How to Heal the Relationship for Better Intimacy

How to Heal the Relationship for Better Intimacy

A lot of people struggle with the question: “Why does the flame of passion reduce the longer we’re together?” Despite our best efforts, it seems that nobody manages to escape the lowering libido and the reduced frequency of sexual encounters with their partner.

We all cherish the ‘honeymoon period’ with its high intensity of desire for each other and for intimacy. And then, once the normal reality sets back in, we often feel disappointed and confused. Not so long ago we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other! And now we’ll gladly exchange sex and lingerie for pizza and Netflix. Or worse still, for an evening apart from each other, to escape the company of our lover.

So what is really going on there? Why is this phenomenon so common? And is there anything that we can do to avoid it?

Well, there is an explanation. And it’s linked to the fact that our emotional state is a crucial component of our arousal. The more frustration and resentment we experience towards our partner, the more we’ll struggle with becoming turned on and passionate in the bedroom.

There is also a simple practice that can save us from digging ourselves into a dark hole of resentment. That resentment can actually build an emotional wall separating the partners and then lead to a sexless marriage. Please watch the video and use the practice at home as well. Learning about it is just the first step, doing it is what will create a real change.

Try this practice with your beloved as soon as you can. You’ll be surprised to find out what each of you is still holding onto emotionally.

 

 

P.S. If you enjoy my videos and would like to give back, please consider supporting me by becoming my Patron by clicking here. Thank you! 🙂 xxx

 

Video content:

A lot of people ask me why intimacy and sex life changes or reduces over the course of the relationship. This is a very valid question as a lot of people can relate to the libido lowering and the frequency of sex diminishing. For a lot of couples the love goes through a transformation the longer they’re together and in many cases – people break up once the honeymoon period is over. What they don’t understand or recognize is that they can heal the relationship and experience intimacy and love which is deeper and more meaningful than before. In this video, I’ll share with you how to do that!

 

When I first came across this practice, I knew I had to try it for myself. My relationship was happy, loving and peaceful but I knew that I was holding back in our sex life. I was aware that I felt a certain level of resentment for things that had happened in the past and that I didn’t obtain a full resolution around.

 

So I asked my partner to help me heal the resentment, and he did that. And then I asked whether he wanted me to help him heal anything as well. It turned out that he also had some things that still hurt a bit or felt unresolved between us. So we did this practice on each other. And all up it took about 10 mins. But our lovemaking that followed that night, was absolutely mind-blowing! It seemed that the resentment we were holding deep inside was stopping us from fully surrendering to the act of sex and from fully melting into each other during sex.

 

This process is very simple. Sit down together with your partner and ask what they need resolution around, if they feel resentment around something you did, you didn’t do or did in a way that hurt or frustrated them. Hear them out and really pay attention to the words that they use – this is crucial because next you’re going to heal them, using their words!

 

If they say “You hurt my feelings when you did this and this”, you’re going to say “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”. If they say “You made me feel rejected and abandoned when you…”, you’re going to say “I’m sorry I made you feel rejected and abandoned”. They’ll most likely use a few different expressions, and it’ll be best if you use them all in your healing apology. This might sound like this: “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry I made you feel bad. I’m sorry that I left you behind and made you feel unseen, etc.”

 

You need to say these words with absolute sincerity. The words you’re saying are not a reflection on you, they’re not about admitting that you’re guilty, not at all! You most likely had no idea that you were hurting your partner. But they got hurt regardless. And your apology acknowledges their hurt and their experience. It also helps them shift their hurt and their resentment about that particular experience so that your love can return to being more pure and free from hurt feelings.

 

Because you see, intimacy and love die in most cases because we carry an ever-growing load of resentment. And that resentment eventually becomes so vast and heavy that the love dies crushed underneath. But if you can help each other heal and shift that resentment, your love will be nourished and will be able to grow and deepen organically.

 

Please give this practice a go and let me know in the comments below whether there is or has been in your life a love relationship that could be healed this way.

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What is Tantra?

What is Tantra?

I still remember my very first Tantra workshop. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew was that my sex life sucked and that I needed to try something new. Tantra held no promises but I knew that it had something to do with extraordinary sexual experiences. And at that stage I was desperate enough to try anything.

Not long before that I was rushed to an emergency room due to extreme pain caused by intercourse. While my life was flashing before my eyes, I kept wondering whether I was dying or whether I’d done an irreparable damage to my pelvis. The physical pain was excruciating. But still nothing when compared to the wounds in my heart and soul.

Because you see, for many years prior, I was having conventional sex. And it often hurt. But what hurt even more was the depth of disconnect that I was experiencing between myself and my lover. As I watched him focus completely on pounding inside of me, I often wondered, where he’d gone. It felt like he’d disappeared to some kind of distant world of sexual pleasure that I had no access to. That I was never invited to.

To me, sex felt empty. A physical meeting of two sets of genitals that I was unable to derive any pleasure or satisfaction from. Unlike my partners, who seemed quite content, while falling asleep straight after. Something was missing but I had no idea what.

This continued for many years… until I came across Tantra. And once I started studying its philosophy, practices and rituals, there was no coming back for me. I finally found all the answers to my questions. I finally understood why sex felt so empty and uncomfortable before. And I finally learned how to change that.

So today I invite you to revisit the most fundamental principles of Tantra. And how they apply in the bedroom.

 

 

PS. If you share my fascination with Tantra, I invite you to explore it more fully in one of my online courses – Tantric Mastery for Men or Orgasmic Empowerment for Women.

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How to Last Longer in Bed

How to Last Longer in Bed

Imagine entering the dance floor just as your favourite song begins to play. You feel pleasurable excitement in your body and the joy shines through your eyes and through your big, big smile. You can’t help but dance as the music begins to flow through your ears and through your entire system. You feel delight and an almost euphoric bliss. You’re giving in to the music completely, losing yourself in the ecstatic energy of the song. Nothing else exists, you’re completely lost in your experience. You’re flowing, dancing, laughing…

And then suddenly, after only 30 seconds or so, the music stops. Your body comes to an unexpected halt and you look up at the DJ with confusion. You want to keep going but the music is not coming back. Due to technical difficulties, the DJ decides to turn his equipment off. The party is over.

You’re feeling disappointed and let down. The crowd booes disapprovingly and then slowly disperses. There’s nothing left to do but go home.

If you’re a man who has experienced premature ejaculation, you know exactly the feeling. You resonate with the buildup of joy, excitement and pleasure energy. And then the disappointment of a much too quick release. You are not finished, you have barely begun! Yet the body says – it’s over, time to go home.

If you’re a woman, this might give you a bit of an idea of what many men dread.

Premature ejaculation is a phenomenon that A LOT of men struggle with. It’s not fun and nobody teaches us how to overcome it. Modern society offers us ineffective, short-term solutions (pills, creams, thinking about grandma…) but not many people seem to know what else can be done.

A lot of these men feel incredibly inspired when they learn that they can use simple tantric techniques not only to address the problem on the night but to actually RETRAIN their bodies to never suffer from premature ejaculation again.

Watch my video below to see how you too can train your body to make love for much longer using just two simple steps.

 

 

PS. I go into much more detail about the techniques of sexual mastery for men in my Tantric Mastery online course. Check it out to see if it’s the right fit for you! xxx

 

Video content:

One of the questions I address most often as a sex coach is “How to last longer in bed”. Men from all ages, backgrounds and life situations, want to learn to master their arousal and to develop an ability to make love to their partners for much longer. So let me tell you what I share with them in response.

 

What conventionally happens in our bodies as we get aroused, is two things: tension and constriction. We tense up our bodies, particularly our pelvic area and upper legs. And we constrict our breathing.

BTW, this information is in this case aimed at men, but will also help women who want to expand their orgasmic ability and who want to support their partners to last longer in bed!

 

So we’re getting aroused, the sexual tension is building up in the body, particularly when we’re approaching an orgasm. And an interesting thing is that this muscle tension is almost involuntary. Pay attention when you’re with a lover next time and you’ll see what I mean!

At the same time we tend to shorten our breathing. The breath becomes shorter, sharp or we even hold the breath as we’re getting close to the climax.

 

And all this muscle tension and breath constriction is locking your sexual energy, your arousal, in your genitals. As a result, fairly quickly there’s a lot of erotic charge and excitement in one area of your body – your genitals. At that point the body will likely go: “I can’t hold this charge, there is too much tension, I need to release it!” And that’s exactly what happens – the tension is released, you ejaculate.

 

In order to last much longer, tantric lovers do something very different – they consciously relax their bodies and deepen their breath. They pay particular attention to the area of the pelvis and let go of any muscle tension held there, they really relax and sort of ‘open up’ their genital region. So as they keep moving their bodies, as they keep making love, they do it without any clenching or holding in their muscles. They also continue taking deep, full breaths flowing all the way down to the belly.

 

I teach my clients a technique called ‘circular breath’. It’s a breath where you take deep abdominal breaths without any pauses between inhales and exhales. So as an inhale is ending, an exhale begins and as an exhale is ending, an inhale begins. There’s no holding of breath and there are no gaps between the in-breaths and the out-breaths. The breath is flowing continuously like a circle.

 

So as you’re relaxing your body and as you’re breathing deeply, your sexual energy will actually start flowing away from your genitals and circulating through your entire system. And this is extremely helpful in training your body to last much longer in bed. This is also the first step to experiencing full-body orgasms. And it feels amazing!

 

Please, take this simple tantric exercise into your bedroom and practice. This practice will not only train you to master your arousal and erection. It will also help you to build and expand your experience of erotic pleasure so that you can feel that wonderful pleasure not only in your genitals, but also throughout your entire system.

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