only for people between relationships, older or incapacitated people, or maybe some desperate individuals. This unfortunately creates a level of stigma around self-touch and stops us from embracing it as a healthy and valid form of sexual practice.
Training your pleasure
I believe that this conditioning is actually really hurting our sex lives. I believe that creating a beautiful and profoundly ecstatic self-pleasuring practice can really support you in becoming a wonderful lover to another person.
I spend a big chunk of my sessions on masturbation coaching. I consider it absolutely crucial for embracing our pleasure and awakening our full orgasmic potential.
We watch movies and porn that show us people in moments of deep ecstasy and pleasure. So we aspire to similar experiences in our own bedrooms. But the body needs training in order to become fully orgasmic. You need to teach yourself pleasure before you can have your mind blown on a regular basis with a lover.
So here are my 5 steps to a more embodied and more profound masturbation practice:
1/ Set an intention
This is an important one. An intention creates your experience, it’s a bridge between now and the future. Don’t just go with whatever happens – consciously create your pleasure!
What would you like to achieve through your self-touch today? Would you like to explore new erogenous zones on your body? Would you like to last half an hour before coming? Would you like to feel more love and compassion in your body? Or maybe bring more sensations to areas that feel a bit numb?…
2/ Awaken your entire body
Now it’s time to connect with your whole physical system. You can do this through movement (dancing, shaking, yoga, stretching, etc.) or through touch by giving yourself a loving full body massage. Feel free to spend as little or as much time on this step as you need. At the end you should feel vibrant and alive from head to toe.
3/ Use your breath consciously
Keep taking deep, full breaths throughout the entire session.
When we get aroused, we tend to shorten and constrict our breathing. This locks sexual pleasure in one spot, usually our genitals. If you want to have a more expanded, powerful experience, breathe deeply in order to allow that erotic charge to travel up and down your entire body.
4/ Slow down
Another very important tip!
As you’re stroking your favourite erogenous zones, take your time. Do not rush to the finish line. Keep breathing deeply, allowing the delicious sensations to keep spreading through your entire system.
And remember – the longer you hold off before the big O, the more intense it will be!
After climax, don’t rush off anywhere, just stay where you are.
Allow yourself a few minutes to relax and feel your entire body as all the pleasure hormones are happily travelling through your system. These few minutes at the end are crucial to teach your body about bliss. This is when your brain is working hard, creating all the new neural connections, learning from this experience so that next time you can go even deeper.
To learn more about sacred masturbation practices, check out my online courses:
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