When I work with people in relationships, a question that arises often in my sessions is: “Are we sexually compatible?”. There are a lot of reasons why people would ask me this – differences in libido, in sexual preferences, desires, different ideas what good sex...read more
A part of me is extremely excited about the message in my today’s vlog. Many years ago I was the one who desperately needed to hear this message in order to save myself A LOT of heartbreak. I used to go out on dates, hoping to meet my Prince Charming but all my efforts seemed to be in vain. My dates led nowhere or the rare relationship would quickly turn toxic.
But another part of me is also anxious about putting this message out there. Will I be misunderstood for speaking up against the socially accepted trends and behaviours? Will my message be rejected or uncomfortable for people to hear?
I hear a lot of complaints about the modern dating world. Men and women talk about struggles imposed by the online world, the challenges in creating anything long-term or the frustration of being ‘ghosted’. It all makes me breathe an internal sigh of relief that I’m out of the dating scene!
But I’m also seeing a lot of unhealthy behaviours and attitudes that strongly inhibit the ability to create a fulfilling relationship for even the most willing singles.
In my video I explain why you might be shooting yourself in the foot while dating and what to do to prevent it!
P.S. And make sure to look out for a surprise appearance of my co-host! Sometimes life gets in the way in just the most beautiful way! 🙂
Are you falling for the wrong man or woman? Or do you find that things start off with someone but then fall flat very quickly and you’re struggling to create a committed, deep and meaningful relationship? The answer might lie in the fact that we think that we only experience one kind of attraction – we’re attracted to someone, that’s it. But that’s not actually the case. There are 2 types of attraction and you’ll be struggling in the dating world until you actually understand this.
The first kind of attraction is a sexual attraction. A man sees a woman and he experiences a sexual response, he feels arousal, he wants to sleep with her. The second kind of attraction is a romantic attraction. That’s when a man meets a woman and really wants to spend time with her, to get to know her better, to really understand who she is as a person and to protect her.
And obviously you can experience both of these at the same time which is the most fun and exciting situation. But where we go wrong is when we confuse the two. And we confuse them when we want a loving, committed relationship yet we keep focusing on and keep creating a sexual attraction instead of the romantic one. Because you see, there are very specific things that we can do in order to create each particular type of attraction.
Sexual attraction and an arousal response in a man is created when he notices things about her like: beautiful face, curvy body, sensual movements, shiny hair, etc. And women will create that response in a man when they really concentrate on these, more external aspects of their bodies. When they pay a lot of attention to their sexy, attractive appearance.
But if a woman wants to create a romantic attraction in a man, she should focus on other kind of things: showing herself as a very authentic human being, when she’s not trying to please him but expresses herself in her full truth. Another thing is expressing her hobbies and passions. Men find women who are passionate extremely attractive. But a mistake many women make is putting their own hobbies aside in order to adopt the interests of the man they’re interested in. That’s not attractive, that’s not authentic and it doesn’t express her true passion.
Another way to create a romantic attraction is receptivity. Men want to give to women, provide for women, protect them. So when a woman is receptive to his gifts, his time, his energy or his efforts, this triggers a very positive response in a man. But a lot of women reject the man’s help because they think that they need to be seen as independent in order to be perceived as more attractive.
But it doesn’t work that way! A lot of women would reject his coat on a cold day with the words: “no, because then you’ll be cold”. Well guess what, that’s making you his mom! And that’s not attractive. Take his coat, for god’s sake! You’ll be warm and he’ll feel proud and in his masculine essence.
Men, if you really want to attract a committed, loving relationship, pay attention to where your energy goes: are you focusing on her shapely bum? On her pretty face? On her breasts? Or shiny hair? Well, you might find an insight there that maybe it’s time to start focusing more on her personality, her energy, how you feel around her and is she someone you feel drawn to energetically.
And ladies, if you find yourselves heart-broken on a regular basis, just notice. Are you trying to attract a man by creating a beautiful image (hair, makeup, jewellery, high heels, etc.) or are you showing him your true self? Are you bending yourself in order to please him or are you standing in your truth and authenticity? Don’t try to change your life in order to please him or guess his wishes.
That’s exactly what I used to do and what ended up in a heart-break for me on so many occasions. I would make myself all pretty for the man I was dating and I would forego my own desires and I would do my best to guess and deliver what he wanted from me, I wanted him to think that I was the perfect girlfriend. And that strategy never delivered. The relationship either didn’t go anywhere or turned toxic really quickly.
And when I realized that this behaviour didn’t serve me and that I needed to be raw, authentic, passionate, true to myself… and that it didn’t matter how shiny my hair was or how much makeup I was wearing… that changed everything! And I found myself loved, cherished and taken care of by the men in my life. And my connections became much more loving, profound and caring.
Have a look at your dating life, if you’re dating and see if you’re recognizing any of these patterns in your own life. Please leave a comment below if you resonate with a big fat YES! I love reading your comments so please leave me a note. And in the meantime, stay sexy, keep touching yourself, have a fantastic week and I look forward to seeing you next time!
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