Relationships Are Not Meant to Make Us Happy

Relationships Are Not Meant to Make Us Happy

We enter romantic relationships for many different reasons – love, mutual attraction, fear of loneliness, peer pressure, social expectation, desire for sex, desire for money, we want a family, etc. And underneath all of these reasons, there’s also that deeper one, the more universal one – we want to be happy.

 

Fairy tales seduce us from early childhood with stories about finding that one and true love and of living happily ever after.

 

But as soon as we enter the world of romantic attraction and intimate connecting, we realize that romantic pursuits are not simple or easy. Each time a relationship starts, we’re full of hope for that forever after story. Every time a relationship ends, we wonder why we failed or we console ourselves in the knowing that we made a mistake and picked a wrong person. Not to worry, we’ll just continue looking for Mr or Mrs Right. Next time we’ll surely do better. But we never do and our relationships keep ending, one after another. And even if they manage to last, we struggle with issues and difficulties that we never saw coming.

 

So why exactly do we keep failing to find eternal happiness in a relationship? Because that’s not how romantic relationships work. We’ve been lied to. Relationships are not meant to make us happy. We can try all we want but the simple truth is that making us happy is not the role of the relationship or of whoever our current partner is. Relationships are about something else.

 

Relationships are meant to make us conscious, to make us grow.

 

And only when we truly embrace this idea, we’ll actually be able to find peace, understanding and happiness in our relationship.

 

When I first learned about this, it hit me like a tonne of bricks because I desperately wanted my partner to make me happy. I placed the responsibility for my satisfaction in his hands and kept waiting for the magic to happen… but it didn’t.

 

We obviously had good times – full of love, joy, compassion and trust. But eventually we would always somehow end up in an argument. There were misunderstandings, there were frustrations and there was anger. And I kept trying to fix things to make us happy again. It was a mad circle that I couldn’t get out of. Until I understood… that he was never there to make me happy. He was there to help me grow, to help me see what still needed healing, addressing or processing within me.

 

All relationships with other people serve us as mirrors of our own issues and shortcomings.

 

But a romantic relationship is one of the closest kinds of relationships that we can ever get into. And because of that it’s the most intense form of mirror that we’ll ever encounter. Our intimate partner is a perfect match to whatever needs addressing which is what makes that person so attractive to us. We fall in love because we subconsciously recognize that this person is able to show us our wounds, hurts and traumas. And if we choose to, we’ll grow, heal and expand together.

 

In this way, each relationship we enter, has the potential to make us more conscious, more aware and more healed. Most people resist this idea and refuse to grow and heal. These people usually end up feeling stuck, unable to overcome their issues. But the opportunities are always there and it’s up to us to accept them and welcome them with open hearts and minds.

 

It can be challenging to admit that we’re not as smart, mature or enlightened as we would like to think. But behind that step, there’s a world of new, deeper realms and possibilities. If we choose to accept them.

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What Women Want for Xmas

What Women Want for Xmas

Some time ago my partner Dave ran a workshop for men which created a media sensation. The workshop’s topic was “What women want”.

 

Dave was immediately contacted for interviews by TV, radio and newspapers. One of the TV producers admitted: “We asked around the office to see who knew what women wanted and nobody had any answers.” Everybody was curious and wanted to learn more. Dave was proclaimed a ‘love guru’ and one of the interviews was aired on national television.

 

Something very important was being highlighted that week – many, many men lack insight and understanding about women. Thousands of men were resonating with the question, yet had nowhere to turn to for answers.

 

Women can be hard to understand as their needs and wants change. All women are also very different and it’s hard to apply any blanket rules to them. As Dave himself admits:

 

“I don’t claim to understand everything about women. Every day I seek to learn more about women and understand them better. I’ve heard men respond with “no idea” when asked the question “What do women want?”  I think that’s a lazy response. Although there’ll always be an element of mystery about women, I believe there’s a lot that CAN be understood.”

 

So what DO women want?

 

A lot of men think that it’s good looks, money, big muscles or a sense of humour. And as much as these things can certainly add appeal, they’re only secondary to what women truly desire. Dave was able to discover a number of qualities that men can develop in themselves in order to create attraction, charisma and a powerful presence around women.

 

Some of these qualities are:

  • Ability to be relaxed and confident around women,
  • Letting go of neediness,
  • Deep understanding that your worth is not dependent on the approval of the woman in front of you,
  • Ability to hold onto yourself, your values and choices,
  • Direction in life,
  • Passion and purpose,
  • Ability to lead her when you’re together,
  • Etc.

 

Dave is no longer running these workshops. But in order to make his hard-earned knowledge available to men all over the world, I’ve teamed up with him to share our insights, tips and powerful techniques in a series of 31 video lessons. The videos are available online and can be currently accessed at a discounted price leading up to Xmas.

 

The What Women Want video series covers such topics as:

 

1/ Where to meet women,

2/ What women really want and how to give it to them,

3/ How to approach her in a way that opens her up and gives you the best chance of creating a connection with her,

4/ How to ask for her number and ask her out on a date,

5/ How to move things into the bedroom,

6/ Healthy relationship principles,

7/ and much more.

 

What Women Want principles are based on a very authentic and honest approach. There is no manipulative tricks contained in the course. Integrity and transparency are fundamental to the course content. So if you’re looking for a way to trick or manipulate women, this course is NOT for you!

 

If it’s a priority in your life to improve your romantic life in 2019, then take action on this opportunity today. And if you’re a woman who knows a man who could benefit from this material, then it might just be the best Xmas present he ever got.

 

Click here to learn more and to start your own What Women Want journey. Make sure to use the coupon code WWWXMAS at the checkout for a 50% discount!

 

Don’t let another Xmas roll around with the same old problems continuing in your romantic life. Take action and create the changes you want to see for yourself!

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The Truth About Erections

The Truth About Erections

We all know that the body changes with age. The skin becomes thinner and starts to wrinkle, the digestion slows down, muscles become weaker, hair thinner, bellies rounder… Yet we think that erections are outside of the influence of aging. They are not!

 

A man in his thirties will discover that his body is not as prone to spontaneous erections as it was when he was a teenager or in his early twenties.

 

He will also discover that, on occasion, he might not actually be able to have an erection when he wants to. Past the age of forty, this tendency will become even stronger as guaranteed erections become a thing of the past. He will be definitely able to have an erection, but not every single time. His erections will not be as strong anymore either.

 

Many men come to me asking me to help them have a rock-hard erection for hours. And as much as I can help them strengthen their erections, it is a myth and an unrealistic expectation to be this hard for this long.

 

In my experience as a woman and as a Tantra practitioner, erections come and go.

 

Making love for hours does not mean penetrating her with a rock-hard penis the entire time. I actually think that it would be quite boring if it was the case!

 

In Tantra, sex does not equal intercourse. Penetration is just one of the aspects of lovemaking. Tantric sex consists of connecting intimately, of becoming present together, of setting an intention, of breathing in sync, of caressing, touching, kissing, circling energy between your bodies, using erotic massage, opening your hearts and delving deep into each other. It is a playful connection of two bodies, two minds, two hearts and two souls. It is a deep exploration of each other in the space of a sacred union. It is a session of worship and of honouring each other’s body. It is a sensual ritual of intimate connection without a script or a goal.

 

As Deej Juventin from the Institute of Somatic Sexology taught me, once you start to grow older “it is not just about your hard cock anymore”.

 

In your teenage years and early twenties, your body is biologically primed to produce an offspring, so erections are strong, frequent and easy. You can ejaculate often and the refractory period is reasonably short. Your body’s focus is in your pants to the point where it can get annoying.

 

With age, this focus shifts to your heart. Your body does not want to connect with a woman only through an erection anymore. You start to appreciate the finer aspects of your relationship with her, you start to look for that special spark in her eye, you start having deep and meaningful conversations with her and you actually enjoy them instead of simply waiting to have sex with her. You take her dancing, and delight in watching her body twirl and bend in a sensual joy of movement and flow.

 

So please stop worrying so much about your erection and your performance. If she walks out of your life because you did not have a rock-hard erection for an hour, she was not worth your time or your affection.

 

– excerpt from “Legendary Lover: 6 Essential Steps to Having Great Sex”

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Why You Shouldn’t Have Sex on a First Date

Why You Shouldn’t Have Sex on a First Date

There is a wide variety of perspectives when it comes to hooking up on a first date. There are the people who see it as inappropriate and are quick to slut-shame. There are also all your well-meaning friends who will warn you that ‘you’ll be seen as easy’, ‘he won’t respect you’, ‘you won’t respect yourself’, ‘you need to keep him/her wanting’, etc. And there’s those who reject the repressive trends and claim that we are all free to decide for ourselves and that there’s nothing wrong with sex on a first date.

 

Over the years, my own opinion on the matter has changed.

 

And I don’t fully agree with any of the popular points of view because I find that the complexity of human nature makes decisions like this one a bit more complicated and multi-dimensional. The same decision (either a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’) under different circumstances can have completely different results and consequences for us. However, after studying human sexuality for years and witnessing the intimate lives of clients from all over the world, I recognize that there are a few main points which are worth keeping in mind.

 

First of all, I do stand strongly against the guilt, shame and repression forced upon us by the religion, society and political organizations. I support sexual liberation and will encourage anybody who wishes to reclaim their own power and say, when it comes to their body, nudity and genitalia. So, from that perspective, if both people are consenting adults, nothing stands in their way if they decide to have sex on a first date.

 

But there’s also a deeper perspective that I’ve acquired over the years.

 

As a woman, I used to think that men would leave me if I didn’t give them sex. I believed that I needed to be not only sexually available, but also keen to please and pleasure them in many different ways. Otherwise, he’d probably never call me again, choosing to move on to a more available woman.

 

Now I see that I was driven by fear and that my decision to sleep with these men was not empowered at all but rather a response to my insecurities and anxieties. I was offering him my body in a hope that he would take care of my heart.

 

Similarly, women who choose not to go to bed on a first date out of fear that they might be judged or slut-shamed, are also disempowered. They allow others to dictate the appropriate behaviour and reactions instead of trusting their own inner voice, instead of expressing themselves truly and authentically.

 

This is why being able to separate the external influence (society, your friends and family, your date, etc.) from your own internal decision is important.

 

Being able to hear your own authentic ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is crucial here and should concern you much more than what others might think about your choice.

 

But what’s also important to remember is that there is magic in waiting. The anticipation of each kiss, each touch and each eye gaze is an intensely beautiful part of the early stages of being in a relationship.

 

I deeply believe that when it comes to sex, instant gratification is overrated.

 

And the longer you can drag out this initial ‘honeymoon period’, the more you’ll be able to enjoy it. People who fall in love often experience the delicious torture of not knowing – not knowing to what extent their feelings are reciprocated, not knowing when they’ll get to hold each other again, not knowing when they’ll end up in bed together… All this ‘not knowing’ is intensely exciting and will be lost once you settle into a safe routine.

 

Imagine starting a relationship with a prompt, impatient giving in to the sexual desire on a first date. Of course there is nothing wrong with that! But now imagine the opposite – initial dates full of sexual tension and anticipation, full of unanswered questions and curious glances, full of torturous anguish and extreme joy of each touch, kiss, caress…

 

Waiting is fun, it’s exciting, it’s arousing!

 

And if your date isn’t up for waiting with you, they probably weren’t the right person for you anyways.

 

When I first met Dave, we lived about a thousand kilometres away from each other. We spent hours talking to each online before we finally physically met. A month of virtual dating forced us to keep our hands off of each other until we finally arranged to meet. By that time, we had shared a lot of secrets, discussed our dreams and exposed the vulnerable parts of ourselves. The connection felt deep, strong and intimate. And the excitement of finally touching each other was intoxicating…

 

That mix of intense feelings and anticipation created a meaningful and deep connection for us which didn’t wane over the weekend that we finally spent together. And I loved every moment of it.

 

So my words of advice are – listen to your heart and make sure you’re being true to yourself. There’s no rush so make sure to give yourself as much time as you need. Remember that delayed gratification and anticipation of beautiful things to come can be absolutely wonderful!

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