How to Turn Foreplay into a Delicious Feast

How to Turn Foreplay into a Delicious Feast

It has always confused me why people rushed so much through foreplay and into the “main bit”, the penetration. Even more, it has always confused me why I seemed to rush into penetration in my earlier years, even though I knew that foreplay could provide me with pleasure, sensual fun and enjoyment. It seems that majority of people like and want all the non-penetrative sexy fun that comes first, yet not many people choose to stay in that phase for very long.

Think about it, how often have you spent an hour or more in foreplay? Imagine how amazing it would feel to spend that kind of time, delighting in sensual touch, caresses, kisses and erotic massage. But do we actually do it? Rarely. And if you do play this way, you’re among the lucky few!

 

So why do we so often fast-forward through foreplay and rush into the penetration?

 

Well, there are a few reasons.

First of all, we don’t have a script for foreplay. Since porn has become mainstream, we all have seen plenty of penetrative sex but not a lot of pre-penetrative fun. We don’t have a lot of ideas of what to actually do there, outside of a few kisses and strokes. The foreplay feels like an unscripted territory that we don’t have a map for and feel a little lost in. In contrast, intercourse feels much safer, once the penis is in the vagina, we know what we’re doing and where we’re heading. We’re back on the safe, tested ground.

Secondly, we don’t usually know how to handle the sensual energy or the arousal that feels like an intense build-up in our bodies. The penetrative sex provides a release, a resolution. It allows us to let go of all that stored sexual energy in a climatic peak. But foreplay forces us to stay with everything that we’re feeling and experiencing in our bodies in the moment.

 

So what can you do to turn foreplay into a much more profound experience than just a few rushed strokes of passion?

 

1 Slow down

Realize that there’s no rush. The more you extend your sexual experience, the more pleasure, arousal and bliss you’ll feel as a result. Pleasure is both in the intensity of the build-up and in the slowing down of a relaxed touch. Slowing down allows you to feel more and to bathe more deeply in each stroke, each caress and each kiss.

And whenever you feel like rushing into the penetration, relax, breathe and witness the experience of your body. Most people don’t even realize how amazing it feels to simply remain in arousal, without needing to release it.

 

2 Stay present

Being slow allows more presence, more sensuality and more awareness of what you’re actually feeling. Most people rush so much in sex that they miss out on tons of delightful moments and subtle sensations in their bodies. Give yourself a permission to remain completely mindful of what your body is feeling in each and every little moment and you’ll be mind-blown by the variety and depth of pleasure and ecstatic bliss that your body is capable of.

 

3 Be curious

Many people keep repeating exactly the same steps and movements in bed every time. But even the most pleasurable routine will eventually become boring and unexciting. So imagine that you’ve never touched your lover before. Allow yourself to go on a curious exploration of their body, trying many different strokes and types of touch. Give them a luscious erotic massage, imagine that you’re making love to their body with your hands. You can even use your entire body to massage and caress theirs! Sky is the limit so take your time, have fun and explore.

Play with these ideas and enjoy. Remember not to beat yourself up if you don’t feel like you’re making a lot of progress quickly! The journey of sexual mastery and expanded pleasure is exactly that – a journey, where every step should be fun, joyful and enjoyed.

And if you decide that you need some guidance and support on your path, please have a look at the online courses I offer for both men and women and at my coaching options. Let me help you fill your bedroom with great sex and legendary pleasure!

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It’s Time to Fall In Love With Me

It’s Time to Fall In Love With Me

I have created a lot of drama and heartache throughout my life, both for myself and for others around me. And I’ve done that by struggling to value, appreciate and love myself. This wound goes far back into my childhood and is deeply rooted inside my psyche, my body and my heart. Very often in my life, I simply didn’t know what I actually truly wanted so it always seemed easier to go ahead with whatever someone else was proposing. But deep down, I was completely disconnected from myself. I was placing myself so low on my own list of priorities, that I never even knew that what I wanted actually mattered!

 

The role of authenticity

It took me a long time to learn to recognise my own authentic “yes” and my own authentic “no”. It took education, healing and transformation. It took a lot of digging and soul-searching. But in the end, I began to find, see and recognise the true ME. Under layers of social conditioning, repression and a “little good girl” upbringing, I finally began to notice the importance of living my life from a place of authenticity and of valuing my own opinions AT LEAST as highly as I valued others.

It takes a commitment

So today, as these thoughts keep prompting me to keep digging deeper and deeper for joy, happiness and self-love, I’m renewing my commitment and promise to myself and the world:
I COMMIT TO FALLING DEEPER AND DEEPER IN LOVE WITH ME.
I COMMIT TO ASKING FOR WHAT I TRULY WANT – BOTH FROM MYSELF AND FROM OTHERS.
I COMMIT TO CHECKING IN WITH MYSELF AND HONOURING MY JOY AND MY BLISS. A
ND I COMMIT TO FREELY SHOWING THE WORLD THE REAL, JUICY, JOYFUL, DELICIOUS ME.

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What Your Sexual Fantasy Says About You

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A few years ago, I attended a week-long tantric retreat in Czech Republic, together with about 30 other women. The retreat took us deep into our sexuality and we explored the flow of orgasmic energy in our bodies. We danced, we laughed and we shared. It was beautiful and inspiring to watch the ladies have fun, explore and open up about their struggles and challenges.

 

Our sexual fantasies

On day 4, we talked about our sexual fantasies. The facilitator asked the entire group: “What do you fantasize about?” and one by one, the women started sharing and baring their deep, intimate secrets. At that stage I still held a degree of shame and embarrassment about my naughty little fantasy so I wasn’t keen to share. But as all women kept revealing the images and scenarios they created for pleasure, arousal and turn-on, my fascination and amazement was growing while the shame and guilt kept reducing.

 

I couldn’t believe the variety, colourfulness and detail of the images painted in front of my eyes. In the group of 30 women, I heard 30 very different stories. Some of them even turned me on! Some of them I stored in my memory for a later use.

 

My own lifelong fantasy

I thought about my own sexual fantasy, the one constant scenario that I always reached for when I wanted some extra turn-on. I formed it in my early childhood and it hasn’t really changed since then – the rape fantasy, extremely common among women raised in religious households. The sexual suppression present in such environments creates a very real torment in our heads – the body starts to desire sexual expression yet the society tells us that sex is wrong. The subconscious mind finds a way out by resorting to a rape scenario – imagining being forced to have sex takes away some of the guilt we feel about our “sinful” bodies.

 

In most cases of sexual fantasy, fetish or any kind of unconventional sexual desire, there’s a wound, a hurt that we experienced early in our lives and that needs healing. That wound is asking for attention, for a resolution and until we recognize and heal it, we will experience some degree of torment or guilt about our sexual desires.

 

How society conditions us

I have worked with clients who were tortured beyond belief by their sexual fantasies and preferences – by the desire to be dominated by a woman, to be humiliated, to kiss her feet, etc. The society tells us about a very linear way to experience arousal and if you don’t fall within the indicated norms, you become a pervert, a deviant. But most of us have some kind of desire that falls within the kink or fetish category and there’s nothing wrong with that. In many cases it’s the childhood wounding that is making its way into our sex lives. And the more we try to suppress these desires and to deny them expression, the more tormented we’ll feel.

 

Is it time to heal?

The first step to healing sexual shame and guilt is to recognize that at the base of all of your desires is a very healthy, beautiful thing – a desire to be acknowledged, cared for, appreciated and loved. At the core of your sexual fantasy is a need that is asking for an expression or healing. It might be tricky to unpack these desires ourselves so seeking help from an experienced coach or therapist can be very helpful.

 

Get in touch with me to enquire about my sessions and coaching packages. I’m available for sessions worldwide through Zoom/Skype or phone.

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