5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

5 Steps to a Better Masturbation Practice

I recently got a very interesting question from one of my readers:

“Do you think I could learn on my own to be the lover I crave to make love to? Or is it ultimately only possible to experience sacred sex with another?

I want to do everything in my power to free myself from all that inhibits me sexually and to experience deep love and pleasure but I’m not in a position to do that with a lover.”

 

Social stigma

For different reasons, many people in our society are not able to connect intimately with others at one time or another in their lives. This should never be a reason to put your sexual practice on hold! In fact, your self-pleasuring practice is the most primary form of sexual expression.

Our society seems to indicate to us that masturbation is only for people between relationships, older or incapacitated people, or maybe some desperate individuals. This unfortunately creates a level of stigma around self-touch and stops us from embracing it as a healthy and valid form of sexual practice.

 

Training your pleasure

I believe that this conditioning is actually really hurting our sex lives. I believe that creating a beautiful and profoundly ecstatic self-pleasuring practice can really support you in becoming a wonderful lover to another person.

I spend a big chunk of my sessions on masturbation coaching. I consider it absolutely crucial for embracing our pleasure and awakening our full orgasmic potential.

We watch movies and porn that show us people in moments of deep ecstasy and pleasure. So we aspire to similar experiences in our own bedrooms. But the body needs training in order to become fully orgasmic. You need to teach yourself pleasure before you can have your mind blown on a regular basis with a lover.

 

Self-pleasuring better

So here are my 5 steps to a more embodied and more profound masturbation practice:

 

1/ Set an intention

This is an important one. An intention creates your experience, it’s a bridge between now and the future. Don’t just go with whatever happens – consciously create your pleasure!

What would you like to achieve through your self-touch today? Would you like to explore new erogenous zones on your body? Would you like to last half an hour before coming? Would you like to feel more love and compassion in your body? Or maybe bring more sensations to areas that feel a bit numb?…

 

2/ Awaken your entire body

Now it’s time to connect with your whole physical system. You can do this through movement (dancing, shaking, yoga, stretching, etc.) or through touch by giving yourself a loving full body massage. Feel free to spend as little or as much time on this step as you need. At the end you should feel vibrant and alive from head to toe.

 

3/ Use your breath consciously

Keep taking deep, full breaths throughout the entire session.

When we get aroused, we tend to shorten and constrict our breathing. This locks sexual pleasure in one spot, usually our genitals. If you want to have a more expanded, powerful experience, breathe deeply in order to allow that erotic charge to travel up and down your entire body.

 

4/ Slow down

Another very important tip!

As you’re stroking your favourite erogenous zones, take your time. Do not rush to the finish line. Keep breathing deeply, allowing the delicious sensations to keep spreading through your entire system.

And remember – the longer you hold off before the big O, the more intense it will be!

 

5/ Integrate

After climax, don’t rush off anywhere, just stay where you are.

Allow yourself a few minutes to relax and feel your entire body as all the pleasure hormones are happily travelling through your system. These few minutes at the end are crucial to teach your body about bliss. This is when your brain is working hard, creating all the new neural connections, learning from this experience so that next time you can go even deeper.

 

To learn more about sacred masturbation practices, check out my online courses:

Legendary Lover for Men

Orgasmic Empowerment for Women

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3 Amazing Benefits of Sleeping Naked

3 Amazing Benefits of Sleeping Naked

I don’t know about you, but I LOVE sleeping naked! I love to feel the softness of the sheets against my skin, I love the ease of access to different body parts that I can stroke or caress, I love the heightened sensations I experience all over my body. And when my beloved is in bed with me, I LOVE being held by him and touching his skin.

 

But it hasn’t always been this way

When I was growing up, I learned that sleeping naked was inappropriate and that I always needed a layer of fabric between me and the world, even when I was in bed alone. I learned that different body parts were wrong or shameful and that they always needed to be covered. And I learned to feel guilt and embarrassment if too much of my skin was ever accidentally exposed in front of someone else.

 

Even in our sleep we’re not allowed to have a relationship with our body

All these negative messages about sex, nudity and pleasure sink deep into our consciousness. It seems that even in our sleep we’re not allowed to have a relationship with our body. This in turn can create a profound disconnection from our senses, our pleasure and our eroticism.

So if you’re struggling with shame in sex or if you feel like you’re not feeling a lot of pleasure, this might be because you’ve disowned your sexuality or that you don’t feel comfortable with your naked body. When we’re not comfortable with nudity and particularly with our genitals, we simply cannot fully feel our bodies.

 

So here are 3 wonderful benefits that you’ll enjoy when sleeping naked:

 

1 Deeper sleep

Taking your clothes off when going to bed means that your body is able to naturally cool down. This is an important aspect of the circadian rhythm, which is a natural system that informs our bodies when it’s time to sleep. This means not only that you’ll be able to fall asleep quicker, but also that the quality of your sleep will be much better.

 

2 Better health

A deeper sleep has a vast range of health benefits – better skin, faster healing times, lower stress levels, healthier heart… It even boosts your calorie-burning ability which means remaining slimmer!

Sleeping naked is also beneficial for our intimate parts. Yeast infections like warm, moist places so going commando allows your private parts to get plenty of air. It also promotes a healthy sperm count in men since the testicles can remain cool enough for optimal sperm health.

 

3 Better relationship with your sexuality

Time spent naked helps us develop a more connected relationship with our skin, our sensuality and our eroticism. Clothes simply create a barrier that separates you from your body and de-sensitizes your experience of touch and pleasure.

 

 

What you don’t like, you disconnect from

So if sleeping naked is new for you, this might be a wonderful time to give it a go. And when you do, stay present with your experience – are you noticing feelings of shame, discomfort or awkwardness? or are you feeling delight, pleasure and relaxation? And what is your body experiencing? How is your skin reacting to this new experience?

 

If this feels tricky, take it slow and don’t judge yourself

Awakening your senses fully can take a bit of time but it’s ALWAYS worth it.

 

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Are Lifelong Relationships Obsolete?

Are Lifelong Relationships Obsolete?

I recently learned that two people I loved and admired (let’s call them Stan and Jo) were no longer together. After a few years of marriage, they called it quits. Both these people had spent years on a path of growth, inner healing and personal & spiritual development. Both had strong communication skills and a lot of awareness around authentic relating and building intimacy. So, the news about their breakup came as a shock.

 

If they couldn’t make it work, who of us can?!

 

But after an initial wave of shock and sadness, I actually felt happy and hopeful. Because a truly successful and healthy relationship is not measured by how long it lasts but by how aware and loving are people in it. And a big part of that awareness and loving is knowing when it’s time to stay, when it’s time to do the work, when it’s time to rest and when it’s time to leave. So instead of thinking that Stan and Jo’s relationship failed, I actually think that it was an incredibly successful one. And that both of them (and the people around them) got a lot out of their union.

 

I believe that as a part of our evolution as human beings, we’ll start to recognize old patterns and traditional views for what they are – obsolete ideas and repressive norms.

 

The institution of marriage isn’t any more sacred than the institution of divorce, or singlehood, or dating, or open relating, etc. Each one constitutes an option or a choice which is valid and healthy… as long as the decision we make about them is coming from a space of awareness, freedom and commitment to growth.

 

If the decision to stay in a relationship is motivated by religious guilt, fear, financial pressure, social expectations or worry about the kids, then the couple should seriously reconsider their commitment to each other. I’m not saying that they should necessarily separate but that they need to find better reasons to stay together.

 

These ‘better reasons’ can be different for different people.

 

It can be all about companionship, great sex, growth and healing, emotional support or common goals. But the decision should come from a place of free will and conscious awareness and not from a space of duty, obligation or moral norms upheld in your social environment.

 

I grew up in a Catholic family and the values and norms of the Catholic church were strongly imposed on my mind. But Catholic morality doesn’t feel authentic to me and I cannot accept it in my life. Promising someone that I’ll stand by them until death is something that I see as unhealthy and even potentially toxic.

 

But instead of that, why not stay together for as long as it serves both of us and makes us happy?

 

Why not stay together until we complete some kind of common goals that brought us together in the first place?

Why not stay together for as long as we both feel inspired to?

 

So this Valentine’s Day I wish all of us a celebration of relationships which are healthy, meaningful and full of conscious choices… even if they don’t last forever!

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This Will Never Work…

This Will Never Work…

I recently posted two different quotes on social media that deeply inspired me:

 

“You could have anything in the world you wanted if you were willing to ask 1,000 people for it.” – Byron Katie

“The harder I am on myself, the easier life is on me.” – Steve Chandler

 

Both quotes received a mostly negative feedback as people described them as ‘wrong’, ‘useless’, ‘immature masculine speaking’ and even a ‘fail’ among other comments. A lot of people disagreed with each quote and some gave elaborate reasons why.

 

The sentiment I heard most often in these comments was: “this optimistic thinking will never work, I’ve tried it before and it got me nowhere, this silly thinking has nothing to do with reality”. And it got me thinking – why are we so resistant to the idea that we’re powerful creators in our lives? Is it purely about our limiting beliefs that “we’re not that special”, “we don’t deserve that kind of success” or “we’re not good enough”?

 

Or maybe we’re just too lazy to do the work required for a massive success?

 

I also wondered whether maybe it was a case of misunderstanding the quoted words which were taken out of a certain context. Maybe people put these quotes through their own filter and interpreted them differently than I did. So let me explain why these particular words inspired me so strongly. And I’d love to hear back from you about your own understanding of these quotes.

 

Let’s start with the first one:

“You could have anything in the world you wanted if you were willing to ask 1,000 people for it.” – Byron Katie

 

Wow! This one hit me like a tonne of bricks. To date nobody managed to disprove it, mainly because people give up before they reach 1,000 people. But just think about it! Think about the dream you have, something you’re passionate about, something you’d TRULY want to create / accomplish / receive. And now sit down with your computer or a piece of paper and brainstorm the names of all the people that could help you out in some way. People that could mentor you, invest in you, offer you a scholarship, an opportunity to work alongside them to gain experience or an opportunity to pitch your idea to others. Business people, thinkers, entrepreneurs, investors, teachers, consultants, philanthropists…

 

Imagine sitting down with these people for a 1on1 conversation to discuss your dream. Are you still doubting?…

 

Ok, time to tackle the second quote:

“The harder I am on myself, the easier life is on me.” – Steve Chandler

 

I believe this to be true. I also believe the opposite to be true: The easier I am on myself, the harder life is on me.

 

I interpret “hard” to mean “disciplined”. And practically that means that if I get up early, work out regularly, skip junk food and eat healthy meals, work hard in my career and/or in my business, if I continue educating myself through books, classes, workshops, courses, degrees, etc., my life will keep getting better and easier.

 

But if I do the opposite – if I sleep in often, spend a lot of time on the couch watching Netflix and indulging in unhealthy foods, life will likely get pretty tough for me.

 

The way I see it, we all have a choice.

 

You either choose to keep going up, believing in yourself and creating the life of your dreams; or you choose to invalidate the idea about yourself as a powerful human being and stay exactly where you are now.

 

Which one will you choose?

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